Harboring

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Harboring
OP - July 11, 2015, 02:43 AM

Tonight is a difficult night. I am harboring feelings of anger and resentment, and I don’t quite know what to do about it. I haven’t been myself in days, and my family has noticed. They don’t seem keen on hearing the reasons behind my festering hostility, so I have kept my thoughts to myself. I haven’t really smiled or laughed in a while. It’s getting harder and harder every day, particularly as I move in a direction that will make me more financially independent. It’s like I’m on a boat, drifting alone and competently, but chained to a bigger boat with my family on board. I can’t quite maneuver into a separation. I’m certain of where they are trying to lead me, but I can’t go on my own and traverse different waters, different possibilities. Possibilities are limited, even though I believe I have the capacity to do anything. I am afraid to leave. I am afraid to stay. I wish I had another loved one to harbor my feelings with, but I’m afraid of letting anyone in, afraid of letting anyone see my fear. Afraid of being left to drown.

"Nothing lasts forever. Even the stars die."

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Reply #1 - July 11, 2015, 03:11 AM

Can you arrange to see a therapist? Being able to air these things is incredibly important for your mental and emotional well being. And of course you can unload here as well.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #2 - July 11, 2015, 03:13 AM

Quod Sum Eris, unfortunately my medical doesn't cover therapy. They have counseling services at my school, and I had one scheduled for this week that I cancelled. I'm not sure what they could offer me. I'm not quite ready for action yet, but like you said, I do need to unload some of these feelings. Thanks for reading.

"Nothing lasts forever. Even the stars die."

A for Atheist
A for Apostate
A for Anonymous
A for Aqua
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
- Pub Regular
- offline
Harboring
Reply #3 - July 11, 2015, 03:55 AM

No worries. I'd advise you to take the option of a councillor. It won't work right away, but give it time.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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