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Theme Changer

 Topic: Ashley Madison FUN PIT!

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  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #180 - August 25, 2015, 07:59 PM

    If it’s true or not, hopefully it’s the perfect opportunity for us all to grow up a bit, move beyond the “scandal,” stop pretending like these dawah guys really are as special as they claim to be, and start having some honest conversations around the roles of sex and shame in Islam. Until then, there will always be some holier-than-thou charlatan out there keeping the front, while the nit and grit of real life goes unmentioned.  


    Finally got to read this post, HM. Always brilliant.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #181 - August 25, 2015, 08:01 PM

    The fact that this thread has reached six pages it incredible.


    And now seven. Roll Eyes

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #182 - August 25, 2015, 09:22 PM

    I know this is a little OT but seriously, some wives do reach a point of wanting their husband to get out of the way so they can relax or raise the kids or have a breather. Some wives DO want their husband to take another wife. You can talk about brainwashing or religion or what you like, but this does genuinely happen without brainwashing, and for more than one reason.

    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #183 - August 25, 2015, 09:29 PM

    Well, I'd definitely agree with you three, if that's what a wife or a husband want then really it should be their own free choice to have another wife or husband. Unfortunately most of us live in a culture where the norm to raise a family is enforced monogamy. Of course it doesn't need to be this way, but that's the world that we live in.

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #184 - August 25, 2015, 09:39 PM

    For real- if everyone involved is consenting and sane and not bullied into it, then it ought to be okay. So let's not look at women who choose alternative sorts of relationships as brainwashed.

    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #185 - August 25, 2015, 09:42 PM

    Aye.

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #186 - August 25, 2015, 10:06 PM

    Claiming otherwise would've been a much easier sell if you didn't name this thread "Ashley Madison FUN PIT!"

    And alright, I have heard your feelings about sex and sexuality. I hope we can at least agree that they're not exactly typical, and so maybe our discussion of this situation as it applies to humanity and psychology shouldn't be colored quite as much by our individual hangups about sex, whether it's more puritanical as aife suggested or an outright hatred of it.  

    Again, I can't force you to say or do anything, but it would be a hell of a lot more respectable to see someone being honest about how they are getting a kick out of this than to try to rationalize it five different ways to try to make themselves seem like a really good guy for it. But I'm going to leave it here. There's nothing more I could say or a better way to say it than what Whabbist contributed.


    I think if you read the original post, you will find that I listed the fun part not as the fact that people had been outed, but their own reactions to it, and the consequences of their actions/reactions: "I think we can all agree that the fallout is hilarious."

    I understand that hacking ashley madison and releasing the personal information of all their 35 million or so customers is a breach of the customer's privacy, that it is illegal, and that the people who stole and released the data are criminals who use blackmail (not against the users; against the CEO of ashley madison). If the hackers get caught (but they probably won't), they'll go to jail.

    The part where this conversation has gotten stuck is between "infiltrating the servers for the purpose of stealing and releasing the information is wrong" and "now that the information is public, how do we react to it?" This is a lot like where the conversation about torture in secret American prisoner of war camps gets difficult. The way that the information was obtained is illegal and immoral. What the people in the leaked videos and documents were doing was also illegal and/or immoral. However, only one set of people (the people who released the data, like Chelsea Manning and Edward Snowden) are getting punished for their actions; the other is getting away with, at worst, nothing more than a slap on the wrist. I don't think this is just or fair.

    This is an issue I have devoted a lot of thought to and put a lot of research into over the years. I care about things like internet neutrality, cyber security, and criminal law. Technology is evolving faster than legislators can keep up with the changes, and there's no end in sight to that issue. I think people should be held accountable for their actions, especially when those actions have real world victims. And there are victims in this story.

    Is Hamza a victim of the hackers and of Avid Life Media's bad security? Sure he is. But there are other victims too. Like his wife/kids, and like Josh Duggar's wife/kids. And the hackers did not make those women and children victims. The hackers did not make those women and children victims. Their husbands and fathers did. Their husbands and fathers have potentially exposed them to much more than just a little public shaming; cheating means you increase your risk of an STD (for example, AIDS), and if your partner believes that you are being sexually monogamous like they are, they may not get checked. The fact that these men have lied in this way can also mean that they have exposed their families to blackmail opportunities and other forms of criminal activity. There are social and financial consequences for these women and children as well, especially if the wives cannot get a divorce because their religious communities/families will not allow it and/or they cannot financially support themselves in the event of a divorce.

