Little Sister has a Boyfriend??

1« Previous thread | Next thread »
- Prophet Banana
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Little Sister has a Boyfriend??
OP - November 30, 2015, 07:41 AM

Like most people who grew up in a Muslim household, we have strong family values. I can be a little protective of my sister.

I remember when she was 12 and a boy at school asked her if she was a virgin. And then she came home and asked us what a virgin is. I went and confronted the boy. She told me why'd I have to do that, and that I'm "so embarrassing".

Well she's 17 now and sometimes she says she wants to tell me a secret then jokingly says "haha just kidding".

I mean she's done this like 3 or 4 times. I just blow it off.

Then every now and then she'll be going out with her best friend Sally, and before leaving she jokingly tells me "I'm actually seeing my boyfriend".

Today out of nowhere she jokingly asked "What would you do if I had a boyfriend?".

And honestly idk what I'd do. What do you guys think. Is she hinting that she has a boyfriend or is she just testing the waters?

Also how should I react? How would you react if your little sister had a boyfriend?
- Cornflower
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Little Sister has a Boyfriend??
Reply #1 - November 30, 2015, 07:55 AM

Your sister is 17 years old, that's the age when you normally start relationships. You should be a good big brother and let her live her life. If you want to be a part of your sister's life, which is not the same as interfering in your sister's life, you can ask to meet the boyfriend and become friendly with them, then you can see what kind of guy he is as well. You are not her guardian, owner, or whatever other sexist misogynist concept people continuously come up with in order to control "their womenfolk". You are her brother. Be her friend and support.

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- ExMuslimVlogGuy
- Ex-Muslim
- Ex-Super Salafi
- offline
Little Sister has a Boyfriend??
Reply #2 - November 30, 2015, 08:02 AM

I agree with Cornflower,

And I would go as far as to start talking to her more like a young lady now. 17 years old is a vulnerable age for a young woman. So the more open you are with her, the better. But save all your personal judgments. This is how siblings get into fights. They start judging each other on every personal decision they make.

If you aren't open with her, she's going to seek out other guys for companionship and friendship, and who knows what those guys are doing..

So you could be protective and be cool at the same time.

"If you don't like your religion's fundamentalists, then maybe there's something wrong with your religion's fundamentals."
"Demanding blind respect but not offering any respect in reciprocation is laughable."
"Let all the people in all the worlds be in peace."
- kulay
- Infidel
- Ex-Muslim
- offline
Little Sister has a Boyfriend??
Reply #3 - November 30, 2015, 09:01 AM

Seems to me that she wants to include you in, but she's afraid of your reaction. Be supportive and talk to her. I know it's a hard pill to swallow if you were raised a Muslim male as it subconsciously grates against your honor and pride, but having a better relationship with your sister is worth it and she'll trust and confide in you more.

Good luck

"Ours is the age which is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to."
هذا من فضل جدي
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
- Pub Regular
- offline
Little Sister has a Boyfriend??
Reply #4 - November 30, 2015, 12:03 PM

She's 17, it's quite likely this is the first time she's ever experienced falling in love. It's a magical time. Obviously she's testing the waters because she wants to be honest with you, maybe have someone to confide in. Tell her she's a young adult and has every right to live her life, and as your sister you'll always love her and be there for her. Don't be afraid to ask her about him, and when you do just let her talk. If she doesn't want to, leave her be. Don't force it, but make sure she knows she can. First loves are something you always remember but obviously it's the first time, so there's a lack of experience. It'll be good for her to have you to confide in. If you feel she'll be receptive, ask to meet him, the three of you can go out for a beer or something.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- asbie
- Actually just a dude
- Poster of the Month
- Past, present, future...
- offline
Little Sister has a Boyfriend??
Reply #5 - November 30, 2015, 01:28 PM

Agree with what everyone else has said thus far. 17 is a perfectly reasonable age to have a boyfriend. Tell her to be safe and have fun, and let her know that you're someone she can confide in safely, comfortably, and without judgement. And be that person who can help her in that way without judgement.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- Rob
- Member
- offline
Little Sister has a Boyfriend??
Reply #6 - November 30, 2015, 02:02 PM

I had three daughters. One was sexually active at 14. One at seventeen, one not until 20 or so. The latter has has had the most sexual partners. Everyone is different and matures differently.

As a brother, I'm not sure how much of this is your job. As I see it, it isn't any of your business unless she's asking. However, since I suspect your parents are unapproachable in this I suppose you need to take a friendly interest.

Always remember she's seventeen and it's up to her how she lives her life. You should possibly advise, you should never demand.

If she does have a boyfriend, someone should meet him because there are real dangers that can't be ignored. He could be perfectly nice, on the other hand he could be a lot older, potentially abusive, a drugs user, a gang member. Someone needs to know who she's with, she does need to be allowed to make her own mistakes but she should be made aware of any pitfalls that might be there.

At seventeen, one would hope a conversation about safe sex and condoms wouldn't be necessary but it might be a good idea to make sure she understands the dangers.
1« Previous thread | Next thread »