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Theme Changer

 Topic: Staring into an abyss

 (Read 3138 times)
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Staring into an abyss
     OP - May 30, 2018, 07:04 PM

    I... can't do this anymore. I'm in no better place than I have been in the past few years. I don't know how much 'fight' I have left in me. There's a tempting voice in my head that I haven't learned to shut up. It's nice to to air my thoughts and feelings during counselling yet I still feel disconnected from the sessions. Which is why I'm posting this here and not on some basic forum for support for suicide.

    Besides feeling out of my depth, I feel self hatred and anger. And I want to emotionally punish and humiliate certain people. Maybe even the 'community' itself. Hanging myself in a very public place with a note sounds like a good idea.

    Years of being told I'm 'mad' has worked. Congratulations to them.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #1 - May 31, 2018, 09:31 AM

    Hey Ward, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. From what I understand about your relationship with your parents, they sound fairly narcissistic and you are currently living in an abusive situation. It is no wonder you feel this way. Narcissists like to project their own madness onto their victims and make them feel at fault. It is important that you understand that and see through it.

    I hope you can get away Ward and go no-contact with them if possible. It is the best solution for people like that. They never change. You need to look after your own needs.

    And please call a suicide hotline. You sound like you could do with talking to someone. This is a serious situation, there are always alternatives. You are much stronger then you think.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #2 - June 02, 2018, 02:16 PM

    Hi Ward_End. I'm really sorry you're feeling so desperately right now.  far away hug

    I will agree with PeruvianSkies that you ought to call a suicide hotline, as there is much more that they can do for you than any of us on a forum.

    In addition, I hope that you can look through some of the other resources linked below, and see if any can provide you with assistance that you can use. I'd especially note some of the domestic abuse ones because it does sound like you are in an abusive situation. Please do whatever you can to get the help that you need!

    https://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?page=79

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #3 - June 02, 2018, 03:33 PM

    I... can't do this anymore. I'm in no better place ................


    dearest Ward_End  I read all of your 240 posts and I wrote two personal messages to you and i deleted both of them  as I hesitated to send it to you because you are living in frustration + depression /.  and along with those two  may be you also have financial problems . I wish I could speak to you....

    Anyways  this video posted by ElToro  by that Armin Navabi is good to watch..the only difference is .. You are from Pakistan living in UK and he is from Iran living in Canada but he moved on from his family problems..  I LEFT MY PARENTS FAMILY WHEN I WAS 11 year old boy.. literally 11.,  you are 25 year old.. PICKUP YOURSELF & MOVE ON .. there is whole wide world out there for you..

    with best wishes
    yeezevee

    Do not let silence become your legacy  
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #4 - June 05, 2018, 06:41 PM

    Quote
    dearest Ward_End  I read all of your 240 posts and I wrote two personal messages to you and i deleted both of them  as I hesitated to send it to you because you are living in frustration + depression /.  and along with those two  may be you also have financial problems . I wish I could speak to you....

    Anyways  this video posted by ElToro  by that Armin Navabi is good to watch..the only difference is .. You are from Pakistan living in UK and he is from Iran living in Canada but he moved on from his family problems..  I LEFT MY PARENTS FAMILY WHEN I WAS 11 year old boy.. literally 11.,  you are 25 year old.. PICKUP YOURSELF & MOVE ON .. there is whole wide world out there for you..

    with best wishes
    yeezevee


    I'd like to move on, I'd like to not feel depressed. But I've now reached a point where I can't be bothered fighting anymore. There is a world out there, but I don't want to be a part of it. The other night I was sitting near a flyover bridge for fifteen minutes contemplating jumping from it. My feelings haven't changed since.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #5 - June 06, 2018, 03:17 AM

     
    I'd like to move on, I'd like to not feel depressed. But I've now reached a point where I can't be bothered fighting anymore. There is a world out there, but I don't want to be a part of it. The other night I was sitting near a flyover bridge for fifteen minutes contemplating jumping from it. My feelings haven't changed since.

