Guess who’s back?
OP - March 10, 2018, 04:20 PM
Salams brothers and sisters in doubt and disbelief,
Kayf 7aalakum? I wonder who’s still around here that I know? So a lots happened since I’ve last been active here. I’d been living as a cultural/nominal Muslim, I’m married to a Muslim wife who doesn’t really practice (she doesn’t pray, but wears hijab and eats halal), which I’m fine with. I’ve always felt so broken hearted when I couldn’t believe anymore, and felt that I was thirsting for a God that wasn’t there, needing some kind of spirituality even if I recognized that it’s all made up, I needed SOMETHING to not be depressed about there being no real explicit purpose or meaning to life, and that I may not be reunited with my loved ones in an afterlife. I started going to the most progressive mosques I could find, because if I’m going to maintain some kind of Islam, it’s going to be progressive and all that. Yesterday I attended a Jumah with a khutbah led by a sister, which isn’t unusual for me lately. I’ve attended LGBTQ friendly prayer spaces where I pray side by side and behind women, gay, trans, etc. people. I just don’t have it in me to go anymore. It’s all bullshit. Why spend anymore time and energy in it? I once thought I could be a hafiz (I’m not currently) who didn’t believe in the Qur’an, but what’s the point?
Why dedicate any more time and attention to this?
I’m finally feeling really done with islam and religion.
Sure I have wishful thinking about meeting my dearly departed family members, but I know it’s wishful thinking. I don’t need a bunch of bs to go along with it. Sure there are parts of the Qur’an that are nice flowery poetic and comforting, but there are also abhorrent parts that I no longer give any shits about and outrightly reject.
Hassan, you’re the best. I don’t have the balls to be open about my doubts and disbelief.
I spent so much time and energy studying Arabic, and I’m still not even fluent in it. Maybe I’ll keep improving in it and try and get a job in national security.
Anyways. It’s taken me this long of living to get here. Yay me. Let’s see if I can get over the pork taboo, lol. I’m not eager to eat it again (I was a convert), but I haven’t missed it either, lol.
I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.