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Theme Changer

 Topic: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!

 (Read 38630 times)
  • Previous page 1 2« Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #30 - January 06, 2011, 01:28 AM

    Quote
    Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 72, Number 747:

    Narrated Abu Huraira:

    Allah?s Apostle said, ?If you want to put on your shoes, put on the right shoe first; and if you want to take them off, take the left one first. Let the right shoe be the first to be put on and the last to be taken off.?


    I was getting ready to go out the other day and had put my left shoe on but not my right when I remembered I had to do something and as I was walking around the house with my left shoe on I wa thinking, ' I'm the Shaytaaaaan!'  LOL!

    Oh yeah!  I'm also left handed.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    The sleeper has awakened -  Dune

    Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish!
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #31 - January 06, 2011, 01:34 AM

    Quote
    Oh yeah!  I'm also left handed.

    <3

    Against the ruin of the world, there
    is only one defense: the creative act.

    -- Kenneth Rexroth
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #32 - June 02, 2011, 08:45 AM

    (**mods - can we merge this thread into Persuvians's unquestionable hadith http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=5272.0 thread )


    From the book "The Beginning and the End" written by Ibn Kathir, Chapter Six, Entry title: "The Conversation of the Donkey" (online source).

    More than one of the reciters have denied this hadith, however it was narrated by Abu Muhammad Ibn Abdullah Ibn Hamid, narrated by Abu Al-Hussian Ahmad Ibn Hadan Al-Sijsi, narrated by Umar Ibn Muhammad Ibn Bajir, narrated by Abu Jafaar Muhammad Ibn Mazid, narrated by Abu Abdullah Muhammad Ibn Akba Ibn Abu Al-Sahba’, narrated by Abu Huthaifa, narrated by Abdullah Ibn Habib Al-Hathli, narrated by Abu Abd Al-Rahman Al-Silmy, narrated by Abu Manthur who said,

    "When Allah opened Khaybar to his prophet Muhammad – may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him – he (Muhammad) received as his share of the spoils four sheep, four goats, ten pots of gold and silver and a black, haggard donkey.

    The prophet – may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him – ADDRESSED the donkey asking, ‘What is your name?’ THE DONKEY ANSWERED, ‘Yazid Ibn Shihab. Allah had brought forth from my ancestry 60 donkeys, none of whom were ridden on except by prophets. None of the descendants of my grandfather remain but me, and none of the prophets remain but you and I expected you to ride me. Before you, I belonged to a Jewish man, whom I caused to stumble and fall frequently so he used to kick my stomach and beat my back.’

    The prophet – may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him – said to him, ‘I will call you Ya’foor, Oh Ya’foor.’ Then Ya’foor REPLIED, ‘I obey.’ The prophet then asked, ‘Do you desire females?’ The donkey replied, ‘NO!’

    So the prophet used to ride the donkey to complete his business and if the prophet dismounted from him he would send the donkey to the house of the person he wanted to visit and Ya’foor would knock at the door with his head. When the owner of the house would answer the door, the donkey would signal to that person to go see the prophet.

    When the prophet died, the donkey went to a well belonging to Abu Al-Haytham Ibn Al-Tahyan and threw himself in the well out of sadness for the prophet’s death, making it his grave."

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCoXFZQzpoo&feature=player_embedded#at=257

    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #33 - June 03, 2011, 03:14 AM

    : Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!

    Hmm you guys are laughing  reading hadith.. You don't know how important are the hadiths for Islamic brain wash

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6rg6Kd3_-c

    watch that and read this

    Quote
    A few evident reasons why muslims are FORCED to follow the sunnah (way) of the final Prophet Muhammad Ibn 'AbdAllah (SAW), taken from the Qur'an itself.
    A response to the newly invented growing hadith rejectors sects who only believe in the Qur'an and misinterpret it, misleading the mass of truth seekers, because each person starts interpreting the Quran as he likes, so he basically has nothing forbidden, no obligations, and enjoys the life of party and disbelief of the disbelievers of before like jews and christians who took their religion, as God says as ''mockery/amusement and play"

    In fact, hadith rejecters indirectly reject the qur'an as well, and scholars of islam all agree that the one who rejects the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) is a kaafir when the proof has been shown, explained to him without leaving space for doubt. As God says for example in verses 4:150-151 4:65 4:80 3:32 2:98 and God said clearly that ALL prophets were sent to be obeyed and followed in verse 4:64 or that the role of the Prophet (SAW) was to EXPLAIN the Quran like in verse 16:44 and verses 75:16-19, to those who ponder, clearly mention the Quran at first, and then something else, which is the explanation of it, through the prophet (SAW), as he said:

    '" I have left behind me two things, if you cling to them you will never go astray. They are the Book of Allaah and my Sunnah''
    [al-Haakim]

    "and you will live to see great difference, so cling to my sunnah and the sunnah of the rightly guided caliphs after me, even if it be with your teeth"
    [Sahih Al-Bukhârî]

    To those who refuse the truth:

    ۞'Or say they: "There is madness in him (Prophet Muhammad (S))?" Nay, but he brought them the truth but most of them are averse to the truth.
    And if the truth had been in accordance with their desires, verily, the heavens and the earth, and whosoever is therein would have been corrupted! Nay, We have brought them their reminder, but they turn away from their reminder.''۞
    [Al-muminûn 23:70-71]

    [4:65] But no, BY YOUR LORD, they can have NO FAITH, until they make you (O Muhammad SAW) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.

