Positive stories about coming out to your parents?

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- Mikael
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
OP - November 24, 2015, 05:00 AM

Hey everyone,

Unfortunately most ex-muslims telling their parents about their apostasy results in a wide variety of negative reactions. Since this is a place of positivity, I was wondering if any of you actually got a favourable reception from your parents/relatives when coming out? Thanks.
- Quod Sum Eris
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #1 - November 24, 2015, 05:02 AM

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- Absurdist
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #2 - November 24, 2015, 07:52 AM

I told my parents that I can't do religion anymore because it's bad for my mental health. I have anxiety, and religious expectations are a huge trigger. This happened this past Ramadan because I was living with them for a while and it made my anxiety skyrocket.

I opened up to them and told them I stopped praying when I was 12 and everything religious I did since then till I moved out at 18 was a facade to live up to my father's expectations. My father felt guilty and came into my room to talk but I told him to leave. I felt bad for him, but his mistakes aren't my responsibility and I had to take care of myself first.

I didn't talk to him for several weeks. We lived together but didn't say a single word to each other. I talked to him through my mom if I needed anything, mostly to tell him not to talk to me or approach me.

He respected my boundaries. The only words we said to each other were when I was leaving. He waited for me awkwardly near the door to say bye.

I stayed with them again a few months later, and our relationship has definitely improved. We interact in a way that we never have before. We started treating each other like two adults rather than a father and a child.

My mom has been supportive from the beginning. She told me that she never agreed with my dad's approach to religion. Opening up brought me much closer to her.
- asbie
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #3 - November 24, 2015, 02:12 PM

Coming out to my parents hasn't changed my relationship with them one whit (great with mom, always kind of rocky with dad), although I don't have to tell them why I don't want to pray or fast or anything like that anymore. I feel incredibly lucky in this respect.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- Mikael
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #4 - November 24, 2015, 08:47 PM

Delighted to hear that, Absurdist and Asbie. Sorry if this is too forward of me, but may I know where you two are from?

Hope there are more positive stories coming!
- asbie
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #5 - November 25, 2015, 01:55 PM

Southern United States. How about you Mikael?

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- three
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #6 - November 26, 2015, 03:08 AM

It might not be what you are looking for, but my father was delighted that I had left Islam. My mother did not care much. But neither of them are Muslim, so..

Don't let Hitler have the street.
- Mikael
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #7 - November 26, 2015, 03:31 AM

Quote from: asbie on November 25, 2015, 01:55 PM
Southern United States. How about you Mikael?

I'm Pakistani, but I'm living in Toronto.

The reaction I got from my parents was a net positive. They started off dismissive—they thought I was going through a phase or something—and as a result of that offered very little resistance to me saying that I was an atheist. It stayed this way for some time, with only the occasional disagreement. Then my elder brother became an atheist too, and I, in passing, mentioned that I ate pork (thinking it wasn't too big a deal as I'd openly been an atheist for some time), and everything went to shit. My parents were in tears and in complete and utter disbelief. I started off understanding, making sure to engage with them calmly, however after a short period of time where I continued to tolerate their hurtful ( though not insulting) words and regressive attitude, my temper got the better of me and I ended up getting into a shouting match with my mum.

That was a couple years ago however, and my relationship with my parents, specifically my mum, is better than it's ever been. Since moving to Canada (my parents were in Dubai before and I was studying in Australia) my mum's come a long way and I actually think she's on the verge of becoming an atheist herself. Ultimately my parents are kind hearted, loving people and all they needed was some time.
- Mikael
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #8 - November 26, 2015, 03:33 AM

Quote from: three on November 26, 2015, 03:08 AM
It might not be what you are looking for, but my father was delighted that I had left Islam. My mother did not care much. But neither of them are Muslim, so..

That's great! May I know how was that you became a Muslim?
- Prophet Banana
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #9 - November 26, 2015, 10:08 AM

My mother wanted us to move from our troubled old neighborhood to somewhere better. I had registered at a high school near by a little late. Most classes were full and I was thrown into random courses.

Two of those courses were World Religions and APS (Anthropology, Psychology, Sociology). Wow... the things I learnt. I left Islam that wonderful semester.

My mother hated my teachers and that school.
- three
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #10 - November 26, 2015, 02:42 PM

Quote from: Mikael on November 26, 2015, 03:33 AM
That's great! May I know how was that you became a Muslim?

Through literature.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
- asbie
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Reply #11 - November 26, 2015, 03:16 PM

Quote from: Mikael on November 26, 2015, 03:31 AM
That was a couple years ago however, and my relationship with my parents, specifically my mum, is better than it's ever been. Since moving to Canada (my parents were in Dubai before and I was studying in Australia) my mum's come a long way and I actually think she's on the verge of becoming an atheist herself. Ultimately my parents are kind hearted, loving people and all they needed was some time.

I am so glad to hear its turned out well for you over time!

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- houzan85
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Positive stories about coming out to your parents?
Reply #12 - September 08, 2017, 11:10 PM

very interesting subject! well done guys! when i first told my mum that Religions don't make sense for me all what she cared about is my safety! bless her she is lovely! dad didn't want to discuss it as he believed i made a wrong decision by rejecting religions but after couple of weeks he started talking to me again! glad i have nice parents but what disturb me the most is the reaction of my extended family!! specially cousins some of them didn't see me for quite few years, while others didn't even meet me in their lives,they just know me by name! yet they still threatening me and passing messages that one day they will get their honour back by ending my life! glad I'm safe in a free country far from them and they can not reach me here! but i wish i can understand where is the (Honour) in killing someone they don't even know! anyway i really do believe that religions where made just to take control over humans! and specially to control women!
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