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Theme Changer

 Topic: Children

 (Read 13740 times)
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Children
     OP - July 28, 2011, 01:44 AM
    Hopefully the right palce for this discussion.

    I decided around a yearago that I don't wnat children - for a number of reasons but amongst the top 3 I guess was that I wouldn;t want to bring them up as Muslim but if I didn't then that would mean telling my family why.

    Now its not THAT big a deal to me as I have other reasons for not wanting kids.

    I would be interested to hear your thoughts though.- especially from those who do want kids but haven't told their families they are not Muslim anymore.
  • Re: Children
     Reply #1 - July 28, 2011, 01:50 AM
    Well I guess it's one's personal choice to want kids or not, but I kind of sense the absence of a partner's decision in your OP. At the end of the day it should be a consensual decision between you and your partner. Also it is important to realise that the way you feel about not revealing your apostasy right now, may not exactly be the way you feel in the future in a different circumstance.

    Personally I would cherish the opportunity to have children, and bring them up as humane atheists. I wouldn't want to miss out on the chance to educate those in my care as humanistic human beings, rather than allowing muslims to reproduce dummies without any competition.

    Smiley
  • Re: Children
     Reply #2 - July 28, 2011, 01:52 AM
    I don't have a partner but anyone who wants to be my partner will have to share my views on it as it is not something I really want to budge on.

    When you start looking for women who don't want kids your potential matches start dwindling very quickly, lol
  • Re: Children
     Reply #3 - July 28, 2011, 02:03 AM
    Wow you're pretty firm in your stance Shocked .. I wonder what it is that makes you so determined to never have kids... If you don't mind me asking of course.  whistling2
  • Re: Children
     Reply #4 - July 28, 2011, 02:48 AM
    Apart from what is mentioned above..

    1) I don't think the world is necessarily that nice a place. Life is less pleasant than it was and if I am brutally honest I would imagine life in 20 years will be worse than it is today in Britian - do I want to bring children into that world?

    OK, you might think I am being a bit melodramatic and the world is not ending or anything - but still, I can't things getting much better as time goes by.

    2) I am not sure that I would make that good a father anyway - I have lots of nephews and nieces and whilst I like spending time with them I can quickly become stressed. The thought of being totally responsible for a child does fill me with dread and although I could man up and handle the stress and responsibility I am not sure I really want to.

    I have no burning desire to have children.

    Will I regret it when I am 50 and on my deathbed? Almost certainly, infact I have no doubt that I will. But is that a good enough reason to change my mind NOW?

    Maybe as I get older and life starts passing me by I will change my mind. That is why I would like to find a woman who also doesn't want kids as that would certainly make things a lot easier for me.

  • Re: Children
     Reply #5 - July 28, 2011, 07:28 AM
    Quote from: theghost on July 28, 2011, 01:52 AM
    I don't have a partner but anyone who wants to be my partner will have to share my views on it as it is not something I really want to budge on.

    When you start looking for women who don't want kids your potential matches start dwindling very quickly, lol


    Oddly enough, as a woman who absolutely does not want kids, I also found my choice of potential partners dwindle. I think it was sheer luck that I bumped into my hubby who detests kids as much as I Grin but pretty much every guy I had been with before that either wanted kids, or didn't want to give up the possibility of having them in the future. It was a depressing worry that I wouldn't be able to find someone like me.

    But child-free women do exist so don't give up hope! I guess it depends on where you live though and whether you have enough freedom to look for a partner of your choice.  Smiley
  • Re: Children
     Reply #6 - July 28, 2011, 08:01 AM
    Quote
    I am not sure that I would make that good a father anyway - I have lots of nephews and nieces and whilst I like spending time with them I can quickly become stressed. The thought of being totally responsible for a child does fill me with dread and although I could man up and handle the stress and responsibility I am not sure I really want to.


    Me too, am still uncertain on wanting to have kids. I dont think i would be a good father and i can easily be worn out with such a responsibility like this, i can be good with kids though but there is a certain limit of putting up with them.Also having kids and taking care of them cost a lot in my country like healthcare,education,feeding and clothing.

    But on the other hand i would like to have a child or two(hopefully twin: a boy and a girl) just to raise an atheist children and have my own family so as to avoid loneliness, the idea of having children sound appealing to me yet im not in a rush to have one, maybe if im between 37-40, i would be matured enough to take care of the kids. Yet i have to fix myself first before i think of having my own family.
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Children
     Reply #7 - July 28, 2011, 09:22 AM
    Quote from: Poopycock on July 28, 2011, 07:28 AM
    Oddly enough, as a woman who absolutely does not want kids, I also found my choice of potential partners dwindle. I think it was sheer luck that I bumped into my hubby who detests kids as much as I Grin but pretty much every guy I had been with before that either wanted kids, or didn't want to give up the possibility of having them in the future. It was a depressing worry that I wouldn't be able to find someone like me.

