Childhood Scars

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Childhood Scars
OP - March 23, 2011, 06:02 PM

Childhood can leave some scars on us as we grow up and magically become an adult at 18. There are natural reactions we may have to particular things--call them triggers if you will, there may be memories we'd rather avoid. In short, lots of things that we experience in childhood (i'm talking of the negative variety) can have lasting impact on our lives and on our adulthood, thus affecting the way we deal with people around us.

I think it's important as an individual to slowly realize what these instinctual responses are--and their sources and perhaps why we deal with certain situations in a harried and rather irrational manner. And ultimately begin the process of perhaps not withdrawing into yourself when someone points out your ears are a little funny looking (perhas you were bullied about them as a kid), not lashing out at someone because you feel you are being attacked when perhaps someone just wants to offer some advice and on and on (maybe your mother did such a thing often).

I think a lot of growth in terms of how we deal with others in relationships really comes from understanding these things about ourselves, but these are just my thoughts.

Do you have any weird triggers and responses to things? If you think you don't , I'd suggest you think again

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #1 - March 23, 2011, 06:04 PM

I am extremely introverted in a group larger than 2. I think this is because I spent most of my childhood trying to be invisible to the bullies.

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #2 - March 23, 2011, 06:08 PM

Quote from: z10 on March 23, 2011, 06:04 PM
I am extremely introverted in a group larger than 2. I think this is because I spent most of my childhood trying to be invisible to the bullies.

Dude that's such a loss. To the people in the group. To hear you waffle, I mean elucidate on the mysteries of life is a gift. The kind you only appreciate a week later when you've finally figured out what you were talking about.
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #3 - March 23, 2011, 06:13 PM

Quote from: z10 on March 23, 2011, 06:04 PM
I am extremely introverted in a group larger than 2. I think this is because I spent most of my childhood trying to be invisible to the bullies.

Hmm does this mean you dont speak at all?

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #4 - March 23, 2011, 06:15 PM

Quote from: BlackDog on March 23, 2011, 06:08 PM
Dude that's such a loss. To the people in the group. To hear you waffle, I mean elucidate on the mysteries of life is a gift. The kind you only appreciate a week later when you've finally figured out what you were talking about.

I reserve that for one on one conversations

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Ambiguous undulations as they sink,
Downward to darkness, on extended wings. - Stevens
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #5 - March 23, 2011, 06:15 PM

Quote from: Ephemeral on March 23, 2011, 06:13 PM

Hmm does this mean you dont speak at all?

very little I suppose

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #6 - March 23, 2011, 06:16 PM

i can't trust people and i find it very hard to connect to people on more than a superficial level

i have a complete and utter apathy towards people because i don't know what to feel and i want to avoid looking like a 'creep' or a 'freak'

i have a bad habit of keeping all my possessions with me as i don't trust others not to steal my things, even mundane things like a wallet or so

on the occasions i do let my defences down, i have a massive paranoia about what others will think and what they will say

and thus, i'm a social fuckup.
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #7 - March 23, 2011, 06:17 PM

yeah but why such responses? can you relate them to an event or maybe your parents?

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #8 - March 23, 2011, 06:20 PM

Let me list one I have:

I have a problem saying reaching out to people when I'm truly upset. I withdraw. I think It's because I learnt very early on never to try to explain my feelings to my parents--my mom twists words and fucks it all up

I try to keep that in mind lately when i "retreat" into my shell, and try to let the feeling of isolation and the fact that the other person doesnt care or doesnt want to listen go away. Not everyone is my mother and there is some person I can trust, thus the feelings are irrational and not relative to my interaction with this person at all. Stay rational

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #9 - March 23, 2011, 06:22 PM

Quote from: serrated_colon on March 23, 2011, 06:16 PM
i can't trust people and i find it very hard to connect to people on more than a superficial level

i have a complete and utter apathy towards people because i don't know what to feel and i want to avoid looking like a 'creep' or a 'freak'

i have a bad habit of keeping all my possessions with me as i don't trust others not to steal my things, even mundane things like a wallet or so

on the occasions i do let my defences down, i have a massive paranoia about what others will think and what they will say

and thus, i'm a social fuckup.

If you don't mind me asking, does this have a connection to your salafi past?