     No,,no,,no.. Talk to me Ward_End  .. there is always a way for every problem and   you do not need to fight with any one or with anything .. Simplify the life ...I bet  within a year  you will come out this with flying colors... 100s of 1000s of people who have nothing in life in Pakistan still try to make life out of what they have...  And..and You are west .. you can do so much to yourself and to those who love you..  

    sitting over a flyover bridge or sitting on  a  hill is OK .. In fact sitting on  a hill alone  after dinner all the way to midnight  is indeed beautiful ... so many stars and blue sky   all alone in company of stars ..

    So do  you cook??  

    with best wishes
    yeezevee

    Do not let silence become your legacy  
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #6 - June 07, 2018, 09:58 AM

    Check out this video for how to fill the Allah shaped hole left in us when we reject him

    The Meaning of Life - an atheist perspective

    Tgbva3jGD0Q


    Sorry I cannot post links but you can see the youtube id above.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #7 - June 07, 2018, 11:36 AM

    Check out this video for how to fill the Allah shaped hole left in us when we reject him

    The Meaning of Life - an atheist perspective

    Tgbva3jGD0Q


    Sorry I cannot post links but you can see the youtube id above.

    hello  al khidr  I am so glad you joined the forum and welcome to CEMB ... I guess you need to post some 6 or 7 posts before you start linking URLs  to your post ...  it is just for hit and run spamming safety..    anyway let me put that link again..  

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tgbva3jGD0Q

    About your book .. it would be nice if you could put out snippets from it ..  such snippets may be useful for those who do  not know how to live life with silly faiths of cave dwellers ...  but it appears our Ward_End problems may  be entirely different   and very little to do with confusion with faith or living in faith in confusion ..

    and I hope if I am wrong Ward_End  reads this and clarifies  my assumption ..

    with best wishes
    yeezevee

    Do not let silence become your legacy  
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #8 - June 07, 2018, 05:48 PM

    Thank You yeezevee,

    I started a new thread about my ebook and posted a link to it there.

    The "7 Maxims for Moderate Muslims" according to my ebook are related to

    Freedom
    Fearlessness
    Intelligence
    Independence
    Unity
    Non Violence
    Women's Empowerment


    Do have a look and let me know your thoughts on how it can be improved,

    Thanks,

    Al Khidr.

  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #9 - June 07, 2018, 08:32 PM

      No,,no,,no.. Talk to me Ward_End  .. there is always a way for every problem and   you do not need to fight with any one or with anything .. Simplify the life ...I bet  within a year  you will come out this with flying colors... 100s of 1000s of people who have nothing in life in Pakistan still try to make life out of what they have...  And..and You are west .. you can do so much to yourself and to those who love you..  

    sitting over a flyover bridge or sitting on  a  hill is OK .. In fact sitting on  a hill alone  after dinner all the way to midnight  is indeed beautiful ... so many stars and blue sky   all alone in company of stars ..

    So do  you cook??  

    with best wishes
    yeezevee


    Yes there are millions of poor kids arond the world, I know that. I use this guilt trip on myself all the time. But for one I also think I'm a burden on the state that I live in. The world probably could do with less fuck ups like me. Growing up in a culture of shame and honour and dogmatic religiosity of the most sterotypically Pakistani kind. And this in the UK as you say. A year ago I would've tried getting myself together to move on. Now however lethargy and wothlessness has set in and I can't explain why. I'm just fucking tired. I'm tired of religious people's smug faces whilst their relatives are on the streets making headlines on the news for the most heinous reasons. In fact I'm just tired of the world in general and tired of making any sort of effort.

    No I don't cook. Nor can I do anything else that might sound interesting.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #10 - June 07, 2018, 08:42 PM

    hello  al khidr  I am so glad you joined the forum and welcome to CEMB ... I guess you need to post some 6 or 7 posts before you start linking URLs  to your post ...  it is just for hit and run spamming safety..    anyway let me put that link again..  

