Why I Left Islam
OP - February 15, 2015, 07:50 PM
hello, forgive me if i have contacted this site before, but he following is a story i wrote about why i joined and then left islam. i would really appreciate if you could feature it on your site because i want others to know the truth of this horrifying (religion) political ideology disguised as a religion. please publish it under the pen name "writetofreedom." thanks so much for all the work you do! we need to protect our freedom here in the west! WHY I LEFT ISLAM: My reversion to Islam began with a fascination for Islamic dress. However, before I go into that, I will give a little bit of background about me. I was born into a Christian Mennonite family who I love very much. My family was very loving and generous and while I admire the Mennonites for being a very simple and hard-working people I just cannot bring myself to agree with the religious aspect especially when it comes to their less than flattering views on women. In my opinion, all religion is just a pathetic excuse to oppress and control women and even if it was changed to suit the modern day in regards to the full equality and citizenship of women, I still wouldn’t buy into religion because the very fact that it can be changed is just further proof that it is made up by humankind in the first place and based on virtually nothing concrete. However, I was very much into Christianity until reading a small, green book about Atheism at age 21 that I was fortunate enough to stumble upon at an eclectic, uptown boutique. At the time, I didn't even know there was such a thing as having no religion but the book just made so much sense to me. So anyway, I became super interested in Islam because I thought that the headscarf and long skirts that Muslim women wore were very beautiful so I looked deeper into the religion and even went to Mosques and talked to other Muslims and Imams. I studied Islam in depth for about five months before converting. I was very active on Facebook in chatting with other Muslims and learning as much as I could about the faith. I was told things like "Islam liberates women" and that it is the most peaceful and tolerant religion. I was told quite a few other inaccurate things about Islam that at the time, I didn’t question. I was told to “be careful” what I read about Islam and to not read books written by non-Muslims (biased much?) because it might not be accurate or may not portray the “true Islam” and therefore, may confuse me as someone new to the faith. All of the books I was given to read about Islam painted it in a very positive light. Now I realize that I was told to be careful about what I read about Islam on my own and given these one sided books about Islam in order to protect the faith from criticism and not me from confusion because just recently (nearly two years after my conversion experience) I did read a few books that didn’t portray Islam in such a positive light (which I will get to later in this article) and the book not only cleared up my confusion, it probably SAVED! me from it! Another thing I was told was not to believe everything I hear about Islam in the media especially when it comes to violent groups of Muslims. However, while I do not believe everything I hear and see in the media, I wonder what made those particular stories about Muslim groups engaging in violence for the sake of Allah so appealing to be publicized in the first place. I don’t believe that the media is always truthful or that all Muslims are violent terrorists, but I also think that the fact that the ones that are violent keep on making the news to begin with is a fact not to be taken lightly especially because religion has historically and still now today been used to justify the most horrifying and unthinkable violence in the name of some distant deity in the sky. In the course of my journey, I was also told that Muslims aren’t perfect but Islam is. For a long time I tried to make sense of that but then I realized that that statement really made no sense because how could God expect imperfect human beings to follow a perfect religion? If you ask me, that is just a recipe for failure. I also learned that Muslim women are not allowed to work out in front of men in order to “protect” themselves from being gawked at even though they are already covered from head to toe. This bit of information prevented me from losing 50 lbs until the year after that I desperately needed to lose because of being slightly overweight. I finally realized that if Islam truly sought to protect women from the stares of men while she is working out, it would not bar her from the gym just because men are present nor would it expect her to cover herself from head to toe during an extremely intense and sweaty work out. What the religion would do instead is make the penalties within it harsher for men (rather than rewarding them for this shameful behaviour by giving them the whole fitness facility to themselves without the inconvenience of a distracting woman) who are immature enough to violate women’s bodies by staring and even coming on to them just because they are moving their bodies in a way that the men in question might find enticing. Hell, this goes both ways-I am sure women find men’s bodies just as enticing when they are moving in a certain way that in all actuality has nothing to do with sex at all. So why the double standard if the religion claims to protect women? In all truthfulness, many women suffer by losing their basic rights such as the right to basic health (in this case) under the guise of the Islamic obsession with modesty as if that is more important than individual autonomy and choice. What if someone doesn’t care about being modest?! The notion of modesty within the Islamic context sounds more to me like a clever ploy to make sure women are not able to be full members of society by controlling what they can and cannot do in front of the opposite sex. The belief that women are not allowed to work out in front of men does not protect them as the religion claims; all it truly does is prohibit women from choosing which facility they would like to work out in based on what that facility has to offer while also preventing women from being physically healthy and therefore, having a sense of mental well-being while also providing yet another excuse for women to stay at home and not be seen in public since the home would be the only suitable place for her to work out in within the stifling constraints of Islam. Not to mention that this idea portrays the inaccurate message that women and men cannot workout in the same facility as equals without having sex on the brain. It is the RELIGION that has sex on the brain and not the individual themselves especially because Islam is super obsessed with gender segregation rather than teaching the two genders to mingle but still respect each other as human beings despite their differences whether one has a vagina or a penis. Islam really has to get over the unprecedented fear it has of the female body and move on. We are women, we have breasts and big hips, we menstruate and have the ability to bring forth new life into the world