A letter to Ali Sina
OP - August 26, 2015, 07:14 AM
.Ali sina is my idol. This man thrill and fascinate me with his intellectual writings. I’m a regular reader of his faithfreedom site. Once at a desperate time, I sent him an email which he really replied. He was so….. (Emotion takes over). Since I don’t have his permission to post his caring reply, I would rather post my own email. I actually wrote the email out of desperation, just at the following day after being physically violated by a bunch of Muslims in a sacred mosque. Hope you have the patience to read it all and take things positively. Thank you.
Note: Just the very day I sent him this email another online activist named Niladry Chattapaddhay was killed in Bangladesh in similar fashion to make it 5 in a row.
Hello Ali sina. . .
I am Dr. Ovi, from Bangladesh.
You probably never heard the name of this country before. Well, It’s a South Asian secular country currently consumed by fundamentalism and Islamic fanaticism. Speaking against Islam in public is a death wish here. Even without speaking you may get killed for typing. There already 4 bloggers who have been killed in broad day light for debunking Islam in their blogs, namely Rajib Haider, Washikur babu, Avijit Roy, And Ananta Bijay Das. The fourth one actually died front of my eyes. At that morning I saw him chased by four masked man with machetes. I didn’t saw them actually killing him but I saw those people chasing him into a gully where he was killed. I can’t recognize 3 chasers but for the 4th one I can tell him even from a distance. He was fat, with strange locomotion. While running his right hand goes front with right leg and vice versa. In normal human you will find quite the opposite.
That was the event that literally pushed me out of Islam. But it is not the only cause. I had lots of doubtful questions right from my childhood of which I never find proper answer. Being born in a fanatic Muslim family sometimes I was physically abused for asking those heretical questions. My dad is attached to Jamat Islami Bangladesh. A fanatic Islamic political party that is committed to reinstall Sariah low in Bangladesh. Let me introduce the level of bigotry in my family with one incident. The following day Ananta Bijay Das was killed, I returned home and found my parents lamenting upon a headline on the newspaper that says another atheist blogger being killed in our locality. Their lamentation was not about his death, but because they weren’t the one to claim his life!
Imagine my situation after that day. My own parents are ardent to kill a person who hold exact similar believe of mine! In fact he had to die for simply not believing! It was like thunderstruck! I was obviously scared, they might kill me if they know I’m an atheist. And I still am.
I don’t think the death of Ananta went in vain. He lives in me and many others whom he inspired to become a rationalist. I spent 23 years of my life trying to deceive myself. I was trying to believe which I knew rationally unbelievable. I lost my faith a long long time ago, I stopped praying 5 times, or fasting at Ramadan. But somehow still managed to clench on Islam with a blind hand. Credit goes to my childhood indoctrination and force feeding of theology. I used to tell me, there’s not a single mistake in Quran. Even modern science has proven it’s authenticity. However there are very few unexplained fact which will surely be discovered in near future. I was told Einstein’s relativity theory and Stephen Hawkins’s big bang theory is actually based on Quranic verses and the incident of Miraj (Mohammed’s imaginary trip to Allah). As a kid I actually believed all those since I didn’t have any other source to learn the truth. But things started to change when I admitted to DVM course in Sylhet Agricultural University. Being a vet I came across this verse
“He is created from a drop emitted proceeding from between the backbone and the ribs.” Quran 86:6-7
As a vet student I knew that drop has to be semen and semen have no relation with backbone or ribs. Sperm is originated from seminiferous tubules of testes that lies in scrotum and seminal plasma comes from accessory sex glands that lies in pelvic cavity. There’s no relation with backbone or ribs. A clear cut mistake.