    Or do Quranits say in this verse God speaks of Rashid Khalifa? lol

    [42:21] Or have they partners with Allâh (false gods), who have instituted for them a religion which Allâh has not ordained? And had it not been for a decisive Word (gone forth already), the matter would have been judged between them. And verily, for the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong-doers), there is a painful torment.

    [24:63] Make not the calling of the Messenger (Muhammad SAW) among you as your calling one of another. Allâh knows those of you who slip away under shelter. And let those who oppose the Messenger's (Muhammad SAW) commandment (among the sects) beware, lest some Fitnah should befall them or a PAINFUL TORMENT be inflicted on them.

    [28:50] But if they answer you not, then know that they only follow their own lusts. And who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts, without guidance from Allâh? Verily! Allâh guides not the people who are Zâlimûn (wrong-doers, disobedient to Allâh, and polytheists)

    [53:23] ... They follow but a guess and that which they themselves desire, whereas there has surely come to them the Guidance from their Lord!


    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #34 - February 05, 2012, 04:11 AM

    Quote
    Holy Ride on Smelly Donkey Causes Massive Shoe Fight and Obvious Qur'an Revelation

    Narrated Anas: It was said to the Prophet "Would that you see Abdullah bin Ubai." So, the Prophet went to him, riding a donkey, and the Muslims accompanied him, walking on salty barren land. When the Prophet reached 'Abdullah bin Ubai, the latter said, "Keep away from me! By Allah, the bad smell of your donkey has harmed me." On that an Ansari man said (to 'Abdullah), "By Allah! The smell of the donkey of Allah's Apostle is better than your smell." On that a man from 'Abdullah's tribe got angry for 'Abdullah's sake, and the two men abused each other which caused the friends of the two men to get angry, and the two groups started fighting with sticks, shoes and hands. We were informed that the following Divine Verse was revealed (in this concern):-- "And if two groups of Believers fall to fighting then, make peace between them. (Qur'an 49:9)"
    Sahih Bukhari 3:49:856 (duplicated in Sahih Muslim 19:4433)


     Cheesy

    Source: Wikiislam.net

    "Beauty is truth, truth beauty," - that is all
            Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

    - John Keats
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #35 - February 05, 2012, 04:38 PM

    The local mosque has a sign on the inside of its door - it opens outwards so can be seen from the street when opened - about stepping out first with one foot.

    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #36 - February 12, 2012, 09:55 PM

    I always wondered how satan managed to pee on things. I mean, he's made of some kind of ridiculous "smokeless fire" and lives in another dimension or something that doesnt exactly make sense.

    Either way, If his piss is interdimensional  massless 'stuff' that isnt made out of anything and doesnt actually interact with you in any tangible way...who cares if he pees in your ear?
    He could take an interdimensional massless intangible dump on my face for all I care, go nuts.

    The foundation of superstition is ignorance, the
    superstructure is faith and the dome is a vain hope. Superstition
    is the child of ignorance and the mother of misery.
    -Robert G. Ingersoll (1898)

     "Do time ninjas have this ability?" "Yeah. Only they stay silent and aren't douchebags."  -Ibl
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #37 - February 12, 2012, 11:58 PM

    who is Baron Bodissey
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #38 - February 13, 2012, 01:30 AM

    I always wondered how satan managed to pee on things. I mean, he's made of some kind of ridiculous "smokeless fire" and lives in another dimension or something that doesnt exactly make sense.

    Either way, If his piss is interdimensional  massless 'stuff' that isnt made out of anything and doesnt actually interact with you in any tangible way...who cares if he pees in your ear?
    He could take an interdimensional massless intangible dump on my face for all I care, go nuts.


    Seems like Satan has a Pissing fetish, I wonder if his piss is smokeless or not.
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #39 - February 13, 2012, 05:23 PM

    This is a disgusting one, but it can be pretty amusing in light of Muslim rhetoric aimed to present Islam as 'liberating' and 'empowering' for women. In a twisted way...

    The Prophet said: "It is not right for any human being to prostrate to another; if it were right for one human being to prostrate to another, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands because of the great rights that they have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if a man were covered from head to foot with weeping sores oozing pus, and his wife were to come to him and lick his sores (to clean them), this would not fulfill the rights he has over her."