after nine months of carrying it, and we do all this while going about our daily lives which includes hitting the gym; deal with it Islam. Then there were a few questionable experiences I had with the Muslim community. Don’t get me wrong. I met a lot of incredibly nice people who happened to be Muslim and I am not here to say that all Muslims think the same way or have the same mentality as their fellow Muslim might have. I am just simply writing about the less than satisfying experiences I had in some aspects because I think that it is important to bring these issues to light. One questionable experience I had was when I asked a fellow Muslim sister who I already thought was a little off her rocker, why God would allow so much suffering in Syria and Somalia and other places ravaged by war and political unrest. She said that it is because God is punishing those people. I immediately lost what little respect I had for her. Muslims tirelessly claim that their God is merciful so why would He punish innocent children, innocent mothers, innocent families for political unrest and senseless violence that is totally beyond their control? More importantly, why wouldn’t this alleged merciful God put a stop to all suffering in the world in the first place? That doesn’t sound very merciful to me-it sounds psychotic and tyrannical and leads me to conclude that God is either a sadistic sociopath and immensely enjoys our suffering or more accurately, that He doesn’t exist. In another situation, I even asked a Muslim on Facebook if God might not be so merciful after all. She told me to be careful what I say because God is in fact merciful. If that is the case, then why should I have to be careful about what I say?! It is compelling to note that there are many verses in the Koran that state horrible punishments and hell that await the non-believers (Sura 2:39, 8:36-37, 9:49, 9:63, 9:73 17:10, 18:100, 98:6) rather than mercy and love for all no matter what belief system one chooses to follow. How can God send people to hell for simply not believing in one ideology if He is said to be so merciful? I am also quite curious to know why people have to even bother repenting their sins in the first place (Sura 7:153, 11:90, 17:8 [refers to disbelievers in hell and repentance]), if Allah is supposed to be so merciful? On another occasion, I was at the house of a family with three kids. The oldest daughter who was only 11 at the time was telling her mom how afraid she was of hell and she was even crying. Rather than comfort her, her mother began to tell her how terrible hell was and how the girl had to pray five times a day or else terrible things would happen to her (no compulsion in religion my ass [Sura 2:256]). Then the mother went into detail about what would happen to her daughter in hell though I forget what exactly she said and the poor girl was becoming more and more upset. I really wish I had said something such as “there is no hell” or “stop mentally abusing your child” but for much of my conversion experience, it was like I was trapped in some bizarre, not to mention terrifying, Islamic brainwashing trance (I wonder if other Muslims are caught in this trance also and either don’t realize it or refuse to admit it?) At the time, I was also too terrified of hell myself to speak up for that poor girl due to graphic depictions of liquid pus being poured down one’s throat (Sura 14:16) and other horrible afflictions that happen to one in hell-more proof that the Muslim God is in fact, not merciful after all or more likely, non-existent. On a side note, I don’t think that any religion that uses fear as a way to get people to follow it is worth my time. Just recently, I received an e-mail from a Muslim asking me what I think is going to happen to me if I die and what my purpose in life is especially since I am not religious. That question in itself is just another way that Islam and all other religions plays on people’s fears so I didn’t even respond because I can proudly say that I don’t buy into that anymore. I no longer worry about what will happen to me when I die or what my purpose in life is because the unfortunate, harsh truth is that when we die that’s it and there is no magical kingdom or place of torture that we go to because it has never been proven. Therefore, it is much better and more life affirming to be living the best life we possibly can now so that when we are on our death beds, we don’t regret wasting our lives on frivolous things such as whether or not we are going to hell or whether or not God will accept our prayers. We as the human race should be worrying about how to alleviate and put an end to worldwide poverty, suffering, war, rape, murder, misogyny, racism, homophobia, greed, and any other kind of human misery that befalls us rather than wasting energy worrying about strange rituals such as bending over for God five times a day, washing yourself in a certain way (wudu, ghusl) or memorizing more often than not, violent verses in the Koran that are basically both irrelevant and unhelpful in today’s world. In terms of what my purpose in life is, I prefer to be honest and say I don’t know rather than disillusion and lie to myself by blindly adopting a religion, but what I do know is that it is important to be a good person and help others when one is able to do so. I also know that all religions use this largely man-made concept of divine purpose as a way to entice people (especially those who feel lost or confused in the path of life) to follow them by implying that they need to have some kind of supernatural purpose in life besides just being. I think it is pretty pathetic how religion preys on the lost and those who are so desperate for any shred as hope as a tool of manipulation like this by telling someone that they must have a purpose in life and that purpose is Islam, Jehovah's Witness, Christianity, etc. I am more at peace with the fact that we just simply exist and that life is what we make of it. We don't necessarily have to have any kind of purpose other than to not hurt each other and try to help those who are struggling. I think I finally realized this after much obsession with Islam and what my purpose in life is which was actually serving to make me more miserable and disillusioned in the end. The long and short of the matter is that no one really has a higher purpose other than to live life as well as she or he can in the here and now and to help those in need. There is no divine being that is somehow humanity’s ultimate aspiration in life and just knowing that alone is the beginning of the path from Islam to complete secular freedom. During my conversion experience, I ended up reading the entire Koran in hopes that when I finished it I would immediately have some sort of revelation and have everything all of a sudden “make sense and fall into place like some converts have claimed happened to them. However I ended up feeling deeply appalled by most of it which I will explain in more detail a bit later. Even so, I managed to convince myself that with time, I would soon begin to "understand what the Koran actually says” as opposed to what was right in front of my