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Theme Changer

 Topic: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell

 (Read 20978 times)
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  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #60 - November 15, 2011, 09:34 PM

    You know the funny thing is that most guys wouldnt mind an arranged marriage, i have this cousin of mine who just came back from abroad, so there was this cute cousin of ours, we happen to be in the same school with her, he showed an interest in her instead of him to try his game he went to his mother  to help him out  which she gladly did and was excited at the prospect of having her as daughter in law,so his mother along with her own siblings went to see the girl's mother and told her that her son has expressed his interest on her daughter thinking that they have an upper hand since they assumed that their daughter will easily obey her parents and accept,of course her parents approved it, seeing that he is a western educated graduate who comes from a well to do family and wants to settle down but to their amazement, the girl rejected their offer at the spot and that was the end of it Cheesy

    I can never ask my mum to find a wife for me to marry

    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #61 - November 15, 2011, 10:07 PM

    It's funny, but the idea of arranged marriage offends me in the deepest core of my being.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #62 - November 15, 2011, 10:12 PM

    Yeah, the idea of being in one sickens me

    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #63 - November 16, 2011, 01:53 AM

    It's funny, but the idea of arranged marriage offends me in the deepest core of my being.


    Why do you find arranged marriage offensive?

    Religion - The hot potato that looked delicious but ended up burning your mouth!

    Knock your head on the ground, don't be miserly in your prayers, listen to your Sidi Sheikh, Allahu Akbar! - Lounes Matoub
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #64 - November 16, 2011, 02:22 AM

    A suggestion of an arranged marriage would be one of the gravest insults to my pride that my parents could commit. I've told them as much, but predictably they don't possess any understanding.

    Probably because I'm a shit communicator.

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #65 - November 16, 2011, 02:27 AM

    Also, the 30 year old ex-muslim men here who don't seem to have as much of a problem with the prospect, must not realize how sad and pathetic this makes them look. The reason you're still amenable to the prospect is because you've fucking failed. You've expanded your selection of potential partners beyond those coerced by religious and cultural pressures and you still couldn't hack it. Tools.

    You know who you are.

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #66 - November 16, 2011, 07:26 PM

    Oh well, the Pakistani Muslim, I was with for 5 long years of my life, who I was told, fought his family for years to be with me, eventually succumbed to the pressure from his family and got married to a girl from his city and his religion! And all of it behind my back!

    I was told about his wedding, only after they were done with it. Worst is he kept claiming his affection for me, even after his wedding. And in fact, when I didn't respond to any of his claims, he made his mother call me up, and she even did!!!  Smiley (Well his entire family, including his aunts, uncles and cousin, knew about me from the very beginning! The reason for our separation, I was told, was my unwillingness to convert to Islam, since unless and until I convert, our marriage would not have been recognised!)

    Strange rather cruel, that he went on and married a girl behind me my back, and then eventually claimed his affection for me behind his wife's back!

    He kept claiming, I am the only one he belongs to, and was hoping for some miracle, that would unite us forever! DUH! He even said it after his marriage, in fact tried giving me hope by saying perhaps later, when everything's sorted out and he's able to bail himself out of the situation!!!

    Anyway. Makes me sad. I still do not know, if he was actually forced to or it's just a piece of fiction narrated to me... 5 long years of my life, and now I don't even know if it was all genuine or complete BS...

    Needless to say, it has affected me deeply!


    Something very similar happened to me, except the other way around. Was with a girl whom I fought real hard for with my family to get together with (as my mum wanted me to get engaged early), only to have her turn around one day and say "My mum has arranged my marriage, please don't cause a fuss. I cant stand up to my dad, sorry." just like that it was over, I mean she did not even try. It was very surreal for me, still is, I thought I would get angry or sad but instead I just stopped caring.

    Not as bad as your guy, he sounds like a total tool. Just stay away from Pakistani dudes.

    n = 0 : n + [1,1,1...]
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #67 - November 16, 2011, 10:07 PM

    Why do you find arranged marriage offensive?

    Because love is mysterious, unplannable and the highest thing a human can aspire to.