    But child-free women do exist so don't give up hope! I guess it depends on where you live though and whether you have enough freedom to look for a partner of your choice.  Smiley


    Unfortunately I had 3 before I realised that I didn't want any, but soon enough they will grow and leave and this job can be over.

    You know what pisses me off though, is dudes who date me knowin full well at the get go that I don't want to ever have any children again, but then try to use my desire to not have children, as a reason why it won't work between us.

    That is what pisses me off.

    My real mum for instance had no choice but to have her womb removed because she was bleeding profusely after having my sister.  Later on in life she met someone, and they were together for 13 yrs.  It was after 13 years that this dude broke up with her because the urge to finally have children was upon him.

    I don't trust any man who says he is ok with me not wanting to have kids, it's all a tactic to get pussy.  Ultimately people are just fucking liars.

    Anyway I fully intend to get sterilised this year, so the choice is forever gone.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Children
     Reply #8 - July 28, 2011, 09:31 AM
     Cry

    That sounds so horrible what your mother went through. hugs Berbsy.
  • Re: Children
     Reply #9 - July 28, 2011, 09:35 AM
    Meh, whether they break up with you not long after the pussy or 13 years after it, the point is the same.  People are liars and people change.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Children
     Reply #10 - July 28, 2011, 09:37 AM
    At the moment I don't want children, maybe until about two years time. And that is only to pacify the Ms. Personally I could do without children, children are totally overrated. 
    Left the forum: http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=22997
  • Re: Children
     Reply #11 - July 28, 2011, 09:38 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 28, 2011, 09:35 AM
    Meh, whether they break up with you not long after the pussy or 13 years after it, the point is the same.  People are liars and people change.


    Are you on your lows baby? hugs Happens to be I am too. You're absolutely right though, men are all bastards. Cry
  • Re: Children
     Reply #12 - July 28, 2011, 09:41 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 28, 2011, 09:22 AM
    I don't trust any man who says he is ok with me not wanting to have kids, it's all a tactic to get pussy.

    Grin You do realise that some blokes really don't want to have kids?


    Quote
    Anyway I fully intend to get sterilised this year, so the choice is forever gone.

    Good idea. I had my nuts done about fifteen years back. Best 200 I ever spent. yes
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Children
     Reply #13 - July 28, 2011, 09:42 AM
    No lol not all of them.  I wish I could just say men are all bastards but I think I know some decent ones.  So I won't say it.

    It's just this subject.  Children, the having of them and the deciding not to.

    I feel it is yet one more way in which someone can hurt/betray me in the future, and I hate leaving things to chance.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Children
     Reply #14 - July 28, 2011, 09:43 AM
    Quote from: osmanthus on July 28, 2011, 09:41 AM
    Grin You do realise that some blokes really don't want to have kids?

    Good idea. I had my nuts done about fifteen years back. Best 200 I ever spent. yes


    How many guys are you though Os.  You are like the only guy I have known who was so sure about this decision that they went and took it upon themselves to make sure it didn't happen.

    To me you are like my hero on this subject.   Smiley
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Children
     Reply #15 - July 28, 2011, 09:51 AM
    I've known quite a few blokes who did the same, either before having any kids or after having enough kids.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Children
     Reply #16 - July 28, 2011, 10:11 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 28, 2011, 09:22 AM

    I don't trust any man who says he is ok with me not wanting to have kids, it's all a tactic to get pussy.  Ultimately people are just fucking liars.

    Anyway I fully intend to get sterilised this year, so the choice is forever gone.


    How about i do vasectomy then? Deal? Tongue j/k j/k
    "I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

    "No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
  • Re: Children
     Reply #17 - July 28, 2011, 10:14 AM
    I'm pretty torn on this subject at the moment.

    If I were to decide that I wanted a kid, I would adopt because it makes life easier.
  • Re: Children
     Reply #18 - July 28, 2011, 10:25 AM
    I feel so left out cause I want kids, with or without a partner.  lipsrsealed

    *Googles sperm donor organisation numbers*
  • Re: Children
     Reply #19 - July 28, 2011, 10:59 AM
    I want kids, and I actually think I'd make a good dad.  Smiley

    I ain't gonna be raising no fool!
    .
  • Re: Children
     Reply #20 - July 28, 2011, 11:01 AM
     
    Quote from: Shahid Raza on July 28, 2011, 10:59 AM
    I want kids, and I actually think I'd make a good dad.  Smiley

    I ain't gonna be raising no fool!


    dance

    Me too! I mean obviously I think I'd be a good mummy not a dad!  whistling2
  • Re: Children
     Reply #21 - July 28, 2011, 11:06 AM
    I do want kids. I used to be pretty obsessed with the idea, to the point of seeing my eventual partner as a mere sperm donor, and being extremely depressed as the years went by and I wasn't anywhere near that goal. I wanted five kids.

