I finished translating chapter one of Hassan's book a few days ago:
Kapitel 1 : Hast du den Koran gelesen?Hey, Hassan, here are a few notes I took about the preface and chapter 1. Could you take a look at them and help me fix these mistakes and answer the questions?
Preface:
Fixed spelling: "no-longer" -> "no longer"
Fixed "when my family are Muslims" -> "when my family is Muslim"
Chapter 1: (Didn't fix anything in this chapter yet.)
“Please God, make everything alright” -> missing "."
"It wasn’t God’s fault, but because I had been naughty in some way and didn’t deserve it." -> Grammar?
"the British Government evacuated them" -> you don't evacuate people, you evacuate buildings, right?
"old fashioned" -> old-fashioned
"Trotskyite" = pejorative -> use Trotskyist instead?
"Our main rival at the Polytechnic _were_" -> was
"of, Pendle Hill" -> "of Pendle Hill"
"I had close group of friends" -> I had _a_ ...
"But part of me felt" -> "But _another_ part..." better?
"‘Prayer is the key to Paradise." -> missing >’<
"I _can_ barely recognise the Qur’an" -> shouldn't this be "could"? The whole passage might need some improvement.
"A Charge Nurse," -> Why capital letters?
"Her family were Methodists," -> not "Her family was Methodist"?
“Ash-hadu an la ilaha _illah_, Ass-hadu anna Muhammad rasoolalllah!” -> correct? isn't it "illalah"?
You used the word family like a plural noun in two places. It confuses me, because I think that's not correct English grammar.
Edit1: I added this copyright notice in the German translation at the beginning and at the end of the page: "Copyright © 2008 - 2010 Hassan"
Are the dates okay? I will also add these notices in the English version, of course.