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Theme Changer

 Topic: To smack kids or not to smack..........

 (Read 26468 times)
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  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #180 - February 21, 2016, 11:33 PM

    kids and cargo. bit like cats and kids. anyone remember the tin can food for both?
  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #181 - February 21, 2016, 11:53 PM

    It's simply put bad and lazy parenting when you beat your kids because you as a parent do not have the patience, knowledge nor competence to teach your child right and wrong without having to degenerate into violence and fear as a method of child rearing.

    And I'm saying this as a parent, and a child who grew up with this kind of bullshit. Whenever I hear someone say shit like "spanking is good for kids", I (ironically enough) want to punch that person's teeth out. You know, to teach him stuff like right and wrong Wink


    Perfectly put. And I didn´t know Berberella had an ODD kid. I have two of those. It is very trying- I will never be able to explain it to anyone who does not have one 24/7. If you have a kid who is refusing to listen and acting out so badly that you want to smack him/her, well, that kid really needs your help. They might be mentally ill, they might be having a rough time you don´t know about, etc. That makes smacking them even worse. You cannot smack the illness or the anger or the sadness out of a kid. You can love it out of them. Sometimes.

    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #182 - February 22, 2016, 12:18 AM

    i'm an aunt to 3 hyperactive kids. (well their fine now their older). i would'nt dream of hitting a child really.
  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #183 - February 22, 2016, 06:01 AM

    These days with all the communication links children have at their disposal cutting them off from this network is the equivalent of grounding in my youth. My best friend (brother like) uses his children's reliance on technology as a way to punish them. My step-nephew was offered a fancy phone if he picked up a paper route and stuck with it for a year. He quit a week after starting so no phone. Simple and effective. If they act badly they lose wifi with a quick password change or take away the ps4 controls. It is hilarious how fast cutting off the internet works.

    Violence is easy but figuring out what makes children tick is a life-long effort.
  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #184 - February 22, 2016, 05:20 PM

    My dad beat me when I was a kid, and it left some mental scars. Not smacked, beat.

    He beat me viciously when I struggled to name the five prayers, or when I struggled with the qur'an. This is one of the reasons why we don't have a good relationship at all today, in my adulthood. My sister denies that I was beaten (she tends to flock to dad's defense quickly), but whether she likes it or not it still happened.
  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #185 - September 09, 2016, 02:52 AM

    I was smacked occasionally and had no problem. My mother would just scream and that was more mentally damaging in my view.

    My sister-in-law has very good, high achieving kids and won't allow any hitting whatsoever, so I'm following her method. Persian has so many different words for 'love' and she said it to them dozens of times every day, so they're very close and cooperative. She spoils her kids a lot too but it's based on them being good, so it works both ways. The boy was horrible as a toddler but they let him outgrow it and focus on more productive activities.
  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #186 - April 23, 2018, 03:20 AM

    These days with all the communication links children have at their disposal cutting them off from this network is the equivalent of grounding in my youth. My best friend (brother like) uses his children's reliance on technology as a way to punish them.


    I'll admit I've done this with my two little ones and it does work a treat. That and the occasional light smack depending on the situation.
  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #187 - June 30, 2018, 04:57 AM

    Just decided to come back here and have a read, one thing that caught my eye in this thread is the general expectation that kids who were beaten would, or at least are very likely to grow up to hate their parents.

    I was regularly beaten for next to no provocation, and recently reading and learning about narcissistic parenting was mostly due to reasons based on my parents always needing to simply feel and remain superiority, control and dominance over me. The beatings extended to more than just slaps - footwear, canes, punches, kicks, and any obtainable object within reach would be hurled my way for as long as I could remember even from the age of around 5. All the signs of this were apparent in my everyday and still diminished social functioning, yet no teachers or similar people ever recognised it when I was younger. Another example is I do not believe it was bad behaviour to have only gotten straight Bs and not a single A in my GSCEs, but not only was I physically beaten and verbally dominantly abused and made to feel like nothing but a worthless pile of shit my entire life, to this day not just my parents but even my brother will constantly tell me that I never did well at school, that I was and still am thick / dumb / retarded / waste of space - my father even told me when I was around 24 that if he had known how I would have turned out he would have had me aborted. And these few issues listed here aren't even the tip of the iceberg of the lifetime I have had to experience.

    Yet despite applying for and having now been on the council housing waiting list for over 7 years, and mainly due to being a single male with no children, I am never given priority for housing, and I have asked for but resources to help men in my situation are literally non existent because society still seems to still think that only women are abused and help / shelters.

    Any effort or slightest mention to anyone of any of these issues or expressing any amount of dislike towards my family is met with the usual 'How dare you complain about / hate your family? Your parents always love you, etc' victim blaming which as far as I can tell also happens because of my gender as I cannot believe anyone would talk to or treat women the same way.

    Usually people will also automatically lump me in the 'lonely basement virgin club that just want to rape all women and kill people' when hearing / reading the slightest information about me if I try to provide it online (fix your personality / attitude = no.1 response I get), and yet society as a whole wonders why so many men end up killing themselves, and they are just seen as selfish self absorbed creepers who can't get dates because of their bad personalities (literally all I ever seen written about anyone in my situation). Ive already had a double figure of councellers, pysciatrists and what not, and people think that telling me to 'just get help' is meant to fix everything. These people literally do nothing but talk to you, write stuff down, ask where you see yourself in 10 years time and thats it. After the appointments end, nothing. I don't comprehend how this classifies as 'help' of any kind.

    My life pretty much has less worth and value than that of a cockroach, and Ive already exhausted what limited and entirely useless methods of 'help' are available.

    We keep hearing about how Jack Straw or the French government have mentioned the veil and our doing so puts us in the same boat as them. How so? I want a ban on the burka, neqab and child veiling.

    you can either defend women or you must defend Islam. You can’t defend both

    - Maryam Namaze
  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #188 - March 04, 2019, 10:14 PM

    Your life is not worthless! <3

    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • To smack kids or not to smack..........
     Reply #189 - June 08, 2019, 09:05 AM

    My life pretty much has less worth and value than that of a cockroach, and Ive already exhausted what limited and entirely useless methods of 'help' are available.

    .

    It seems to me that physical violence during childhood is easier to forget than mental abuse which can colour the rest of your adult life. Feeling useless is probably a symptom of the latter but you just have to realise at some point that your existence isn't contingent upon someone else's approval.
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