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 Topic: I hate covering up

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  • I hate covering up
     OP - May 21, 2017, 03:48 PM

    Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum.

    I've been forced to wear hijab for about ten years and now, at 20, I hate it and want to take it off. Unfortunately, this isn't possible due to my current circumstances so I have to keep it on until I get the chance to take it off without constant fear of family/ other Muslims I know finding out.

    One of my biggest issues with it is that a lot of muslims love to pretend that women in the west aren't forced to wear it. So many Muslims are so intent on protecting the public view of Islam that they ignore Muslim women who are suffering every day.

    I also hate that fact that it's forced upon young girls. I was 10/11 when I had to start wearing it- hadn't even started my period at this point. Muslims like to act as though it prevents us from being seen as sexual objects when all it really does it sexualise us. I see images of toddlers and very young girls wearing hijab on social media and the comments are always 'wow so cute mA' etc and honestly it's just sickening and so disgusting. Muslims look down like mad on anyone who doesn't wear it and if you stop wearing it they pretty much want to crucify you.

    I know a lot of what I'm saying is probably not news to anyone, but I just want to hear about other people's opinions and experiences with hijab- was anyone else here forced to cover up, and what has it been like for you?
  • I hate covering up
     Reply #1 - May 21, 2017, 04:12 PM

     Welcome! parrot

    Yes, I initially started wearing it to copy my mother, then wasn't allowed to take it off. It took a couple of years of family squabbles before they started to accept that I wasn't going to wear it anymore. My sisters have all taken their off now.

    There is nothing more frustrating than being forced to wear a hijab. In a way it robs you of your personality; while wearing the hijab you feel that you have to behave a certain way to represent Islam and can't just be yourself.

    I don't know what your current situation is, but do you see this as something permanent? Have your parents become any less strict than they were when you were a child? For some of us the parents mellow out with time.
  • I hate covering up
     Reply #2 - May 21, 2017, 07:25 PM

    I wore it voluntarily for years and then it was made quite clear to me that I would be tortured, killed, and then my body mutilated after death if I took it off. So I never mentioned wanting to remove it in the heat.
    I waited not only until I was gone from there but until I had the restraining order in hand before I removed it. I wasn't even planning to do so, it had become a part of me, really.
    But when they handed me the order my other hand crept up and pulled it straight off as soon as they explained what it meant.

    And welcome. Be patient.

    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • I hate covering up
     Reply #3 - May 21, 2017, 07:25 PM

    Welcome to the forum ihatehijab, have a rabbit!  bunny

    Being a man, I've never had to contend with wearing hijab, but its been something that always puzzled me since youth. Really, I don't think that its very often a personal decision made devoid of judgement and pressure. For instance, its somewhat rare to have some women in a family wear hijab, and others not, especially for siblings. The vast majority of sisters of women and girls who wear hijab also wear hijab. It's not solid evidence of it, but definitely indicates that family pressure plays a bigger role than individual choice.

    I'm sorry you're struggling with that being forced on you. I hope that you will soon be able to be free of it.  far away hug

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • I hate covering up
     Reply #4 - May 22, 2017, 04:45 AM

    The halo around the Hijab created by the Muslims made it hard for outsiders to grasp what’s behind it. I grew up not wearing hijab, even forbidden to wear it, and it kinda made me feel so (ignorantly) special when I could secretly put in on or when I’m travelling to conservative areas. And I simply dismissed the western stereotype of ‘oppressed hijabis’ as colonialistic. It wasn’t until I found some ex-Muslim sites that I began to realize the existance of the other kind of narrative.

    Stay strong and carry on. And start maneuvering for Ramadan.
    for your hope
  • I hate covering up
     Reply #5 - May 22, 2017, 01:31 PM

    I've never worn a hijab and i'm sure I've never been looked down upon by those who do. But I have noticed a kind of a restlessness/anxiety amongst my friends and relations who do wear it. especially in the current climate. Although none were forced to wear it, they are struggling with it. Some are going for a turban look and revealing a little bit of hair. Others have completely abandoned it and claiming hijab is in the heart.