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tgbva3jGD0Q

    About your book .. it would be nice if you could put out snippets from it ..  such snippets may be useful for those who do  not know how to live life with silly faiths of cave dwellers ...  but it appears our Ward_End problems may  be entirely different   and very little to do with confusion with faith or living in faith in confusion ..

    and I hope if I am wrong Ward_End  reads this and clarifies  my assumption ..

    with best wishes
    yeezevee


    It's a nice video of course. There are many people of course who lead wonderfully humanistic lifestyles. I can't find the motivation to even get to such a point, as horrible as that might sound. At the moment I still can't quite articulate why I feel this way. Though being told you'll go mad for reading 'Western literature' and that you'll be a 'Kaafir' if you listen to non Muslims in general has never helped. I can't get rid of the shame of reading a book that isn't 'Islamic' even now or seeing a therapist to unload my thoughts. In some sick way I still feel like I'm 'betraying' them and I hate myself for it.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #11 - June 09, 2018, 10:23 PM

    Wanna skype?

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #12 - June 10, 2018, 01:02 AM

    Sure, though not right now. I'm exhausted after wandering around in the neighbourhood looking for a good place to hang up my noose.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #13 - June 16, 2018, 10:43 PM

    I'm fucking bored of this place. But it's between posting my thoughts on here or Reddit so...

    So I just made my first suicide attempt a couple of hours ago. I put a knife to my throat and threatened to slice it in front of my father after he was verbally and physically abusing my mother. She was hysterical of course since she has mental health problems. This is what he said when he say the knife pointing deep into the side of my throat: Do it. And so I moved to cut my throat.

    The funny thing is I was initially only pointing to my throat just to shut everyone up. But when my dad said do it, and then he turned away and went into the other room. Before now I resented him, but now I felt nothing but hatred for him and I proceeded to cut my throat. Fucking useless kitchen knife, it seemed blunt. That or I wasn't putting enough effort into the motion. OK, probably the latter. My mum grabbed the knife off me even though I tried resisting. She's quite tough. Tougher than a weak stick insect like me.

    People obviously say 'move on', like it's been recommended above. And I would love nothing more, especially now. A couple of reasons have always held me back. One is that I've shamefully been comfortable with living rent free in my parents house. I've often felt a feeling of satisfaction knowing I'm a financial burden on my dad. He's always resented me for not turning out to be his pet bearded Muslim like the 'others'. The other more pertinent reason is that my mother is extremely vulnerable. She has no support network, no friends (like me funnily enough) and her own family still live in the motherland. So I've always felt the need to stay for her. That and I'm fucking depressed and without motivation myself.

    I've calmed down now, I was absolutely distraught an hour ago.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #14 - June 17, 2018, 02:01 AM

     Cry
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #15 - June 17, 2018, 09:17 AM

    Oh Ward!! I'm really worried about you!!! (as is everyone reading this thread)

    Please keep posting here if it is helping you. Just don't do anything to hurt yourself.

    You need to get out of that environment if you can. Even if its to hang out with some friends for a few hours. Do you have any close friends you can stay with for a few days...…. people you can confide in?

    If i remember you were seeing a therapist? How did that go. You know if you don't like your therapist you can get your GP to refer to you another. You are allowed to do that. Find one that resonates with you. My friend changed 3 therapists through her gp until she found the right one.

    I don't want you to die Ward.  far away hug
  • Re: Staring into an abyss
     Reply #16 - June 17, 2018, 10:55 AM

    Ward End, I'm really sorry you've feeling so desperate and suicidal. Thing seem so tough and overwhelming for you just now. Given your upbringing and toxic family situation I'm not surprised you've gotten this low.

    What advice could I give you?  I would really suggest you look for some sort of outside help. How about starting with seeing your GP for some anti-depressants, or a walk-in clinic if you don't want to see your local GP? As well as contacting the Samaritans, who can lend you some moral support?  Or anybody else you know and respect who would be willing to listen to you?!

    Your family situation is just keeping you trapped in a situation where you just can't progress. For goodness sakes, get yourself out of the family home, and away from your father. And as for your mother, the clue is in the name- she is the adult, you are her child. It's her responsibility to look after you, not the other way around. Your assuming resonsibility for her is wrong and is bad for you. Leave her to find her own feet, it's not your job. Really, it is not your job.

    You are really young, don't throw your life away. Your life has deep worth and value, and you need to find a way to value yourself.