nose the entire time which is a common theme among most religions to have their text say one thing but claim that it somehow means another no matter how far reaching that claim may be. So I took my Shahadah. I was especially encouraged to take my Shahadah because I met a fellow female Canadian revert who had only reverted a month ago at the time. I figured that if she saw something in the religion then it was worth converting. On a side note, it has been two years since then, and she is now married to a Muslim man and pregnant with his child. She will give birth next month most likely. I often wonder if she still wants to be a Muslim or if she is now trapped. I kind of lost contact with her. Anyway, her (alleged) story is just one of the many reasons why I left Islam after less than a month-because I was afraid of becoming trapped the longer I stayed. I wonder if her views on Islam would be so positive if she had to by chance move to a Muslim country in which women have absolutely no power or authority over their own lives. I also got really sick of Muslims telling me that Islam is easy when in fact it is not especially for a revert. The manner of prayer and the proper way of taking wudu (ritual washing) and figuring out which way to face is difficult in and of itself to master and the learning of what to say in Arabic while you do so is even more daunting. Not to mention that Islam is full of strict and more often than not, pointless, petty rules and regulations about what one can and cannot do even if it doesn’t harm others. I mean why is it evil to listen to music if it brings you enjoyment or what is wrong with owning a dog?! I am sure that an all-powerful, all-mighty God has much more important things to worry about than petty things like that-and if that is in fact what He does worry about, then maybe He needs to get a life and stop trying to micromanage His creation to such an impossible extent. If anything, Islam is difficult, inflexible and seems to take pleasure in controlling every single miniscule aspect of people’s lives from what one wears to how one uses the toilet. In all honesty, I got super tired of having to plan my day around those above mentioned five daily prayers (though I did due to my intense fear of hell at the time which I can now acknowledge with full confidence, is actually not a very life-affirming belief in the Muslim religion and really has no place in life if one is seeking to truly live it to the fullest without fear or imposed limits). It just seemed to me like such a waste of time but I was so terrified of hell in all its graphic depictions in the Koran. Eventually, I finally decided that there was more to life than bending over for Allah five times in my day and furthermore, that I was more likely to go to hell (if there were such a thing which I don't believe there is), for murdering and harming innocent people. I just cannot believe that if I don't pray in a certain way that I will go to hell. Not to mention, that I never really knew what to say when I prayed because I didn't know Arabic and apparently, the prayers are only valid in that language. Wouldn't an alleged God who created everything know all languages? In relation to the five daily prayers and sawm (fasting) a secular pen pal of mine recently wrote to me and basically said that fasting, all night prayer (deprivation of sleep) and repetition (praying five times a day at certain times and having to wash in a certain manner [taking wudu]) are manipulative tools used in religion to keep people in a weakened state of mind and distract them from realizing what is truly going on which therefore, renders them easier to control. I also add that the prohibition and demonizing of music is another tool since it would distract one from their repetitive prayer and starving. I was blown away by my pen pal’s statement; it just made so much sense especially in light of my experience because I spent an entire Ramadan with Muslims and there was something surreal about the whole experience-like I was in a different world. I wasn’t fasting, but everyone else around me was and the atmosphere just seemed incredibly conducive to unclear thought and mind altering states. When I stopped obsessing over planning my day around the five daily prayers and managed to get over my fear of hell, I felt free and like I was no longer in a trance! I feel like the key to maintaining a strong mind is to stay away from religion, especially one that uses deprivation of basic needs (food and sleep) while demonizing entertainment and employing the use of repetition in order to keep people feeling stuck and confused and then thinking they are confused because they can’t understand the religion when in reality, it is the religion itself, that is confusing them! If you think about it, it really is genius on religion’s (and the Prophet’s) part-they have found the perfect way to control people in this manner by manipulating the emotions of people through removal of food, enjoyment and sleep. Think about it-if you haven’t eaten in days, have to pray at certain times of the day no matter what you’re doing, have no creative outlets and are constantly up all night, would you be in a completely clear state of mind? If only more people would wake up and realize how religion truly does control and manipulate people in an incredibly sadistic and emotionally scarring manner! When I tried to leave Islam the first time, I posted on Facebook that I needed to go back to being myself and could no longer carry on the way I was. A few Muslim sisters saw this (one of which wore the Niqaab), and they must've put two and two together because they inboxed me and told me that they were going to be at my place in ten minutes. I guess I could’ve just not left my apartment, but curiosity has always been my downfall. The sisters took me to a nearby Dawah Center and convinced me to stay in the religion. I don't remember what they said except that I needed to be saved from hell, but I came back home really upset and it scared me more than ever because I realized shortly after that incident, that the deeper I got into the religion of Islam, the more difficult it might be for me to leave. The second time I left the faith, the sisters didn't come to my "aid." They must've decided that there was no hope for me. However, I got a lot of really nasty comments on one status on Facebook (over 150) about how I am going to burn in hell and one girl even said that Muslims are humble and I am not. I swiftly replied that no self-respecting humble person would proclaim their humility to the world in such a manner but I never got a response. Through this comment chain, I even received a death threat. I swiftly replied that they knew where I lived and if they wanted to kill me they should come on over and do it because I would rather die than subscribe to a set of beliefs that are so violent and abhorrent especially toward women. Even after I apologized to everyone involved in that comment chain through a mass Facebook message, I was still met with unfathomable nasty and vile responses for doing nothing more than leaving Islam. I just couldn’t win and the only unfortunate