You know you're an ex muslim when......

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- BerberElla
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You know you're an ex muslim when......
OP - November 09, 2008, 09:35 AM

You panic if a muslim stranger asks you if you are a muslim.

You read more religious stuff than any of your friends.

You are trying pork out for the first time in like forever.

You turn every conversation into a "did you know mohammed this, and did you know mohammed that" scene.

You look at hijabis and feel sad.

You finally understand the israel/palestine situation.

You finally own a mini skirt or two.

(think of more to add)

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #1 - November 09, 2008, 10:46 AM

Quote from: BerberElla on November 09, 2008, 09:35 AM
You panic if a muslim stranger asks you if you are a muslim.

You read more religious stuff than any of your friends.

You are trying pork out for the first time in like forever.

You turn every conversation into a "did you know mohammed this, and did you know mohammed that" scene.

You look at hijabis and feel sad.

You finally understand the israel/palestine situation.

You finally own a mini skirt or two.

(think of more to add)

I don't mean to open the same old can of worms but what do you feel you now understand about the israel/palestine situation?

Just interested.

And I promise I won't ask again after today.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #2 - November 09, 2008, 10:49 AM

You should open a new thread about it since this is just a light hearted joking thread.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #3 - November 09, 2008, 11:01 AM

Sorry I didn't pick up on the sarcasm there.

With regards to the israel/paslestine situation I'm way out of my depth on that one.

Please though as you are more versed in all things islam than I could you take the time to read the post on FFI that I linked to on the Mo the pedo? thread as I'd be interested to know what you think.

Because if the references cited are indeed authentic then this whole idea about moral standards being relative to the times is blown out of the water as Muhammed himself recognises the wrong in marrying young girls.

Have a good day.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #4 - November 09, 2008, 11:36 AM

Quote from: BerberElla on November 09, 2008, 09:35 AM
You panic if a muslim stranger asks you if you are a muslim.

You read more religious stuff than any of your friends.

You are trying pork out for the first time in like forever.

You turn every conversation into a "did you know mohammed this, and did you know mohammed that" scene.

You look at hijabis and feel sad.

You finally understand the israel/palestine situation.

You finally own a mini skirt or two.

(think of more to add)

im not ex sullah but I never tried pork before now or owned mini skirt. Wrongness
- osmanthus
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #5 - November 09, 2008, 09:26 PM

Do it, Singh. You know you want to.

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- Eddy
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #6 - November 09, 2008, 09:33 PM

i am not an ex-muslim but i am drinking alcohol so much.

i dont eat pork but i dont think that i am gonna eat in future, because that doesnt look like delicious.

i do not feel guilty when i have sex.

and i do criticize islam as i never did before.

these do not make me ex-muslim, but now i know that i am not like ex-eddy anymore.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #7 - November 09, 2008, 09:37 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on November 09, 2008, 09:35 AM
You panic if a muslim stranger asks you if you are a muslim.

You read more religious stuff than any of your friends.

LOL... I could relate to all of them - but especially the first two above - LOL
- Pazuzu
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #8 - November 09, 2008, 10:58 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on November 09, 2008, 09:35 AM
You know you’re an ex–muslim when…

… you feel able to criticise Islâm.
… you realise allah WON’T instantly strike you dead for standing on an arabic qur’ân with muddy boots.
… you don’t feel guilty drinking alcohol.
… you fart and don’t have to gargle and wash your feet because of it!

"At 8:47 I do a grenade jump off a ladder."
- ladyofshalott
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #9 - November 10, 2008, 12:27 AM

you don't ever want to see another Muslim again (apart from family and old friends)
you always look twice when you see a hijabi just in case you know her
you don't worry whether or not you're dressed modestly enough
you're not always trying to look inconspicuous and fooling nobody
you're shocked that a Muslim man walks by you and doesn't look twice
you go out with messy hair because you're so used to not taking care of it
you're no longer interested in what Jack straw says about niqabis
you use the word 'culture' instead of 'religion' (eg. well, I'm not much of a drinker 'cause of my culture)

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell
- whatabastor
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #10 - November 10, 2008, 12:45 AM

u cringe when someone quotes scripture and says its the word of God... especially when they says its not open to discussion
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #11 - November 10, 2008, 06:22 AM

Quote from: Pazuzu on November 09, 2008, 10:58 PM

… you fart and don’t have to gargle and wash your feet because of it!
[/quote]
i didnt know this rule. is it real or are you just kidding?
- awais
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #12 - November 10, 2008, 06:35 AM

Quote from: Eddy on November 10, 2008, 06:22 AM
Quote from: Pazuzu on November 09, 2008, 10:58 PM
… you fart and don’t have to gargle and wash your feet because of it!

i didnt know this rule. is it real or are you just kidding?

No lie. It's called 'wudu'. Flatulence (,defecation, urination, among other things) causes a muslim to lose his/her ritaul purification, in which state a muslim must be in should he/she intend to worship.

I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #13 - November 10, 2008, 06:42 AM

What about if a bit of gas seeps out but you don't notice?

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- awais
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #14 - November 10, 2008, 07:30 AM

Quote from: osmanthus on November 10, 2008, 06:42 AM
What about if a bit of gas seeps out but you don't notice?

