Skip navigation
Sidebar -

Advanced search options →

Welcome

Welcome to CEMB forum.
Please login or register. Did you miss your activation email?

Donations

Help keep the Forum going!
Click on Kitty to donate:

Kitty is lost

Recent Posts


اضواء على الطريق ....... ...
by akay
Yesterday at 04:00 PM

New Britain
February 14, 2025, 11:13 AM

Random Islamic History Po...
by zeca
February 14, 2025, 08:00 AM

Qur'anic studies today
by zeca
February 13, 2025, 10:07 PM

Muslim grooming gangs sti...
February 13, 2025, 08:20 PM

German nationalist party ...
February 13, 2025, 01:15 PM

Lights on the way
by akay
February 13, 2025, 01:08 PM

Russia invades Ukraine
February 13, 2025, 11:01 AM

Islam and Science Fiction
February 11, 2025, 11:57 PM

Do humans have needed kno...
February 06, 2025, 03:13 PM

Gaza assault
February 05, 2025, 10:04 AM

AMRIKAAA Land of Free .....
February 03, 2025, 09:25 AM

Theme Changer

 Topic: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"

 (Read 15041 times)
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     OP - April 15, 2010, 06:30 PM

    Quote from: guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2010
    Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon
    The organiser said not to talk about religion, sex or the president. But when you tell a comedian not to do something …

    Shazia Mirza for guardian.co.uk, Monday 12 April 2010 20.00 BST

    In all the countries that I have travelled to to perform standup comedy – the United States being a regular destination – I have never been held up or interrogated at customs. Or I hadn't, until I arrived in Pakistan last week. I spent six hours at Lahore customs, as I did not have a visa in my British passport to enter the country. The people who organised my gig had mistakenly assumed that because my parents were born in Pakistan and I too am brown, they would automatically let me in.

    The customs officer asked: "Are you Pakistani?" Yes. "Where were you born?" England. "That makes you a foreigner." I get called a foreigner in my parents' country of birth, and I get called a foreigner in my own country of birth.

    He looked through my passport, which is filled with US visas. He said: "Are you a spy?" No, I'm a standup comedian. "What's that?" I tell jokes. "And will you be doing that in this country?" Yes. "Oh, is this the entertainment for the Taliban?" he asked, quite seriously. No, I replied.

    He said: "What I should do is deport you, but if you give me $100, I'll see what I can do."

    I paid it. I got in.

    My first performance took place at the Lahore University of Management Sciences (Lums). The audience was made up mainly of lecturers and students, and as I arrived I was told: "Don't worry about performing – we've stepped up security because people knew you were coming."

    The fact that there needed to be security at all to tell jokes indicated danger. Pakistan is a sexually repressed country, and that is the root of many of its problems.

    The last time I performed in Lahore I was told: "You can talk about anything you like – religion, politics, drugs, you can swear and curse, just don't mention 'The Sex'."

    Any sexual words or connotations were banned – because in Pakistan there is no mention of sex on television, radio, or in public.

    In Lahore this time I am told by armed security personnel before going on stage: "Be careful, it's best you only do halal comedy." Halal comedy? There is no such thing. That's like saying, I only eat halal bacon.

    I had some requests from members of the audience who came to my dressing room before the show to ask me specifically to do jokes about sex and religion. Which is what I had intended to do, anyway.

    After the gig I had to have two armed bodyguards outside my bedroom while I slept. (That's no use: I need uniformed men in my bed, not outside it.)

    I then went to perform two hours away in Karachi. The audience consisted of young people, old people, women in burqas and groups of men – all sitting on the floor together. The doors were locked as soon as all the audience were in, and once again armed security guards stood outside.

    On arrival I was told by the organiser: "The Pakistani Taliban are infiltrating down to the outskirts of Karachi now, so be careful with what you say. It's best not to talk about religion, or sex, and don't mention the word "gay"." Why? "Because gay doesn't exist in Pakistan," she explained.