solution I saw was to block every single person who attacked me on Facebook in order to maintain what shred of sanity I had left. Needless to say, nothing happened in terms of the death threat, but the experience shook me up for two years and it only occurred to me to tell my story recently and I need to do so in order to heal and move on or else I fear that my unhealthy obsession with Islam will never cease. The sister that wears the Niqaab who I mentioned above, once sent me an e-mail with an article attached detailing how God is vengeful and will punish the disbelievers in an effort to try to get me to reconsider my decision of leaving Islam-I guess she was trying to scare me into it which is a typical religious tactic. I responded that I would rather believe in a merciful and loving God and she said in her reply that everything I say to her sounds like “blah, blah, blah” but she still had hope for me so she sent me another article to read as if that would help the situation at that point. I was incredibly hurt because she expected me to listen to what she had to say but somehow what I said wasn’t valid. Then I realized that she was actually being honest because anything that contradicted her belief in God probably did sound like “blah, blah, blah” to her since that was how far gone into the religion she was. I replied to her that everything SHE said to ME also sounded like “blah, blah, blah” and to not contact me anymore. However, I guess she really did just read a bunch of blahs in my response because she did e-mail me back but I did not open the e-mail and deleted it forever because I finally realized that she expected me to take her opinion as law but she didn’t have the same respect for what I had to say and that is actually a very common theme among Muslims; they can say what they want but Allah forbid that somebody contradicts them or has a difference in opinion that doesn’t promote hate and intolerance. In fact, Ibn Warraq, in his book Why the West is Best quotes author Geert Wilders who was on trial for doing nothing more than criticizing Islam states “there is reason for concern if the erosion of our freedom of speech is the price we must pay to accommodate Islam” (196). No religion, especially that of Islam, should ever be allowed to infiltrate on someone’s right to expression and freedom of speech because that will just serve to open up the floor for other rights being taken away such as the right to equality (especially for women), right to all types of education and not just Islamic, and the right to freedom of belief and religion. It could very well happen here in the West if people like Geert don’t put their lives on the line and speak up for what’s right. The sister that I mentioned above had shared her story with me as to why she became Muslim previously before the “blah” incident but even when I was deeply entrenched in the conversion process, her reasons for converting sounded more like psychological brainwashing to me than proof of Islam being the “true” religion. She sent me a very long and detailed story in which she explains how Islam saved her from a life of being in gangs and getting in with “bad crowds.” However, any religion or belief system could’ve done that. The only reason it happened to be Islam for this one sister is because when she was at her lowest point there happened to be Muslims around and they told her that she needed to take Shahadah in order to be saved from her life of misery. In that situation, I probably would’ve grabbed on to any form of hope myself and that is just what she did. She traded one form of psychological harm (gang life) for another (religion). So I guess the whole “blah” incident makes sense now that I think about it because that Niqaabi sister is holding onto her religion basically with the firmest of death grips even though she hasn’t gone back to her former gang life in over ten years; her religion now is nothing more than a crutch though she doesn’t realize that she no longer needs it and that it was never God, but her own sheer hope that saved her from her situation since God does not exist in the first place. This unfortunate sister appears unable to see past her narrow outlook on life and God and that is one of the notions that scared me the most out of this whole situation-I never want to be so far gone into a religion that I become blinded to everything else because then all I would have left is the religion and that is a terrifying thought for me. This sister actually has a much better life now based on what I have seen in comparison to what she had told me her former life was like, but she still thinks that she somehow needs the religion to save her when really, she got out of that life of misery all on her own since God doesn’t actually exist. Psychologically, she thinks it was the religion that saved her when in all actuality, it was just plain, straight up hope that did the job. That is why I mentioned earlier just how psychologically damaging religion can be especially when it blinds you to what is really going on and to all other viewpoints except for the religion itself. The “blah” incident no longer hurts my feelings; it just makes me feel incredibly sorry for this sister who is so misguided and even believes beyond a shadow of a doubt that if a woman is beaten by her husband, it is somehow HER fault for choosing the wrong man as if she should’ve seen it coming or something! Last time I checked, human beings aren’t psychic because if we were, then no one would be religious because they would foresee the immense harm and delusion that it causes for society. All the above being said however in terms of holding on to religion when one is in a state of misery and despair, I myself even went through a period in my life recently where I felt suicidal and considered going back to the faith because I felt hopeless and decided Islam was the only way to regain this hope. Then I read something in a book entitled The Happy Atheist by Pz Myers that probably saved me from both suicide and from the cage of Islam: "The hard question, though, is why women ever fall for women-hating religions in the first place...religion is a kind of parasite of the mind that promotes its own disease. Where does religion have its greatest success? Among the miserable and the oppressed, because it is very good at promising (but not delivering) hope. If you are among the downtrodden, magical answers have a great appeal...These answers do nothing but make the believer feel better about his or her problems. In fact, they actually increase the misery by encouraging believers to shun productive solutions in favour of non-answers. Misery leads people to turn to religion, which can make the misery worse, because religion doesn't address the material causes of the misery, and the increasing despair leads to more and more succor from religion which makes it even worse...And who has been slapped down consistently throughout human history? Women. It's not surprising that the segment of society that is oppressed is also one that often turns to faith to gain the illusion of relief" (89-90). This quote was just what I needed because I could not