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Theme Changer

 Topic: My story + advice/help needed

 (Read 3983 times)
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  • My story + advice/help needed
     OP - November 22, 2009, 07:17 PM

    Hello there, my name is Abbas, i live in the UK and this is my story of how I ditched my brainwashed ways in favour of a more free thinking attitude. I'm currently 16, 17 in 3 days.

    As a child i was forced to go to madrasah and i was heavily influenced by my parents who are both Shi'ah muslims, with my mother being the most devout out of the two. I was subject to brainwashing every day and i almost had a hatred instilled in me towards any other way of thinking that wasn't Islam.

    I didn't really question Islam until I was 12. Up until then i went to a school mostly populated by pakistani kids, so i had no real concept of anything else. Luckily, i was (still am ;] ) pretty smart and i got into a grammar school. From there on the questions arised. Why do i even exist? Why does God have a need to create me in the first place? Surely free will isnt free if it is already known? etc

    I was in 2 minds, because cleverly, the teachers at madrasah had drilled a deep 'fear' into me. I started delving into philosophy and realised, if such a jealous and wicked God existed, he doesn't deserve my prayers. Even to this day i have remnants of that fear. Ultimately, the STUPIDITY of Islam pushed me into atheism. If I were to practice any religion, I would practice Buddhism.

    These days i drink alcohol (in moderation), i eat non halal meat and i have a stress free life (to an extent). I have an athiest girlfriend and friends of all faiths, including some friends who are homosexual. I no longer have to live up to the expectations of a fake, '' most merciful'' God. Leaving Islam was the greatest decision i have ever made.

    I remember being close minded e.g hating gay people for no reason when it's clearly a genetic predisposition. I'm happy to say that education has brought me out of the islamic ideology. I am a peaceful human being with no worries.

    A month ago, i told my parents. Up until this point, i came to mosque with them and pretended to pray. They didn't like it. Not one bit. Eventually, they gave in and accepted me as 'agnostic'. Since they found out i have no objection to drinking or other 'unislamic' things they have come down on me so hard it's like being in prison. Life is stress free, apart from when i get home. I decided that when i can, i'll show my mother this website and HOPE to god (lol) that she'll at least appreciate my point of view. They're just so brainwashed its untrue. They threaten to kick me out and are just generally so close minded that they actually say ''you're talking out of your arse''.

    Have many of you had luck in convincing your parents? Islam is a disease. Whilst i cannot stop anyone from practicing islam and i believe people should have the freedom to believe whatever they want, i'd at least like my parents to allow me to follow my own beliefs. If they came round to my point of view that would just be a bonus.

    I also feel that their religion has pushed them into racist views and because of this, they claim that it is 'necessary' to have a culture. Culture is gained as well as inherited in my view. I see myself as British, i was born in the UK and i am of african/asian descent. I'd also love to counter their most common argument which supports their decisions which is ''We are Muslims and we believe this''.

    So tell me, infidels, have you had similar experiences? what were the outcomes? did i make a mistake in being honest? I do admit that it has caused stress and many arguments within the household.

    Be yourself.
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #1 - November 22, 2009, 07:35 PM

    Welcome Abbas Smiley

    My advice is not to confront your parents about your beliefs, keep them to yourself for now and just get on with studying. You are young and still growing and maturing and there is no need to upset your parents who I'm sure love you very much. You are living at home so it will only make life difficult for you as well as them. Obey them so long as they are not asking you to do anything unreasonable. Show them love and respect and work hard at your studies. Once you leave home you will be able to follow your own conscience better and perhaps speak with your parents when both you and they are ready.

    Hell is an absurd & wicked fiction. You're not a bad person for rejecting something that's cruel, irrational, unjust & lacks evidence. You have nothing to fear. Nothing to feel ashamed about. Enjoy your life. Do the best you can. Make yourself & others happy.
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #2 - November 22, 2009, 07:48 PM

    I disagree with Hass as usual on this point.  If you believe it is right for you (which you did as you will have realised you werent in any imminent danger) then you did the right thing.  I did exactly the same thing, and happy I did - I have no regrets apart from wishing I had left Islam even sooner.

    You're obviously a bright lad - btw how did you come across this site?

    All I can say after reading your post is

    CONGRATULATIONS  Afro

    Continue to lead your life with integrity and honesty and you wont go far wrong.


    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #3 - November 22, 2009, 07:58 PM

    I found this site through some google searches, I tried to show my mother one of the videos by Hassan a second ago and she started an argument calling it 'crap' and saying how she wasn't learned. So if she isn't learned, she doesnt know what she's following and by calling it crap she's being close minded and ignorant. She then called me close minded for rejecting islam :S i mean, surely by adopting another belief I'm open minded if anything.

