Need Practical Advice/Help for Leaving Islam.

1« Previous thread | Next thread »
- MohamedNewEXM
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Need Practical Advice/Help for Leaving Islam.
OP - April 08, 2022, 06:00 PM

Hello Everyone,

My name is Mohamed. I am a male and a uni student. I come from an extremely conservative Shia Muslim family. I live in the UK. I have quite a big dilemma and some insecurities as well as some anger issues as a result of having to conform to being stuck in a religious home. I believe I am moving towards being a former Shia Muslim. So, Agnostic Atheist. I love my family and they love me-so leaving them will hurt me.

I believe I'm in the stages of either leaving religion or a part of me (my subconscious mind) still believes in it. I am having finding myself journalling, using some cognitive behavioral therapy like writing my thoughts and anything rational next to them, and even dialoguing with myself-creating like some religious subpersonality. The anger is driving me absolutely mad. Most of the day is being preoccupied with me thinking about why I hate religion. It's like i feel intense anger around my head, my eyes sting, my breath becomes heavier and my heart rate increases. These are both psychological and physiological reactions i'm having. It's absolutely destroying me.

On top of this-I have massive insecurities about how I can even confront my family about this. The bullying, the fights (maybe physical), Living alone, the debates, being made fun of by my own family. Even I wouldn't be surprised if from certain Shia Mosque clerics or (Sayyeds) I would get into a massive debate with on a zoom. I have high levels of anxiety and a history of this psychologically due to bullying and trauma in the past. The fact is i'm deeply afraid of being judged wrong or made fun of by others. That's the truth.

I am working on myself and working on changing my habits, my lifestyle, so that ultimately I can change my self-image because that's usually how it works, in that stage. But I can't do this and rush it. Furthermore, I am finding myself trying to watch the likes of Matt Dillahunty, Cosmic Skeptic, Scientists or physicists in debates and any other atheist channel, and every time I do, I feel like this need to prove to myself religion is bad. Or that there is no evidence for Islam . This is destroying me because I feel an immense sense of hatred. It's like as they say-"shaytan is doing this". But really something psychological is happening because there is no evidence for shaytan. I feel I should avoid watching them because i'm exacerbating my anger.

Some examples (which are both pro and against Islam) are
"I hate the fact that this F##ing Religion is spreading. I hate this Cleric ## spreading it and my whole family is brainwashed watching him and always asking me to go to the mosque with them"
"You can't just deny history-even if you say that there is no evidence of a spiritual world and therefore we can't make sense of Hadith of Mohamed bring dead back to living or doing miraculous things (the so-called prophet)".
"What if i'm wrong and go to hell"
"I wish Islam did not exist"
"Where is the evidence of a supernatural world to prove that the history written about him doing things that break laws of nature are actually real?"

I need a clear action step (literally) Step 1 - Step 10. In detail and thorough because that's how I function and I feel I need that clearly laid out to me. I want to first finish my uni studies then I think leaving afterwards. But how the hell do I say this to my family? Living alone even as a male is considered Eib or shameful. I just don't know how to do this. The amout of day to day anger is destroying me then the fear sets in-then the thoughts "What if i'm wrong and I go to hell" then "there's no evidence-so F## Islam". Extremely conflicting. I also have no idea how to get rid of my fear of the reaction my family would have. I also want to get rid of these anger thoughts. Meditation helps and doesn't. I feel this is the only way to vent. I also kind of feel like a liar for waiting to graduate and get a job before moving out.

It would be amazing if you guys can give me some advice from your experiences?
Thanks
- yeezevee
- Pub Regular
- offline
Need Help for Leaving Islam.
Reply #1 - April 08, 2022, 06:20 PM

Quote from: MohamedNewEXM on April 08, 2022, 06:00 PM
Hello Everyone,

My name is Mohamed. I am a male and a uni student.
I come from an extremely conservative Shia Muslim family. I live in the UK. I have quite a big dilemma and some insecurities as well as some anger issues as a result of [u]having to conform to being stuck in a religious home[/u]. I believe I am moving towards being a former Shia Muslim. I love my family and they love me-so leaving them will hurt me.

I believe I'm in the stages of either leaving religion or a part of me (my subconscious mind) still believes in it. I am having finding myself journalling, using some cognitive behavioral therapy like writing my thoughts and anything rational next to them, and even dialoguing with myself-creating like some religious subpersonality. The anger is driving me absolutely mad. Most of the day is being preoccupied with me thinking about why I hate religion. It's like i feel intense anger around my head, my eyes sting, my breath becomes heavier and my heart rate increases. These are both psychological and physiological reactions i'm having. It's absolutely destroying me.

On top of this-I have massive insecurities about how I can even confront my family about this. The bullying, the fights (maybe physical), Living alone, the debates, being made fun of by my own family. Even I wouldn't be surprised if from certain Shia Mosque clerics or (Sayyeds) I would get into a massive debate with on a zoom. I have high levels of anxiety and a history of this psychologically due to bullying and trauma in the past. The fact is i'm deeply afraid of being judged wrong or made fun of by others. That's the truth.

