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Theme Changer

 Topic: Fear of Men

 (Read 18351 times)
  • 12 3 ... 5 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Fear of Men
     OP - June 13, 2010, 03:35 AM

    Am I the only ex muslimah who has this fear of being in a relationship with men...? Whether he be a Muslim or not.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #1 - June 13, 2010, 03:38 AM

    Could you be more specific?

    Do you mean fear of being with a man? fear or intimacy? or fear of initiating conversation with men (shyness)?
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #2 - June 13, 2010, 03:42 AM

    fear of being with a man and being intimate with him... even when I try to imagine it, I can't without getting the chills...
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #3 - June 13, 2010, 03:50 AM

    Is it an actual fear or is it just that you'd rather not be intimate with men?

    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #4 - June 13, 2010, 03:51 AM

    fear of being with a man and being intimate with him... even when I try to imagine it, I can't without getting the chills...

    Hmmm. That's weird.
    Again could you elaborate on the word "fear" ?
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #5 - June 13, 2010, 03:58 AM

    Good point os.

    Fuck it, I'll be a little more blunt--

    (1) Have you imagined sexual relations with a man, if so, how did that make you feel? You may have already answered that with the "it gave me the chills" comment.

    (2) Have you imagined sex with a woman, if so, how did that make you feel?

    (3) Does the thought of any sexual contact turn you off?

    Basically, you could be repressing sexual feelings towards men, or you could be repressing a mostly if not entirely homosexual orientation, repressing ALL sexual feelings, or you could just naturally be completely asexual. I will not speculate as to the reasons why for any of the above. However, these are the four options I see, but I very well may be missing something.


    fuck you
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #6 - June 13, 2010, 04:01 AM

    Fear of being intimate with them... when I even imagine having sex with a guy, I can't picture myself. I just get really scared and sometimes I even just cry... I heard that there is therapy for this but I was hoping this would just fade of by itself.

    I love men I really do, I get attracted by them. I don't know.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #7 - June 13, 2010, 04:03 AM

    And I have no feelings for women. I do like guys and I find myself feeling scared when I get close to one.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #8 - June 13, 2010, 04:10 AM

    Fear of being intimate with them... when I even imagine having sex with a guy, I can't picture myself. I just get really scared and sometimes I even just cry... I heard that there is therapy for this but I was hoping this would just fade of by itself.


    Not normal for a heterosexual woman of your age I don't think, but my opinion on this is next to worthless, seein as how I'm not a woman and wasn't raised in your culture/religion. When the sisters log in they'll be able to give better opinions than I.

    Quote
    I love men I really do, I get attracted by them. I don't know.


    Yeah, hon, but how exactly are you attracted by them? You know? Doesn't necessarily mean you're sexually attracted to them.

    Ya know, fuck it. A 33 year old never been Muslim male in the US trying to counsel an 18-year old ex-Muslim female from the Gulf is fuckin stupid. I'm gonna wait until the sisters log in and give their advice before I chime in again. Berbs, allat, get yer sweet fuckin asses over her and help this girl. PeruvianSkies, Manat, you too. And other chicks. Oh why oh why did I even post in this thread?  wacko

    Forget everything I just said. It's all been a horrible dream.

    fuck you
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #9 - June 13, 2010, 04:14 AM

    Fear of being intimate with them... when I even imagine having sex with a guy, I can't picture myself. I just get really scared and sometimes I even just cry... I heard that there is therapy for this but I was hoping this would just fade of by itself.

    I love men I really do, I get attracted by them. I don't know.

    wow. i hope nothing bad happened to you in the past. ive heard women talking about this stuff before but mostly because of their own insecurity on their own bodies and such.

     Cheesy @ Q-man
    Quote
    Forget everything I just said. It's all been a horrible dream.

  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #10 - June 13, 2010, 04:24 AM

    Q, you're letting the side down. We're blokes. We're supposed to keep pontificating when we don't know what the fuck we're talking about.  cool2

    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #11 - June 13, 2010, 04:32 AM

    perhaps engrained inhibitions?  are you looking for just sex or want a relationship?
    Good luck!  Any woman, regardless if they are godly or ungodly play sex roulette.
    Maybe if the opportunity presents itself, have a drink or two before hand to relax
    you.  Or better yet, take a vicodin ;p    Dont get sloshd drunk tho, it numbs way
    too much of the good feelings. 

