Hey there, Ward End, well done for standing up to your father!
Really pleased - some movement out of the stagnation is good, even if it's very hard and disruptive. And I know everyone else would say the same thing, namely - please don't beat yourself up for your situation. The fact is that you've been seriously abused, and had so much humiliation and adversity, at a time when you needed love, guidance, help and support. I guess you may be one of those sensitive ('orchid' versus 'dandelion)' sorts so you're much more badly affected by abuse and neglect. A bit like me - it's taken a heroic and marathon effort to 'repair' myself.
One book I'm reading right now that I wish I had read when it first came out, is "healing the shame that binds you", by John Bradshaw. (Physical and verbal abuse by parents will lead a child to internalise a lot of shame). It's got lots of incredibly insightful info about how and why shaming can destroy your core self, and leave you lost and helpless. I think a lot of the confusion and pain of your questions, such as wondering about which culture you belong to, stems from that shaming abuse. (Pardon me for psychoanalysing you!)
Actually, I think that all muslims/exmuslims should read the book - we are brought up in shame-based cultures, that stifle natural spontaneity and authenticity, and adventurousness and curiosity. The whole muslim world needs therapy, IMHO.
And take it from this old lady - you're YOOOOUUUNG! In my eyes you are still a baby. You can still determine your life story.