Firstly, I hope whoever is reading this has a fantastic day! This may be quite long, so grab a drink and get comfortable
. Who am I? Well, I am a 16-year-old male who lives in the U.K (also born there). My hobbies include; cycling, chilling with friends and my girlfriend, partying, playing tennis, reading (books, novels, articles and blogs), writing essays, and photography.
I was born into a liberal Muslim family; they basically follow Islam, but they do not really pray and do not follow many rules (they’re basically believers but not practisers). My dad grew up partying as well even though he was born into a much stricter family; he has always been lenient with me, even though me and him are not close, he doesn’t really care what I do. My mum is the same if I’m honest, although, she does practice a bit more than my dad (she prays sometimes and reads the Quran on occasion).
I am hoping to go into sixth form at the time of writing this post; I am hoping to study: English literature, biology and chemistry. I have always loved English as a subject; since a young age my mum would always make me read books (at the start it was for school, but then I would read extra as it became an avid hobby), so I guess I have always been into English as oppose to mathematics and the sciences.Faith
In terms of me and my faith, I started learning how to read the Quran from the age of 6/7, but of course, like many Muslims, I only learnt how to read the Arabic without learning what it meant; I was essentially reading the Quran blindly with a religious veil asserting that it was the word of God and no criticism could be made of it. I stopped Islamic studies at around 12/13.
Growing up, I had phases where I’d pray every day, and I had phases where I’d pay no attention to religion at all, but throughout these phases, I never really felt a connection with God, and I always had opinions that differed from that of the religion (such as thinking that music was perfectly fine and good and that having relationships outside of marriage were not wrong), I never let the religion change these and the religion was never more important to me than friends and family.
Around the age of 15, I started to discover some weird things about the religion and about the Prophet, such as the fact that he married a 6-year-old. On top of that, the terrorist attacks by Islamic State did not help, however, I was under the common notion that there is no way that Islamic State are Muslims, I was thinking that Islam was a “religion of peace” (I would soon find out that it simply isn’t), I even started to think that ISIS are just a ploy crafted by the USA and Israel to take down the nation of Islam, how pathetic! I disregarded findings like this as when I was 15, I wasn’t very mature and did not care about many things, including religion. Heading into year 11, I started praying more as this year is extremely vital in British education. Around March of this year, exam season was coming up quickly, however, it was in this month where I started having doubts; I remember crying to my mum while after saying that I didn’t feel anything in my prayer (as I aforementioned, this is how it always was, but I prayed anyway because I had the notion that it was my issue and that God was perhaps just testing me), she told me that I should continue anyway. As exam season approached, I actually prayed a lot less, even during Ramadan, I would just fast for the sake of it and not engage in any religious activity.The Doubts and The Moment That Changed Everything
A dramatic title, but rightfully so, one moment did change absolutely everything for me, but I will get to that moment later. As soon as my exams finished, I stopped everything to do with Islam, however, I still referred to myself as Muslim, I couldn’t imagine turning away, because I grew up with the idea that Islam was the correct religion and that if I ever turned away, I would end up in the hell fire.
During July, the doubts grew, they ate me up inside, but I never dared to tell anyone; I just hate the fact that this religion is so controlling upon every aspect of one’s life, and this is what drove me away quite far from it initially. The critical moment came at the start of this month (August), I could no longer sit and let these doubts control me and pressure me, so I decided to search “Ex-Muslim”; this truly was the foundation for everything that made me become an Ex-Muslim. I first found that anyone who turns away from Islam (an apostate), should be killed under Shariah Law; I think this is horrible and completely nullifies the statement: “religion of peace”.
As I delved further into this, I came across websites such as ‘ex-muslimorguk’ where I realised that there is an entire body of Ex-Muslims across the world who are in a similar position to me, many in a much tougher one, especially those that reside in the Middle East. I then came across a brilliant book titled “My Ordeal with the Quran and God in the Quran” by Abbas Abdul Noor; it was translated in 2010 and is a critical analysis of the Quran without the contemporary religious veil; the author’s story is truly gripping, and what makes this book even more incredible is the fact that the author published it in Arabic and in the Middle East. This book led me to engage in even more research as it unveiled the true horrors of the Quran and Islam. I strongly recommend everyone who is reading this to spend the time to read this book in a fair way.
I then started to watch videos on Ex-Muslims, especially the videos your parents would tell you to avoid (which basically discussed the truth about Islam, Quran and the Hadith), and these videos truly put everything into perspective for me. I highly recommend watching ‘The Masked Arab’- he is a fellow Ex-Muslim who has made videos on many things disproving the apologetics of Islam. I will not go into any detail about what I uncovered, however, it is very disturbing.Now
I truly believe, and always believe that this life is yours, all humans are born equal regardless of faith, ethnicity and place of birth; not just that, but I fail to grasp the fact that a God who is “the all-merciful” can simply lead his own creation astray when he wants but then still punish them eternally in scorching fire, how is this mercy? I will not follow a religion where music and pork is not allowed but child marriages, the owning of sex-slaves and the killing of infidels is permitted. I refuse to follow a religion where its prophet is looked at as the perfect role-model for every human on the planet yet there are countless narrations of his barbaric brutality towards people who are not Muslim and the fact he married a 6-year-old! ISIS are following exactly what the caliphate did.
I am now an Atheist, and very happy. I am slowly telling people who are close to me, but of course, I am being extremely careful about who I tell; I understand the plight of some Ex-Muslims who have told the wrong people, it is saddening. The toughest person to tell will be my dad, we had a conversation about my research, however, the conversation went nowhere and he just said that I’m “looking too deep” and that “Islam is peaceful”, I think he even called me “crazy”. He then asked me if “I’m leaving the fold of Islam”, to this, I just replied with “I don’t know” as I was scared of his possible reaction; once I leave for university, I will have to tell him, but I am not bothered if he never wants to speak to me again because me and him have never been close. Conclusion
I understand that I did not share any research I have found in a proper way, however, that wasn’t the purpose of this; for the Ex-Muslims reading this post, I am confident that they have done research similar to mine and therefore do not need me to share it, but, to the Muslims who are going through doubt, however strong it may be, I urge you to research for yourself in a critical way without a veil on, you will thank yourself for it.
Thank you for reading.