A warning
OP - February 14, 2010, 04:49 PM
If you are toying with the idea of starting to do fitness, read the story below and think twice about it .
This story is dedicated to all who have ever tried to get into a regular training program.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year my husband bought me a week´s personal training at the local Fitnness Center. Although I have been in a pretty good shape since I was elected best gymnast in High School 30 years ago, I decided, that it was a good idea to give it a try.
I called and booked time with a personal trainer whose name is Chris. He turned out to be a 26 years old Aerobics instructor, who in his free time models sports clothes.
My friends thought it was super that I was so enthusiastic about getting started and the Fitness Center encouraged me to start a diary to record my progress.
Monday :
Started the day at 6,00 am. Difficult to get out of bed, but I thought it was worth it, knowing that Chris was waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god – blond hair, wonderful eyes and a fantastic white smile.
Woohoo !
Chris gave me a roundtrip of the center and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the fanntastic way he instructed his Aerobics lesson after my training today – very inspiring.
Chris was very encouraging while I made sit-ups, but my stomach was already sore from pulling it in all the time when he was around.
It is going to be a fantastic week.
Tuesday :
I drank a whole pot of coffee before I pulled myself together and got going.
Chris made me lie on my back and press a heavy bar up into the air and afterwards he put weights on. My legs were a tad heavy on the Treadmill, but I managed the two kilometers. His big smile made it all worthwhile.
It is a whole new life for me.
Wednesday :
The only way I can brush my teeth are to place the toothbrush on the edge of washbasin and move my mouth back and forth over it. I think I have broken something in both my chest muscles. I am able to drive a car as long as I do not try to steer or break.
Chris was completely intolerable today and insisted that my screams disturbed the other members of the Fittness Center.
His voice is a little too cheerful so early in the morning and he laughs in a nasal way which is very annoying.
My chest hurt when I tried the treadmil so Chris put me on the stepper.
Why the hell has somebody invented a machine that simulates so outdated an activity ? Chris said it was to help me get in shape and enjoy life – and then he also said something else equally idiotic.
Thursday :
The asshole was waiting for me with his vampirelike teeth, which were clearly visible when his lips were pulled back in a shark smile.
I could not avoid being half an hour late this morning – it took me that long to tie my shoe laces.
He took me to work out with machines. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the toilet. He then sent some underweight bitch out looking for me.
Afterwards, as a punishment, he put me on the rowing machine – which I sank...
Friday :
I hate that devil Chris more than anybody has ever hated anybody in world history.
Stupid underweight, anorectic little shitinstructor.
If there was any part of my body that I could move without feeling unbearable pain, I would hit him with it.
Chris wanted me to work with my triceps. I have no triceps.
And if you do not want dents in the floor, then bloody well do not give me a weight bar or anything that weighs more than a bun !
I was catapulted off the treadmill and landed on a nutrition and health instructor. Why could it not have been on something soft ?
Saturday :
Satan left a message on my voice mail and asked in his self-important way why I had not come today.
Just the sound of his voice made me want to break the answering machine into a thousand pieces, but I did not even have the strength to lift the remote control and therefore had to watch the Weather Channel for 11 hours.
Sunday :
I have asked the church´s taxa service to pick me up today so that I can go and thank god that this week is over.
I hope too, that my husband will pick a super cool gift for me next year – like f.inst. a root canal or an appendicitis.
Have a nice day.
Best regards
Susie
Like a compass needle that points north, a man?s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always.
Khaled Hosseini - A thousand splendid suns.
Topic: A warning