Famous Muslim to infamous Murtad

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[ExKimDonesia]

Hi there.

Some of you may know me as KimDonesia. I was quite a popular Muslim Youtuber and blogger. I appeared on TV in the Middle East, in magazines, on many blogs, on Turkish radio, etc. I was a role model Muslim who received praise from the majority of Muslims online, and "haram haram haram" from a lot of the stricter Muslims.

On my 18th birthday my 14-year-old dog had to be put down, which triggered a depression. I was at home all the time, and thought a lot about the Hereafter. I feared for my non-Muslim family, and was constantly praying for them to be guided to Islam so that they could be saved from eternal Jahannam (Hellfire). I even thought of making my death wish "you must convert to Islam before you all die".  

One night, I had a long conversation with my mother and told her my worries. I explained to her that my perception of God was not the God in the Qur'an who constantly talked about punishment of Hell for the disbelievers... Seriously, that's what it's like. All throughout, it's basically "the disbelievers will go to Hell forever, and God is most Merciful, most Forgiving". I realized that I was only a Muslim out of fear of Hellfire, and being brainwashed.

So yes, I left Islam. I kept it all very private for a week because I was scared about the reactions of my online Muslim friends. I told some that I knew in real life, and they completely deserted me. "Kim, I can't be your friend anymore because you have insulted Islam."

What the fudge? So now, leaving a religion means that you're insulting it?

I "came out" on Youtube... In a video. And things went downhill with the Muslim community online. Most were in shock, some suspected that I was always a top secret spy who faked a conversion just to hurt Islam (*scoff* Yeah, right.), some wrote blog posts and articles about it, some were supportive as it's my decision, and MANY started calling me a cock sucking whore... Oh, and I wasn't that surprised when some started to give me death threats.  

It went from famous Muslim, to infamous Murtad. It's amazing, and hypocritical, how people's perceptions of somebody can change based on religion/beliefs. I deleted my Youtube account again, as I fear for my safety. I have received multiple death threats, and I just don't want to put up with that shit anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still respect Muslims. Islam was a big part of my life for quite a while. I simply disagree with Islam, for if there is a God (yup, 100% Agnostic now), He/She/It would not be so desperate for worship. People say "you need God, He doesn't need you". Doesn't seem like it.

I'm so happy with my decision. I feel free... I can wear what I what, I can drink again (I missed intoxication), and I can live my life without worrying what foot I enter the bathroom with and whether I have prayed yet.

It's funny that Muslims talk about Islam being a religion of peace when trying to bring people to Islam, but threaten to kill somebody who leaves Islam. *sigh* Gotta love double standards...

[awais]

 

Sorry you have to put up with so much shit. That's why I'm in the closet still, I don't want to deal with all the fall out shit. I respect your audacious honesty.

[NineBerry]

Welcome!

[Cheetah]

Some seriously disturbed people commenting on your You Tube channel.   

Welcome again.   

[osmanthus]

Well we all know that Islam does not mean peace, but submission. So since it is literally a religion of submission the grumpy demeanours are to be expected I suppose.

Anyway I would think you are not in a lot of danger in Australia. Not that many Muslims here and most of them are pretty laid back. As long as your full name and location don't become public I wouldn't think you would get hassled much offline. I understand that this must be a right bastard for you though. It will pass. 

[Baal]

Welcome aboard Kim,

[ras111]

Kim what attracted to you to Islam in the first place if I may ask?

[ExKimDonesia]

I was living in Indonesia and learned about Islam from Muslim friends there (keep in mind that Indonesia is a very secular country). I started to believe in it, converted, and yeah. Well here I am now.

[ras111]

I was living in Indonesia and learned about Islam from Muslim friends there (keep in mind that Indonesia is a very secular country). I started to believe in it, converted, and yeah. Well here I am now.

Yeah granted, but what was it in Islam that appealed to you, when you first were exposed to it? 

[ExKimDonesia]

Well I thought it was peaceful and it made a lot of sense to me at the time.

[ras111]

Well I thought it was peaceful and it made a lot of sense to me at the time.

I see, was there anything about it that particularly captured your mind? You know... Some aspect or another..

I hope you don't mind my asking...

[IsLame]

Oh, and I wasn't that surprised when some started to give me death threats.  