    None of these problems that the families are facing have been caused by the hackers. Nor were they caused by ALM. Nor were they caused by TheRationalizer, nor by anyone else who found the information and spread it. They have been caused by the husbands. The men who signed up for the accounts, the men who paid for the accounts, the men who chose to message women besides their wives, the men who chose to pay to search for affairs. It is solely the responsibility of the husband that the bad things are happening as a result of their decisions, no one else. Even if the wife said no to sex. Even if the wife was too busy. Even if the wife had gained weight. Even if ALM's internet security was bad. Even if the hackers used illegal routes to steal the information. Even if it's mean to sift through the information. Even if it's wrong to share the information. And I don't think we should lose sight of that. These men have no one but themselves to blame for the consequences of their actions.

    And they're going to try to shift the blame. They're going to try to shift responsibility for their actions onto someone, anyone else.

    So it's not that I have no sympathy, it's not that I don't care, it's not that I want to gloat at the misery of others. I do care. I care a lot. Just not about the cheaters. Not about the people who betrayed the trust of their partners. Not about the people who have caused harm to those who loved them the most, and have caused harm to countless other people by monetizing the preaching of doctrines harmful to people and society's well-being. I am enjoying laughing at their misfortune; but it's not because I don't care.

    Yes, there are a lot of victims here who deserve our sympathy. But Hamza's not one of them. And spreading this story does not hurt the real victims more than he and others like him already have. And maybe, just maybe, it will keep someone else from trusting a random, greedy preacher who is preaching to them about morality while practicing predatory behavior, and from being a victim of this, in the future.

    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I have a sonic screwdriver, a tricorder, and a Type 2 phaser.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #187 - August 25, 2015, 11:11 PM

    Honestly, I'm getting tired of this and tired of repeating myself. Especially because others have also said it pretty eloquently on this thread. Try to understand where we're coming from for a second, please.

    No, I'm not telling you you need to feel sympathetic for the cheaters. I said that a bunch of times. I really don't care where your sympathies lie at all, in fact. But no, the fascination isn't because we're trying to make the world a better place. And I sincerely doubt that's your fascination with it. You can hypothesize about silver linings, but I find it to be dishonesty when that's touted as a main motivation for us gawking and delighting in people getting caught. You can keep saying it, but I'll still think it's bullshit.

    And you can say "maybe, just maybe, someone will think twice..." and that's cool. Whatever. But I don't think it's worth the cost of us as a community wrestling in the mud with the worst of the opposition. People can and do criticize us for tactics like these. We're increasingly being dismissed because sometimes the most vocal among us aren't being careful enough and are opening us up to being shrugged off as harassers, as petty, as trolls just the same as the ones who visit here to fuck with us. And ex-Muslims are already struggling to have their voices heard and respected and understood by those who don't quite understand why we can't just all move on and forget about all this Islam stuff, already, and keep our opinions to ourselves.

    We can do better than this. It's not how we're going to change hearts and minds. Tzortzis falls (I sincerely doubt he'll stay down), and there's countless others ready to take his place. Again, gal, it's an old story. If apologists being caught in an ironic lie did anything to change the minds of their followers all religions would be ancient history by now.

    Edit: Perhaps it would've helped for me to point out that I don't care about blame right now. I don't care whose fault it is right now. This wasn't a conversation about the morality or dangers associated with adultery. That was never ever the discussion we were having. I don't care about Hamza, I do care about the repercussions of our reactions, and, for good measure, I'm not impressed by attempts to make our reactions seem noble. I hope this is clear by now.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #188 - August 26, 2015, 01:50 AM

    I know this is a little OT but seriously, some wives do reach a point of wanting their husband to get out of the way so they can relax or raise the kids or have a breather. Some wives DO want their husband to take another wife. You can talk about brainwashing or religion or what you like, but this does genuinely happen without brainwashing, and for more than one reason.