    Pakistan believes it has freedom of speech, but the only freedom you have is to comply with the speech they want to hear. She continued: "There is a law against making any jokes about President Zardari. You cannot make any jokes about him in public and you are not allowed to text any jokes to your friends about him, otherwise you will be put in prison."

    When you tell a comedian not to do something, well. I made a joke about President Zardari. The audience loved it. They laughed like they had never laughed before.

    The people in authority in Pakistan are telling the public what they can and cannot say, how to behave and what to wear – and this is totally incongruous with what the people really want. All the things the audience laughed at are the things they are most repressed about. Jokes about sex, religion and politics got the most laughter.

    After the show I was invited to a party. I walked in, to be offered a joint of marijuana, followed by a joint of opium, followed by vodka and then a discussion on porn.

    I was asked: "What's your favourite porn film?" I have never watched porn. I tried to lie but I couldn't think of a porn movie, so I told the truth: I've never watched porn. This was met with "You've never watched porn? Let us show you some!"

    A collection of 600 films was pulled out from behind the bookcase. I was then offered a male Russian hooker for the night.

    There it is – the hypocrisy of a sexually repressed, censored society: I can't say "gay" on stage, but after the show, opium and prostitutes are on offer.

    (link to original article)

    She paints the picture of a bipolar society. Are these extremes a symptom of a country at a crossroads with islam in one direction and secular democracy in the other?

    Each of us a failed state in stark relief against the backdrop of the perfect worlds we seek.
    Propagandhi - Failed States
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #1 - April 15, 2010, 06:36 PM

    Quote
    I was then offered a male Russian hooker for the night.


     Grin

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #2 - April 15, 2010, 07:00 PM

    Grin

    Notice how she didn't mention whether she accepted the offer.  Grin

    Each of us a failed state in stark relief against the backdrop of the perfect worlds we seek.
    Propagandhi - Failed States
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #3 - April 15, 2010, 07:23 PM

    Yeh, I would've take the Russian.  But I actually prefer Iranians...am i self hating Indian? Huh?

    "A good man is so hard to find but a hard man is so good to find"
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #4 - April 15, 2010, 07:25 PM

    "There it is – the hypocrisy of a sexually repressed, censored society: I can't say "gay" on stage, but after the show, opium and prostitutes are on offer."

    The more a society tries to repress sexuality the more it comes out as pathology or as “deviation”.
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #5 - April 15, 2010, 07:30 PM

    Last time i was in pakistan it was 2003 and let me tell you in pakistan you can not shake hands with a girl in public but like any conservative society everything happens underground.. But one more thing is its becoming more religious than it used to be in the 1990s just like the case here in egypt something is going wrong..
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #6 - April 15, 2010, 07:36 PM

    Yeh, I would've take the Russian.  But I actually prefer Iranians...am i self hating Indian? Huh?

    Some people are attracted to people from ethnicities other than their own, I don't think it necessarily has any negative connotations about your own ethnicity. I don't see it as much different than liking tall girls or being attracted to men with tattoo's. Just a preference. Smiley

    Edit: On second thoughts, you're probably just a self-hating Indian. But it's ok, I'm a self-hating white guy. Tongue

    Each of us a failed state in stark relief against the backdrop of the perfect worlds we seek.
    Propagandhi - Failed States
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #7 - April 15, 2010, 08:31 PM

    Good one ..good stuff .. good thred

    thnkyu

    watch her

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGEY8cZuGF4


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsIM76s4MM8


    lol..

    she is good.. she is very good

    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #8 - April 15, 2010, 08:39 PM

    Funny lady  Afro
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #9 - April 15, 2010, 08:54 PM

    Is she a muslim or this the hijab just a stage prop?