Since I found one flaw I searched the internet for more. There I found a website wikiislam.net which enlisted hundreds of scientific errors in Quran and Hadith. Watching them, the edifice of my belief was totally pulverized. There was nothing to hold on. But still I kept on imagining, those mistake might be some kind of metaphor and probably some day a Islamic scholar like Zakir Nayek can explain them rationally to dissuade my faith. I was a bird that was just freed from the cage but too scared to fly for the first time. And there comes the murder of Ananta. It was one hell of a push that threw me off the cliff and I started to fly!!! I still can remember that day, It was 14th of May this year, when I returned to dormitory and stood front of the mirror during shower and told to myself, “I’m not a Muslim, not anymore.” And it feels like freedom from religious prison after 23 long years of incarceration. I feel the horror of hell, lust for heaven, fear of Allah, insanity of Mohammed, all are washed away. It was the shower of my lifetime. It was a complete rebirth as a human (earlier I used to be a Muslim, which I would like to consider as a bipedal humanoid rather than a human being). You’re an apostate, and I think this feeling is not unknown to you.
At the later phase of May I had to return to my home since the dormitory being closed up for summer vacation. Returning home probably the thing other peoples crave for but for me it was a terror. I had to pretend to be a good Muslim in front of my family otherwise I might get killed. Thankfully I got some spinal problem and doctor suggested me a complete bed rest. That gave me temporary relief from attending prayers in mosque but at home I had to pray 5 times even though laying flat on the bed and being unable to rise! My mom is very strict with this prayer stuffs. Her notion was without prayer you can’t be a Muslim and non-Muslims can’t be a part of her family.
Likely I came round and successfully returned to university to attend the final exam. Now I’m working as an intern vet and my posting keeps me away from my family and their bigotry.
Since I left Islam, I was astonished to see that many people being blindfolded by that religious insanity! I was a little bit upset with myself too, why the hell I took 23 long years to renounce that bullshit. I wasn’t smart enough to leave it right when I was rebuked for the first time for asking simple rational question instead of being properly answered. That was the time I realize the value of those silly questions that used to arise in the mind of a silly little kid. I understand, same questions arise in the mind of every single kid of Muslim parents before they are assimilated to Islam by insidious indoctrination. So I try to compile those questions in a written form which not only explain the reasons behind my apostasy but also can be an effective mean to save other kids from Islam. As kids are indoctrinated to Islam they eventually loss their mental ability to ask. They loss their critical thinking which they inherited with birth as a human being. I wanted to ignite that fire of which Islam always been so afraid of, The fire of Question! A conflagration that would roast Islam and enlighten the whole world.
Since I started cogitating to revive those questions, I found it extremely difficult to recall those long gone childhood memories. Many of those questions, after being subdued by harsh snubs at childhood, are permanently eroded from my memory. But there are still enough left in the tank. I also tried to record some common hateful treacherous words that is instilled in my mind as a kid and vindicate their insubstantiality in my writing. Kids of Muslim parents are often introduced to a hostile world that apparently always tries to annihilate their religious belief. At first few decade of my life I thought that was true, but as I grow up I discovered the reality. Islam is an outdated medieval brutality that holdfast it’s core and standstill like a solid impediment against the natural flow of amelioration. I wanted those kids to see things straight. When you place a stone on a fountain the entire current will bang against it. In that case stone is the guilty one, not the fountain. But Muslim makes them understand quite the opposite. LGBT movements, feminist movement, Theory of Evolution, anti-terrorist warfare, these all apparently always colliding with Islam, not because of the intriguing non-Muslims (That is what they usually teach their kids) but because Islam is deliberately blocking their ways.
Being growing up amidst of bigotry, I closely watched those purposeful violation of the innocence of kids by those religious fallacies and it trembled my heart. I desperately wanted to vociferate against them to save other kids around. Especially my younger brother Zarif. My bigot parents are instilling hatred in his innocent heart front of my very eyes. But I just can’t make a move. In this part of world where typing in blogs claim lives, vociferation is a death wish. So I used to keep silent. However I used to run a facebook page from a fake facebook ID that concealed my identity but expressed my speech. And meantime I was writing down those revived question in a systemic form so that someday I can present them in a printed form to our future generation.