    When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
    Helen Keller
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #12 - June 13, 2010, 08:54 AM

    Is it that Islamic culture has made you sexually repressed? I assume like the majority of Muslim females, you have grown up constantly being told that sex is bad and disgusting etc. and because of that, you subconciously think that sex is sething that is wrong and you should feel repulsed by the idea of intimacy with men? If that is the case, maybe you should try to get that out of your system somehow. For example, for a long time, i had an aversion to pork and pork products, but over time, I have desensitised myself to it and am eating a bacon sandwich as we speak!

    By the way, I am no psychologist, as you can see by my intimacy with men/bacon sandwich analogy, so I think some of the female crew should put their two pence worth in!

    By the way, I am no psychologist

    Religion - The hot potato that looked delicious but ended up burning your mouth!

    Knock your head on the ground, don't be miserly in your prayers, listen to your Sidi Sheikh, Allahu Akbar! - Lounes Matoub
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #13 - June 13, 2010, 09:12 AM

    Am I the only ex muslimah who has this fear of being in a relationship with men...? Whether he be a Muslim or not.


    IMHO - It's just the way Islamic society represses feelings of sexuality - and makes them (esp women) feel guilty or ashamed of expressing ones sexual feelings - that makes many youngsters like you fear it.

    Don't worry - it'll pass.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #14 - June 13, 2010, 09:15 AM

    Fear of being intimate with them... when I even imagine having sex with a guy, I can't picture myself. I just get really scared and sometimes I even just cry... I heard that there is therapy for this but I was hoping this would just fade of by itself.

    I love men I really do, I get attracted by them. I don't know.


    Sounds like alot of muslim girls on their wedding day, those tears aren't just fake because they are demanded (they tried to insist I look scared and tearful in my wedding video  Roll Eyes ).  Those tears are because the girl is really afraid.

    I think you are over thinking it, but with your muslim brain (we all still have parts of it lol) in that these girls are terrified because to them sex hasn't been explained as something wonderful, but something that men need, not women.  And as women it's our duty to give it to them, not enjoy it, but be a vessel for him to empty himself out into.

    We are given the impression that sex is scary, and painful first time, and that it never gets better really.  Also, sex will happen with a stranger, picked out by our parents, someone we don't have any real say in.

    Now that you are not a muslim it doesn't have to be that way.  You will meet someone and that person will show you over a course of time that you can trust them.  That person will awaken sexual feelings in you slowly, and you will be less afraid the first time it happens because it's with someone you want, and have wanted for awhile.  Basically you will be ready and trusting with no reason to be afraid.  If it's with the right person (I;m not talking a forever ever after situation here, but just someone you click with really well) then that person doesn't want to hurt you, and you will know this.  Meaning it's less about being afraid, than it is about being a bit nervous.

    Take your time and meet the right guy first.  Don't think about the sex part yet, let them earn your trust, your mutual sexual attraction and your desire, and by then it will be you pushing to try it.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #15 - June 13, 2010, 09:57 AM

    DARKEYED9, I don't want to trivialise this but I also don't think it's a good idea to allow this to be blown out of proportion either. You are a teenage girl - and many youngsters have this fear even if they didn't grow up in a sheltered religious environment. (Which you did and - in which case it is even more magnified.)

    We are all different characters and there are lots of young men and women who have this sort of fear before they have been in an intimate relationship.

    Don't worry - once you find someone special things will change and I'm sure your fears will pass.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #16 - June 13, 2010, 11:18 AM

    Ohhh dear, first of all  far away hug.

    You are from as already said a background of a demeaning attitude both toward sex itself and toward female sexuality, like we women don't have any sex drives and are here for the service of men.