figure out why me, a Canadian born and by all respects, liberated woman, would be so obsessed with such a misogynistic religion. The answer that it was because my misery was getting the better of me should've been obvious due to my suicidal thoughts, but I clearly wasn't thinking in a rational manner at the time. I still wear long skirts and dresses on a daily basis when I am not in the gym (I am a fitness buff), but I don’t associate it with any kind of religion. That is just my style and I feel comfortable that way. In fact, now that I am finally able to be completely honest with myself, if it weren’t for the clothing in Islam (the long dresses and skirts, beautiful scarves, etc), then I probably would have had zero interest in the religion and I can dress up however I want without having to be a Muslim whether it be a long skirt or a pair of tight jeans. I still have a deep fascination for Muslim fashion, but I am never going to let this fascination go beyond that again. The one item of Muslim clothing that I no longer feel right wearing is the headscarf because I don’t want to be mistaken for a Muslim when I am out and about since it would just be awkward having to explain to other Muslims when they say “salaam alaykum” to me and I just don’t want to associate with the Muslim community anymore in general. I guess right now, I just don’t want to draw attention to myself in that sense. I even went through a period where I called myself an “Atheist Hijabi” wearing the headscarf though I had no intention of converting at that time, and some Muslims took unwarranted offense to this. It is not that I care whether or not I offend because people really need to get over themselves and you can’t please everyone, but I just don’t want to have to deal with the comments and judgment because I have social anxiety and am scared enough of people and how to relate to them already. There are days where I do miss wearing the headscarf but for the most part, I am happier this way. I sold all fifty of my scarves to that Canadian convert I mentioned, and only kept one because I needed to get Islam out of my home and my system. Not to mention that because it is women who are usually victims of rape, shouldn’t it be the men learning how to control themselves whether she is covered or not? I guess in Islam it is easier to coerce women to cover up than it is to expect men to act like human beings. When you think about it, it is actually really immature and doesn’t give men much credit as human beings capable of offering love and protection regardless of a woman’s fashion choices. Men should be insulted that the religion even remotely portrays them in this manner as primal beings who cannot control their sexual thirst if they happen to see a woman’s naked arm. There is also a satirical cartoon that Muslims will use to try to point out the benefits of women covering up that features a woman completely covered except for her eyes and a woman completely uncovered except for her eyes. In the cartoon both women are thinking that the other woman is oppressed but the reality is that they BOTH are especially because the cartoon is so extreme in its portrayal. Where is the happy medium? A woman is only truly liberated when she can be seen by society for more than just what she does and doesn’t wear-namely, her mind. Muslims claim that a woman covering up will help others see her for her mind but in reality, it just reinforces our society’s victim-blaming mentality by telling women that they can only be seen for their minds if they dress a certain way because men are somehow too weak to control themselves. I have a mind whether I am covered up or naked and true equality will only be had when society can fully acknowledge this without focusing on something as petty as my outward appearance or my clothing. Islam is just as guilty of focusing on what a woman should and shouldn’t wear as Western society though many Muslims will adamantly argue that this is simply not the case when all the evidence points to the contrary but that’s religion for you! There are days where I deeply miss being Muslim because of the community it gave me since I was lonely, but in the end, I would rather be lonely than subscribe to such a violent, hypocritical, dishonest, misogynistic and confusing belief system that only views me as half as good as a man even though I have a keen mind and ideas, feelings and thoughts of my own that are just as valid. An example of dishonesty when it comes to women and Islam is that Muslims (especially Imams [men who are seen to be experts on the faith]) will lie to you and make Islam seem all rosy and peachy and like it's just the best thing ever. I was told on numerous occasions by both men (Imams and non-Imams) AND women that Islam liberates women which looking back on it now, makes me want to laugh so hard because that is such a load of thick bullshit especially because in Muslim countries, under Sharia law, it is actually women who suffer the most due to horrific practices that are totally acceptable in the Islamic world such as sanctioned wife beating and raping, being stoned to death for being the VICTIMS of rape, a high divorce rate which stigmatizes the woman, having to compete with four other wives in some cases, having to ask their husband’s permission for everything and having to be relentlessly obedient to their husbands even if it infringes upon their well-being, having to be sexually available to their husbands no matter what or else the angels may curse them and more urgently, their husbands may beat them, not being allowed to drive, continuous unwanted (forced) pregnancies in the name of adding to the already rampant Muslim population, not being allowed to work and therefore, having to depend on the very men who beat and rape them, being barred from even the most basic education, having their testimony in court being seen as less than a man’s and even been seen as more likely to be more forgetful (Sura 2:282) especially in rape cases, inheriting less than men (Sura 4:11, 4176), being forcibly confined to their homes, and having to fear for their lives when they are allowed to go out in public if they don’t cover up properly. Women are always singled out as being more emotional in Islam and therefore, needing to be controlled by their more “rational” male counterparts, but in a society that subjects them to this cruel form of restriction and limitation in the first place based on something as trivial as genitals, and constantly oppresses them in the manner described above, how do they expect women to react?! By contrast in a society that liberates women, men would see it as their duty to protect and respect women from both emotional and physical violence rather than being the perpetrators of it seeing as they are generally physically stronger and should therefore, see protection of women as their duty especially because it is women who bring forth new life into the world. It appears as if Islam will never evolve to the point where it can just see people as human beings in their own right rather than people whose rights solely rely on whether they possess a vagina or a penis, the latter