25 years a Muslim

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- Toona
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25 years a Muslim
OP - April 18, 2013, 04:09 PM

Raised and still living in a very religious atmosphere, people in my position would rarely even consider the possibility that they might one day question their religion, and I could have gone another 25 years as a Muslim without questioning it if it weren't for some unorthodox Islamic thinkers that got me questioning some very important aspects of Islam that I believed in. A few months later, after I started realizing the amount of lies and half-truths that we are told, I decided re-examine my entire faith, and so it fell apart incredibly quickly. I only decided that I no longer consider myself a muslim a couple of weeks ago or so.

Of course this needs to be a secret in real life. I'm living in a country where I could be executed for this. My family would disown me. My friends would defriend me. But I can't keep something like this bottled up forever, and so I decided to join and let some of this out. I do need some support. Eventually I may even need to immigrate, because I just have no idea what could happen if I fail to be a pretend-Muslim for the rest of my life.

This is my story. Any commentary/questions/advice?
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Reply #1 - April 18, 2013, 04:24 PM

Hey Toona, Welcome

Are you by any chance a fan of tuna?

Use this forum as an outlet for the frustration your situation causes whilst you make plans to work towards independence so you can be free of Islam.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
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Reply #2 - April 18, 2013, 04:40 PM

No, I'm just fond of the word tuna, and its pronunciation. It's a cute word.

One more thing worth mentioning, I've suffered from depression my whole life, and it started lifting when I started questioning my faith, despite these conflicts that I didn't have to deal with before, which is the opposite of what I've been promised.

I remain open-minded, and I take a look at the Quran every now and then to make sure I'm not on the wrong path.
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Reply #3 - April 18, 2013, 04:48 PM

Welcome, Toona

"we can smell traitors and country haters"

Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
God is Love.
Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
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Reply #4 - April 18, 2013, 04:56 PM

Quote from: Toona on April 18, 2013, 04:09 PM
.... if it weren't for some unorthodox Islamic thinkers that got me questioning some very important aspects of Islam.......
...... I started realizing the amount of lies and half-truths that we are told,.........

Hello Toona. Welcome. I too came to the realization that we were told countless lies and half-truths about Islam from birth, as well as omission of the truth, which is just as bad if not worse.
I'm curious to know, which unorthodox Islamic thinkers are you referring to? anyone famous?

You mention depression, some muslims would just say that it was a jinn possessing you or the qareen that everyone is supposed to have with them, making you depressed until you left Islam. If your very religious family found out about your doubts, couldn't you use that excuse to save yourself from any harsh repercussions?
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Reply #5 - April 18, 2013, 05:22 PM

Quote
I'm curious to know, which unorthodox Islamic thinkers are you referring to? anyone famous?

First I listened to this guy named Adnan Ibrahim, who's a very liberal muslim that had all kinds of unusual interesting ideas. He denied the existence of the "Dajjal" and brought up many contradictions in the hadith related to the subject to prove that it's just a legend. It made sense, and got me thinking about the unreliability of the hadith. Eventually I adopted the Quranic belief (No hadith, just the Quran), but it didn't take long for me to realize that the Quran could not stand on its own.

Quote
You mention depression, some muslims would just say that it was a jinn possessing you or the qareen that everyone is supposed to have with them, making you depressed until you left Islam. If your very religious family found out about your doubts, couldn't you use that excuse to save yourself from any harsh repercussions?

I've been a strong denier of jinn possession. I've always said that the vast majority if not all of cases of jinn possession are just psychological delusions. I doubt anyone would buy it.

But I do have backup plans. Things to say and excuses to make. I have to lie my way through life for... god knows how long.
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Reply #6 - April 18, 2013, 06:07 PM

Welcome, Toona. First and foremost, stay on this forum. When I first came here, I was still in a very depressed and an irrational mood, but people here helped me a lot. These guys are incredibly open-minded, funny, and are always willing to help no matter what! They don't solve your problems by telling you that God will save you, but instead give reasonable and thoughtful advice. I could go on and on, but try your best to frequently visit here! You won't find a better place.

Other than that, I advise you to give yourself some time and get used to your new mental state. After that, I don't really know whether you should immigrate or not in the future, but I think you already know the answer to that
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Reply #7 - April 18, 2013, 06:28 PM
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Reply #8 - April 18, 2013, 09:40 PM

Hey welcome Yes we're a support group.

***~Church is where bad people go to hide~***
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Reply #9 - April 18, 2013, 10:46 PM

Welcome Toona This place is here specifically for people in this kind of situation. Please feel free to vent here, share your thoughts and ask for advice.

Advice Corner
If you want you can use the Advice Corner to post questions about specific or general things you need advice for. There are lots of amazing, compassionate, intelligent folks here who will listen and try and help you in any way they can.

The Shelter
And you can always use The Shelter if you want to have a more private conversation with some of the most long term members who are here (threads there don't show up for the public so it's a more secure, private area).

