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Theme Changer

 Topic: Greetings from Indonesia

 (Read 5194 times)
  • 1« Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     OP - February 17, 2016, 01:11 PM

    Hello, first of all I'd like to apologize for my English, it isn't my first language but I'll try to make myself as clear as I can.
    I am a 22 years old woman who grew up in Indonesia, for those of you who are not familiar with my country, we have the biggest population of muslim in the world. My dad grew up in Aceh (one of the most religious city in Indonesia, it is also granted with Syaria law since 2004) my mom came from a more liberal background because my grandmother was a mualaf but lately she has been very religious.

    All my life, Islam has been my foundation of life. Ever since I was so little, my mother asked us to read or memorize the quran. We always went to the mosque every maghrib. Everything that I did had to be in accordance with the quran. I have always thought that Islam is the only truth in this world. But as I got older, I began to be so curious about my own religion. My parents are the kind of people who read the quran just for the arabic verse, they'd sing the verses out  loud but they probably don't know what it means. So, when I was 12, I started reading the meaning of some verses and I was shocked to find there are many violence advised in the book. Then at that age, I already thought how selfish God is, how could he only like the people that bow to him but get angry to those who don't agree with him? From that early on, I started questioning everything, until I went to my university then I realized how incompatible this religion is for me.

    I started opening up myself to the new world and I found a man (my current bf) online who lives in the Netherlands who is really open minded and I love it, we began dating and he visited me 4 times but my dad (obviously) saw this as a threat, he recently just took my passport away, told my mom that he would threatened to kill my boyfriend and hit me if I ever ask for my passport. He also said I have changed to be a bad person because I am now apparently so white washed. Oh BTW, a little background about my dad, he cheated on my mom and re-married in the name of God.  One thing that hurt me the most is when I confronted my dad about him marrying other woman and hurting my mom. He only smiled and said to me "I am a muslim man so it is A-OK for me to re-marry." That broke my heart into pieces.

     I cannot come out because in my country someone just went to jail for coming out On Facebook. I really am sick of this dogmatic religion, it isn't for me. Islam is an abusive religion especially for women. I thought I was crazy and I was alone, but I'm so glad to have found this forum.  Smiley Smiley

  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #1 - February 17, 2016, 02:16 PM

    Welcome parrot
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #2 - February 17, 2016, 02:55 PM

    Welcome to the forum  parrot

    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and hope you can move away from that environment soon. Yeah, being born a Muslim women means that you're screwed from birth in many cases  far away hug
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #3 - February 17, 2016, 03:20 PM

    Thank you guys for the warm welcome I really appreciate it thnkyu

    It's true that being born a Muslim women is unfortunate. Recently in my country, some local Islamic organization proposed "virginity" test for high school students. It's still debatable but some conservative politicians are considering it to be the best option to preserve and integrate some Islamic values in education (eventhough our country is not run by Syaria law)
    The concept of virginity itself is a complete bs, it's a fact that some women are not even born with hymen.


    Sorry for blabbering, I'm just excited I can finally say my opinion out loud  Cheesy
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #4 - February 17, 2016, 03:28 PM

    Babble away adorkable! that's what we're here for  dance
    Welcome.  bunny bunny bunny

    Do you think you have any possibility of moving to other parts of Indonesia that are less religious than Aceh?
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #5 - February 17, 2016, 03:39 PM

    I forgot to mention that I don't live in Aceh, but it's all the same nowadays. Indonesia is getting even more backwards in every region. The problem is I don't want to marry any Indonesian Muslim man, I don't want to live a lie forever, pretending to wake up at 4 am in the morning just to pray. I have to fake that I pray everyday, I would get wudhu and act as if I am going to pray in my room. I'm tired of it but if my parents know how I feel about Islam they'd literally get stroke, or they'd kill me. It's unfair that I don't get a choice. It's probably the same feeling as being gay and not being able to come out. Do you guys also experience what I experience?

    My boyfriend and I plan to marry, but he doesn't have any religion and in Indonesia only people with the same religion can marry so he  ALSO has to pretend to be a muslim and say Syahada in front of everyone, maybe he even has to perform pray before we marry.  But this is all so stupid. Islam is way too demanding.  wacko
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #6 - February 17, 2016, 03:40 PM

    Welcome to the forum adorkable. I'm glad you found this place! Have a rabbit!  bunny

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #7 - February 17, 2016, 03:41 PM

    Thank you asbie!! thnkyu
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #8 - February 17, 2016, 03:44 PM

    Wow, you're fast! I was just about to edit my response, and talk about some of those things you mention in your post, but it's clear you'd be wise to that now. Grin

    Anyway, I'm really sorry about your father, and the way he hurt you and your mom. I do hope things work out for you and your boyfriend. There are definitely people here who have experience with similar sorts of circumstances (not me sorry), and it's always tricky when you love someone but there's something keeping you apart like this. I'm sure others though will have useful advice to offer you on this, and how to proceed in a way that can help you both.

    I wish you the best of luck!  grin12

    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #9 - February 17, 2016, 04:21 PM

    Welcome , selamat datang!  We are here for support, so rant away ! Your English is fine, the fact that you know more than one language is admirable . Be careful and stealthy , there is  a lot to be said for freedom of speech and self but not when your life could be on the line. Logic and counter strategy is the only way through these tricky situations.  :parrot:o parrot bunny far away hug
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #10 - February 17, 2016, 06:15 PM

    Welcome  bunny

    Can you declare your passport lost and make another one? And then somehow leave for Netherlands and get married there.
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #11 - February 18, 2016, 05:49 AM

     Cry

    I'm so sorry it happened to you. I'm Indonesian too, and I have heard this kind of story (muslim man marrying other women at the first wife's expense) so many times. It happened to my neighbour, and a family friend of mine.