    Arranged marriage, dynastic marriage, economic marriage, social marriage are all different facets of the same turd.

    Which is not to say that deep love can't come out of such unions, but that it does so despite, not because of, them. And when it does it is the most perfect and personal revenge on a depersonalising system.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #68 - November 16, 2011, 11:15 PM

    Because love is mysterious, unplannable and the highest thing a human can aspire to.




    What if your don't believe in love?

    n = 0 : n + [1,1,1...]
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #69 - November 16, 2011, 11:16 PM

    umad?
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #70 - November 16, 2011, 11:24 PM

    Not at all. Genuinely curious, I never have believed in love, so I find it odd others do.

    n = 0 : n + [1,1,1...]
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #71 - November 16, 2011, 11:26 PM

    well we'll never understand each other.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #72 - November 16, 2011, 11:31 PM

    Not at all. Genuinely curious, I never have believed in love, so I find it odd others do.

    Do you love your mother?
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #73 - November 16, 2011, 11:42 PM

    I have a connection with my mother that I cannot change. Not really a question about love is it.

    I really like my mum. Love? No. Or are you saying really like is the same as love?

    n = 0 : n + [1,1,1...]
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #74 - November 17, 2011, 12:40 AM

    Is really hard the same as difficult? How do you know something isn't difficult if you don't know what difficult feels like?

    They're just words, and like with all words, what matters is what they represent to speakers. Unfortunately I can't know your emotional states, so what you mean by 'really like' and 'love' isn't apparent to me. Perhaps you could elaborate.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #75 - November 17, 2011, 12:40 PM

    Do you love your mother?


    Cuz if not, I can get some "loving" in for you, VHD.  Tongue

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #76 - November 17, 2011, 12:45 PM

    I have a connection with my mother that I cannot change. Not really a question about love is it.


    What connection?  I mean when you get down to the details what connection is there really once the umbilical cord is cut?

    You could just walk off, there is no need for you maintain this 'connection' really.

    So why don't you?  why is it still a 'connection' you can't let go of?

    Just because you like her? 


    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #77 - November 17, 2011, 01:08 PM

    Quote
    What connection?  I mean when you get down to the details what connection is there really once the umbilical cord is cut?


    Wireless.

    Before Jesus was, I AM.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #78 - November 17, 2011, 01:09 PM

    to be fair i don't think loving your parents is the same type of love as loving your peers. when you love your parents you love them because they gave up their lives for you, so you do it sometimes despite being unable to connect with them. you might not understand them or their points of view because you've had such drastically different lives and experiences, but you still love them.

    peer (romantic or platonic) love is more spiritual. there are people in my life who have shared such similar experiences that we really relate to each other. we speak the same language. when i speak to them they get me almost as much as i get myself, sometimes even more than i get myself. being with them makes me feel not just connected to them, but connected to all my surroundings. i feel truly, deeply, fully alive.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #79 - November 17, 2011, 01:15 PM

    Evolution requires not only child-parent bonding, but grandmothers too. It's why they exist in huge numbers, because advanced apes are not born ready, we are only born because the womb can't accommodate the child anymore. It takes us a decade to be 'born' fully. To give the best chance of success, a mother needs help from experienced women, namely the generation that preceded her. Without this, we wouldn't be here. It's going to take a phenomenal amount of effort to neglect about 10 million years of selection. mysmilie_977

    Before Jesus was, I AM.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #80 - November 17, 2011, 01:20 PM

    Luckily my mother never knew the above, otherwise I'd have been aborted when I was 5.

    Before Jesus was, I AM.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #81 - November 17, 2011, 01:21 PM

    Because love is mysterious, unplannable and the highest thing a human can aspire to.

    Arranged marriage, dynastic marriage, economic marriage, social marriage are all different facets of the same turd.


    Which is not to say that deep love can't come out of such unions, but that it does so despite, not because of, them. And when it does it is the most perfect and personal revenge on a depersonalising system.



    Good point there, David.