Glad you found us

"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
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Reply #10 - April 19, 2013, 12:11 AM

Welcome Toona! A lot of good people here that will lend an ear when you need to vent and lend a shoulder when you need support. Remember not to give out any private info on the forum if you think it will cause you danger if someone read it. As Allat said there is always "The Shelter" part of the forum.

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Believe in yourself
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Strike me down and I'll just become another nail in your coffin
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There's such a thing as sheep in wolfs clothing... religious fanatics
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Reply #11 - April 19, 2013, 01:05 AM

Hey Toona

Is it easy for you to leave? (wherever it is you are?)
Quote from: ZooBear
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Reply #12 - April 19, 2013, 06:17 AM

Thanks people.

Quote
Is it easy for you to leave? (wherever it is you are?)

Technically I don't have much to stay here for. I'm single, and I don't own anything I can't take with me, and I'm not particularly attached to any friends or family, so on the outside I'm perfectly portable, and I hope one day I could move out of this depressing place.

On the other hand, the thought does scare me. I have Asperger's syndrome, and I've never learned how to be independent enough to survive completely on my own. It would be like asking a 10-year-old to move out of the country and live on his own.
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Reply #13 - April 19, 2013, 07:48 AM

Quote
Aspergers

Speaking personally, huge chunks of that are manageable with the correct support. Are you getting support? Are you reading stuff?

I have a personal belief that the neuro-diverse are actually the shock troopers of atheism, having to work out what on earth is going on has a direct effect on thinking about religious behaviours.

Review carefully your situation, do you need to change anything? Would putting on an act, being a bit like a spy or double agent be enough? I am just reading Agent Zigzag and it is fascinating how humans can live extremely complex lives!

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Reply #14 - April 19, 2013, 08:46 AM

Welcome to the forums Toona That really is a cute name btw Have you looked into what types of visas you'd be eligible for, and to which countries?
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Reply #15 - April 19, 2013, 12:37 PM

Quote from: moi on April 19, 2013, 07:48 AM

Speaking personally, huge chunks of that are manageable with the correct support. Are you getting support? Are you reading stuff?

I only found out about it a few years ago, and I've read a lot about it since then. I'm not getting any special support except my family providing basic needs, like a place to stay.

Quote
Review carefully your situation, do you need to change anything? Would putting on an act, being a bit like a spy or double agent be enough? I am just reading Agent Zigzag and it is fascinating how humans can live extremely complex lives!

I think I can go on like this indefinitely, but I'm not sure it's good for me, especially for someone who experiences a variety of psychological issues. And I really don't have it in me to pray 5 times a day, and this has been raising red flags for a few years now. People have been asking me whether I pray at all, and I have to say something like: Oh I do pray, but only when no one's looking, because it makes me anxious.

Quote
Have you looked into what types of visas you'd be eligible for, and to which countries?

I actually have a US passport. Long story. Probably not a good idea to mention details in public.

I don't have any degrees or qualifications that give me the luxury of moving though. I'd likely be homeless if I moved away from my family, although some of my few friends are urging me to move, even though they don't know about the shift in my beliefs. They assume that I'm supersmart, and will likely be able to find employers that appreciate talented people with special needs, which sounds a bit naive.
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Reply #16 - April 19, 2013, 01:07 PM

Quote
Oh I do pray, but only when no one's looking, because it makes me anxious.

Is prayer another example of Islamic Theatre (tm)?

It has to be done proper with full bowing etc or Allah is not happy?

Quote
And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
- Toona
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Reply #17 - April 19, 2013, 02:05 PM

Quote
Is prayer another example of Islamic Theatre (tm)?

It has to be done proper with full bowing etc or Allah is not happy?

Not sure what you mean by that, but yeah, I'm talking about the daily prayers with the bowing and stuff, which pretty much makes or breaks your faith as a Muslim. Luckily no one in my life is very strict about it or they could make my life miserable.
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Reply #18 - April 20, 2013, 06:26 AM

Welcome to the forum Toona

Is there a way to study towards a degree / qualification, try to get a few years work experience where you live and then look at the possibility of moving? It might open a few more doors and you would also keep yourself busy and positive with a plan / goal in mind.
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Reply #19 - April 20, 2013, 07:08 AM

I am working towards something like that. I don't know how practical it is, but I am hoping to become a programmer.
- osmanthus
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Reply #20 - April 20, 2013, 07:15 AM

Oh hiya. So did you get your nick from the tree or somewhere else?

Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West.
- Toona
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Reply #21 - April 20, 2013, 07:21 AM

From this:
- osmanthus
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Reply #22 - April 20, 2013, 07:31 AM

Aha. Righty. So not from this:

I have them on the brain a bit because I've got a project underway that uses a bit of that timber.

Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West.
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Reply #23 - April 20, 2013, 07:48 AM

i love eating toonas
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