    In the meantime, maybe you could try homeopathic Aurum Metallicum, which is for suicidal depression. You can PM me if you like, for any more details or anything.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #17 - June 17, 2018, 11:21 PM

    Oh Ward!! I'm really worried about you!!! (as is everyone reading this thread)

    Please keep posting here if it is helping you. Just don't do anything to hurt yourself.

    You need to get out of that environment if you can. Even if its to hang out with some friends for a few hours. Do you have any close friends you can stay with for a few days...…. people you can confide in?

    If i remember you were seeing a therapist? How did that go. You know if you don't like your therapist you can get your GP to refer to you another. You are allowed to do that. Find one that resonates with you. My friend changed 3 therapists through her gp until she found the right one.

    I don't want you to die Ward.  far away hug



    If I had friends or other family members that I could rely on, I would've confided in them a long time ago. Yes I've been seeing a therapist. It's the only thing I look forward to at the moment, which isn't saying much. It's fine. An hour a week it's nice to talk to someone about my thoughts and feelings. But it is getting a bit boring now, like my life in general.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #18 - June 17, 2018, 11:37 PM

    Ward End, I'm really sorry you've feeling so desperate and suicidal. Thing seem so tough and overwhelming for you just now. Given your upbringing and toxic family situation I'm not surprised you've gotten this low.

    What advice could I give you?  I would really suggest you look for some sort of outside help. How about starting with seeing your GP for some anti-depressants, or a walk-in clinic if you don't want to see your local GP? As well as contacting the Samaritans, who can lend you some moral support?  Or anybody else you know and respect who would be willing to listen to you?!

    Your family situation is just keeping you trapped in a situation where you just can't progress. For goodness sakes, get yourself out of the family home, and away from your father. And as for your mother, the clue is in the name- she is the adult, you are her child. It's her responsibility to look after you, not the other way around. Your assuming resonsibility for her is wrong and is bad for you. Leave her to find her own feet, it's not your job. Really, it is not your job.

    You are really young, don't throw your life away. Your life has deep worth and value, and you need to find a way to value yourself.

    In the meantime, maybe you could try homeopathic Aurum Metallicum, which is for suicidal depression. You can PM me if you like, for any more details or anything.


    I've been on anti-depressants for a while, well on/off for a number of years. I haven't spoken to the Samaritans yet. I'm reluctant to speak to them, I don't know why but I just feel like speaking to them on the phone. Perhaps I can guess what they would say, the predictable stuff like 'you're valuable, don't kill yourself' (which I appreciate, don't get me wrong for all of you on this thread who have said that).

    I know what all the rights things to do are, like get a job, leave home etc. I'm not clueless. It's just that I don't even feel the motivation to get to those points. My feeling for death is far stronger at the moment.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #19 - June 18, 2018, 12:24 AM

    Well, Ward End I do understand, really. I've been there. For an awful lot of my life I struggled with wanting to die much more than I wanted to stay alive. Life can be so hard when you're carrying serious trauma, but it needn't be impossible. You need to find the right tools to help you navigate your way through life. Some things are much easier than others. For me, I found that taking homeopathic remedies helped me very quickly, (if you succeed in choosing the most appropriate one, that is) and aurum metallicum for serious depression is really good. If you want, I could send some to you.

    I'm really glad you are seeing a therapist. It's very healing to be truly heard and seen for the first time in your life.

    Anyway, I wish you all the best, and sending you good thoughts  far away hug

  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #20 - June 18, 2018, 10:40 PM

    Hey Ward, I'm glad you're going to the therapist. Would you consider going twice a week if its helping.....even a little bit?

    I know what all the rights things to do are, like get a job, leave home etc. I'm not clueless. It's just that I don't even feel the motivation to get to those points. My feeling for death is far stronger at the moment.


    At the moment the only right thing is to get yourself to a safe space. forget about work and the future and what you 'should' be doing. Take each day at a time and If you sense things getting worse you need to go straight to the nearest A&E and tell them about how your feeling.

    What your family have put you through is abuse. Have you asked  your gp if there are any refuge or shelters for men you can move to. Even if it is tempoarary.

    Imtiaz Shams of faith to faithless might be able to help you?

