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 Topic: Cute little Gangstas

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  • Cute little Gangstas
     OP - June 14, 2013, 03:47 PM

    Firstly:  bunny

    Secondly: I witnessed what was quite a sad incident last weekend (for me at least). And I must say I can’t quite get it out of my mind so I thought I’d share it with you…

    I took my son to a fourth birthday party of someone at my son’s nursery. All the kids there were either three or four. I decided to hang around, unlike most parents, because my son can be very shy and he tends to panic when faced with new crowds. Anyways, all was good and dandy until Pass the Parcel. For this, all the children gathered round into a circle, and suddenly the kid to the left of my son said, 'I don’t want to sit next to him, he’s a Paki.’ The one to the right of him then decided this made good sense, saying, 'Yeah, he stinks.’

    I was horrified. Gobsmacked. I didn’t realise colour counted at such an early age. It was incredibly sad for me to witness, and I’m not just saying that because my son was at the centre of it all. Rather, I’m saying it because I sometimes I live in an idealistic bubble where character is what counts, and I was hoping that my son could join me in that bubble for as long as possible, until he is big and strong enough to maybe face one or two unfortunate realties.

    Anyway, both I and the only other adult present exchanged looks and decided to drop the incident and allow the game to continue, partly because I don’t think either of us knew whose children these two were. My son was not affected in the slightest, because he is currently as dopey and as excitable and as idealistic as his daddy is; so the poor kid did not even realise that there was ill-feeling around him.

    But, like I said, the event has affected me a fair bit. My son currently lives in an all-white small Yorkshire town/village and I’ve never until now thought about how this would affect him. In about a year, he is due to start school and until now I have assumed he would be going to one of the seemingly lovely schools in the town. But now I am not too sure. Children can be cruel. I was hoping that they would somehow see beyond the colour of my son’s skin and accept him for whatever person he is set to become. But now I think that that perhaps is asking for too much? I talked to my wife about this, and she is insisting that our son now goes to a more multicultural school from a town that is nearby that has an Asian community. I’m starting to think that she is right and that is the best way to protect my son for now. I realise I can’t protect him forever, but to throw him into a primary school, where the other children there could easily end up destroying him, possibly for life, could maybe be the wrong thing to do?

    What do you think I should do? Should I go out of my way to send my son to a school that is ten miles away, so that there is less chance of him being seen as different, and thus possibly becoming isolated? Or should I just hope that my son remains strong enough to get through whatever school I send him to, and that the children there turn out to be more sensible and less cruel than the two that turned on him yesterday?


    Lastly:  bunny

    Hi
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #1 - June 14, 2013, 03:59 PM

    That story is really sad Musivore. Those kids must be getting indoctrinated to be racist by their parents. If you think that this will be the attitude at the school then yeah, maybe you should consider sending him to a more multi-cultural school. Or you could give your local school a try and see if he is happy there, and if he gets bullied then pull him out and send him to the other school.
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #2 - June 14, 2013, 04:23 PM

    Im sorry you had to hear that. Eventhough the kids had no idea what they were talking about, you still know they had it from somewhere and thats just incredibly hurtful.
    I dont know what the right thing to do is but if it was my kid I would go for the multicultural school. Im sure some people will say that taking him away from the all white school will just hurt his integration into society. That he should stay and break through whatever ethnic bullying that occurs, that he should set an example for other...... but I wouldnt give a shit about that stuff if it was my own kids well-being that was at stake. From personal experience after starting off in a predominant white school when I was kid and later tranferring to a multicultural one, I would pick the multicultural one in a heartbeat. You cant shield him from hatred forever, but he should not be at a school where he from the get go is labelled different. Kids are cruel enough to begin with and him standing out like that will just guarantee teasing and bullying.
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #3 - June 14, 2013, 05:28 PM

    I'm just going to sit back and read and absorb any advice that anyone offers on this thread, and not answer. I'm doing this mainly because I have a tendency to agree with everything that everyone says on any thread that I start (possibly because I am just grateful, excited and touched that the wonderful people on here are actually interacting with me?). And I even sometimes end up somehow agreeing with two people who have opposing opinions on the same issue  wacko Which is just lame.

    Having said that, I totally get what you're saying Tony. Perhaps a trial is a good idea. I will consider that. And Artemis, I'm touched by your post. I'm not sure it was your intention, but it made me choke a little, and there is still a little dampness in my eyes as I type. Thank you, your experience and wisdom on this is somehow a small part of me now.

    Hi
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #4 - June 14, 2013, 06:08 PM

    ^ Do you suffer from some kind of niceness syndrome? You can't be a real person.

    From personal experience after starting off in a predominant white school when I was kid and later tranferring to a multicultural one, I would pick the multicultural one in a heartbeat. You cant shield him from hatred forever, but he should not be at a school where he from the get go is labelled different. Kids are cruel enough to begin with and him standing out like that will just guarantee teasing and bullying.

