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 Topic: Worst Excuse Ever

 (Read 6524 times)
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  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #30 - November 23, 2008, 05:24 PM

    Worst Excuse Ever Part 2.

    I doubt this is of enough interest to non-Irish people to warrant a thread on its own, but is this the silliest defense ever brought before a court of law?

    Quote
    Michael Stone guilty of murder attempt on Sinn Féin leaders
    Loyalist paramilitary convicted of attempting to murder Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness


    Michael Stone, the loyalist paramilitary, was today found guilty of attempting to murder the Sinn Féin leaders, Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness.

    [===]



    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2008/nov/14/michael-stone-gerry-adams-uda-northern-ireland

    The article doesn't mention it, but it was a female guard who wrestled him to the floor.  I would have made that the headline - "Tough Loyalist Killer Beaten Up By A Girl."   Cheesy


    How did you find out that it was a female guard that took him down?

  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #31 - November 23, 2008, 05:40 PM

    It was reported on BBC Newsline, ( the local news in Northern Ireland).  In truth, it was two guards - one male, one female.  I just thought it was funny to say he was beaten up by a girl. Smiley

    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #32 - November 23, 2008, 07:40 PM

    Nice try on the legal defense.  Cheesy

    If you think your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself.
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #33 - November 25, 2008, 03:01 PM

    Speaking of lame/worst excuses, how about this one ..

    Backwardness of Muslims?

    Quote
    Backwardness of Muslims?
    S Wasty swasty@talktalk.net
    Brother Pukht Khan and many like him are absolutely right in wondering in shock and awe as to how can Muslims remain so backward. The question I would ask all such thoughtful people is that if I introduced myself as being the President of the USA, how many of them will believe in my claim to be true? So what will be wrong with my claim? My claim will remain just a claim and not a reality. Same goes if I will claim to be a Muslim. Why? People are known by their ways i.e. by their deeds. I will tell everyone now as to who were Muslims and why they were so successful in their life. They were such Muslims that whichever non-Muslim came in contact with them, a very high majority became Muslims. Those Muslims were the early Muslims of Madinah. We should all ponder as to what they did to become such loveable people and hence so successful people. They would all in their spare time, come together in Musjid-i-Nabwi to put their heads together and to ponder as what they could do to establish the sole authority, the authority of Almighty Allah on the lands they controlled. They also came together to do good work for all, to adopt, to accept, practise and promote the Laws of Allah which granted the freedom from man’s slavery over man. A freedom constrained only by the command “Walah tuqrubah hahzayhish Shajarah”.(Do not ever approach that tree). The tree of the forbidden fruit. They used to be the most wierd people on earth and by accepting and practising the Laws of Allah brought about astonishing changes in their habits, in their ways. So much so, that all of a sudden became most loveable and likeable people. So the question is, do we qualify to call ourselves Muslims when we are not doing what those Muslims were doing? Here is a warning to all mankind and more so to all those who claim to be Muslims without proving to be so through their deeds. The only way to peaceful and successful life is to follow in the footsteps of the early Muslims of Madinah. They created there an atmosphere of “an envy of democracy.” A democracy where each and everyone came out to work to establish the authority of no man but that of Allah. That way is the way of making Adl and Ehsahn absolutely and readily available for all. Justice, a rarity these days, is the doorway to peaceful life and injustices so commonly available in abundance these days, are the way to all the conflict, strife and bloodshed that we see happening today. All the other systems in the world are based on injustices i.e. and man’s slavery of man including the system which many Muslims of Arabia came to offer to our Holy Prophet(saw). The came to offer him the Kingdom of Arabia. The holy Prophet (saw) had no other option than to reject such an improper offer. An offer to bring about an unjust system, a system of mans’ slavery of man. So we should ask ourselves this question. Are we really Muslims? If we are Muslims, then where is the Jameeyah and Shoorah that is at the heart of every Muslim society as it was with the early Muslims of Madinah? Most unfortunately, the deeds of the people, the world over, prove that overwhelming majority are imposters. They claim to be what their deeds do not testify. This is the reason behind the backwardness of the so-called Muslims.


     Cheesy Cheesy

    I was not blessed with the ability to have blind faith. I cant beleive something just because someone says its true.
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #34 - November 25, 2008, 04:45 PM

    Quote
    They were such Muslims that whichever non-Muslim came in contact with them, a very high majority became Muslims.

    And how did those luminaries convert the sheeple around them?