guaranteeing basic rights, and even luxuries beyond this, the former being more subject to debate, control and subjugation to the latter. If I am to be true to myself in terms of my solid belief that women are complete equals to men and that freedom of thought and expression are basic human rights, then only a secular viewpoint can offer this freedom and equality because Islam is directly incompatible with even the smallest notion of freedom, free speech, and the complete liberation of women especially in Muslim countries, and therefore, has no place in my life or the lives of anyone else. Philosopher Friedrick Hayek, as quoted in Why the West is Best, declares that “individual freedom cannot be reconciled with the supremacy of one single purpose to which the whole society must be entirely and permanently subordinated (205). Islam, as I have stated above, is a direct threat to the type of unconfined freedom that both Hayek and myself are referring to because it places dinosaur-age dogmas and relentless ruthlessness before modernism and individual human rights. In addition to The Happy Atheist and Why the West is Best, I recommend to anyone to read the book Leaving Islam: Apostates Speak Out also by Ibn Warraq. It inspired me to write my story about leaving Islam and has probably been the single most helpful book to me in this difficult, long and confusing journey. We need more people like Warraq to speak out on these issues so that others who are seriously considering converting to Islam will not do so under the guise of ignorance, lies and hidden information that seem to be so commonplace within the religion. One piece of advice that I can offer to anyone who is thinking of reverting, DO YOUR RESEARCH! Don’t just do what I did and read the books that the Dawah Centers or Mosques provide for you about Islam. They paint a very rosy, inaccurate picture of the religion that does no justice to the horrors that people, especially women, have endured at the hands of Islam such as honour killings and rape. Did you know that in Islamic countries, if a woman is a political prisoner to be killed, she is raped first so that she doesn’t get to Heaven because of the belief that only virgins (if they are unmarried) go to Heaven. I mean doesn’t that just sound like a convenient excuse for men to justify acting like tyrannical, inhuman monsters? Also, did you know that the Prophet (I refuse to wish him peace) stated that a man should not have to give explanation as to why he beats his wife (Abu Dawud 11:2142) and also married a six year old girl and started fondling and having sexual relations with her at the age of nine (Bukhari 6:298) just because she had started her menses so that somehow made it ok?! I don't care what the time period is; it is still straight up pedophilia. The Prophet also stated that women should be beaten for being opinionated (Abu Dawud 11:2141) and to submit to the sexual desires of men even if they are beaten (Bukhari 72:715). There are many more Hadith and Koran that prove just how much Islam hates women (Muslim 9:3506, Abu Dawud 11:2126, Ibn Ishiq/Hisham 969, Maliks Muwatta 41:16B, Bukhari 82:828, Ibn Ishaq p.496, Ibn Majah 9:1986, Koran Sura 2:223, 38:41-44,24:31). In addition to being a cruel and cowardly act for a man to beat a woman, I also find it incredibly tragic because I strongly believe that men are built to protect women and not harm them. Not to mention that it is sick and perverse to not only allow wife beating in the first place in Islam, but to have rules about it rather than just outlaw it completely as a barbaric and unnecessary practice that has no place in any half-civilized society. Muhammad also states that the majority of hell’s inhabitants are women because they have not been grateful to their husbands for not mistreating them. NO self-respecting woman should have to be grateful for that because as a human being, she is entitled to it and should even demand it because she is a full person in her own right deserving of respect and care. Not to mention that a husband can beat his wife in Islam for disobedience. It is in the Koran Sura 4:34. Of course Muslim apologists will either argue that it is not in the Koran at all even when you are holding it right in their face which basically proves to me just how much denial and mental blocking is needed to believe in such a violent religion in the first place, or they will argue that it is actually a verse against wife beating or they will say that the original translation in Arabic doesn’t really say that when in fact, most Muslims cannot even read Arabic and furthermore, based on my research, it does actually state to beat your wife for disobedience in a much harsher manner than the English translation. I read about four different English translations of that one verse because it is the one that most disgusts me and they ALL say “beat.” So are Muslims telling me that all of those professional Arabic translators are wrong when they cannot even read Arabic themselves?! The word used for beat in Arabic is “daraba” in that verse. It does in fact mean beat or strike and some translations even try to “soften the verse” by inserting the word “lightly” in brackets beside the word “beat” even though the “lightly” part is not found in the Arabic at all. So if anything, the original Arabic is actually much harsher than the English and no, it is not dishonestly translated that way by English scholars just to discredit Islam as some Muslims have claimed, especially because many of the translators are in fact Muslims themselves. Why would they discredit their own religion and why would ALL of them use the word “beat”? However, my favourite justification for this verse, is that it is somehow “taken out of context” even though the Koran itself IS the context and even claims within its very own pages that it is mean to be a clear book (Sura 5:15, 2:99, 6:104-105, 22:16) so how can anything ever be taken out of the context of the Koran in the first place? The Koran is actually a lot more straightforward than Muslim apologists care to admit and basically, what it says is very difficult to portray as anything other than what the verses actually state in terms of endorsing violence, gay-bashing, anti-semitism and monumental misogyny (the worst one in my opinion because when women aren’t liberated, everyone on earth suffers because women are our future and the backbone of our entire planet). In terms of women being somehow “liberated” by Islam their very own Prophet didn’t have a very high view of them and in fact, sanctioned the raping of them in the Hadith (Bukhari 34:432, 62:137). Please tell me how permissible rape is liberating and don’t give me the argument that it’s a “weak Hadith.” This is the argument I encountered as a new convert and I finally realized that certain Hadith are kept in circulation in order to justify the actions of those in power while telling new Muslims and people who are ignorant of Islam in general, that it’s an inaccurate Hadith in order to protect their pathetic excuse for a faith. It just seems far too convenient to me. The plain fact that it is even part of the Hadith at all within a religion