    Me personally I used to only be able to be intimate with men under the influence, I was so shy, and I thought that drinking made me grown up and so it happened. I used to not be icky about the idea but just so insecure about the idea of doing it without alcohol, this not sex but kissing. I then met my now boyfriend, and were at first just friends and it evolved in to something more, I think the mix of trust, compatible mentalities (me seeing him apostate before my eyes etc.) and then small hugs evolving in to this desire not only to give of ourselves in our friendship, but also a want to bear all in front of each other. This was greatly helped by the slow nature of it, we only kissed about 4-6 months in to us being BF and GF, so we went slowly and it worked out.

    We were both similar in our shyness about not only intimate things (similar BG here, not societally but experience wise) but mentally so we worked through it together again building respect. I have to say respect is the biggest turn on as well as listening, as you know that the other person won't frig you round or whatever.

    So ya just be slow and it will work out for you, don't worry about it too much, just be friendly and things may happen with you and someone you truly love, trust, respect and listen to and who REALLY SHOULD love, trust, respect and listen to YOU. Both sides are needing to do these things otherwise it is not a fair relationship and the guy is a twat.

    Good luck me dear.  far away hug Afro victory
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #17 - June 13, 2010, 11:45 AM

    Hope you could get through this, for me, because sex was forbidden I end up wanting it more. You might just need more time to adjust with your current situation (no more being a muslim), just relax, don't push yourself to do anything you don't want Smiley
     far away hug
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #18 - June 13, 2010, 11:53 AM

    I feel the same way, though I'm not that scared.

    I don't like any physical contact, but I can tolerate from a woman, it's really frustrating.

    I don't think I'll be able to have a relationship with a guy (unless he's very very patient), this is the reason why I lean a bit more towards like girls more than guys. It would be nice to be able to get over it though.

    But I'm not sexual to begin with anyway. So I don't worry about it too much.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #19 - June 13, 2010, 12:13 PM

    Q, you're letting the side down. We're blokes. We're supposed to keep pontificating when we don't know what the fuck we're talking about.  cool2


    lol
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #20 - June 13, 2010, 12:16 PM

    Sounds like alot of muslim girls on their wedding day, those tears aren't just fake because they are demanded (they tried to insist I look scared and tearful in my wedding video  Roll Eyes ).  Those tears are because the girl is really afraid.

    I think you are over thinking it, but with your muslim brain (we all still have parts of it lol) in that these girls are terrified because to them sex hasn't been explained as something wonderful, but something that men need, not women.  And as women it's our duty to give it to them, not enjoy it, but be a vessel for him to empty himself out into.

    We are given the impression that sex is scary, and painful first time, and that it never gets better really.  Also, sex will happen with a stranger, picked out by our parents, someone we don't have any real say in.

    Now that you are not a muslim it doesn't have to be that way.  You will meet someone and that person will show you over a course of time that you can trust them.  That person will awaken sexual feelings in you slowly, and you will be less afraid the first time it happens because it's with someone you want, and have wanted for awhile.  Basically you will be ready and trusting with no reason to be afraid.  If it's with the right person (I;m not talking a forever ever after situation here, but just someone you click with really well) then that person doesn't want to hurt you, and you will know this.  Meaning it's less about being afraid, than it is about being a bit nervous.

    Take your time and meet the right guy first.  Don't think about the sex part yet, let them earn your trust, your mutual sexual attraction and your desire, and by then it will be you pushing to try it.


    wtf why? Shouldn't you be happy I mean after all you're getting married? That's how we've been raised to see it.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #21 - June 13, 2010, 12:23 PM

    BD- it's the norm for women to be crying their eyes out on their wedding day. We cant have women enjoying themselves afterall, what are we sluts or something?! Roll Eyes And there's the fact that we don't know then man we're marrying, how can we be happy?
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #22 - June 13, 2010, 12:26 PM

    Ohhh dear, first of all  far away hug.

    You are from as already said a background of a demeaning attitude both toward sex itself and toward female sexuality, like we women don't have any sex drives and are here for the service of men.

    Me personally I used to only be able to be intimate with men under the influence, I was so shy, and I thought that drinking made me grown up and so it happened. I used to not be icky about the idea but just so insecure about the idea of doing it without alcohol, this not sex but kissing. I then met my now boyfriend, and were at first just friends and it evolved in to something more, I think the mix of trust, compatible mentalities (me seeing him apostate before my eyes etc.) and then small hugs evolving in to this desire not only to give of ourselves in our friendship, but also a want to bear all in front of each other. This was greatly helped by the slow nature of it, we only kissed about 4-6 months in to us being BF and GF, so we went slowly and it worked out.