That's where the fiqh comes in. If you can smell it, you farted. If you heard it, you farted. But if you felt it but didn't hear it, or smell it, you didn't fart.

I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #15 - November 10, 2008, 07:38 AM

That defense would go well in a court of law.

"Yer honour, I didn't make any noise or smell. Therefore I am not guilty."

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #16 - November 10, 2008, 07:41 AM

Ok, so what if you let off a humungous fart in a howling gale? It's so big that there's no way it couldn't have made noise, and you've been eating beans and curry so it must have stank, but because of the howling gale you can't hear it or smell it.

In this situation is wudu required?

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- BerberElla
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #17 - November 10, 2008, 07:42 AM

Quote from: Eddy on November 09, 2008, 09:33 PM

i dont eat pork but i dont think that i am gonna eat in future, because that doesnt look like delicious.

Eddy bacon sandwiches are so delicious, once you try one you can never go back

Quote from: ladyofshalott on November 10, 2008, 12:27 AM

you go out with messy hair because you're so used to not taking care of it

Yep, it also took awhile to get used to the fact that I could just throw my jilab over my pyjamas to go to the shop anymore.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #18 - November 10, 2008, 07:43 AM

Quote from: osmanthus on November 10, 2008, 07:41 AM
Ok, so what if you let off a humungous fart in a howling gale? It's so big that there's no way it couldn't have made noise, and you've been eating beans and curry so it must have stank, but because of the howling gale you can't hear it or smell it.

In this situation is wudu required?

always looking for the get out clause huh Os?

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #19 - November 10, 2008, 07:46 AM

Hey these are important theological considerations. Ya gotta sort this shit out, mate.

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- Pazuzu
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #20 - November 10, 2008, 04:11 PM

Wait a minute… shit? I thought you said farted!

"At 8:47 I do a grenade jump off a ladder."
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #21 - November 10, 2008, 05:12 PM

Quote from: osmanthus on November 10, 2008, 07:41 AM
Ok, so what if you let off a humungous fart in a howling gale? It's so big that there's no way it couldn't have made noise, and you've been eating beans and curry so it must have stank, but because of the howling gale you can't hear it or smell it.

In this situation is wudu required?

If you were a law abiding Muslim, you'd make wuddu. lol

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #22 - November 10, 2008, 09:09 PM

You definately know you're an ex-Muslim when:

* You don't avert your eyes from a naked body even if shown in an erotic context.
* You, in fact, enjoy watching porn and/or masturbate without feeling dirty.
* You don't have to worry about ripping one any moment, which would invalidate your ablution.
* You make blasphemous pictures about Allah and his prophet.
* You can laugh about everything, including atheism and in particular all religions.

* You declare your religous cousin a god, spread out a prayer mat in front of him and begin worshipping him, just to prove that Allah will not strike me down and to make him feel a bit godlike, though I guess he felt more awkward about it.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #23 - November 10, 2008, 09:48 PM

I only do that last one to sexy women.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #24 - November 10, 2008, 10:47 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on November 10, 2008, 07:42 AM
Quote from: Eddy on November 09, 2008, 09:33 PM

i dont eat pork but i dont think that i am gonna eat in future, because that doesnt look like delicious.

Eddy bacon sandwiches are so delicious, once you try one you can never go back

I was at a party once and was eating the delicious ribs that one of my friends had barbequed. They were truly delicious and I had eaten about 6 of them. I turned around to my friend and I'm like "These are so nice, which meat are they!?"

He froze, realised what he had done and got on his knees and started apologising to me. When he told me they were pork I shrugged my shoulders and said "Meh, they were nice"

You know you're an ex Muslim when you do that :p
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #25 - November 10, 2008, 10:49 PM

Ribs are great. I have a theory (which is mine). My theory is that Mohammed banned pork for Muslims so he could scoff all the ribs himself.

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- Pazuzu
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #26 - November 11, 2008, 12:15 AM

Never tried ribs but when I had pork it’s always tasted… rubbery and the smell in restaurants has put me off.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #27 - November 11, 2008, 12:37 AM

Mohammed didn't ban pork, he was just continuing old testament law.

God, did I hate the farting law. It was one of the things I just couldn't think about because I could never rationalise it. Especially a scenario where you've spent an hour on a prayer mat and farted in the last minute, thus invalidating the prayer. I mean does any intelligent modern Muslim actually believe this? It boggles the mind.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #28 - November 11, 2008, 12:54 AM

Quote from: ladyofshalott on November 11, 2008, 12:37 AM
Mohammed didn't ban pork, he was just continuing old testament law.

God, did I hate the farting law. It was one of the things I just couldn't think about because I could never rationalise it. Especially a scenario where you've spent an hour on a prayer mat and farted in the last minute, thus invalidating the prayer. I mean does any intelligent modern Muslim actually believe this? It boggles the mind.

I guess that means god outlawed fart jokes, because he thought it would be so epic that it would cause hysteria.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #29 - November 22, 2008, 06:07 AM

Quote from: BerberElla on November 09, 2008, 09:35 AM
You panic if a muslim stranger asks you if you are a muslim.

You read more religious stuff than any of your friends.

You look at hijabis and feel sad.

Ah, thats me.
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