that claims to be peaceful, is enough to make me sick. When it comes to gay-bashing, there are numerous verses in the Koran that condemn homosexuality (Sura 4:16, 7:80-84, 27:54-56, 26:165-166 29:27-33) in contrast to only one short verse in the Bible (Leviticus 18:22)-and the Koran is at least five times shorter in length! It is amazing how so much hate and violence can be crammed into such a small book. I even had a Muslim friend (it is ironic that she would befriend me in the first place since Sura 5:51 declares that Muslims shall not befriend non-Muslims so therefore, she doesn’t even know her own religion), declare to me that gay people ruined the rainbow for her. In utter disbelief, I told her that there was nothing wrong with being gay and her response was “that’s because you just have a different opinion.” She said it like it was such a bad thing to even have a thought contradictory to the sick and evil religion that is Islam. For me, those who identify as anything other than straight, have made the rainbow that much more meaningful and diverse. I ended up changing the subject because I am lonely and she is my only friend but sometimes I wish I had said something more especially because homosexuality is seen as a crime punishable by death under Sharia law in most if not all, Muslim countries and these historically oppressed people deserve at the very least, people standing up for their rights as full citizens on this earth no matter who they (choose to) love. I put choose in brackets because I don’t think being gay is necessarily a choice (especially with all of intolerance and oppression that goes along with it), but more of an inclination toward one sex over the other much like being straight. One cannot help their sexual orientation any more than they can help their skin colour. Is God so petty and immature that He cares what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedrooms especially since He was the one who created them that way in the first place? I want nothing to do with that sadistic God. This same friend who I mentioned in relation to the rainbow, is African American and is super against racism yet ironically, she discriminates against people for being gay. Another irony on my friend’s part is that Arabs enslaved and forcefully spread Islam throughout Africa and therefore, her ancestors may have been direct products of these unfortunate events and have past down the religion of their perpetrators to future generations. Quoting author N’Diaye in Why the West is Best, Warraq writes “Millions of Africans were victims of raids, were massacred or captured, castrated and sent to the Arabo-Muslim world…such was in reality the major occupation of the majority of the Arabs who Islamized the African people all the while posing as pillars of the faith and exemplary believers. They often went from one region to region, Koran in one hand, knife for castrating in the other” (110). It is a wonder that these barbarians had time for their five daily prayers what with all the enslavement and forced conversions they were engaged in. So my friend who I know for a fact is against the slavery of her own people, is ironically following a religion that not only has its roots and history based in slavery some of which was done on her very own continent but also sanctions slavery in her very own holy book (Sura 16:75) and Hadith (Bukhari 34:351, 41:98, 47:765, 52:255, Muslim 39:01). Slavery is actually deeply embedded within the Islamic tradition both for work (labourers) and for sexual conquest (sex slaves) This same friend also texted me recently to ask me if I heard the shocking news that three Muslims were killed in North Carolina. While I sympathize with the plight of my fellow human beings who just so happen to be Muslim, I wonder if my friend would’ve been as shocked and heartbroken if these three people who were killed weren’t Muslim? There are countless non-Muslims out there who are slain in the name of Allah but it seems that Muslims only get enraged when it is their own kind who are slain for being Muslim. Islamically, it is somehow perfectly fine for people to be slain for NOT being Muslim. It is ironic to note that on Sunday February 15th 2015, Saudi Arabia officials declared the senseless murder of those three unfortunate Muslims a “heinous terrorist act” but yet, fail to (or refuse to) acknowledge the brutal slaughter of non-Muslim that takes place in their very own country. Later on, I will mention just some of the numerous verses in the Koran that endorse the killing of non-Muslims for the sake of Allah (even though Allah created these people in the first place!) Speaking of the Koran, there may be Muslim apologists out there who argue that this “holy” book does have some good verses that promote peace and tolerance in contrast to killing and brutality, but I had a very difficult time even finding one Sura about peace without it being in the context of ruthless violence, intolerance and misogyny because the simple truth of the matter is that the violent and barbaric verses in the Koran far outweigh the peaceful, tolerant ones. One verse in the Koran states that “none shall enter Paradise unless he be a Jew or a Christian. These are their own desires…Produce your proofs is you are truthful” (Sura 2:111). Is it not the selfish desires also of the Muslim people to say that only they will be the ones to go to Heaven as is mentioned in Sura 3:85? Where is their proof besides the verses written by their own biased Prophet in the Koran?! I am beginning to become more and more convinced every day that the Prophet made up the entire Koran to serve his own agenda and that God played no role in it whatsoever because if He is all powerful and all knowing, why would He need a mere mortal to write it for Him? Also, if God is all powerful, why is His alleged greatness contained to such a small and obscure book? I believe that the Prophet just said that God told him to write the Koran and the argument that the Prophet was illiterate and couldn’t have written it, therefore proving that God wrote it, is incredibly weak because the Prophet could’ve paid someone who was literate to write down his twisted thoughts for him. The Prophet Muhammad is the Joseph Smith (Mormonism) of Islam in that he used people’s fear of a non-existent deity to further his own agenda and therefore, should not be revered as a hero but shunned as someone who plays on people’s vulnerabilities and mercilessly abuses women for his own personal satisfaction just to get ahead in life. Not to mention that if God wanted to reveal His final word to people, why not do it now in this day and age with all the technology we have? It sure would’ve reached a lot more people than just those wondering around in 7th century Arabia with no clue why the sun set at night or why it rained other than to attribute it to a vengeful, deceitful deity in the sky that watches their every move. Another tidbit of information regarding women in Islam (in which many Muslims argue that she is actually liberated through this religion) is that a woman must ask her husband permission before she can go on birth control because in