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 Topic: Hadiths that are either silly/ funny, or cruel

 (Read 807 times)
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  • Hadiths that are either silly/ funny, or cruel
     OP - October 18, 2013, 12:31 AM

    I remember back when I was in highschool that  liked a page on Facebook. It was called "a Hadith a day keeps the Shaytaan away". Now looking back, it is hilarious that I liked that facebook page, just because I never read any hadiths at all (as well as my muslim friends didn't either.).
    Anyway how about we do that with this page haha. Just post some really ridiculous hadiths.

    I'll start:

    Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said, "If anyone of you, when having sexual relation with his wife, say:'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and prevent Satan from approaching our offspring you are going to give us,' and if he begets a child (as a result of that relation) Satan will not harm it."

    Sahih Bukhari 4:54:493

    PS please leave citations for the Hadiths you put

    Tell people that there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you.

    Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
    - George Carlin
  • Hadiths that are either silly/ funny, or cruel
     Reply #1 - October 18, 2013, 02:02 AM

    following

    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Hadiths that are either silly/ funny, or cruel
     Reply #2 - October 18, 2013, 03:04 AM

    Messenger of Allah, I see on the face of Abu Hudhaifa (signs of disgust) on entering of Salim (who is an ally) into (our house), whereupon Allah's Apostle said: Suckle him. She said: How can I suckle him as he is a grown-up man? Allah's Messenger smiled and said: I already know that he is a young man 'Amr has made this addition in his narration that he participated in the Battle of Badr and in the narration of Ibn 'Umar (the words are): Allah's Messenger laughed.

    Salim has attained (purbety) as men attain, and he understands what they understand, and he enters our house freely, I, however, perceive that something (rankles) in the heart of Abu Hudhaifa, whereupon Allah's Apostle said to her: Suckle him and you would become unlawful for him, and (the rankling) which Abu Hudhaifa feels in his heart will disappear. She returned and said: So I suckled him, and what (was there) in the heart of Abu Hudhaifa disappeared.

    Messenger of Allah, Salim (the freed slave of Abu Hudhaifa) is living with us in our house, and he has attained (puberty) as men attain it and has acquired knowledge (of the sex problems) as men acquire, whereupon he said: Suckle him so that he may become unlawful (in regard to marriage) for you He (Ibn Abu Mulaika) said: I refrained from (narrating this hadith) for a year or so on account of fear. I then met al-Qasim and said to him: You narrated to me a hadith which I did not narrate (to anyone) afterwards. He said: What is that? I informed him, whereupon he said: Narrate it on my authority that 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) had narrated that to me.

    A young boy who is at the threshold of puberty comes to you. I, however, do not like that he should come to me, whereupon 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) said: Don't you see in Allah's Messenger a model for you? She also said: The wife of Abu Hudhaifa said: Messenger of Allah, Salim comes to me and now he is a (grown-up) person, and there is something that (rankles) in the mind of Abu Hudhaifa about him, whereupon Allah's Messenger said: Suckle him (so that he may become your foster-child), and thus he may be able to come to you (freely).

    I heard Umm Salama, the wife of Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon himy, saying to 'A'isha: By Allah, I do not like to be seen by a young boy who has passed the period of fosterage, whereupon she ('A'isha) said: Why is it so? Sahla daughter of Suhail came to Allah's Messenger and said: Allah's Messenger, I swear by Allah that I see in the face of Abu Hudhaifa (the signs of disgust) on account of entering of Salim (in the house), whereupon Allah's Messenger said: Suckle him. She (Sahla bint Suhail) said: He has a heard. But he (again) said: Suckle him, and it would remove what is there (expression of disgust) on the face of Abu Hudhaifa. She said: (I did that) and, by Allah, I did not see (any sign of disgust) on the face of Abu Hudhaifa.

    Sahih Muslim
    USC-MSA web (English) reference    : Book 8, Hadith 3424

    Tell people that there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you.

    Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
    - George Carlin
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