  • I hate covering up
     Reply #6 - May 23, 2017, 07:16 AM

    I hope people start to fight for your right to do the basics, like dressing yourself :(
  • I hate covering up
     Reply #7 - May 23, 2017, 04:51 PM

    Hey. Welcome! I am 22, and I want to take it off too, but my family are not backing down. You can read about the huge row I caused on Friday when I tried to discuss taking it off https://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=30949.0

    My earliest memories of anything 'hijab-related' is when I drew a picture of a girl wearing a skirt and coloured her legs in green (I wouldn't have been older than 7, but I believe I was probably younger than that because we were living in a different city at the time), and my father looked at the picture and said: "But Muslim girls don't wear skirts." So for his approval I pretended that she was wearing green trousers underneath her skirt. Later, or perhaps before that, I had an incident in either nursery, reception or year one as a result of which my clothes got dirty (can't remember what it was exactly - an injury? Maybe I wet myself? Cheesy ) and the staff got a spare uniform for me, but I told them I needed long trousers because I wasn't allowed to wear dresses which showed the legs. I remember I was wearing a frock once (still a really young kid) and my dad made a screw face. When we moved to a different city he would pull down my T-shirt hard from the back if he thought it was too short. So from a young age I had it drilled into me that I needed to be covered.

    Later he started making me wear one of those two-piece hijabs to Eid prayers. I remember I used to hate it and couldn't wait to take it off after the prayer. Then, maybe in Year four or five, I remember I wrote a dua on a piece of paper asking Allah to make things so that my crush would like me. (Oh Lord, the naivety of that! Back then my innocent mind thought Allah wouldn't mind things like that.) My dad found that dua note and stopped talking to me for days. I was only a kid.

    When it got to Year 7, my dad told me that I was moving to secondary school now and that I had to start wearing hijab to school full time. He said that the Somali girls in your school do it and so you need to do it too. I used to wear it when I left the house and take it off once I got to school. Once, when my mum made me wear it on the weekend, my dad saw how upset I was about wearing it and bought me ice cream to make up for it. I was young then, and ice cream seemed like a fair deal so I went with it. I feel like I sold my soul for ice cream now.

    Then in Year 9 there was an incident where a boy called my phone and I remember my dad saying that if I didn't admit everything I had been up to, he would slap me so hard that my head would spin round. He didn't actually do it, and I managed to get away with it by saying there was some kind of wrong number, but my dad confiscated my phone and stopped talking to me again. At that point I realised I was a 'shitty Muslim' and decided to take the hijab seriously and put it on properly, wholeheartedly and consistently in order to 'purify myself' and win my dad's love back.

    Internally, I struggled with it on and off throughout my teenage years, but I did wear it pretty much consistently from that point on. As I got older, I did find that it *sometimes* freed me from needing to conform to superficial standards of beauty - especially when I wore it without makeup, with my eyebrows ungroomed and whatnot. A bit like when some feminists don't shave their legs because they don't believe women should have to do so in order for their bodies to be accepted. Sometimes when I was wearing hijab, I felt like I was being a bit rebellious, because I wasn't conforming to a societal pressure to do my hair or wear fashionable clothes in order to 'fit in' or look good. But I don't believe that the hijab was the real cause of that liberated state - because I could refuse to conform to superficial beauty standards even now WITHOUT simultaneously wrapping myself in a cloth in which I only started wrapping myself because my father told me to do so. I could refuse to conform to superficial beauty standards even now WITHOUT playing into a culture that suggests that a non-hijabified body in public is shameful or a sexual invitation. The hijab wasn't really anything to do with it. I could take it off and still be non-conforming.

    A common defence of the hijab is that it prevents girls from feeling the need to display themselves like sexual objects in order to gain acceptance. I came across this YouTube comment once which was talking about how wearing less can be natural and doesn't mean you're sexualising yourself or that you've been pressured into perceiving yourself as a sexual object. For example, a woman, even without being exposed to the advertisments which glamorise bikinis, might choose a bikini in a hot climate because it's natural and comfortable to wear less in hot weather (we're talking about hot weather here because that's the climate bikinis are normally worn in). The same woman would then wear an appropriate number of layers when the weather is cold. No harm done, and an easy shift between the two. Whereas a woman in hijab is expected to follow a specific dress code in all weathers. One woman is following a dress code which comes more 'naturally' according to her personal wishes and the temperature of her body. The other is not. That really opened my eyes.
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