Some of you may know me as KimDonesia. I was quite a popular Muslim Youtuber and blogger. I appeared on TV in the Middle East, in magazines, on many blogs, on Turkish radio, etc.
I was a role model Muslim who received praise from the majority of Muslims online, and "haram haram haram"
from a lot of the stricter Muslims.
On my 18th birthday my 14-year-old dog had to be put down, which triggered a depression. I was at home all the time, and thought a lot about the Hereafter. I feared for my non-Muslim family, and was constantly praying for them to be guided to Islam so that they could be saved from eternal Jahannam (Hellfire). I even thought of making my death wish "you must convert to Islam before you all die"
One night, I had a long conversation with my mother and told her my worries. I explained to her that my perception of God was not the God in the Qur'an who constantly talked about punishment of Hell for the disbelievers... Seriously, that's what it's like. All throughout, it's basically "the disbelievers will go to Hell forever, and God is most Merciful, most Forgiving"
. I realized that I was only a Muslim out of fear of Hellfire, and being brainwashed.
So yes, I left Islam. I kept it all very private for a week because I was scared about the reactions of my online Muslim friends. I told some that I knew in real life, and they completely deserted me. "Kim, I can't be your friend anymore because you have insulted Islam."
What the fudge? So now, leaving a religion means that you're insulting it?
I "came out" on Youtube... In a video. And things went downhill with the Muslim community online. Most were in shock, some suspected that I was always a top secret spy who faked a conversion just to hurt Islam (*scoff* Yeah, right.)
, some wrote blog posts and articles about it, some were supportive as it's my decision, and MANY
started calling me a cock sucking whore
... Oh, and I wasn't that surprised when some started to give me death threats. It went from famous Muslim, to infamous Murtad.
It's amazing, and hypocritical, how people's perceptions of somebody can change based on religion/beliefs. I deleted my Youtube account again, as I fear for my safety. I have received multiple death threats, and I just don't want to put up with that shit anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I still respect Muslims. Islam was a big part of my life for quite a while. I simply disagree with Islam, for if there is a God (yup, 100% Agnostic now), He/She/It would not be so desperate for worship. People say "you need God, He doesn't need you". Doesn't seem like it.
I'm so happy with my decision. I feel free... I can wear what I what, I can drink again (I missed intoxication), and I can live my life without worrying what foot I enter the bathroom with and whether I have prayed yet.It's funny that Muslims talk about Islam being a religion of peace when trying to bring people to Islam, but threaten to kill somebody who leaves Islam.
*sigh* Gotta love double standards...