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #10 - March 23, 2011, 06:26 PM

yeah sure.

i can't trust people because every time i've been fucked over in one way or another, thus i prevent myself from discussing anything with anyone on anything more than a superficial basis.

i used to get called 'creepy' and a 'freak' during my early teens cuz i was an easy target for insults which i took personally, so as a defense mechanism i learnt to be completely and utterly apathetic to anything said or done to me. due to this apathy, i feel uncomfortable when connecting with people on an emotional level and i stray away from doing so.

my paranoia about my possessions is obvious. i used to get robbed a lot at school and sometimes outside of it.

my other paranoia about when i let my defenses down is linked to my apathy and has the same root causes. a few years after my defense mechanisms were in place(when i was 15/16) and i'd assimilated into some sort of social group, there were occasions when i said things i shouldn't have, and in the moment have no clue why. when i become the center of attention i go back to the state i was in and my defense mechanism of total apathy goes up and i attempt to distill the situation by being invisible to others(which is particularly easy when you realise that you just have to give them no reason to give a shit about you).

i'm a social fuckup cuz of these things

also z10, actually no. my salafi past was one of the things that allowed me to let these defense mechanisms down and probably kept me sane, under the pretense of course of god guiding me and bullshit like that.
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #11 - March 23, 2011, 06:27 PM

there's a mentality i adopted as a result of this; the only thing that matters is my family and me. people are shit and come and go, those are the two things that remain. with my family crumbling in the near future, looks like i'm totally fucked eh?
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #12 - March 23, 2011, 06:29 PM

yeah but not everyone is your family or those idiots SC.

Maybe some day you'll find people worth opening up to

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #13 - March 23, 2011, 06:31 PM

Quote from: serrated_colon on March 23, 2011, 06:27 PM
there's a mentality i adopted as a result of this; the only thing that matters is my family and me. people are shit and come and go, those are the two things that remain. with my family crumbling in the near future, looks like i'm totally fucked eh?

has this forum helped you in any way?

At evening, casual flocks of pigeons make
Ambiguous undulations as they sink,
Downward to darkness, on extended wings. - Stevens
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #14 - March 23, 2011, 06:33 PM

it's nice to truly let my hair down at conferences, so yes it does help me stop from dwindling into a severe depression over it. however you guys can only do so much, i really need one-to-one support, but the only friend that i can trust thinks all my problems are due to me not being muslim so i'm sorta fucked.

taking up smoking helped...sorta.
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #15 - March 23, 2011, 06:37 PM

Wow. I'm a lot like you, serrated_colon.

I'm younger, and still kinda a loner.

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #16 - March 23, 2011, 06:38 PM

Does no one but me actually want to deal with their issues?

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #17 - March 23, 2011, 06:39 PM

most of childhood scars are caused by parents... in my (and my siblings') case, we all turned out scewed up in one way or another because of our father's lack of love towards us... he saved all his love for our mother, and acted, all his life, as if I and my siblings were his rivals! That can screw you up really badly, even though it might seem like nothing at first.

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #18 - March 23, 2011, 06:40 PM

;O

how does that manifest itself in your adulthood, Debunker?

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #19 - March 23, 2011, 06:47 PM

Quote from: Ephemeral on March 23, 2011, 06:38 PM
Does no one but me actually want to deal with their issues?

this is the weird thing, i'm totally conscious of how fucked up i am but every time i try to attempt to solve my problems i just regress back into my previous state. the apathy has just transformed into a sort of self-resentment and i tell myself to man up and stop being such a fucking sissy, and that leads me to suppress my state and 'move on'. i'm perfectly aware of it, it's just the solution to the problem requires me to get over my coping mechanisms that have served me well for my teenage life.

this is really pretentious and stupid but i'm at a low point today so sorry
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #20 - March 23, 2011, 06:52 PM

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2011/mar/22/lsd-acid-trip-self-knowledge

That is an interesting article, published today, about the way in which psychedelic drugs can help one to face oneself and accept all one's faults.
I think I would agree with the article, psychedelics are nothing if not an exploration of the self.

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #21 - March 23, 2011, 06:53 PM

Quote
;O

how does that manifest itself in your adulthood, Debunker?

in my case, i become easily resentful towards anyone, and ready to cut ties forever... if a relationship (a friendship or whatever) is in the least stressful for me, i severe it so easily like it was nothing. In the case of some of my siblings, their sibling rivalary is simply out of control... and some of them are resentful towards our mother (even though she loves us dearly, they blame her for everything!)

