Just wanted to write a little post about the things I realised about sex after freeing myself from islamic ideas and having finally experienced it myself (25 years of abstinence yo! My ovaries almost exploded...).
1) It's not a big deal.Not even the "first time". It is in the sense that you're discovering something completely new and have no idea what you're doing, but it's no different than taking a plane for the first time, camping for the first time, or whatever else.
2) I feels like the most normal thing in the world.Because it is. It's not evil, it's not magical, it's just normal.
3) "Loosing your virginity" doesn't change you.I felt absolutely no different, except for the relief that "it works" (TMI: I never managed to get anything in there so I was scared as hell that I will suffer and be in pain and that it would never work... well, it took trying several times, but everything works!). I didn't feel like something was taken from me or that I was dirty. I felt like I finally learned how to walk and that it was the beginning of my journey towards walking always better and better!
4) Being inexperienced as a heterosexual female is not a virtue but an obstacle.Especially the older you get, the more scared you are, the more you will make a huge deal out of it and ultimately you'll be too intimidated to try and flirt because you just feel vulnerable. Maybe it's not the case for everyone (I wish not), but for me, leaving religion and realising that I had wasted 23 years of my life avoiding sex at all costs and keeping myself "pure" caused me to be so frustrated and angry. I felt like I was behind everyone and had no idea how to do anything, not even properly kiss a guy, let alone sex.
5) Once you start flirting with someone or a relationship, things can go suuuper fast if you're both up for it.Some inexperienced people need to wait 6 months, others dive in very quickly. As long as everyone ok with what is happening, there is no harm in going fast. It can be a bit overwhelming, but when hormones are raging and catching up on those wasted years you can be very motivated to learn fast xD
6) If a man has sex with a woman he doesn't dehumanise her and reduce her to an object.At least not if he's a decent human being! In the past I saw sex as something that objectifies you as a woman and degrades you. Actually, you can have wild pornographic sex with a guy and then cuddle softly and fall asleep in each others arms. Sexual attraction happens in every gender and isn't mutually exclusive with respect.
7) Being naked is also no big deal.When you're with a person you know finds you attractive and who looks at you with hypnotised eyes even in the morning when you just got up. When you're with someone who likes your hair when it's a wild mess and your big butt. No reasons to be self-conscious. And even without that, being naked is just normal and liberating, we should be naked more often.
8 ) There is no point in saying "I will NEVER do XYZ".I used to have clear ideas about what I would find acceptable or not. Actually, there is no harm in trying, chances are you'll actually like a lot of the stuff you said you'll never do.
9) Decent humans will not shame you for not going all the way just because flirting happened.I had this strange idea that if I were to allow a guy to flirt with me, that would mean I'd have to allow him everything. Turned out you decide where it goes. Just wanna make out? Just make out. Just wanna hug? Just hug. Decent people wait for every single move to be clearly reciprocated and are cool with it not going further.
10) "You will BLEED the first time!!", my ass... how come nobody tells you about UTIs?!!Yes some people bleed. I didn't, but instead I got 3 UTIs in a row
Girls, go pee before and after sex, drink at least 2L fluids and take a D-mannose supplement! Our urethras may really not appreciate suddenly having new bacteria crawling around...
That would be the main things.
Bottom line: All these years it was such a huge deal in my head when in fact it's just normal and beautiful, sometimes funny, sometimes awkward, sometimes super hot or awfully romantic. There is so much to try and discover and finally owning your own sexually feels absolutely fantastic!
What are your thoughts and experiences?
Topic: What I learned about sex (post-apostasy)