Islam, Muslims are required to have a lot of children in order to keep the religion alive. Can someone please tell me how not having complete control and autonomy over your own body as a woman is liberating?! I refuse to buy into a religion that treats me like a second class citizen without full rights over my own damn body just because I don’t happen to be a man. I have finally come to terms with being an Atheist again and it feels utterly amazing and brings me immense joy and satisfaction that no religion ever could. In fact, religion, especially Islam, and all its stuffy rules limits us as human beings by taking all of the joy and fun right out of living and what kind of a life is that anyway?! Now I no longer have to contemplate leaving my non-Muslim husband or limit what I can and cannot do based on some obscure belief system. As an Atheist and more importantly, as a human being, I don’t have to have all the answers to the big questions in life, I just have to do the best I can with what I have and that gives me a sense of relief because I can spend my time more productively than agonizing over where we go when we die or whether or not God exists. I have more important things to worry about like being the best person that I can now and helping others when I am able. There is something puissant and comforting to be said for enjoying the mystery of life and the liberation of doubt and free thought rather than always having to control everything and have all the answers-religion takes all the joy and wonder out of living and enjoying life in the moment precisely because it claims to have all the answers-it is very largely based on control and human insecurity rather than just enjoying the here and now without having to always know everything all the time. The sheer certainty that is the nature of religion terrifies me because it leaves no room for enjoying all life has to offer in a completely unfettered, uninhibited way. We are human and we aren’t perfect so how can we have all the answers anyway?! Being an Atheist gives me hope, sense of inner peace and freedom and there is nothing more important to me than these states of being except for acceptance and love for who I am whether I believe in Allah or a flying pink unicorn that shits money. I felt like I couldn’t be myself as a Muslim and deep down it felt so rotten and vile to have to give up my free thought and outspokenness in order to be a “proper” Muslim woman. Not to mention that when I reverted, I was constantly told that I had to leave my husband who I love very much and who would do anything for me solely because he is not Muslim. Islam has no place in my bedroom and Muslims have no place telling me who I can and cannot love. No religion, ideology or person does. So please, if you are seriously considering reverting, RECONSIDER and read the books by Warraq that I mentioned earlier! I recommend it to anyone who falls under the spell of Islam. It will bring you back to reality so fast you won’t know what hit you-except maybe that you finally aren’t brainwashed anymore. I really wish I had read Warraq’s books before I converted because it gives one a taste of what true Islam actually is as opposed to the watered down, just peachy version of it that is taught in Western Mosques and schools. As Warraq notes in Why the West is Best, “in recent years, Saudi Arabia and other Islamic countries have established chairs of Islamic studies in prestigious Western Universities, which are then influenced to present a favourable image of Islam” (174). I guess I was so mesmerized by the beautiful clothing in Islam that I wasn’t thinking very clearly and at the time, did not even think to study beyond the books I was given that said nothing but good things about Islam and the inaccurate statements of other Muslims. Don’t let that be your story and always remember that misery is big business for religion. Don’t ever buy into a system of belief that exploits your misery for its own gain especially the evil, intolerant, scary, abhorrent, vile and hateful religion (dare I say cult) of Islam! In NO way does it liberate women by any stretch of the imagination nor is it even remotely a religion of tolerance and peace (and in fact, encourages Muslims in over 109 verses in the Koran to kill, fight or viciously harm non-Muslims in the name of Allah [see Sura 2:191-193, 2:216, 5:33, 8:12, 8:59-65, 9:5, 9:29-30, 9:123 33:60-62, 40:25, 47:4, 48:25, and, the most vile graphic, and disgusting verses in terms of slaying non-Muslims in my opinion, Sura 22:19]). Remember that. I guess in light of the above mentioned verses on killing non-Muslims, it makes sense that this is what the Koran teaches because it also states in Sura 2:217 that temptation is worse than taking someone’s life. Also it is very shocking to note that Sura 9:111 states that those who fight in the name of Allah will kill and be killed. I am just speculating, but could this be the verse responsible for 9/11? In any case, I wonder how Muslims expect anyone in any part of the world to see their religion in even a remotely positive light while they continue to endorse the killing and torture of non-Muslims? Islam already has an unbelievably shoddy reputation as it is-is the brutal slaying of non-Muslims in the name of their “merciful” God somehow going to change this perception? I don't want anyone else who may be miserable and looking to religion (especially one as violent and intolerant as Islam) to offer them some kind of false hope to go through the utter, seemingly endless confusion and agonizing fear that I did. If my article can save just one person from this unfortunate fate, then sharing it is worth it to me. Religion, especially Islam, is nothing more than mental abuse and there is no greater loss than that of the mind and the ability to think freely-indeed, it is when people are in a state of belief based on ignorance, blind following, lies, deceit, manipulation, brainwashing, denial and violence rather than one of reason based on critical thought, careful, unbiased research, ceaseless questioning, ceaseless curiosity while still maintaining an air of skepticism, comfort with not knowing and doubt rather than making claims based on nothing to fill the gaps, a sincere thirst for knowledge and sharp intellect that our world suffers the most especially within the realms of human rights, complete freedom, autonomy and social justice for all. As Warraq states in Why the West is Best “freedom of conscience can be guaranteed only in a secular state, where religion is a private matter” (181). Just as recently as February 2015, a gunman in the Danish capital of Copenhagen, thought to be inspired by Islamic radicalism, shot up a group of people at a free speech event. This unfortunate event could happen to us in the West if we don’t stand up for our rights as set by the constitution. The loss of free speech is the beginning of the loss of freedom in general. I call on everyone to wake up and unveil Islam for what it truly is-relentless and violent oppression of free thought and speech and therefore, stifling even the most basic of human freedom in the name of Allah.
Topic: Why I Left Islam