    I prefer if love comes from unexpected place, unexpected time and fall in love with an unexpected person or simply evolve from a platonic friendship with someone(which i personally prefer), not chasing someone hoping that you will find yours to your liking which is a waste of time and energy, and also end up looking desperate. its just annoying how folks around my area wants to get married simply because they think they are getting older, they think it will make them more responsible< be respected in a society and be focused on what matters in their life(so as one of my friends put it). its all bullshit


    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #82 - November 17, 2011, 01:24 PM

    to be fair i don't think loving your parents is the same type of love as loving your peers. when you love your parents you love them because they gave up their lives for you, so you do it sometimes despite being able to connect with them. you might not understand them or their points of view because you've had such drastically different lives and experiences, but you still love them.

    peer (romantic or platonic) love is more spiritual. there are people in my life who have shared such similar experiences that we really relate to each other. we speak the same language. when i speak to them they get me almost as much as i get myself, sometimes even more than i get myself. being with them makes me feel not just connected to them, but connected to all my surroundings. i feel truly, deeply, fully alive.


    this

    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #83 - November 17, 2011, 06:11 PM

    They're just words, and like with all words, what matters is what they represent to speakers. Unfortunately I can't know your emotional states, so what you mean by 'really like' and 'love' isn't apparent to me. Perhaps you could elaborate.


    When I speak of "love" I usually am talking about the spiritual, deep and Romeo Juliet kind of love. The kind of love you see in every Bollywood film, the one people try and sell on matchmaking sites, the bs the media lap up, the thing that supposedly makes no sense and "just happens", you know the thing that supposedly we need in our life.

    What connection?  I mean when you get down to the details what connection is there really once the umbilical cord is cut?

    You could just walk off, there is no need for you maintain this 'connection' really.

    So why don't you?  why is it still a 'connection' you can't let go of?

    Just because you like her? 


    I disagree. Sure I like my mum but there's plenty of things I hate about her. I don't stick around cos of the like, I stick around because I feel I owe her my life. The connection I referred to was the fact that she is my mother, no matter what I do I cannot change that. Even if I walked away, she would still be my mother.

    Cuz if not, I can get some "loving" in for you, VHD.  Tongue


    I'm not a taker but a giver Cheesy

    to be fair i don't think loving your parents is the same type of love as loving your peers. when you love your parents you love them because they gave up their lives for you, so you do it sometimes despite being unable to connect with them. you might not understand them or their points of view because you've had such drastically different lives and experiences, but you still love them.


    I agree with your post up to this point completely. I don't feel love for my mum as much as I do a deep desire of debt.

    Do not get me wrong, even before having things turn upside down I never believed in love. I think its such a fake concept. The thought of it makes me physically sick. To me it seems like a high from attraction, to put any relationship on such a pedestal is just a recipe for disappointment.

    n = 0 : n + [1,1,1...]
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #84 - November 17, 2011, 06:14 PM

    i do love my parents, it's not just a "debt". i'd give myself up for my parents just as i would for any other person i love.

    and no, love is not a "high from attraction". that's more infatuation. love is a much deeper bond that develops and trust is a necessary component.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #85 - November 17, 2011, 06:31 PM

    i do love my parents, it's not just a "debt". i'd give myself up for my parents just as i would for any other person i love.


    Would you be willing to turn Muslim and follow a strict Islamic life for your parents or someone you love?

    n = 0 : n + [1,1,1...]
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #86 - November 17, 2011, 06:42 PM

    Wouldn't that be shirk? If he did that, he'd still be an apostate. Cheesy

    Before Jesus was, I AM.
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #87 - June 10, 2012, 06:37 PM

    Wherever there is a wall of separation, I want to tear it down

    Quote
    Quote
    “What shall I take with me when I return home after so many years?” wrote Shabbir. He died before he could return. He jumped from a bridge into the Potomac and had sailed to another world before they brought him out.

    And what he called ‘home’ was not his home. Shabbir had no home. He was born in America but his parents always wanted him to believe Pakistan was home. His heart told him otherwise, but his parents forced him to deny his heart and it killed him.


    Shabbir’s father arranged my first meeting with him several years ago, when he found out that his son wanted to marry a Sikh girl, instead of ‘someone back home.’