    I still do want kids, but I'm sure two will be largely enough. I do have a partner now and we both want to have a family and talk a lot about how we'll raise them, and I'm thrilled at the idea of sharing this experience with him, but it'll have to wait a few years, till we're settled and I've done the things I want to do (i.e: living my life).
    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • Re: Children
     Reply #22 - July 28, 2011, 11:12 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 28, 2011, 09:22 AM
    ant

    Anyway I fully intend to get sterilised this year, so the choice is forever gone.




    Ouch.. But then again you have had 3 kids that's enough experience to put you off ! Kids aren't so bad when they are older you can turn them into your very own personal maid or cook .........
    "its fashionable to be an ex Muslim these days"
  • Re: Children
     Reply #23 - July 28, 2011, 11:27 AM
    Quote from: ChinaDoll on July 28, 2011, 11:12 AM


    Ouch.. But then again you have had 3 kids that's enough experience to put you off ! Kids aren't so bad when they are older you can turn them into your very own personal maid or cook .........



    Speaking from experience are we Chinadull? Grin
  • Re: Children
     Reply #24 - July 28, 2011, 01:04 PM
    I have thought about the problems that would arise when having kids (and I do want to have chidren sometime in the future, although sometimes i think woahhhh it's going to be a huge responsibility etc).

    At one point I was thinking I probably wouldn't mind having an arranged marriage to a liberal/forward thinking muslim guy, but then that would go with the risk of him changing his attitudes somewhere along the lines and becoming more reilgious (as many of my relative have done) also the fact that if I had a baby boy they would want to circumsize him as a kid and I'm against that....I think he should be able to choose and that means when he's older and think about things more.

    "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

    'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
  • Re: Children
     Reply #25 - July 28, 2011, 01:27 PM
    Quote
    At one point I was thinking I probably wouldn't mind having an arranged marriage to a liberal/forward thinking muslim guy, but then that would go with the risk of him changing his attitudes somewhere along the lines and becoming more reilgious (as many of my relative have done) also the fact that if I had a baby boy they would want to circumsize him as a kid and I'm against that....I think he should be able to choose and that means when he's older and think about things more.


    So glad you got over that madness  Wink
    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • Re: Children
     Reply #26 - July 28, 2011, 01:43 PM
    I don't want any either.

    Hmm. Do you notice how the more secular and liberal a country is, the less people have children? From evolutionary perspective, being secular and liberal is a disadvantage. Being highly religious and conservative is the way to go, as they seem to have far more kids.

    I think we might eventually approach a time where children will be "grown" in special facilities, from haploid cells provided by donors. A Brave New World, of sorts Roll Eyes
    Have you heard the good news? There is no God!
  • Re: Children
     Reply #27 - July 28, 2011, 06:51 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on July 28, 2011, 09:22 AM
    Unfortunately I had 3 before I realised that I didn't want any, but soon enough they will grow and leave and this job can be over.

    You know what pisses me off though, is dudes who date me knowin full well at the get go that I don't want to ever have any children again, but then try to use my desire to not have children, as a reason why it won't work between us.

    That is what pisses me off.

    My real mum for instance had no choice but to have her womb removed because she was bleeding profusely after having my sister.  Later on in life she met someone, and they were together for 13 yrs.  It was after 13 years that this dude broke up with her because the urge to finally have children was upon him.

    I don't trust any man who says he is ok with me not wanting to have kids, it's all a tactic to get pussy.  Ultimately people are just fucking liars.

    Anyway I fully intend to get sterilised this year, so the choice is forever gone.



    Oh gosh that sucks! I hadn't thought about that.... how can you be with someone for 13 years and then decide that you want kids  wacko

    I think it would be great if a guy got sterilised too... I'll have to save up my pennies to have my own operation in a few years, but until then, the worry of getting pregnant will still haunt me lol
  • Re: Children
     Reply #28 - July 28, 2011, 06:54 PM
    I think if the maternal instinct were to grip me, I might look at adoption. Until then, I'll be the crazy old lady with lots of fluffy animals  dance
  • Re: Children
     Reply #29 - July 28, 2011, 06:56 PM
    Quote from: Naerys on July 28, 2011, 01:27 PM
    So glad you got over that madness  Wink


    lol! me too. I guess it's sort of seeking what's comfortable....wanting a partner from a similar background who you don't have to worry about the fine details of cultral differences with and that they will probably get your perspective on things in life. etc.
    "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

    'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
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