    I had the same experience. I got bullied a lot at an all white school and I was much happier being in an international school. If he was a little older I'd agree with Tony's suggestion but at this early stage of his life, he really doesn't need the racism and self-esteem issues. It's also harder to speak up and get the teacher or principal to do something about it when you're the only one suffering from the problem. I'd take him to the more multicultural school. It's a tough decision, but you know what's best for your son.

    Started from the bottom, now I'm here
    Started from the bottom, now my whole extended family's here

    JOIN THE CHAT
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #5 - June 15, 2013, 04:50 PM

    First of all, musivore, you're too cool!

    I recommend sending him to a multicultural school, definetely Smiley
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #6 - June 15, 2013, 05:20 PM

    That felt like a kick in the gut reading that, how horrible.

    I second Tony's advice.

    I'm so sorry your family had to experience this.


    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #7 - June 15, 2013, 05:47 PM

    I'm gonna go slightly different from the others here and say I'm not so sure I would have placed my kids in the multi-cultural alternative.

    If for example I was still living in an area in which there was a heavily Moroccan dominated school I could send my kid to, and a more white alternative that has some racism, I'm not sure I would have been able to stomach sending my kid to the Moroccan alternative, because of the other traits and influences they would pick up.  This isn't just islam I am talking about, it is ghettofied Moroccan cultural mentality that I would kill to avoid placing my kids in to. 

    Bearing in mind I'm a single mum, even more so, since kids in all schools will find a way to bully the kid who doesn't fit in with the appropriate background.

    I honestly don't want my kids to pick up the mentality that they will if they attended the same school my sister's kids do, and judging from her kids, I'm pretty pleased I've avoided it.

    Also, on the racism front, my kids do happen to go to a very mixed school locally to me, children of all flavours go there, and yet my own son, who is a mildly olive skinned, and practically white in the winter......is still called a paki. 

    My daughter who is taller than other girls is called fat, my eldest son who goes to a boarding school is also called paki, but he is much much darker, like me, and thus you can understand the geographical mistakes the racists make, less so with my practically white son.

    Kids are uneducated assholes in any school.

    Yet, my kids are doing well and find it humorous thanks to my support and home education, and of course my continued contact with the schools to remind them to educate the children they are teaching.

    Of course problems may yet arise, but for the most part my children seem happy, and I am still so relieved at how different they are mentally, to my sister's very Moroccan-muslim children, who bear all the hallmarks of a rising experience of teenage hood on a level I experienced it.... horribly.

    Still though, I do have the option of very mixed schools, and not over populated by any race, and so I am not in (excuse me, I have to say this) such a black and white situation.   Tongue

    I also moved from Yorkshire for the same reason you are experiencing now, because people would walk past me and my son and call us Pakis.  I found in the long run it was too much for me to take, so I do understand where you are coming from.

    I just wanted to point out that even in a multi racial school my kids are still called names, it is stupidly unavoidable with pig ignorant parents roaming around out there.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #8 - June 15, 2013, 05:49 PM

    Oh, and I was also pointing out that you have to think about the traits and influences the more Asian school will subject your child too.

    I wasn't just waffling.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #9 - June 15, 2013, 05:53 PM

    Yup gotta agree with Berbs.... Growing up, my family lived in a major city in North America where I went to a public school that was well known and racially diverse, and yet there I was bullied by black, Indian (from India), Arab and white kids at different times. Before then, when I lived in Pakistan, I was bullied by some fellow Pakistani kids.

    I don't think ghetto-ization is a good idea as kids will still find a way and a reason to bully. While I wouldn't recommend living in or sending kids to a school in a totally mono-cultural area, white or otherwise, I do think exposure to different communities is needed, and a small amount of bullying is something that kids will inevitably face everywhere. I think parents need to be advocates for their kids and not just hide their kids away in mono-cultural ghettos. There are kids of every ethnicity, race, gender, economic class, etc. who bully other kids.

    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #10 - June 15, 2013, 09:17 PM

    Firstly:  bunny

    I took my son to a fourth birthday party of someone at my son’s nursery........................ suddenly the kid to the left of my son said, 'I don’t want to sit next to him, he’s a Paki.’ The one to the right of him then decided this made good sense, saying, 'Yeah, he stinks.......’

    I wonder where those little rascals learn such behavior.. is it from their homes?  is it on TVs? is it from schools?  some one must be teaching that behavior...  

