A very warm welcome, 7amzah!
Reading your intro, I see so many things which I felt and asked the
very same things. Especially the "back flips" part!
Actually, some of us were VERY faithful, and served every moment
of our waking time. The idea of there NOT being a big sky daddy was
in fact VERY troubling and traumatizing. Like having to go through
the five stages of grief. That suddenly, noone was there that had been
that "comfort" like a rug pulled out from under your feet.
Honestly, sweetheart, it doesnt matter if you were or weren't a muslim.
What matters is the truth, and the brave souls seeking such truth.
I hope you find comfort and solace here, and the answers to your
questions. Just know you are NOT alone, and we havent all gone over
to worshipping shaytan
He doesnt exist either! LOL