    Anyway, How did today go?




  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #21 - June 19, 2018, 01:31 AM

    Well, Ward End I do understand, really. I've been there. For an awful lot of my life I struggled with wanting to die much more than I wanted to stay alive. Life can be so hard when you're carrying serious trauma, but it needn't be impossible. You need to find the right tools to help you navigate your way through life. Some things are much easier than others. For me, I found that taking homeopathic remedies helped me very quickly, (if you succeed in choosing the most appropriate one, that is) and aurum metallicum for serious depression is really good. If you want, I could send some to you.

    I'm really glad you are seeing a therapist. It's very healing to be truly heard and seen for the first time in your life.

    Anyway, I wish you all the best, and sending you good thoughts  far away hug




    I don't know much about homeopathy but I will take note. Thanks for the kind words.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #22 - June 19, 2018, 02:06 AM

    Hey Ward, I'm glad you're going to the therapist. Would you consider going twice a week if its helping.....even a little bit?

    At the moment the only right thing is to get yourself to a safe space. forget about work and the future and what you 'should' be doing. Take each day at a time and If you sense things getting worse you need to go straight to the nearest A&E and tell them about how your feeling.

    What your family have put you through is abuse. Have you asked  your gp if there are any refuge or shelters for men you can move to. Even if it is tempoarary.

    Imtiaz Shams of faith to faithless might be able to help you?

    Anyway, How did today go?







    I have asked them before about attending twice a week but they're not able to allow that. For one, they're just a charity. Funnily enough going homeless has been preying on my mind of late, or as you said, seeking a shelter. In fact I think I said this a while back on here about moving out, but I never did do it since I found work and became too comfortable. Now things have taken for the worse and I can't tolerate being here anymore. To be honest, I can't tolerate much of anything right now including my own body which I'm looking to carve up. As for Imtiaz Shams/Faith to Faithless, I don't think they would recommend anything I don't already know. I have to admit, I've always been skeptical of the ex-Muslim 'community' regarding how much influence there is. A worrying thing my Dad said a number of years ago was that the numbers were on 'their side', that people around the world were flocking to Islam. Of course this then adds to the shame of any Muslim ever thinking of apostasising. Then there was something Douglas Murray said (not someone who I find terribly endearing I have to say) about us, that we ex-Muslims aren't just a minority within Muslim diasporas, but we're the most beleagured minority. If I feel depressed about my situation even in the West, how much hope is there for dissenters?

    Sorry to be pesimistic.

    Anyway, how has today gone? Like a lot of my days, unproductive. I was hoping to have a good chuckle for the first time in a while in the hope that the England football team would lose their opening game at the World Cup but alas, they disappointed me.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #23 - June 20, 2018, 04:09 PM

    So, do you want me to PM my skype?

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #24 - June 20, 2018, 11:52 PM

    Ward, does the therapist know you've put a knife to your throat and your thoughts about self harm? If not then you need to tell them. I'm sure they will have to see you more than once a week. Ask them again. Its important they're made aware of this.


    I don't think its a good idea to go homeless though. Are there any sikh temples near you where you could spend some time? (I've never been in one but I know they do free food and you can just chill out there for a bit and get out the house). As for what your Father said about numbers of muslims increasing, well, I've had that said to me so many times. Its really annoying I know. They just don't get the quality over quantity thing. But why would that make you feel shame for apostasising? You've got nothing to be ashamed of. nothing. In fact you should be proud you can think for yourself rather than follow like a sheep.


    Anyway, how has today gone? Like a lot of my days, unproductive. I was hoping to have a good chuckle for the first time in a while in the hope that the England football team would lose their opening game at the World Cup but alas, they disappointed me.


    I watched my first football match the other day too. I think it was germany v mexico. My mum was trying to explain the rules to me. I've never been a sporty person but suprisingly I enjoyed it.

    Hope today was not as bad as the past few days.....











  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #25 - June 21, 2018, 11:26 AM

    Ward, does the therapist know you've put a knife to your throat and your thoughts about self harm? If not then you need to tell them. I'm sure they will have to see you more than once a week. Ask them again. Its important they're made aware of this.


