Does consent exist?

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- Aqua
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Does consent exist?
OP - December 11, 2017, 05:13 AM

I had a really mind-boggling conversation with a friend today about abusive relationships. She said when one person is a "stay-at-home" person and the other person makes the money, it's automatically an abusive relationship because one person has the financial power over the other. She also said consent doesn't exist and you can't consent to be a "stay-at-home" anything. I get that it's a sensitive subject and rape culture and abuse is a huge issue, but I found this extremely narrowminded and detrimental thinking if you want to be in a relationship with anyone, especially the part about consent not existing.

Thoughts?

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- farahziya
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Does consent exist?
Reply #1 - December 11, 2017, 11:28 AM

That most certainly isn't how I see it.

We don't know the circumstances for the stay at home person; they may choose to, may have financial difficulty, may have a physical problem, they may be studying, may be a mother (or father), may not want to get a job, may be a carer for a relative, may just feel they don't want to (enough money already). All of the above are fine and perfectly acceptable. They will have talked to each other about it as that's what partners do.

Your friend may come from a family or have a view that if you're stay at home it would be for your partner (if you're a woman, right thing to do e.t.c) or because you're too stupid (what partners sometimes say to make the other stay at home, can sometimes include punishment), or its expected of you as a woman / mother (men should go out and earn, women have children). Those views aren't right and do not fit with the modern relationship.
- yeezevee
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Does consent exist?
Reply #2 - December 11, 2017, 11:51 AM

Quote from: Aqua on December 11, 2017, 05:13 AM
I had a really mind-boggling conversation with a friend today about abusive relationships.
Quote
She said when one person is a "stay-at-home" person and the other person makes the money, ~~it's automatically an abusive relationship because one person has the financial power over the other.~~ She also said consent doesn't exist and you can't consent to be a "stay-at-home" anything.

I get that it's a sensitive subject and rape culture and abuse is a huge issue, but I found this extremely narrowminded and detrimental thinking if you want to be in a relationship with anyone, especially the part about consent not existing.

Thoughts?

That is not true (the deleted words ) dear Atheist Apostate Anonymous Aqua ...boy that is big name to type..so I am going to name you "AAA_A" ...

What that "SHE" of your post saying is slightly different ."There is a great chance or potential chance.... That those folks who sit in home such as house wives(or even men) who do not have any control on their family finances could become victims of abuse from those who are making money to run their families "

may be we can add some more statements like that but that is what "SHE " of your post is saying ..
Quote from: farahziya on December 11, 2017, 11:28 AM
That most certainly isn't how I see it.

and dear farah_ziya welcome to CEMB den ., glad to read your thoughtful posts

with best wishes for both of you
yeezevee

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
- farahziya
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Does consent exist?
Reply #3 - December 11, 2017, 11:59 AM

thanks yeezevee
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Reply #4 - December 11, 2017, 12:23 PM

Quote from: farahziya on December 11, 2017, 11:59 AM
thanks yeezevee

Oh.. anytime I read your posts like these dear farah_ziya .,

https://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=31126.msg874790#msg874790
https://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=31332.msg874782#msg874782

I wish you and your better half the best and loooooong loving life ...

great stories from some families here ...
Quote
Quote

1). http://www.junebergalzheimers.com/june-and-alzheimers/alzheimers-and-a-husbands-love-for-his-wife

2). https://alzheimersspeaks.wordpress.com/2013/09/02/a-husband-wife-plus-a-bike-alzheimers-disease-a-profound-love-story/

3). https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jans-story-love-and-early-onset-alzheimers-20-06-2010/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NR55AeLx4BI

which one you guys like??...

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
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Does consent exist?
Reply #5 - December 11, 2017, 05:02 PM

Quote from: Aqua on December 11, 2017, 05:13 AM
I had a really mind-boggling conversation with a friend today about abusive relationships. She said when one person is a "stay-at-home" person and the other person makes the money, it's automatically an abusive relationship because one person has the financial power over the other.

I wouldn't necessarily call it abusive, although, yes, money equates to power in this world.

There are some people who advocate for giving stay-at-home partners a living wage because of this.

Quote
She also said consent doesn't exist and you can't consent to be a "stay-at-home" anything.

I don't think this is generalizable to consent as a whole. But certainly an unequal dynamic puts into question the meaningfulness of consent given within such a dynamic.
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Reply #6 - December 13, 2017, 06:32 AM

Quote from: Aqua on December 11, 2017, 05:13 AM
Thoughts?

Of course there will always be a power dynamic between the person bringing home the bacon and the person relying on another to bring home said bacon, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a consensual decision. You can willingly enter into a financially dependant situation voluntary.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- bogart
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Reply #7 - December 13, 2017, 01:33 PM

Quote from: Aqua on December 11, 2017, 05:13 AM
I had a really mind-boggling conversation with a friend today about abusive relationships. She said when one person is a "stay-at-home" person and the other person makes the money, it's automatically an abusive relationship because one person has the financial power over the other. She also said consent doesn't exist and you can't consent to be a "stay-at-home" anything. I get that it's a sensitive subject and rape culture and abuse is a huge issue, but I found this extremely narrowminded and detrimental thinking if you want to be in a relationship with anyone, especially the part about consent not existing.

Thoughts?

Pure nonsense. That's what it is.

Is your friend in college?
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