    We were both similar in our shyness about not only intimate things (similar BG here, not societally but experience wise) but mentally so we worked through it together again building respect. I have to say respect is the biggest turn on as well as listening, as you know that the other person won't frig you round or whatever.

    So ya just be slow and it will work out for you, don't worry about it too much, just be friendly and things may happen with you and someone you truly love, trust, respect and listen to and who REALLY SHOULD love, trust, respect and listen to YOU. Both sides are needing to do these things otherwise it is not a fair relationship and the guy is a twat.

    Good luck me dear.  far away hug Afro victory


    +1

    DARKEYED9, sorry are you in KSA or the US right now? If outside KSA, go meet and explore the variety of other men out there. I can assure you there are nice guys over here in EU and US. Nice guys who don't just finish last but ones you won't be afraid of.

     far away hug
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #23 - June 13, 2010, 12:27 PM

    BD- it's the norm for women to be crying their eyes out on their wedding day. We cant have women enjoying themselves afterall, what are we sluts or something?! Roll Eyes And there's the fact that we don't know then man we're marrying, how can we be happy?


    So true with South Asian weddings. I never understood this as a kid even when they knew the man they were about to marry (and were not scared of them).
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #24 - June 13, 2010, 12:30 PM

    OK from that perspective I get it. I was thinking like a non-forced arranged marriage, you know you choose in the end if you want to get married, and take time to learn about each other. And not the sword to your neck marriage. That would suck. But the slut thing doesn't make sense from my background simply because sex is not seen as anything weird or dirty. I mean you're not supposed to go around shouting it from the roof-top but it's not a big deal as long as you're getting married. Could be an Iraqi thing or a deviant Shia thing not sure.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #25 - June 13, 2010, 12:36 PM

    Darkeye, have you ever had a relationship, be it sexual or otherwise, with a man?
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #26 - June 13, 2010, 12:51 PM

    Trust is the biggest issue.. choose carefully.  as i said before its like a game of roulette for anyone.  I did not have a pleasant experience the first time, but the second time was
    "ooooooo my!"  Of course he put something on a pin, burnt it, and told me to inhale the
    smoke first ;p   

    When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
    Helen Keller
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #27 - June 13, 2010, 01:00 PM

    Just a note: you don't have to be wasted to enjoy sex.

    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #28 - June 13, 2010, 01:06 PM

    Indeed you shouldn't even have to be under the influence to do so, if you want to tho tis up to you.
  • Re: Fear of Men
     Reply #29 - June 13, 2010, 01:08 PM

    Ohhh dear, first of all  far away hug.

    You are from as already said a background of a demeaning attitude both toward sex itself and toward female sexuality, like we women don't have any sex drives and are here for the service of men.

    Me personally I used to only be able to be intimate with men under the influence, I was so shy, and I thought that drinking made me grown up and so it happened. I used to not be icky about the idea but just so insecure about the idea of doing it without alcohol, this not sex but kissing. I then met my now boyfriend, and were at first just friends and it evolved in to something more, I think the mix of trust, compatible mentalities (me seeing him apostate before my eyes etc.) and then small hugs evolving in to this desire not only to give of ourselves in our friendship, but also a want to bear all in front of each other. This was greatly helped by the slow nature of it, we only kissed about 4-6 months in to us being BF and GF, so we went slowly and it worked out.

    We were both similar in our shyness about not only intimate things (similar BG here, not societally but experience wise) but mentally so we worked through it together again building respect. I have to say respect is the biggest turn on as well as listening, as you know that the other person won't frig you round or whatever.

    So ya just be slow and it will work out for you, don't worry about it too much, just be friendly and things may happen with you and someone you truly love, trust, respect and listen to and who REALLY SHOULD love, trust, respect and listen to YOU. Both sides are needing to do these things otherwise it is not a fair relationship and the guy is a twat.

    Good luck me dear.  far away hug Afro victory


    NOTE I wasn't actually looking for a Boyfriend, it just happened.
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