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #22 - March 23, 2011, 06:55 PM

Quote from: z10 on March 23, 2011, 06:52 PM
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2011/mar/22/lsd-acid-trip-self-knowledge

That is an interesting article, published today, about the way in which psychedelic drugs can help one to face oneself and accept all one's faults.
I think I would agree with the article, psychedelics are nothing if not an exploration of the self.

I did a mellow psychedelic once. I saw our ancestors on the plains of Africa. I understood why they had to be so tough. I understood the violence. And then I saw a butterfly and was fazed out for the rest of the trip.

Also negative things:

1. You don't always remember what you were tripping on

2. You don't always make sense of what you're seeing, and post-analysis doesn't make much sense either. And not really useful for the purpose of self-knowledge.

3. Bad trips, hard to escape. You have to come down.

4. Not to mention fucking up the wiring of your brain due to over-use (but too much anything can be a bad thing)

On that note, I find this interesting, that I look at the "negatives" of an issue. I guess sometimes focus too much on it. I try to be balanced. And on that note, I notice how you tend to drift towards the positive sides of issues. Care to discuss why? Not an accusation btw, sounds like it perhaps
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #23 - March 23, 2011, 06:58 PM

Quote from: z10 on March 23, 2011, 06:52 PM
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2011/mar/22/lsd-acid-trip-self-knowledge

That is an interesting article, published today, about the way in which psychedelic drugs can help one to face oneself and accept all one's faults.
I think I would agree with the article, psychedelics are nothing if not an exploration of the self.

I'll read the article later,

but what do you mean by accepting one's faults? acceptance is important obviously, but these things can poision experiences for us subtly if not dealt wih or if no effort is taken to alter the behaviour.

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #24 - March 23, 2011, 07:20 PM

Quote from: z10 on March 23, 2011, 06:04 PM
I am extremely introverted in a group larger than 2. I think this is because I spent most of my childhood trying to be invisible to the bullies.

Same here! Well, actually the group has to be larger than 3 or 4 people, depending.

I also have a paranoia of being clumsy and lazy because my parents drilled it into me that I was "cack-handed" and "bone idle" as a kid. They meant well but these things stick with you.
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #25 - March 23, 2011, 07:23 PM

Quote from: serrated_colon on March 23, 2011, 06:16 PM
i can't trust people and i find it very hard to connect to people on more than a superficial level

i have a complete and utter apathy towards people because i don't know what to feel and i want to avoid looking like a 'creep' or a 'freak'

freak

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #26 - March 23, 2011, 07:33 PM

Oh boy, where to start.
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #27 - March 23, 2011, 07:39 PM

Quote from: Ephemeral on March 23, 2011, 06:58 PM
I'll read the article later,

but what do you mean by accepting one's faults? acceptance is important obviously, but these things can poision experiences for us subtly if not dealt wih or if no effort is taken to alter the behaviour.

Sure, I think it is important to try and solve one's unconscious fears.

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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #28 - March 23, 2011, 07:40 PM

Quote from: BlackDog on March 23, 2011, 06:55 PM
I did a mellow psychedelic once. I saw our ancestors on the plains of Africa. I understood why they had to be so tough. I understood the violence. And then I saw a butterfly and was fazed out for the rest of the trip.

Also negative things:

1. You don't always remember what you were tripping on

2. You don't always make sense of what you're seeing, and post-analysis doesn't make much sense either. And not really useful for the purpose of self-knowledge.

3. Bad trips, hard to escape. You have to come down.

4. Not to mention fucking up the wiring of your brain due to over-use (but too much anything can be a bad thing)

On that note, I find this interesting, that I look at the "negatives" of an issue. I guess sometimes focus too much on it. I try to be balanced. And on that note, I notice how you tend to drift towards the positive sides of issues. Care to discuss why? Not an accusation btw, sounds like it perhaps

What do you mean positive side of an issue? I don't think bad trips are "negative" necessarily. Generally they are the ones that manifest your fears openly and are the greatest impulse towards understanding them.

At evening, casual flocks of pigeons make
Ambiguous undulations as they sink,
Downward to darkness, on extended wings. - Stevens
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Re: Childhood Scars
Reply #29 - March 23, 2011, 07:43 PM

Quote from: L2PK on March 23, 2011, 07:23 PM
freak

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