    Quote
    ................. I didn’t realise colour counted at such an early age. It was incredibly sad for me to witness, and I’m not just saying that because my son was at the centre of it all. Rather, I’m saying it because I sometimes I live in an idealistic bubble where character is what counts, and I was hoping that my son could join me in that bubble for as long as possible, until he is big and strong enough to maybe face one or two unfortunate realties........

     frankly speaking,  for  kids of that age,  color,  religion, creed  really doesn't matter. It is indeed trained/learned behavior..  The blame goes somewhere else..
    Quote
    Anyway, both I and the only other adult present exchanged looks and decided to drop the incident and allow the game to continue, partly because I don’t think either of us knew whose children these two were. My son was not affected in the slightest, because he is currently as dopey and as excitable and as idealistic as his daddy is; so the poor kid did not even realise that there was ill-feeling around him.

     Exchanging looks is not good enough., it must be discussed during parent/teacher/child meetings..
    Quote
    ................... Children can be cruel. ...........................

    Ha! if properly not trained little rascals are cruel and  are as good as beasts..


    Quote
    What do you think I should do? Should I go out of my way to send my son to a school that is ten miles away, so that there is less chance of him being seen as different,......................

    if I were you, the first thing I will do is talk to school teachers/coordinators whatever ... and ask them what would be the best way to care of such problems.
    Quote
    My son was not affected in the slightest, because he is currently as dopey and as excitable and as idealistic as his daddy is


    I doubt that it has no effect on the kid,  It is deadly and dangerous to the kids., If properly not treated psychologically.,   he could grow up as introvert or extravert .. These racist kids in schools are the worst for kids..  if possible move the kid to mixed school environment at least until he is in 5th grade..

    Do not let silence become your legacy  
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim
     
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #11 - June 16, 2013, 12:14 PM

    ^ Do you suffer from some kind of niceness syndrome? You can't be a real person.

    I used to think the same. But there are bodies beneath his patio or my name's not Fred West.


    As for your dilemma, Sire Musivore...

    The trivial nastiness of your story knotted my idealistic stomach. Like you I expect people to be nice. And generally they are.

    I was one of a minority of white kids in black schools when I was little. I may have been insulted, but I honestly can't remember.

    If I have a child myself it will go to the local Japanese school and be perhaps the only mixed race kid. There's a nasty problem with bullying in Japanese schools. I would hope to endow my child with enough niceness, confidence, humour and obliviousness not to succumb to it.

    I can imagine your child being rather like this. I'd take Tony's advice and try the local school first.

    Good luck, Mr Shipman.
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #12 - June 16, 2013, 08:02 PM

    I would, at least, try the local school. Not going to the same school as the local kids can be isolating too.  He will want friends outside of school hours I assume. Also there is still potential to be bullied by the local kids if they don't know him. Racism is much harder if its against a person you know well.
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #13 - June 17, 2013, 10:27 AM

    Thank you all for posting your thoughts and experiences regarding this. These have proven to be exactly the kind of varied perspectives that I was looking for when I started this thread. I now have plenty of wise words to ponder over in the coming days and weeks.

    Thanks all,
    Fred x

    Hi
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #14 - June 25, 2013, 04:22 AM

    Live in a liberal state. The South is very racist, even if people aren't open about it. Your kids would get eaten alive in the South. I'm actually Jewish with ancestors from Central America and Mexico. But, you'd either think I was white if you were Mexican, Mexican if you were white, and if neither, then you'd be like, "WTF are you?" And in the end, I'd say, "WTF does it matter?" And really, that's the question we need to ask ourselves. It doesn't really matter, but that's not reality either. It matters to a lot of people, unfortunately. If you don't live in America, then you live in a country that isn't such a melting pot. And, while you may be a "native" in your non-U.S. country, then the other natives judge you on the color of your skin. If your skin is lighter, you're treated better. What a world, eh?

    The parents are racist, which causes the kids to adopt racist beliefs. It's either the kids' parents teaching them, or the kids' friends, but if the kids' friends, it's still their friends' parents teaching them.

    Honestly, if it were me, I'd enroll them at the more multi-cultural school. But, don't think you'll ever escape racism. Never going to happen. People will judge you on your ethnicity/ nationality/ race, or if you're among other natives of the same ethnicity, nationality, and race, you may be judged on the color of your skin.

  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #15 - June 25, 2013, 06:31 AM

    If you don't live in America, then you live in a country that isn't such a melting pot.

    Cooking pot, surely. Though having slaughtered all your natives you didn't even do them the honour of eating them.


    And check the black-white intermarriage statistics for the US and the UK.
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #16 - June 25, 2013, 07:12 AM

    I think you should seek out the local schools and have a chat. They might just have experience, programs and policies in places to actively meet and counter such issues.

    If they are totally ignorant, I'd say you should consider the multi-cultural school. But as others have pointed out it may be a bit difficult for your son to have close friends outside of school if the neighbourhood kids go to the local shcool.

    Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
    Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
  • Cute little Gangstas
     Reply #17 - June 27, 2013, 06:35 AM

    Thanks Paragon and Nic for your advice and concern.

    And welcome to the forum  Afro

    Hi
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