    "Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #35 - November 25, 2008, 08:04 PM

    In other words not doing the following is the cause of the backwardness of Muslims ...

    Not raiding caravans.

    Not plunderinging innocent settlements.

    Not forcing non-muslims into accepting islam.

    I was not blessed with the ability to have blind faith. I cant beleive something just because someone says its true.
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #36 - November 25, 2008, 08:52 PM

    In other words not doing the following is the cause of the backwardness of Muslims ...

    Not raiding caravans.

    Not plunderinging innocent settlements.

    Not forcing non-muslims into accepting islam.


    Not burning entire libaries with 100's of 1000's of books in Alexandria and Persia.

    Not Killing each other ( A la Uthman & Ali )

    Not digging the bodies of the first 10 dead Khaliffas (Ammawids) by the 11th Khalifa (Abbas El Safah) by their cousin the Abbasid, and having the bodies of the khalifas mutilated and displayed on the gate of the cities they were buried in.

    And if you thought running around the streets in Palestine and Iraq with dead bodies was bad enough, the originals did One better, they mutilated the body of the recently assassinated khaliph then dug and mutilated the bodies of the 9 guys before him.

    And supposedly, those guys were the cousins of Muhammed both the Ummawid as well as the Abbasid. Not even 90yrs after Muhammad was fatally poisoned by a member of his house.


    "Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #37 - November 26, 2008, 07:35 AM

    Muhammad ..poisoned by a member of his house.

    Mo was jewish? Roll Eyes

    Also, I've never heard of the digging up and mutilating of Caliphs, and couldn't find nothing on Google about it, can you refer me your references?

    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #38 - November 26, 2008, 04:33 PM

    Muhammad ..poisoned by a member of his house.

    Mo was jewish? Roll Eyes

    Also, I've never heard of the digging up and mutilating of Caliphs, and couldn't find nothing on Google about it, can you refer me your references?

    Mo was not jewish.

    The reference I have are books in arabic, I can scan the pages for you if you can read them.

    "Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #39 - November 26, 2008, 06:04 PM

    Muhammad ..poisoned by a member of his house.

    Mo was jewish? Roll Eyes

    Also, I've never heard of the digging up and mutilating of Caliphs, and couldn't find nothing on Google about it, can you refer me your references?

    Mo was not jewish.

    The reference I have are books in arabic, I can scan the pages for you if you can read them.


    Then which member of his house poisoned him? The story I know was he was poisoned by a jewess years before he passed, and his passing was attributed to the effects of that poisoning.

    Please, do share those pages with us, and the cover also.

    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #40 - November 27, 2008, 08:45 AM

    Muhammad ..poisoned by a member of his house.

    Mo was jewish? Roll Eyes

    Also, I've never heard of the digging up and mutilating of Caliphs, and couldn't find nothing on Google about it, can you refer me your references?

    Mo was not jewish.

    The reference I have are books in arabic, I can scan the pages for you if you can read them.


    Then which member of his house poisoned him? The story I know was he was poisoned by a jewess years before he passed, and his passing was attributed to the effects of that poisoning.

    Please, do share those pages with us, and the cover also.

    It happened a while after Khaybar, so within the last 3yrs of his life.

    From the sirat:
    http://www.faithfreedom.org/Articles/sira/20.htm
    Quote
    After the apostle of Allah had rested, the captive woman Zaynab brought him a roasted sheep. She had asked what portion of the sheep the apostle of Allah most enjoyed and, having been told that it was the leg, she put much poison into it, although she also poisoned the whole sheep. When she placed it before the apostle he took a bite, but did not swallow; Bishr likewise took a piece, but he did swallow. Then the apostle of Allah spat his out, saying, 'This bone informs me that it is poisoned.' He summoned the woman, who confessed what she had done, and asked, 'What made thee do this?' She replied, 'It is no secret to thee, what my people feel towards thee. I said to myself, "If he be only a king, we shall be delivered of him; but if he be a prophet, he will know of the poison and guard himself."' The apostle released her, but Bishr died of the piece he had eaten.

    During his last sickness, years later, the apostle said, 'I feel the vein of my heart bursting from the food I ate at Khaybar'; from these words, Muslims conclude that the apostle died a martyr of battle, as well as being favoured by Allah with the dignity of prophetic office.


