How did you tell them?

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- Dansktyrkeren
- Ex-Muslim
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How did you tell them?
OP - August 05, 2017, 02:23 PM

Hello,
I have been thinking of it for way too long now, and I'm gonna tell my parents next week, that I'm not a muslim anymore. I'm 24 year old girl from Denmark, and I'm not living with them, so I will sent a letter where I say that I wanted to tell this face to face, but I was too afraid, and if they wanna talk about it, then we can meet. But I'm afraid, and I dont now what to write and how. How did you guys tell your parents, and what happened after?

I tried google it, but couldn't find answer to my questions.
- three
- Ex-Muslim
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Reply #1 - August 05, 2017, 08:12 PM

Take a look around in here, there are lots of stories on coming out. Try reading other introduction threads.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
- PeruvianSkies
- Ex-Muslim
- La Illaha Il al FSM
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Reply #2 - August 06, 2017, 01:11 PM

Mine stopped speaking with me several years ago after I came out (story is linked in my signature). I've seen others who have kept their relationship with their families but it is very strained. Some have been lucky enough to come out relatively ok.

You should consider if it's worth any serious consequences that may happen. Will coming out help you in anyway? I personally believe in our right to live as openly as possible. But sadly this can come with a heavy emotional cost too.

~My story~
~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
- NorthernArab
- Ex-Muslim
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Reply #3 - August 06, 2017, 10:59 PM

I haven't told my family and probably never will, even though I don't live with them anymore. I feel it's too risky personally.
- Parmenion
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Reply #4 - August 09, 2017, 02:57 PM

My brother and I told our mother that we're the Atheists and she dissagree but she accepted it, although I've never seen my mom in the mosque she still considered herself as muslim. I haven't said to my father but he doesn't care, he doesn't go to the mosque too.
- vakito
- Ex-Muslim
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Reply #5 - August 17, 2017, 08:28 PM

Quote from: Dansktyrkeren on August 05, 2017, 02:23 PM
Hello,
I have been thinking of it for way too long now, and I'm gonna tell my parents next week, that I'm not a muslim anymore. I'm 24 year old girl from Denmark, and I'm not living with them, so I will sent a letter where I say that I wanted to tell this face to face, but I was too afraid, and if they wanna talk about it, then we can meet. But I'm afraid, and I dont now what to write and how. How did you guys tell your parents, and what happened after?

I tried google it, but couldn't find answer to my questions.

Hei hei dansk-tyrker

Jeg er fra Norge. My advise would be to first consider the cost of coming out. Will it change anything for you to the positive? Even if you you will get a hard time in the beginning, will there finally come a time when you feel you have earned something be telling them?

Don't feel the urge, just consider whether it's worth it or whether you can handle it. Feel free to share your thoughts here, we all love you
- Nikolaj
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How did you tell them?
Reply #6 - October 06, 2017, 08:52 AM

Hi Dansktyrkeren

Fellow Dane here, although I was never a Muslim. However I know quite a few Danish Ex-Muslims, including people of Turkish background (and Kurdish, Syrian, Palestinian, Lebanese and Somalian).

There is also an organization called "Eftertro" set up by people from the Danish Atheist Society which helps out former believers, Muslim and otherwise.

Then there are a few organisations like "Etnisk Ung" and others.

Say if you need some references or introductions.

Kærlige hilsener
Nikolaj

Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
- farahziya
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Reply #7 - December 07, 2017, 10:43 AM

I have hinted that I am not a Muslim to my parents, although they say the accept it I know by their actions and the way they speak that they don't, so I understand the conflict.

I prefer to live my life being honest about stuff, but I'm not sure if this is one of those things where it is best for everyone if I don't say anything: I don't live with my parents, we talk over the phone once a month and the conversation always goes down the awkward "so will you come back to Islam, because we love you and you need faith, do it for us please". They are not practicing Muslims and I don't actually see them. I'm hoping by going along the way of I'll still do little bits, kind of a white lie, they won't know or see. It's with the idea of they are still my parents, I still love them as any human would love their parents and I'd like to have a relationship with them as a normal adult; possibly meeting up once a year or more. However I have always said to them when I'm in my house I'll do things my way and they shouldn't comment or judge, when I'm at anyone else's (doesn't matter race or religion) I'll respect their wishes and what they do. Hopefully that will calm things and we can have more normal conversations.

I don't know if any of this helps you
- Leyla
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Reply #8 - December 08, 2017, 05:49 PM

I've also hinted that i don't agree with Islam and all my mother said was 'you cant leave Islam if that's what your wondering'.
I'm in a country where people will lynch you in the street if they find out you're not Muslim.
- theoutlier
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Reply #9 - December 19, 2017, 09:47 PM

Hello Dansktyrkeren,

I'm not sure if you are still interested in hearing people's experiences as it has been a while since you last posted but thought I would respond in the hope that it might be of help.

I grappled for ages about how I would tell my mum but finally told her a few weeks ago. I just basically said, 'I don't believe in Islam anymore'. Not saying this is a good way of doing it though as I've no idea if it was! At first she was shocked but I think she has now accepted it. I haven't bought it up with her again and she is treating me as normal. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or if she is just pretending like nothing happened but it is a start.

I mostly thought I would keep my lack of faith quiet. But I knew my mum was worried about me as she always used to ask me why i don't pray anymore and what has made me change. It was really upsetting for her knowing I was keeping something from her so maybe she is now relieved that I've opened up to her.

You never really know how your family will react. However, I know for sure that my family won't disown me or throw me out or be violent. If you fear any of those things will happen to you, best just to keep it to yourself I think.

Best of luck x
- taheranwar
- Ex-Muslim
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How did you tell them?
Reply #10 - December 20, 2017, 04:26 AM

i suggest you not to tell them suddenly.. try to convince them steadily
- ElToro
- Ex-Muslim
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How did you tell them?
Reply #11 - December 20, 2017, 10:43 PM

Hi,

welcome to the forum

Can you tell us how it turned our for you?
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