    Be yourself.
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #4 - November 22, 2009, 08:07 PM

    You got further then I did, when I told my parents they bullied me and I eventually caved under pressure and pretended to be a muslim again. I really cant stand up for myself with them :( Luckily I'm living away while in uni so I'm going to do the cowardly thing and send them an email. All I can think of really. Plus with the threat of being beaten up I don't think it's wise to tell it to their face again as I know the next time the reaction will be much worse.
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #5 - November 22, 2009, 08:12 PM

    Yeah Peru, you situation is different.  If there is ever a threat of violence, self-preservation comes first Wink

    My Book     news002       
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  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #6 - November 22, 2009, 09:11 PM

    Welcome Abbas Smiley

    My advice is not to confront your parents about your beliefs, keep them to yourself for now and just get on with studying. You are young and still growing and maturing and there is no need to upset your parents who I'm sure love you very much. You are living at home so it will only make life difficult for you as well as them. Obey them so long as they are not asking you to do anything unreasonable. Show them love and respect and work hard at your studies. Once you leave home you will be able to follow your own conscience better and perhaps speak with your parents when both you and they are ready.


    Also, I think there was someone who mentioned regarding the parents standing in the community being a concern if they have an apostate son or daughter - Islam being an identity, a binding agent to bring together people from a variety of backgrounds even if the people claiming to be Muslim aren't devout in any meaning of the word.

    I'd probably reassure them that you aren't going to go around screaming it from the roof tops - that is the thing I am sure they are concerned about; that you'll tell every tom, dick and harry about it and then they lose face in the community.

    "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #7 - November 22, 2009, 10:18 PM

    First, hats off for your bravery. At such age being able to tell your parents is a big achievement, which I might never come around doing.

    Second welcome to the forums, and enjoy your stay here.

    As for your parents, I assume they aren't using violence or blackmail, right? If they do you might reconsider showing off your beliefs(or lack thereof) so often. As for trying to get them around into leaving Islam, I suggest you refrain from that. If anything it will make them more hostile towards you. Stand up for what you believe, but don't push it on them unless they start a debate or something.

    "In every time and culture there are pressures to conform to the prevailing prejudices. But there are also, in every place and epoch, those who value the truth; who record the evidence faithfully. Future generations are in their debt." -Carl Sagan

  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #8 - November 22, 2009, 10:19 PM

    +1

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  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #9 - November 22, 2009, 11:13 PM

    Welcome Abbas Smiley

    My advice is not to confront your parents about your beliefs, keep them to yourself for now and just get on with studying. You are young and still growing and maturing and there is no need to upset your parents who I'm sure love you very much. You are living at home so it will only make life difficult for you as well as them. Obey them so long as they are not asking you to do anything unreasonable. Show them love and respect and work hard at your studies. Once you leave home you will be able to follow your own conscience better and perhaps speak with your parents when both you and they are ready.


    I would second that.

    Let yourself develop more both intellectually and spiritually.

    There is no need to rush into anything.

    Challenge All Ideologies but don't Hate People.
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #10 - November 22, 2009, 11:28 PM

    Welcome Abbas.

    "Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #11 - November 22, 2009, 11:35 PM

    I would second that.

    Let yourself develop more both intellectually and spiritually.


     Huh?

    My Book     news002       
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  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #12 - November 22, 2009, 11:44 PM

    Islame - not all spirituality is theistic...Buddhism for instance... ;-)

    Challenge All Ideologies but don't Hate People.
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #13 - November 23, 2009, 04:07 AM

    Hmm. . . you didn't make a mistake on being honest with your parents. At least they know right from the get go. While I don't have to fear telling my darling mother I left Islam (She isn't Muslim), I do have to fear telling my Uncle outright, so I'm leaving little hints until I actually find the balls to tell him.

    Well, I don't know much about Pakistani parents or culture, but I would just grin and bare it until you could move out and not have to worry about being homeless. So basically I agree with Hassan.
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #14 - November 23, 2009, 03:35 PM

    its nice to see that i'm not alone and also to see many 'learned' muslims have announced their apostacy. thanks for the warm welcome Smiley.

    Be yourself.
  • Re: My story + advice/help needed
     Reply #15 - November 23, 2009, 06:23 PM

    Welcome Abbas. My father is an atheist and my mother is muslim. No real influence on my decision to be honest. Although my mother is slightly annoyed.
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