    From wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Khaybar
    Quote
    Among the Jewish women there was one who was chosen by Muhammad as wife. It was Safiyya bint Huyayy, daughter of the killed Banu Nadir chief Huyayy ibn Akhtab and widow of Kinana ibn al-Rabi, the treasurer of Banu Nadir. According to Ibn Ishaq, when Muhammad asked him to locate the tribe's treasure, al-Rabi denied knowing where it was breaking the surrender treaty. A Jew told Muhammad that he had seen Al-Rabi near a certain ruin every morning. When the ruin was excavated, it was found to contain some of the treasure. Muhammad ordered Al-Zubayr to interrogate and torture al-Rabi until he revealed the location of the rest, then handed him to Muhammad ibn Maslamah, whose brother had died in the battle, to be beheaded.[37][42]

    Muslim biographers of Muhammad tell a story that a Jewish woman of the Banu Nadir tribe attempted to poison Muhammad to avenge her slain relatives. She poisoned a piece of lamb that she cooked for Muhammad and his companion, putting especially much poison into the shoulder ? Muhammad's favorite part of lamb. The attempt on Muhammad's life failed because he reportedly spat out the meat, feeling that it was poisoned, while his companion ate the meat and died. Muhammad's companions reported that, on his deathbed, Muhammad said that his illness was the result of that poisoning.[43]


    "Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #41 - November 27, 2008, 09:01 AM

    Yah sure, Safiyyah poisoned him; and not the jewess Zaynab. Roll Eyes

    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #42 - November 27, 2008, 09:46 AM

    Yah sure, Safiyyah poisoned him; and not the jewess Zaynab. Roll Eyes

    ?

    Read it again, it is the other way around. And to the best of my knowledge Safiyyah remained a jewess as well and refused to convert.

    "Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #43 - November 27, 2008, 09:53 AM

    ? Safiyyah converted dude.

    I could cite you ahadith, but I don't feel like looking them up, so here's Wikipedia.

    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #44 - November 27, 2008, 09:55 AM

    I think Maria the copt refused to convert, Safiyaah converted. But, I can be wrong.
  • Re: Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #45 - November 27, 2008, 04:05 PM

    yep she did, she resisted a bit then went along,

    "Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #46 - August 28, 2013, 09:40 PM

    Another thread worthy of resurrection. So, how many new Worst Excuse Ever can we think of?

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #47 - August 28, 2013, 10:24 PM

    I challenge anyone to find a worse excuse than the one I posted back at the start of this thread.  A vicar with a potato up his arse - I was hanging curtains, (naked of course), and accidentally fell on it.   whistling2

    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #48 - August 29, 2013, 07:04 AM

    Quote
    Two men were seriously injured today, during what authorities say is a deviate, dangerous, and highly illegal sexual practice. Vito Bustone sustained second-degree burns to his face and scalp while Kiki Rodriguez, his partner, suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
    The act that caused so much agony is known in the gay community as "felching". This involves the insertion of a cardboard tube into the rectum followed by the introduction of a rodent (usually a Gerbil), which is forced up the tube into the lower intestine. Problems started when Bustone could not retrieve the Gerbil from Rodriguez's anus. Rodriguez had orgasmed and demanded the removal of the rodent. Bustone however could not see up the tube. To help him see, he lit a match lighting intestinal gas tapped in the tube. The flame shot up the tube lighting the the fur of the Gerbil, and detonating a larger pocket of Gas behind the hapless animal.
    The ensuing explosion shot the flaming Gerbil down the pipeline into Bustone's face causing the burns. Sheriff Hugo Root told the Reporters "It serves the faggots right".


    I didn't think felching involved gerbils.  wacko

    EDIT: I was right: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Felching

    vomit in either case.



    I laughed until my eyes watered and my sides hurt.  Yeah, okay.. so I've got a bad case of nurse humour or prison humour or a little of both.  Everything said and done I hope the poor innocent Gerbil got a decent burial. Any excuse the two men had for the horrible abuse of the Gerbil would have been minor compared to their answer to, "Will you tell me again, why did you use a match in stead of a flashlight?"

    Believe it or not things in peoples rectums are a kind of common ER visit.

    I'm not sure what's the worse excuse I've heard but one of the best I've heard was was when a woman super glued her unfaithful husbands erect penis to his abdomen. For goodness sakes if he can't even be honest to the woman he lives with...

    If at first you succeed...try something harder.