    Have you heard the good news? There is no God!
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #40 - February 13, 2012, 07:05 PM

    This is a disgusting one, but it can be pretty amusing in light of Muslim rhetoric aimed to present Islam as 'liberating' and 'empowering' for women. In a twisted way...

    The Prophet said: "It is not right for any human being to prostrate to another; if it were right for one human being to prostrate to another, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands because of the great rights that they have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if a man were covered from head to foot with weeping sores oozing pus, and his wife were to come to him and lick his sores (to clean them), this would not fulfill the rights he has over her."



    Reference?
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #41 - February 13, 2012, 09:08 PM

    I saw it posted on a Muslim website.

    Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 12153; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7725

    http://islamqa.info/en/ref/4601


    Have you heard the good news? There is no God!
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #42 - February 13, 2012, 10:15 PM

    Rashna,
    Thread  is funny. However, funny and idiotic texts are not only in Islam. Some of the Hindu mythology is pretty funny and impossible to happen in real life Wink

    What Hindus believe has to do with Islam? Average intelligent Hindu knows that the religious beliefs are just that, beliefs, they are not facts.

    According to you, because Hindus believe in myths, does that make Islamic beliefs facts?

    वासुदैव कुटुम्बकम्
    Entire World is One Family
    سارا سنسار ايک پريوار ہے
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #43 - February 13, 2012, 10:17 PM

    ANAL RAMS NONSENSICAL NECRO!

    "In battle, the well-honed spork is more dangerous than the mightiest sword" -- Sun Tzu
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #44 - March 15, 2012, 12:40 AM

    Breast Feeding an adult male in Islam:  

    Sayyida A�isha (Allah be pleased with her) reports that Sahla bint Suhayl came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) and said: �O Messenger of Allah! I see on the face of Abu Hudhayfa (signs of dislike) on the entering of Salim, who is an ally, (into our house). The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: �Suckle him.� She said: �How can I suckle him as he is a grown-up man? The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) smiled and said: �I already know that he is a young man.  dance� (Sahih Muslim, no: 1453)  

    The Prophet SMILED!! Muhammad u dirty little messenger of God   Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy

    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #45 - March 15, 2012, 12:41 AM

    ^ See how muslim apologists defend that in the link below.    Roll Eyes

    http://sunniforum.net/showthread.php?t=10510

    In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #46 - March 15, 2012, 01:42 AM

    lol

    When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
    Helen Keller
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #47 - March 22, 2012, 05:20 AM

    Shaitan has a bad habit.When he comes to a thing it is good for him.But when he go away
    it was very bad for him.Then he make some notes himself and telecast them.
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #48 - March 22, 2012, 05:23 AM

    Look at her profile picture.She is kissing a dog in a nude pose.How she can give us propper suggestion.
    When she is not in her position.
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #49 - March 22, 2012, 01:02 PM

    This Hadith is so absurd it seems like it comes from a Monty Python Film:


    Quote
    Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah:

    A thief was brought to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him). He said: Kill him. The people said: He has committed theft, Apostle of Allah! Then he said: Cut off his hand. So his (right) hand was cut off. He was brought a second time and he said: Kill him. The people said: He has committed theft, Apostle of Allah! Then he said: Cut off his foot.

    So his (left) foot was cut off.

    He was brought a third time and he said: Kill him.

    The people said: He has committed theft, Apostle of Allah!

    So he said: Cut off his hand. (So his (left) hand was cut off.)

    He was brought a fourth time and he said: Kill him.

    The people said: He has committed theft, Apostle of Allah!

    So he said: Cut off his foot. So his (right) foot was cut off.

    He was brought a fifth time and he said: Kill him.

    So we took him away and killed him. We then dragged him and cast him into a well and threw stones over him.

     
    Abu Dawud: Book 38, Number 4396

    What the hell is going on? Why does Muhammad keep telling the people to kill him? Is the idea that Muhammad was so wise that just by looking at the guy he could tell that it would be better to kill him from the beginning than keep cutting off his arms and legs?

    And how is a guy who has already had both his hands and both his legs cut off still capable of stealing stuff anyway?

    Reminds me a little bit of this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RZ-hYPAMFQ

    How an earth can Muslims take this stuff seriously?
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #50 - March 22, 2012, 02:30 PM

    LOOOOL, I like the opening post Cheesy

    Licking fingers and Satan Urinated in someone's ears  dance

  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #51 - March 22, 2012, 03:28 PM

    there was a speaker one jummah about the pissing in the ear thing.
    It scarred  me for life!   wacko  I was like, WTF!  Then after that
    I noticed I had a hard time getting up for fajr, and kept visualizing
    some devil pissing in my ear! WTF!!!  I always got up for fajr, except
    after that lecture, I struggled lol.

    When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
    Helen Keller
  • Re: Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #52 - March 22, 2012, 07:09 PM

    stump

    "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

    'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
  • Rib Ticklingly funny Hadiths!
     Reply #53 - November 10, 2013, 09:10 PM

     Cheesy

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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