Religious guilt and relationships

1« Previous thread | Next thread »
- Hsnake
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Religious guilt and relationships
OP - June 22, 2016, 11:07 AM

So I'm a young man and suffice to say I've been with a couple of young Muslim women all who like the idea of a prince charming (God bless the TV) picking them up on a white horse and riding away with them. Molestation undertones, aside I feel this is a huge problem.

Because whilst a lot of these young Muslimahs have this cinderella idea and they have no issues in-person. As soon as they get home and start messaging you shit hits the fan. It's like you give them one second by themselves upon reflection they feel guilty.

I've asked many times "how did it feel?", "did it feel evil?" and they always reply "of course not!" and yet they can't be okay with what they did? Now I want to make it clear that I've never violated anyone's limits and one's sexuality and libido is totally subjective and malleable.

So with Muslim girls I always tend to be more careful. Because I understand their feelings; I come from that background. I do want to marry a muslim or ex-muslim woman; I really do! But if that person feels guilt for being with me in those moments out of marriage it's a problem. Because I don't believe marriage is something you can just go into, because you can't just pull out like coitus interruptus.

I believe love is a commitment more than a feeling and that understanding has to be there because that's what will get you through hard times. That's why I think arranged marriages work because they have that understanding of commitment, even if there wasn't any love to begin, they know they have to make it work for their future family and past families.

It's just I've never been of a guilty mindset when it comes to being with someone I love or enjoy being around. Not even after I go home, and sit in bed at night I don't feel anything negative. It's all magic. I guess maybe a woman wants something more firm and secure? But then I've met others that were not virgins also and yet they still feel a same degree of reluctance. I guess there is no one model of what a person is going to feel, regardless of how contradictory it may seem.

Religion is weird man. Sorry I guess this was more me ranting than making any points lol...
- SilentMancunian
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Religious guilt and relationships
Reply #1 - June 23, 2016, 01:34 AM

To me, love and commitment are completely different from one another, although one tends to accompany than other when it comes to successful relationships. When they are equated to one another that is when problems occur, especially when it comes to love relationships/marriages.

Commitment is something that requires effort whereas love exists only in the mind and expects effort to be made. Love is more a superficial and idealistic mindset whereas commitment is something more observable and realistic. The expectations of a commitment is the problem when it comes to love is the modern age, since life has become more unpredictable due to the advancements of liberal society. Maybe in the past they were the one in the same but that ship has sailed.

When it comes to arrange marriages, understanding the expectations of your future partner occurs before any commitment is made therefore the relationship flows a lot better - assuming that both sides are being honest, if not then a shit storm might occur at a later date and thing might breakdown. The responsibility of having to please everyone certainly makes arrange marriages a lot more of an effort.
- Bee
- Un-muslim
- Member
- offline
Religious guilt and relationships
Reply #2 - August 28, 2016, 01:05 PM

Trust.

Trust takes time.

The unreligion, only one calorie
1« Previous thread | Next thread »