Fear of being intimate with them... when I even imagine having sex with a guy, I can't picture myself. I just get really scared and sometimes I even just cry... I heard that there is therapy for this but I was hoping this would just fade of by itself.
I love men I really do, I get attracted by them. I don't know.
Sounds like alot of muslim girls on their wedding day, those tears aren't just fake because they are demanded (they tried to insist I look scared and tearful in my wedding video
). Those tears are because the girl is really afraid.
I think you are over thinking it, but with your muslim brain (we all still have parts of it lol) in that these girls are terrified because to them sex hasn't been explained as something wonderful, but something that men need, not women. And as women it's our duty to give it to them, not enjoy it, but be a vessel for him to empty himself out into.
We are given the impression that sex is scary, and painful first time, and that it never gets better really. Also, sex will happen with a stranger, picked out by our parents, someone we don't have any real say in.
Now that you are not a muslim it doesn't have to be that way. You will meet someone and that person will show you over a course of time that you can trust them. That person will awaken sexual feelings in you slowly, and you will be less afraid the first time it happens because it's with someone you want, and have wanted for awhile. Basically you will be ready and trusting with no reason to be afraid. If it's with the right person (I;m not talking a forever ever after situation here, but just someone you click with really well) then that person doesn't want to hurt you, and you will know this. Meaning it's less about being afraid, than it is about being a bit nervous.
Take your time and meet the right guy first. Don't think about the sex part yet, let them earn your trust, your mutual sexual attraction and your desire, and by then it will be you pushing to try it.