I am working on myself and working on changing my habits, my lifestyle, so that ultimately I can change my self-image because that's usually how it works, in that stage. But I can't do this and rush it. Furthermore, I am finding myself trying to watch the likes of Matt Dillahunty, Cosmic Skeptic, Scientists or physicists in debates and any other atheist channel, and every time I do, [b]I feel like this need to prove to myself religion is bad. Or that there is no evidence for Islam [/b]. This is destroying me because I feel an immense sense of hatred. It's like as they say-"shaytan is doing this". But really something psychological is happening because there is no evidence for shaytan. I feel I should avoid watching them because i'm exacerbating my anger.

[u][b]Some examples (which are both pro and against Islam) are [/b][/u]
"I hate the fact that this F##ing Religion is spreading. I hate this Cleric ## spreading it and my whole family is brainwashed watching him and always asking me to go to the mosque with them"
"You can't just deny history-even if you say that there is no evidence of a spiritual world and therefore we can't make sense of Hadith of Mohamed bring dead back to living or doing miraculous things (the so-called prophet)".
"What if i'm wrong and go to hell"
"I wish Islam did not exist"
"Where is the evidence of a supernatural world to prove that the history written about him doing things that break laws of nature are actually real?"

I need a clear action step (literally) Step 1 - Step 10. In detail and thorough because that's how I function and I feel I need that clearly laid out to me. I want to first finish my uni studies then I think leaving afterwards. But how the hell do I say this to my family? Living alone even as a male is considered Eib or shameful. I just don't know how to do this. The amout of day to day anger is destroying me then the fear sets in-then the thoughts "What if i'm wrong and I go to hell" then "there's no evidence-so F## Islam". Extremely conflicting. I also have no idea how to get rid of my fear of the reaction my family would have. I also want to get rid of these anger thoughts. Meditation helps and doesn't. [b]I feel this is the only way to vent. [/b]

It would be amazing if you guys can give me some advice from your experiences?
Thanks

dear Mohamed., I have not read your post but i posted response reading just your name Mohamed and these words Need Help for Leaving Islam. but i will read your post carefully .. I am terribly busy now a days

with best wishes
Ramadan Mubarakoo

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
- crumble
- ~ exotic muslim ~
- Pub Regular
- #mononoaware
- offline
Need Help for Leaving Islam.
Reply #2 - April 08, 2022, 08:18 PM

don’t take advice from internet weirdo’s but the answer is simple: you don’t need to do anything as dramatic as coming out as an apostate - just let your family keep believing in religious bollocks while you do whatever you want to do.

they get to cling onto the idea that you’re just a rubbish muslim and you get to avoid being excommunicated. everybody’s happy!
- MohamedNewEXM
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Need Help for Leaving Islam.
Reply #3 - April 08, 2022, 09:35 PM

Quote from: crumble on April 08, 2022, 08:18 PM
don’t take advice from internet weirdo’s but the answer is simple: you don’t need to do anything as dramatic as coming out as an apostate - just let your family keep believing in religious bollocks while you do whatever you want to do.

they get to cling onto the idea that you’re just a rubbish muslim and you get to avoid being excommunicated. everybody’s happy!

Thank You brother
I don't think that's how its going to work in my family-because of me noting they are extremely conservative which means controlling. It won't be that simple.
- crumble
- ~ exotic muslim ~
- Pub Regular
- #mononoaware
- offline
Need Help for Leaving Islam.
Reply #4 - April 09, 2022, 12:18 PM

trust me (as you would any random stranger), most of us come from backward cultures that are full of the worst control freaks.

if you want to have your cake and eat it too then you have to learn to be belligerent and stubborn without going to the nuclear option of declaring yourself a disbeliever.

if they still chuck you out for being disobedient, liberal or a wannabe white man then that’s their choice. but by keeping your disbelief to yourself, it allows them a sliver of doubt, ie the mind space to accept you as a black sheep instead of a irredeemable kafir.
- yeezevee
- Pub Regular
- offline
Need Help for Leaving Islam.
Reply #5 - April 09, 2022, 12:57 PM

Quote from: MohamedNewEXM on April 08, 2022, 06:00 PM
Hello Everyone,

I am a male and a uni student.

Hi Mohamed ... what do you do in the university . I mean what specialization and what subjects ??

Quote from: MohamedNewEXM on April 08, 2022, 06:00 PM
Hello Everyone,
Matt Dillahunty, Cosmic Skeptic, Scientists or physicists in debates .....

Matt Dillahunty's debates are often NOTHING to do with religions and faiths but Existence or Not existence of God

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yahf0t5mK5g

Matt Dillahunty vs Michael Egnor debate

well you know that Matt is in the group of Dawkins, Sam Harris or Laurence Krauss., but people like me and you are in a different level .. and that you already said it here
Quote
I believe I am moving towards being a former Shia Muslim. So, Agnostic Atheist. I love my family and they love me-so leaving them will hurt me. ....

so what is wrong with that., Islam specially Quran verses supports that idea .. more important than ....Shia Muslim or ex- Muslim ... is your life which involves loving family and focusing on your education.. job,, etc, etc,, so you should work on that dear Mohamed.,

with best wishes
yeezevee

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
1« Previous thread | Next thread »