    Bukhari 62:142 - Narrated Anas bin Malik:
       The Prophet used to pass by (have sexual relation with) all his wives in one night, and at that time he had nine wives.
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #10 - April 15, 2010, 09:11 PM

    TheLastKnight
    Quote
    Is she a muslim or this the hijab just a stage prop?


    no..No no., She is born to Muslim parents, she is still Muslim, A cultural ., and a Muslim who makes her OWN RULES. Off course every real Muslim thinks she is infidel, she is bitch.. she should be killed

    Shazia was born in Birmigham to Pakistani parents of Gujrat heritage..

    http://en.wikilib.com/wiki/Shazia_Mirza
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shazia_Mirza

    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #11 - April 15, 2010, 09:30 PM

    She's good.  Afro

    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #12 - April 16, 2010, 01:12 AM

    Actually there is halal bacon - in New Zealand we sell Chicken Bacon Smiley

    "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #13 - April 16, 2010, 01:46 AM

    Actually there is halal bacon - in New Zealand we sell Chicken Bacon Smiley


    Speaking of bacon, I'm craving a nice subway melt from Subway (chicken, with cheese and bacon toasted) mmmmmmm. There is very little halal food in my University and one hijabi flipped out on me because she found out I ate haram chicken once lol.

    "The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself."
    ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

    "I think religion is just like smoking: Both invented by people, addictive, harmful, and kills!"
    ~RIBS
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #14 - April 16, 2010, 03:15 AM

    Some people are attracted to people from ethnicities other than their own, I don't think it necessarily has any negative connotations about your own ethnicity. I don't see it as much different than liking tall girls or being attracted to men with tattoo's. Just a preference. Smiley

    Edit: On second thoughts, you're probably just a self-hating Indian. But it's ok, I'm a self-hating white guy. Tongue


    But I dont wanna be a self-hating Indian!!!

    aaaaahhhhhhhhh 001_wub
    Okey I feel better about my kind again dance

    "A good man is so hard to find but a hard man is so good to find"
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #15 - April 16, 2010, 05:32 AM

    Some people are attracted to people from ethnicities other than their own, I don't think it necessarily has any negative connotations about your own ethnicity. I don't see it as much different than liking tall girls or being attracted to men with tattoo's. Just a preference. Smiley

    Edit: On second thoughts, you're probably just a self-hating Indian. But it's ok, I'm a self-hating white guy. Tongue


    I'm attracted to women that do not share my ethnicity. Women from Northern Europe like Norway, Sweden, Denmark etc, are my favorite.

    "The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself."
    ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

    "I think religion is just like smoking: Both invented by people, addictive, harmful, and kills!"
    ~RIBS
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #16 - April 16, 2010, 05:34 AM

    I'm attracted to women who do or do not share my ethnicity. In fact you could shorten that sentence quite a bit.

    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #17 - April 16, 2010, 05:35 AM

    I'm attracted to women who do or do not share my ethnicity. In fact you could shorten that sentence quite a bit.


    What do you mean shorten the sentence?

    "The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself."
    ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

    "I think religion is just like smoking: Both invented by people, addictive, harmful, and kills!"
    ~RIBS
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #18 - April 16, 2010, 05:42 AM

    "I'm attracted to women" Cheesy

    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #19 - April 16, 2010, 05:44 AM

    "I'm attracted to women" Cheesy


    God damn I can't believe I didn't see that.

    Oops. I meant to say that, I find women from Northern Europe the most attractive. This is what happens when you study political science for more than 9 hours Cry

    My brain is fried!!

    "The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself."
    ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

    "I think religion is just like smoking: Both invented by people, addictive, harmful, and kills!"
    ~RIBS
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #20 - April 16, 2010, 06:46 AM

    Some people are attracted to people from ethnicities other than their own, I don't think it necessarily has any negative connotations about your own ethnicity. I don't see it as much different than liking tall girls or being attracted to men with tattoo's. Just a preference. Smiley

    Edit: On second thoughts, you're probably just a self-hating Indian. But it's ok, I'm a self-hating white guy. Tongue


    I find moroccan guys physically attractive, but I hate them anyway, so I have no interest, aside from to think "good looking but quite frankly evil moroccan bastard" lol.

