I made an account on here a while ago but delayed posting anything since I wasn't sure how to word or share my experience. Here goes....
Currently I am reliant on my fairly strict (not overly strict) muslim parents financially and I do live with them. And it is depressing to say the least. I plan on moving away once I graduate next year and hopefully land a full-time job. I'm desperate enough where even a menial income would do as long as I can leave this rotten atmosphere. My mum especially is shoving religion down my throat everyday and I just pretend to be a muslim to lay low for now. But even then we have arguments daily about praying etc since I dont bother to pray as I fully disagree with Islamic teachings. It is pretty toxic and my dad always joins her of course being the devout muslim he is. So this is my current situation. It's hard for me to even study or do anything productive living in this household. My lowest point in life so far I'd say.
I know lots of people here were once very religious and then decided Islam was not for them when they got older but for me I always had doubts but pushed them to the back of my mind. I hardly ever pondered about religion deeply and question things that I found odd as I was scared of hell fire and couldn't fathom the idea of questioning Allah. At surface level I was a good muslim up until my late teenage years but deep down I was having a crisis in my belief. These doubts resurfaced when I was 19 and over the past year I came to realise that I disagreed more than I agreed with Islamic teachings. I made my decision recently to leave Islam. I am still slightly amiss with my religious beliefs but I know Islam isn't for me.
The main reason why I left is because of the concept of Hell. How anyone can believe in such a twisted idea is beyond me. Whoever came up with this idea be it god or man is not someone I would get along with. Thanks for reading this! Not very interesting I know but I feel down in the dumps right now and creative writing is the least of my worries. The next two years will be crucial for me as I make my plans to be able to support myself and leave my family. I wanted to stay and pretend to be a muslim so we can live together but it is almost impossible to fake prayers and stuff I can't do it anymore. The luck I had to be born into a muslim family
I have no idea what the future holds for me but I will keep trotting along and hope for the best.
Topic: 20 year old londoner stuck in a Muslim Household :(