    Failing isn't falling down. Failing is not getting back up again.
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #49 - September 02, 2013, 06:56 PM

    "....our staff deal with them in a DISCREET, professional and kind way"

    'Hello is that The Sun? Nurse Gladys from the Sheffield Royal Hospital, have you gone to press yet?, No? Hold the front page!"


    I'm better than your god.....and so are you.
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #50 - September 02, 2013, 07:04 PM

    I bet he wasn't feeling too 'chip-per' after that little episode.

    The church bells were certainly 'pealing' the following Sunday.

    I bet he wished he had just gone for the Prince Albert instead of the King Edward!

    (sorry about those ^^ but you did get me started, don't encourage me!)



    I'm better than your god.....and so are you.
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #51 - September 02, 2013, 07:06 PM

    This little story/urban myth reminds me of this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQAnW1wQtTU


    I'm better than your god.....and so are you.
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #52 - September 02, 2013, 07:25 PM

    I bet he wasn't feeling too 'chip-per' after that little episode.

    The church bells were certainly 'pealing' the following Sunday.

    I bet he wished he had just gone for the Prince Albert instead of the King Edward!

    (sorry about those ^^ but you did get me started, don't encourage me!)





    And straight after leaving the hospital he went and performed Midnight Mash!!

    I'm better than your god.....and so are you.
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #53 - September 02, 2013, 07:58 PM

    Love Ricky Gervais.

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #54 - September 23, 2013, 11:47 PM

    "if I introduced myself as being the President of the USA, how many of them will believe in my claim to be true? So what will be wrong with my claim? My claim will remain just a claim and not a reality."

    .....er you mean a bit like the claim that a god exists?

    I'm better than your god.....and so are you.
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #55 - September 24, 2013, 07:30 AM

     Afro

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #56 - September 24, 2013, 09:59 PM

    Worse or the funniest.

    I was about to write like a scene in a movie. nah

    14/15, in the classroom, a French one. Teacher says to the worse/funniest pupil in our class. Where is your homework? The pupil replies the dog ate it, sir. Obviously the teacher has heard this excuse many times and shoots back - And where is the note from your parents explaining this? The pupil replies - the dog ate that too.

    I am my own worst enemy and best friend, itsa bit of a squeeze in a three-quarter bed, tho. Unhinged!? If I was a dog I would be having kittens, that is unhinged. Footloose n fancy free, forced to fit, fated to fly. One or 2 words, 3 and 3/thirds, looking comely but lonely, till I made them homely.D
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #57 - September 25, 2013, 12:02 AM

    Lol. Just rememebered it was not his homework, it was his tie. My class fellow did not have a tie - hence the teacher asking for the note explaining it - would not have thought homework would have required an note.

    I am my own worst enemy and best friend, itsa bit of a squeeze in a three-quarter bed, tho. Unhinged!? If I was a dog I would be having kittens, that is unhinged. Footloose n fancy free, forced to fit, fated to fly. One or 2 words, 3 and 3/thirds, looking comely but lonely, till I made them homely.D
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #58 - September 25, 2013, 01:00 AM

    Quote
    Olympic sprinter Dennis Mitchell claimed his elevated testosterone had nothing to do with drugs but everything to do with consuming five beers and having sex four times with his wife the night before his test.

    Olympic gold medallist Justin Gatlin tested positive to testosterone in 2006. The sprinter was indignant, and blamed the positive testosterone test on his masseur Christopher Whetstine for rubbing a cream into his buttocks without his knowledge. Uh-huh ...

    Distance runner Dieter Baumann claimed he never used drugs. No, he tested positive because somebody injected his toothpaste with performance-enhancing drugs.

    And finally, Paul Edwards, a Welsh shot putter, failed miserably when he tested positive to steroids. He claimed he failed to check the label and accidentally drank a bottle of shampoo.

    As you do.


    http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/the-lamest-excuses-ever/story-e6frfmqi-1226686099159

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Worst Excuse Ever
     Reply #59 - September 25, 2013, 08:20 AM

    I laughed until my eyes watered and my sides hurt.  Yeah, okay.. so I've got a bad case of nurse humour or prison humour or a little of both.  Everything said and done I hope the poor innocent Gerbil got a decent burial. Any excuse the two men had for the horrible abuse of the Gerbil would have been minor compared to their answer to, "Will you tell me again, why did you use a match in stead of a flashlight?"

    Believe it or not things in peoples rectums are a kind of common ER visit.


    This little volume may be right up your alley:


    ...
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