    Yes, and I've now been discharged from therapy. It was nice while it lasted. Maybe I shouldn't have told them I made an attempt, my therapist seemed like such a nice person. But they admitted they were out of their depth and that I need 'specific help'. All these hours feel like a waste.

    I don't think its a good idea to go homeless though. Are there any sikh temples near you where you could spend some time? (I've never been in one but I know they do free food and you can just chill out there for a bit and get out the house).


    I don't know. I'm thinking of going into 'supported accomodation' and I'm waiting for a call from one to see if there's a place for me. My only worry is that I'm worried that I'll be surrounded by much more mentally unstable folk than I. It's more than enough that I'm a danger to myself.

    I watched my first football match the other day too. I think it was germany v mexico. My mum was trying to explain the rules to me. I've never been a sporty person but suprisingly I enjoyed it.

    Hope today was not as bad as the past few days.....


    Neither am I, I'm just a casual watcher of football. I was never good at sport in school.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #26 - June 23, 2018, 12:36 AM

    If your therapist has said that you need specific help than you really should go back to your doctor and insist that you get to see a specialist. Sounds like he sent you to some generic counselling sessions.

    I'm not sure what types of folks would be at a supported housing to be honest. Might be worth sharing your concerns with whoever it is thats organising this for you. You never know, it may just work out for you!

    This random vid came up in my youtube feed. Not sure about the title and i don't know who this guy is but he makes some interesting points.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goDE9ODAAgw







  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #27 - July 04, 2018, 06:50 AM

    ^
    Some of those points do indeed resonate, though I don't think I have a creative bone in my body.

    I'm done with my doctor, I'm looking for a new one. My last appointment was rather awful. It's not the fact that I wasn't pre-scribed new drugs but the fact I hated the entire tone of our conversation. Apparently it's my 'erratic' behaviour and not depression that's the problem. Or that's what he now thinks. I didn't really want to see him as I'm wary that I'm bothering him. But everyone keeps telling me that you should check up with doctor, speak to someone, don't be alone etc. I see my therapist and they've told me to fuck off because they admit they're out of their depth dealing with a suicidal fuck-up like me. This is exactly a week after they told me that 'it was going to be OK, that we will get through this' after telling them of my suicidal thoughts. They now recommend that I go back to my doc, so I do. He practically shrugs his shoulders and says 'Well, what do you want me to do?'? As if offended by my mere presence of coming back to him. Again, I went back to my GP on the recommendation of my therapist and others, not because I wanted to be there.

    I don't know why I bother. I begrudginly seek help after being insisted by so many people. And then when I do seek help, they're offended by my presence or they admit they're out of their depth dealing with me after insisting that they'll help me. Damned me if you do, damned if you don't. I fucking hate my life.

    Anyway I'm in the process of moving out, I found myself a place. I should feel relief but I don't, not really.
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #28 - July 04, 2018, 06:56 AM

    I've been told many times, why should you feel sad or depressed? You live in the West where there is freedom and access to mental health services and such, you shouldn't be feeling this way as your life could me much worse. Which is true, and it's a good point. I

    But then I think, if suicide was good enough for multi-millionaire celebrities like Anthony Bourdain or Robin Williams who are showered with praise and adoration by fans on a daily basis, why isn't it good enough for an unproductive fuck like me?
  • Staring into an abyss
     Reply #29 - July 06, 2018, 11:51 PM

    Hurrah, You're moving out, whoopie doo!  dance
    Well done!
    You have taken the first step! I remember thinking when I was young, that all my troubles would be over if only I could get away from my parents. Well, that was just the start of a long journey to figure out who I was and to stop hurting myself.

    Right now, all I would just say is: Don't let them grind you down. Find something that makes you feel good, comforted, and/or uplifted or empowered. It could be something small, like making really good hot chocolate, or something bigger like making a plan to visit a city you find interesting. Also, see if you can find something that you're good at. Flower arranging? Acrobatics? Renovating cars? Environmental charity work? Synchronised swimming?! wacko

    That will start to build up your self esteem and self knowledge. Smiley Good luck for your future!
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