    Yes, there are many women who just want a part time husband : ).. Also in my expereince the majority of married women that i knew who wanted a divorce took this step of offering their husband a second wife, even searching on his behalf, it was so common..  i guess they do this because it is difficult to get a divorce or seperation, this seems like the only other option available to them.. Infact i did this myself to get out of mine quickly lol as i felt pressured  by friends to stay married, i was also worried that my girls would be taken off me if i initiated a divorce.   
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #189 - August 26, 2015, 04:02 AM

    I'm quite enjoying the whole Hamza affair. I do feel for his wife and children in this situation, but I have very little sympathy for Hamza considering he has dedicated years of his life lying in order to deceive people. By this I mean statements he intentionally lied about, not things that are wrong but he actually believes. Maybe this will help him reconsider his position on punishments for adultery and other crimes.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #190 - August 26, 2015, 09:27 AM

    Honestly, I'm getting tired of this and tired of repeating myself. Especially because others have also said it pretty eloquently on this thread.


    Lua, I really understand why you seem to be getting impatient for revisiting the same ground again and again. Unfortunately, the drawback to having the gift of the gap is that some of the important, core stuff gets mixed with other tangential and unimportant stuff, so that not everyone is able to remain sharply focused or able to discern matters of secondary nature from those at the fore of your preoccupation (= this is me saying let’s break things down to smaller digestible chunks, just in case they need to). Even though this sounds like it, I honestly don’t mean to be condescending by saying this; and, it’s believing this misunderstanding to be the case here (rather than others being deliberately obtuse or unreasonable) that gives me the energy to post in this discussion again.

    Let me repeat myself, then, but by saying something I have told you, lua, privately and in relation to an unconnected matter. I don’t like debates nor do I care for what the voting audience thinks at the end of one. (Indeed, I have a very theoretical itch about trial by jury — let alone by the media, the twitterati or on this forum — where someone’s guilt or innocence is decided democratically i.e. by a majority vote) I don’t like them because I have never gone away from a debate with my convictions changed or having changed those of my opponent. In my experience, debates, especially heated ones, are more about entertaining the audience than anything like a serious purpose.

    And even if we change our minds, it’s hard to imagine us admitting it publically during or after the debate; changing someone’s mind over something they strongly believe in for a very long time doesn’t happen overnight and this person would fight in the last trenches, throwing everything in their persuasive power at it and would exhaust every possible way of keeping the integrity of their beliefs intact. We like to have our truths with a capital T and for some strange reason, treat our truths as though they were all rigorously fettered, well-reasoned for and hard won -- to the risible end where we brook no divided allegiance from anyone and anything that might challenge them. Our set, daily ‘truths’ get constantly stress-tested even by our most indirect  consciousness, say, of there being too much specialisation within each field of inquiry, that to keep up with the most current thinking in anything is incredibly exhausting if not impossible. This alone should make us doubtful of the possibilities of knowledge: it was Otto Rank who said that for the time being he was giving up writing because there was already too much truth in the world, an overproduction which apparently cannot be consumed.

    We don’t like changing our minds. This is because changing your mind means you’re admitting to yourself and to other not necessarily sympathetic people to being wrong, opening yourself up to the usually pitiless connotations of being wrong: this is why leaving Islam is so painful, and I personally still have strong emotional attachment to a lot of Islamic things for it is within their beauty and sheer enchantment in those young, leisurely, insouciant old days that peace with everything became me . . .

    I guess what I’m saying here is that people hold different, contradictory views to ours for various reasons, not all of which are rational or capable of change through rationality (TheRationalizer et al: put this in your piper and smoke it) and the only thing in anyone’s power is to state the differing view in the simplest, most civil way and then move on. If we don’t move on after having made our point abundantly clear, then maybe our motivation is more than explaining and wanting to be understood.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #191 - August 26, 2015, 10:10 AM

    Fair, whabbist, and perhaps the motivation I need to drop the subject like I keep saying I will, but the problem for me is the abundantly clear part. Grin I am pretty ready to accept that I'm not making myself as clear as I thought I was, and with every reply that missed the point, I think perhaps this next time is the charm.

    Although I usually don't get impatient this fast. It's this damned adult job.Grin As a student, I could do this all day...glad you missed that phase of my time here.

