Need to know I'm not going mad

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- Far far away
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Need to know I'm not going mad
OP - January 20, 2016, 11:14 AM

Hiya guys

I just joined this group and I think it is literally amazing. I never thought there was anything like it as I never knew people even left Islam. So I guess my story is that I grew up mostly culturally practicing version of islam. I remember I used to ask my parents whether the Quran was a book of stories because that's all I could see at the time. During my teens I started to become practicing and so did my family. I used to watch zakir naik's video's and be memorised by it which I'm slowing finding out to be false. My doubts came last year may that I started to question the legitimacy of these rituals that I was worrying so much about. I started looking into Islam with a critical eye rather than a blindly loving one and it started to not make sense as I don't understand how God could send down a book and make it so obscure at times and so difficult to understand and then expect to punish people to hell because they didn't believe in it. It mocks Jews and Christians on their faith and why they followed it blindly but then expects it to never be looked at with criticism and be only questioned like "O don't understand this verse could you explain it?" If the answer is not enough then tough luck. The thought of leaving Islam scares me in two ways. The idea that what if I'm wrong and I go to hell and the idea of my family and friends hating me as I come from a family that have strong blind faith in Islam. Right now I have only told a few but by accident I told one of my friends that I'm not sure whether I could believe Islam is valid and her being religious, it didn't go down well. She was really upset by the whole thing and when she questioned why and I tried to explain she called me an Islam hater and started crying as I was the only one she could talk about Islam to as her other friends were not practicing. This girls believes in Islam more than the fact that her own mother gave birth to her and that listening to me, she feared for her own soul and that we should not talk about religion period. Safe to say I was devastated and really felt depressed and alone as there is not many people who would understand me and my family would disown me. Is this kind of experience normal? Are these feelings normal? I can't say that I am a Muslims but at times I can't say that I am not simply because of the idea that i could be wrong only labelled myself ex muslim in the heat of the moment.
- AGirlWithDoubts
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Need to know I'm not going mad
Reply #1 - January 20, 2016, 01:18 PM

Welcome to CEMB

You echo what a lot of people experience. I used to believe that there were no ex-Muslims because we're always taught that Islam is perfect and nobody leaves it. My sister apostatising really did help and embolden me.

The fear of Hell still has its grip on me and I have had a few nightmares but don't worry, it all goes away with time I heard. Hell in itself makes no sense, I recommend you read this article called "Debunking Jahannam" by happymurtad. If God was real and was good and merciful like the Quran says he is, there is no way that he would torture his creation in Hell. Those are the actions of a sadistic psychopath.
http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=24124.0
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Need to know I'm not going mad
Reply #2 - January 20, 2016, 10:21 PM

I had similar thoughts and fears prior to finally accepting that I was an ex-Muslim.

When I was in university, I badly wanted to stop wearing the headscarf but I was scared that doing so would get me disowned by my family. I struggled with it and suffered with my conscience for years. It took admitting I actually wasn't religious and changing how I wore it to get SOME peace of mind, and finally taking it off for good after more than a decade to feel free.

Sadly, my own sister seems uncomfortable with acknowledging that I had these issues over the headscarf for so long, despite her support of my apostasy.

Anyway, I mean to say that no, you are not going mad. Others have been in your position and many more are going through it. The only ones who ARE mad in my view are the Muslims who insist that people only leave because they were spiritually abused and weren't strong enough to tough out "a few bruises". They have no desire to acknowledge that people have many reasons for leaving, especially in regards to the actual scripture itself as it threatens their belief that the Qur'an is infallible.

Denial only hurts the Muslim world, and has already done a number on it. :(
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Need to know I'm not going mad
Reply #3 - January 25, 2016, 12:05 AM

you don't realise how much those word are to me. I just feel so suffocated in the situation im in.
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