..It's funny that Muslims talk about Islam being a religion of peace when trying to bring people to Islam, but threaten to kill somebody who leaves Islam. *sigh* Gotta love double standards...

Its a way of cutting out dissenters, so everyone thinks that Islam is perfect.  Thats why your videos are still important, particularly when there are a lot of girls in a similar predicament to you.  Sadly the fanatics will always win with their threats of violence.  Its no wonder Islam spread to all corners of the globe.

[kaiwai]

I see, was there anything about it that particularly captured your mind? You know... Some aspect or another..

I hope you don't mind my asking...

I'd probably say the same thing that attracts westerners to eastern religions - 'romanticisation of the other'. The appearance of 'the other' being peaceful and in harmony, and then wanting some of what they have, aka 'the noble savage'.

[ras111]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvT1lPlHLX4&feature=related

Can't help noticing the similarity

[Nour]

I'd probably say the same thing that attracts westerners to eastern religions - 'romanticisation of the other'. The appearance of 'the other' being peaceful and in harmony, and then wanting some of what they have, aka 'the noble savage'.

Spot-on analysis kaiwai.  I came to Islam in much the same way as Kim did by exposure through Muslim friends and having grown up in a Western, non-religious environment I felt a sense of needing to belong and to have a concrete set of beliefs on which to rely in order to find inner peace.

[ExKimDonesia]

I see, was there anything about it that particularly captured your mind? You know... Some aspect or another..

I hope you don't mind my asking...

Just how it's strongly monotheistic - I thought it'd bring me closer to God. I was wrong. Sigh.

[ExKimDonesia]

I'd probably say the same thing that attracts westerners to eastern religions - 'romanticisation of the other'. The appearance of 'the other' being peaceful and in harmony, and then wanting some of what they have, aka 'the noble savage'.

Yes, that too. 

[IsLame]

Did you ever get a 'spiritual moment' - to what lengths did you take islam & your belief e.g. did you ever use perfume with alcohol in it?

Did you ever get criticised fo owning dogs by muslims - if so what did you say?

[Aziz]

Welcome to our humble abode ExKimDonesia,

You might remember me from yesterday, as I commented a few times on your channel. Hope you'll stay here a little while. You'll get all the moral support you want from us.

[ExKimDonesia]

Did you ever get a 'spiritual moment' - to what lengths did you take islam & your belief e.g. did you ever use perfume with alcohol in it?

Did you ever get criticised fo owning dogs by muslims - if so what did you say?

Well, I did wear perfume with alcohol in it as some scholars say that it's ok if it's only used externally... But I didn't eat anything with gelatine in it (marshmallows) or enzymes (some cheeses).

And yes, I got criticized for dogs... I accepted that it was forbidden in Islam, but kept them anyway.

[IsLame]

Have you eaten your first sausage yet, or had your first drop of alcohol  -  did you feel guilty?

[ExKimDonesia]

I had part of a sausage roll but didn't feel that hungry... I'm still turned off by pig substances because it just looks so unappetizing for me. And I got sloppy drunk by myself a few nights ago on Mum's wine and shots of rum (I know right, who the hell has shots of rum - but I was DESPERATE for a sloppy fix)... I didn't feel guilty, to be honest. It felt good. Liberating.

[Baal]

Just how it's strongly monotheistic - I thought it'd bring me closer to God. I was wrong. Sigh.

Monotheistic in as much as you only worship allah, muhammad, koran, kaaba + couple other select icons depending on flavor. Which is a lot less icons than most other religions.

I am curious which verses, sayings, hadith did you like. It is one of my specialties to offer word-for-word explanations which tend to have the least amount of 'interpretation'. Should be interesting for you to see what the verses really say in their original Arabic.

[kaiwai]

Yes, that too. 

Regarding your desire for monotheism - one could always be a 'freelance monotheist' like Karen Amstrong or in my case I am a deist which is monotheistic.  I've found that mixing deism, Buddhism and existentialism together produces something that gives my life meaning but without the constrictive nature of organised religion.

[Omaar Khayaam]

Hi Kim

Being in the public sphere, are you able to defend your unbelief philosophically if it ever came to it? Not that you need to do that here. But muslims are extremely keen on wanting to know some complex argument for leaving islam. They don't demand a philosophical justification to become muslim because it's "kitaab-mubeen".