Very good arguments, thanks. In my personal case the bruised ego, etc. doesn't occur because I don't make it known if I am seeing someone else. It's rather a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of scenario.
It's not too different from cheating is it? Do you honestly think that not telling is going to prevent a bruised ego?
Sure it can change perceptions, I'm not denying that. It's all about balancing the needs of both people. If someone truly considers the sexual space in a relationship as sacred and involiable, then obviously this type of relationship is not going to work for them. Not everyone sees it that way though.
Agreed, as I said, I have no objections to someone being part of such a relationship, it just wouldn't work for me. Which is why I think people should be very open and straight forward about these things, before taking the next step
I don't agree that we shouldn't share what is valuable. It is selfless to share someone/something you know to be good, even if you would rather have it all to yourself.
That depends on what I am sharing.
And I don't think your examples ring true. If I put my kids first, that means I am acting in THEIR best interest and not necessarily mine, whereas if I am jealous and don't want my partner to spend time with someone else, that is because that stance is in MY best interest, not his. Fighting for positions is again, most probably in MY best interest, and not giving up could go either way.
Biologically and psychologically the interests of your kids are your interests too. They have inherited half of their chromosomes from you. Psychologically they almost a continuation of you too.
Could it be that if we were raised differently, and I mean radically differently, your final question could fit the argument AGAINST monogamy? If we were raised to believe that there is no such thing as sexual ownership of others and that no one has the right to demand such from another, wouldn't we then be calling the one who made such a demand self-centered? I personally would never try to force a person to accept my lifestyle, nor would I accept the same from another. I realize not everyone is in a position to feel comfortable with such arrangements though.
Well for starters I for one was not raised to believe that I have the right to sexually own others and your use of the word 'demand' is slightly inaccurate too. It is more a case of stating what would work and what wouldn't work for one, which I think is important as both partners would have an early indication of whether the relationship is going to work, and save them a lot of pain if it has no future.
Furthermore I am quite sure that our values would have an impact on how we viewed monogamy. I do not expect a bedouin to have any objections to polygamy for one. But as you are theorising about a society which is altruistic, selflessness would be seen as the highest virtue. Part of being selfless means putting your partner before yourself and seeing that she is comfortable and happy even if she might not make any demands but keep her discomfort to herself (given our human nature we are bound to feel insecure). And therefore after assessing the pros and cons and after deciding that this partner means a lot, the selfless person would feel willingly make personal sacrifices for the greater good (which in our case happens to be the relationship)
So no I don't think it would be a good argument against monogamy.
Topic: Should we be monogamous?