    I hope you can get away from your dad because he sounds really abusive.

    Jaga kesehatan, hati-hati habisnya bahaya banget kalau ketahuan kamu ex-muslim...
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #12 - February 18, 2016, 07:32 AM

    Hello, first of all I'd like to apologize for my English, it isn't my first language but I'll try to make myself as clear as I can.
    I am a 22 years old woman who grew up in Indonesia, for those of you who are not familiar with my country, we have the biggest population of muslim in the world. My dad grew up in Aceh (one of the most religious city in Indonesia, it is also granted with Syaria law since 2004) my mom came from a more liberal background because my grandmother was a mualaf but lately she has been very religious.

    All my life, Islam has been my foundation of life. Ever since I was so little, my mother asked us to read or memorize the quran. We always went to the mosque every maghrib. Everything that I did had to be in accordance with the quran. I have always thought that Islam is the only truth in this world. But as I got older, I began to be so curious about my own religion. My parents are the kind of people who read the quran just for the arabic verse, they'd sing the verses out  loud but they probably don't know what it means. So, when I was 12, I started reading the meaning of some verses and I was shocked to find there are many violence advised in the book. Then at that age, I already thought how selfish God is, how could he only like the people that bow to him but get angry to those who don't agree with him? From that early on, I started questioning everything, until I went to my university then I realized how incompatible this religion is for me.

    I started opening up myself to the new world and I found a man (my current bf) online who lives in the Netherlands who is really open minded and I love it, we began dating and he visited me 4 times but my dad (obviously) saw this as a threat, he recently just took my passport away, told my mom that he would threatened to kill my boyfriend and hit me if I ever ask for my passport. He also said I have changed to be a bad person because I am now apparently so white washed. Oh BTW, a little background about my dad, he cheated on my mom and re-married in the name of God.  One thing that hurt me the most is when I confronted my dad about him marrying other woman and hurting my mom. He only smiled and said to me "I am a muslim man so it is A-OK for me to re-marry." That broke my heart into pieces.

     I cannot come out because in my country someone just went to jail for coming out On Facebook. I really am sick of this dogmatic religion, it isn't for me. Islam is an abusive religion especially for women. I thought I was crazy and I was alone, but I'm so glad to have found this forum.  Smiley Smiley


    Welcome Ukhti,

    Salam dari sesama orang Indo hehehe.
    Fellow ex-muzies here too, but kinda the fortunate one since my friends and fam are okay with my curent view --- I'm a Deist btw. Still call myself a Muslim with atheistic approach, or should i call Mu'tazila.

    Being openly "Atheistic Muslim" is actually more acceptable here (at least in Jakarta) rather than irritating people's ear with your current view (Atheism). Therefore, you might want to re-identify yourself for the sake of blend in with the community by calling youself as a Liberal Muslim or something alike.

    You know, the perk of being an Atheist is, we can lebel ourselves with anything we want and we can blend in with every religious society. So, a humble advice for you, blend in with society by calling yourself something not too harmful  for their eye. Liberal Muslim or Kejawen Muslim should do.

    Lastly, be happy! Being free from dogmatic shit means we can be flexible as possible.
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #13 - February 18, 2016, 05:16 PM

    Go down to a government office that handles identification to apply for a new passport. Tell them you lost the old one. You will receive a replacement so you are able to travel when you need to. Your father is abusive so I advise you start planning on moving out. He has issued death threats to your BF and threatened assault upon you. You should take this seriously. If you need help with specifics many members here can share their experiences so you can be prepared as much as possible. If you are already living on your own you may be receiving financial aid for him. You will need to plan on how you can become completely independent from him. If you are already covered both of the previous then I would seriously consider cutting ties with him as the father/daughter relationship you have is damaging to your well being mentally and possible physically.
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #14 - February 18, 2016, 10:46 PM

    I lost my passport last year and got a new one, so I'm familiar with the process.

    You can pm me if you want  Smiley

    ~Indonesian
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #15 - February 20, 2016, 03:08 AM

     parrot Welcome!
    Please be very careful, no matter what you do. Make a plan and a backup plan and always in the safest way possible. I hope you get good advice from those living closer to you than I.

    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #16 - February 26, 2016, 12:56 PM

    Welcome  parrot

    I'm really sorry for you and I hope you find a way too marry your boyfriend  far away hug

    Once you are in the Netherlands your father can't do much.don't post on Facebook whet you are.

    Take care of yourself and if you have problems just post thenthem here Smiley
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #17 - March 09, 2016, 06:06 AM

    Hello there! Welcome. Stay strong.
    :3 <3

    Weirdo and introvert.
  • Greetings from Indonesia
     Reply #18 - August 19, 2016, 05:55 PM

    Thank you everyone, and sorry for being gone for too long.
    I'm going to do a little update on how I deal with my passport issues etc. I got my passport back a few weeks ago, and I am going to the Netherlands. My father does not know that I am going. My mom helped me to get my passport back from my father. She is my only support to be truthfully honest, as I told you in the very first post that she is a bit open minded.

    But I have now found another issue, my other family (my aunt, uncle, cousins)are trying to make me not go, my cousin even wants to tag along just because she said me and my bf arent "Muhrim" and all that bullshit. I am a grown 23 years old woman and I am so tired to be treated like a 16 years old. Honestly, when people say that Islam emancipates women, they are clearly blinded. It is a man manipulated religion and I am so sick of it. :( I am in the verge of breaking. I want to run away from this hellish religion. it only limitates me as a person and as a woman.
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