    I refuse to date one.........although I would date an ex muslim/atheist moroccan, but they would have had to pass my rigorous vetting process first.

    So the attraction physically is there, but the past hatred is there too.  Tongue

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #21 - April 16, 2010, 09:19 AM

    I find myself in a similar position only it's Asian guys that I'm attracted to but unfortuantely the majority of them have their cultureal hang ups.  I've been burnt a few times in the past so I'll stay away from Asian men from now on unless they're athiest, agnostic or the very open minded Hindu type.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    The sleeper has awakened -  Dune

    Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish!
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #22 - April 16, 2010, 09:23 AM

    I find myself in a similar position only it's Asian guys that I'm attracted to but unfortuantely the majority of them have their cultureal hang ups.  I've been burnt a few times in the past so I'll stay away from Asian men from now on unless they're athiest, agnostic or the very open minded Hindu type.


    Aye? you mean Indians, not Asians. This is an Asian (or at least how most parts of the world see it)


    "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #23 - April 16, 2010, 09:26 AM

    Yeah,  South Asians.  In the U.K. the term 'Asian' refers to people of Indo/Pak/Bengali ethnicity.  This threw me off a bit when I first moved here from the States.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    The sleeper has awakened -  Dune

    Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish!
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #24 - April 16, 2010, 09:30 AM

    Yeah,  South Asians.  In the U.K. the term 'Asian' refers to people of Indo/Pak/Bengali ethnicity.  This threw me off a bit when I first moved here from the States.


    In New Zealand whether you're Indian, Pakistan or Bangladeshi, you'll be labelled an Indian lol

    "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #25 - April 17, 2010, 09:51 AM

    I find moroccan guys physically attractive, but I hate them anyway, so I have no interest, aside from to think "good looking but quite frankly evil moroccan bastard" lol.

    I refuse to date one.........although I would date an ex muslim/atheist moroccan, but they would have had to pass my rigorous vetting process first.

    So the attraction physically is there, but the past hatred is there too.  Tongue

    Where do you stand with pasty white Kelts  with an addiction to cunnilingus ?. just thinking out loud like grin12

    According to the polls only 1.6 % of Americans are athiests. So what gives you the right to call the other 80% morons?'
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #26 - April 17, 2010, 10:03 AM

    That works for me lol aloofandbored0

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #27 - April 17, 2010, 10:04 AM

    I though that the thread was about Sania Mirza :lol:

    Islam is a funny religion which is misunderstood by its scholars and correctly understood by ordinary Muslims.
    Faith is keeping your eyes shut when looking at the world, and/or keeping your eyes open only for the beauty of the world.
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #28 - April 17, 2010, 10:43 AM

    charlesmartel
    Quote
    I though that the thread was about Sania Mirza :lol:

    What is happening dear charlesmartel? You seem to be interested in Sania mirza piture with panties.. It is famous picture on internet.



    She better stop playing tennis., or if she likes to play for Pakistan, then better be in Burkah.. Sialkot is not a good place. Now you guys better stop dreaming., Sania Mirza  is happily married as second wife to another hero of Pakistan who similar(if not same) to  Mr.  Muhammad Asif, the fast bowler of Pakistan  bowls drugs in to his mouth.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dTXvqjhCck

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5pxcUrVI-c

    yes.. they are heroes of Pakistan.  Now India's    Sania Mirza could join them. Indians should take some these heroes

    with best regards
    yeezevee

    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
  • Re: Shazia Mirza: "Halal comedy? You might as well ask for halal bacon"
     Reply #29 - April 17, 2010, 11:32 AM

    That works for me lol aloofandbored0


    your smiley is doing it all wrong, all in one direction and no variation in speed to allow for the different stages leading to climax   Wink

    According to the polls only 1.6 % of Americans are athiests. So what gives you the right to call the other 80% morons?'
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »