Three- That was definitely key for me. As a believer I had this idea of the basic, bare-bones Islam that I could accept and that I felt was prescribed, and I kept thinking we (Muslims) would be in a better state if we got back to that. But I wasn't ready to accept that this mess happened for a reason, and would happen again and again; there was never something worth salvaging, even if the divine laws were more palatable. Too many loopholes, too many flaws, and your example is a great one of that.
I fell for that purist back to basics bit, too. I kept trying to look past the doings of the Muslims to find the "real" Islam. It was much too long before I realized that the people form a religion's identity, that they cannot be divorced from one another, that religion is dependent on the people and their behaviours. Their very self determination, their self labeling as Muslims manifests in religious practice and identity, and literature cannot hide it. You cannot tell a Muslim that they are not practicing Islam. They are Islam. There is no Islam without Muslims.
For years they told me, don't look at us, look at Quran, look at Hadith, but ignore or retranslate or explain away the parts you find disturbing, as Islam cannot be disturbing, and that would mean I believe something disturbing, myself.
"Don't look" is what they meant. For everything.
I wish I had looked sooner, instead of trying to peer around everything that was self evident.