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Theme Changer

 Topic: Praying 50 times a day

 (Read 10625 times)
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  • Praying 50 times a day
     Reply #30 - December 21, 2014, 10:11 PM

    The whole thing is bizarre, so the daily prayers are not some wise, beneficial schedule given to us from Allah but just a random number set because Mo kept complaining. Who knows, maybe the polygamy and concubine thing came about because Moe simply kept complaining to God that the Muslims are horny and want to get laid more.


    I remembered an even more bizarre case of God and Moses haggling in the Bible. When God first started talking to Moses, at the burning bush, he told Moses to go give the pharaoh a message, because God was going to take the Jews out of Egypt into a land that belonged to a bunch of other people. Then the conversation goes something like this:
    Moses: "Who, me? You want me to do that?"
    God: "Well, yeah, I mean, I'll help, but I figured you can do the talking."
    Moses: "Yeah, um, I'm not so sure about that, I mean, I'm pretty sure these people who I don't really know that well aren't going to listen to me, and I mean, I'm not sure they're going to believe me when I say you told me to say this stuff."
    God: "Well, what if I give you some magic tricks to do? You can turn your staff into a snake and make your hand have leprosy and not have leprosy, they'll totally believe that."
    Moses: "Yeah, um, that's cool and all, but like, I am not really good at public speaking, so I'm not really comfortable with that."
    God: "Seriously? I am the one who invented the ability to speak. You've got this."
    Moses: "That's cool, just get someone else to do it, okay?"
    God: "SERIOUSLY?! Ugh....OK FINE! You have a brother right? Aaron? I know HE doesn't have a problem with public speaking, so he'll be your prophet. I talk to you, you tell him, he tells the people. Just don't forget the magic tricks, ok? Ugh. Just get out of here, man, I don't want to talk about this anymore."

    Later:
    God's internal monologue: "Ugh. I'm so pissed off. I'm going to break something. Let's see if Moses is finally headed towards Egypt yet. Oh, he's at a hotel. OH MY ME his kid isn't even circumcised. This piece of shit....I'm going to....ugh......where's my stress ball....WHY CAN'T I EVER FIND MY FUCKING STRESS BALL!?!?! I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE! I'm going to kill this fucking kid."
    Zipporah (Moses' wife): "Oh shit God's trying to kill my kid!" *chops off kid's foreskin and throws it at Moses*

    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I have a sonic screwdriver, a tricorder, and a Type 2 phaser.
  • Praying 50 times a day
     Reply #31 - December 22, 2014, 09:17 AM

    ^ Hahaha. That would make an amazing comic strip.

    Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. - Terry Pratchett
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