    When I met Shabbir, he was able to convince me, so I left without asking him not to marry his Sikh girlfriend. However, they did not marry. Her parents were against the marriage too and she did not have the courage to defy them. So she left Shabbir.

    When I met him again, Shabbir was deeply under his father’s influence: saying prayers five times a day, no girlfriends, no alcohol. But he also had a strong sense of guilt for doing all these in the past. So I knew he will have a relapse.

    I tried to argue with his father not to instil this guilt in him but he did not understand me. So one day Shabbir rebelled. Then I heard from some friends that Shabbir had become a drug addict. I met him. He was no addict. He was not a rebel either. He was an ordinary American kid who wanted to live like most Americans do.

    His father did not understand him. He also did not understand why having fun was so important for his son. “We did not have this kind of fun back home,”
    he argued.

    He told me that they had only one TV in the entire village and no cricket ground. He and his siblings grew up in dusty, dirty streets. “But we had a sense of purpose. We wanted to do something for our family,” he said.

    Shabbir did not understand why it was important to have an extended family. He wanted to live for himself, “not for 500 relatives back home.”

    I asked Shabbir if he was having problems with his father. “Yes, plenty,” he said.
    Quote
    “My father needs to understand this is not a Punjabi village. This is Washington, DC, the capital of the United States of America.” He paused and then said: “My father should know I am not an FOB (freshly off the boat). I was born here. I am an American.”

    American he was but his father turned him into an ABCD, an American born confused desi. The tussle between the father and the son continued. And neither side was willing to give the other any breathing space.

    Once, a Muslim scholar came to town on the moon night, the night before Eid. His father wanted to take Shabbir to the scholar’s lecture. Shabbir had other plans. So they had a huge fight. Shabbir did not spend the Eid with his family.

    Quote
    Meanwhile, his father’s niece was growing up fast in the village. Her parents wanted an answer: yes or no. So one day his father told Shabbir to get ready. “We are going back to the village to find a bride for you,” he said.

    “Me, marrying a village girl from Punjab?” asked Shabbir. “No way, not me.”

    “Yes, you. Even your father will have to say yes,” said the father, using a Punjabi proverb.

    “OK, then. Let my father marry her,” Shabbir said. The father slapped him across his face. The slap broke something inside Shabbir. He never recovered from the shock.

    He left home. I never met him again but kept hearing bits and pieces from others: he is back with his family, he left again, he is living with a girl, he has become an addict again, he has reformed, goes to mosque five times a day, etc.


    And then one day, I read a small news item in a Pakistani newspaper: “Young man jumps into the Potomac.” I put down the cup of tea I was holding and cried. But I also understood why Shabbir had to do it................................
    .......................................
    All sound advises and sincere wishes. But I want to quote here a Persian poem that I know Shabbir would have loved:
    Quote
    “I want to return with a message of love, I want to return to pour light into your veins.
     And cry out: ‘O those whose baskets are full of sleep, I brought you an apple, red like the sun,”

    “I want to bring flowers for the beggar, gift earrings to the pretty leper woman of my old neighbourhood
    . I want to share the beauty of the garden with the blind.”

    “I want to be a peddler, peddling through streets, shouting: ‘Dew, I brought dew for you.”
    “And when the passer-by says: ‘How dark is the night,’ I will gift her the milky way.

     Put a constellation of stars around the neck of the legless girl on the bridge near my old home.”
    “And those who curse others, I want to grow flowers on their lips.
    Wherever there is a wall of separation, I want to tear it down.”
    .



    ..well ..read the rest of that never ending story at the link

    Do not let silence become your legacy  
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #88 - June 10, 2012, 06:40 PM

    I usually avoid your posts yeezevee, they give me a headache since I have to try and decipher what you're saying most times Tongue

    "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

    'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
  • Re: Men are forced into marriage in Islam aswell
     Reply #89 - June 10, 2012, 06:44 PM

    I usually avoid your posts yeezevee, they give me a headache since I have to try and decipher what you're saying most times Tongue

    that is NOT my post.. Tongue  ..

    read it here


    Do not let silence become your legacy  
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
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