  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #192 - August 26, 2015, 10:28 AM

    Lua, as you can see I have talked a lot above and said little of direct consequence to the issue at hand. So far, it’s all been about what it is not. Thus, let me say what it is in the simplest way possible (the nursery rhyme goes: if "ifs" and "ands", were pots and pans, there'd be no need of tinkers).

    gal_from_usa: the contention against you and those who agree with you is procedural, not substantive. That is to say, it is about the how, the way you are going about condemning and deprecating the person concerned (regarding an article of his faith about whose breach there doesn't seem to be a lot of doubt in your mind). It’s not about who or what you are objecting to, for agreement over these two things should largely be given (OK, maybe not completely so when it comes to monogamy and married people having extracurricular sex —by the way, I’m married and have only recently finished my third affair without my wife knowing or wanting to know: so feel free to question the integrity of my motives for opposing you here. And yes, I always get them tested and get tested before and after each affair). The contention here is saying Hamza is a hypocrite for having been – according to you and other people here — caught doing .. Doing what exactly? Well, all we know is his personal details are leaked in connection to Ashley Madison website. Full stop.

    For some prejudicial people, however, fishing and catching fish are the one and same thing. Fortunately, Allah doesn’t do business this way. Now, whether he was there, had not been successful in having an affair, had only one affair, had two affairs, were seeking to get married before the two affairs, wanted to convert the women before dancing with them between the sheets OR whether he was the set-up white-souled lad, in fact is telling the truth through his incoherent protestations, and this was a sick joke played on him, ALL this is not important to what lua, myself and others are politely telling you to reflect on.

    That is, in your ideological opposition to him, you're going for the person and what is personal. We are saying his private life and his non-Muslim parents etc is not fair game. This is wrong, it doesn't befit you. This is also futile because as soon as this person dies, someone else will step up to take his place in the continuing caravan of Iman. Our problem with Islam is not personal. If it had been personal, then the logical evolution from all this would be that at least some of Hamaz’s followers must in their eagerness be – no pun intended – wetting their knickers because it is now permissible for them to be doing .. again, doing what exactly?

    Assuming he was on the site, we still need to know why he was there for, because being on an extramarital dating website isn't sufficient to make someone a cheat. No. Not anymore than not being on one is proof for fidelity, for being 'happily married' and sexually faithful. A principled opponent would shrug their shoulders, murmuring it was really odd for Hamza's details to be found on such a site and moves on to arguing with Hamza, arguing against what Hamza stands for, pushing ideas with ideas.

    I know of a person whose identity got stolen by someone who then travelled a lot (from the UK to Germany, France and The Netherlands) tying this person up in so many fraudulent schemes that even after 7 years, this person gets stopped and or get the occasional notification of prosecution letter. Their name is not yet completely cleared. Is this beyond occurrence in Hamaz's case? And why, because we hate everything he stands for? Then we probably have, as lua said, a personal Vendetta rendering us unfit to be listened to.

    You yourself, gal_from_usa, are not above reproach or are impeccable in your private, personal matters. Alright - this is unlikely. So then, should your ideological adversaries use whatever indiscretion and what's less than flattering about you, of which they suspect you, and for which they seek to discredit you as, say, a thinker?

    More importantly, ought all the people said to be on the site be sinning? Be Islamically sinning? The challenge I propose is simple. I dare anyone here to give an iota of evidence for Hamza saying anywhere “I am the paragon of virtue”. This too is very unlikely because becoming a role model is often imposed on you by others. Rather, Hamza shouts and says everywhere to whomever would listen to him that Islam is virtuous. This is the bone of contention.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #193 - August 26, 2015, 10:31 AM

    Fair, whabbist, and perhaps the motivation I need to drop the subject like I keep saying I will, but the problem for me is the abundantly clear part. Grin I am pretty ready to accept that I'm not making myself as clear as I thought I was, and with every reply that missed the point, I think perhaps this next time is the charm.

    Although I usually don't get impatient this fast. It's this damned adult job.Grin As a student, I could do this all day...glad you missed that phase of my time here.



     My dear lua, you were not supposed to reply in between but I've been fatter, uglier than usual and didn't know it was possible for anyone to reply while I'm being all that. Have a look again in light of the second part and see if it not I who needs to be clear next time in one go.  
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #194 - August 26, 2015, 10:54 AM

    Damn. No, I think you're more than good, Whabbist. I think that says it all.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #195 - August 26, 2015, 11:39 AM

    My God you're a windbag Wahabist. But I love you nevertheless.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #196 - August 26, 2015, 01:28 PM

    ^I don't see any of this as a big deal really, Gal is not a public spokesperson, she doesn't represent any establishment, she doesn't need to watch what she says, they're just her personal opinions expressed on a forum.. Roll Eyes

    (sorry I know I am annoying, I don't know how to shut up)
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #197 - August 26, 2015, 02:03 PM

    No one is telling her what to say or what not to say, Suki. We are disagreeing with her opinions and explaining ours.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #198 - August 26, 2015, 02:13 PM

    they're just her personal opinions expressed on a forum.. Roll Eyes


    Of course!

    That's how forums work. Someone says X. Then someone else says 'that's wrong' and says Y.

    What's the problem?
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #199 - August 26, 2015, 02:40 PM

    I found him in the DB and what did I do? I told him privately, I didn't mention it in public at all. It was only after he released a statement that I commented in public, and even then I only discussed information he had divulged in that statement. Soon afterwards a news report released all of the information about Hamza and, in my opinion, was unfair in their analysis. In fact I think the analysis was outright incorrect by implying the data showed the account was email-confirmed when that was not the case. Because of this I wrote a blog about the same data and explained what it does/doesn't mean in order to put the article straight. The article is linked from my blog, so you can see for yourself the data I discuss was already public.

    If someone publicly calls for the implementation of laws that would stone adulterers to death but secretly uses adultery websites to commit adultery then, in my opinion, that information (already in the public domain btw) is fair game. Despite this I still didn't take advantage of the data only I was aware of at the time. I could have written that data-exposé article days before that news report but I didn't. After the really crappy way he has treated me over the years, feeding out misinformation, calling me a troll whenever I call him out etc, I think my approach to this discovery has been impecible.

    What exactly is it do you complainers think I have done wrong?

    I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #200 - August 26, 2015, 02:46 PM

    I'm on my phone right now so I can't give you a full response, but in the meantime, may I ask you what you would have done with the information had he not made the statement? Would you have kept it to yourself?
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #201 - August 26, 2015, 02:47 PM

    Addendum: I didn't blackmail him into making a public statement. I told him I had found his data, others are likely to too, and he might want to. At first I didn't even know he'd decided to do it. I discussed my discovery with StopSpamming, Peter Thurston and DPR Jones a day or two after writing to Hamza. When asked if I intended to make a video (or anything) about it, I said I wouldn't.

    I'm very disappointed with some of these comments.

    I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #202 - August 26, 2015, 02:48 PM

    I'm on my phone right now so I can't give you a full response, but in the meantime, may I ask you what you would have done with the information had he not made the statement? Would you have kept it to yourself?


    I *did* keep it to myself.

    I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #203 - August 26, 2015, 02:50 PM

    I'm asking if you would have if he didn't make a statement.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #204 - August 26, 2015, 02:54 PM

    No. As is shown by the fact that I didn't reveal anything not already in his statement, and then after that nothing more until the news report with the full data analysis, and even then only because their information was wrong and the author refused to change it (see my Twitter discussion with him), I have held back at EVERY point.

    Addendum: See this previous post as evidence as to why I wrote the blog post - http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=29218.msg834129#msg834129

    I don't come here any more due to unfair moderation.
    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30785
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #205 - August 26, 2015, 02:59 PM

    No one is telling her what to say or what not to say, Suki. We are disagreeing with her opinions and explaining ours.


    Yes you are...  Who is "we"  you are an individual.  

  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #206 - August 26, 2015, 03:05 PM

    Still will respond properly when I'm on a computer, but, again, in the meantime: so you were and are still searching for these people in order to warn them?

    Yes you are...  Who is "we"  you are an individual.  




    Show me where. Quote just one time, Suki. Call me crazy but I have a sneaking suspicion you just see what you like to see in my posts. And we as in the people who have been disagreeing with gal. If you only were talking about me you should have actually addressed me to avoid confusion, don't you think?
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #207 - August 26, 2015, 03:08 PM

    As far as I'm concerned Rash, you did nothing wrong and behaved like a gentleman.
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #208 - August 26, 2015, 03:09 PM

    Of course!

    That's how forums work. Someone says X. Then someone else says 'that's wrong' and says Y.

    What's the problem?


    I'm just echoing what Quod, Qitian and Whabbist mentioned above, that this has all been taken a bit too seriously.  I cant type my phone is no gpod.  Sorry
  • Ashley Madison FUN PIT!
     Reply #209 - August 26, 2015, 03:10 PM

    My only concern is the judgemental and mob attitude gloating and poking fun that some have done that I think only makes us look cheap.
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