Life was going okey for me as long as I hide my ideology, muted my voice and pretend to be a good Muslim. I never wanted to be in the lime light by publicly opposing Islam in an Islamic country. Man, I don’t have the gut for this. Like I mentioned earlier, it’s a death wish. But last Tuesday I broke my own rule and spoke out. Not just in any public place, but inside the Mosque!
Ya, don’t tell me, I know I’m the dumbest people you ever met. But I can explain,
On that afternoon, I was simply passing by a mosque. It was after the Asar prayer (Afternoon prayer). And there was a repast arranged for the musolli (those who said prayer in the mosque). An avid stray dog got inside the mosque to scavenge upon the remainders. You know dogs are considered unholy in Islam, and their presence in mosque can bring serious consequences. The holly Muslims cornered that poor dog and started to beat it relentlessly with long handled broomstick. I could hear it crying from quite a distance. By the time I rushed to the spot they already fractured it’s femur on left hind leg and radius ulna of right foreleg. It could barely stand on that moment to take the beating. I positioned myself between the infuriated crowd and the dog and politely disarmed them. I never lost my shield of affability, not even for a moment. As the crowd calm down I went to grab that dog out of the mosque and provide some treatment. As a veterinarian it’s my duty to do so. But as I approached, that scared dog couldn’t distinguish me from the other perpetrators and tried to bite me as a defensive response. That very moment another stubborn Muslim standing next to me smashed on it’s head and said, “Don’t touch that dirty dog, or it will sacrilege your clothing. We will beat it out of the mosque with sticks.”
At that tensed situation that untimely delivered hateful words just set my brain on fire. It was like a spark in a volatile gas chamber. And the next moment, hell exploded out of my mouth.
“Islam is even dirtier than this dog, that is why I left that bitch.”
That was my first public word against Islam and that too inside it hearts, within the mosque! For a brief moment everyone got silent, and was trying to figure out what I just said! The next moment the bludgeoned me with everything they got within the reach of their hand. That was quite a beating. But I succeed to sneak out of the mosque in one piece. At night I heard they arranged an arbitration against me after Isha prayer (night prayer). On the arbitration they unanimously declared me a Murtad (apostate) because I didn’t attend the arbitration and begged pardon. You know the punitive measure Islam takes against its apostates.
By no mean had I wanted get into trouble by offending Islam publicly. It was just a rush of blood. And after the incident I reconsider to attend the arbitration and repent for my action. But even though they would have flogged me front of a massive audience. It’s a vindictive move to deter others from taking the same path. It would be really derogatory to my self-esteem. Why I supposed to repent for telling the truth and accept punishment for it? So I didn’t attend there.
Since that incident I’m under continuous threat of death. In fact I’m running for my life. Any time a Muslim might go berserk and perform a machete work on me. I held a big possibility of becoming the 5th victim on the list. I already changed my posting and got into a new place of work. I also changed my group of interns, since 6 out of 10 of my group are bigot Tablig Jamati (Sufism). My new group consist mostly Hindus, and I think it will be safer among them. However Bangladesh is a very small country and my new working place is barely 100 KM away from my previous one. It’s not so hard to trace an apostate within that short distance. I don’t have the luxury to consider myself safe anywhere. I undertook self quarantine and barely go out of my quarter. I don’t know which way it will come but I know it will for sure. I outmatched every other victim before me. Not a single one of them was so daring to go public. They only typed in blog. Except Rajib Haider none else actually struck Islam directly with their writings or calling it’s name.
I just committed the last thing I wanted to do. Now I’m just a prisoner on death row.
In past few days I was desperately seeking help from many sources. First thing I considered was shifting out to a non Muslim country. I asked Indian embassy for asylum but they replied that shelter in India is only for big guns like writers or politicians. For me they can only provide 3 months visit visa at best.
Secondly I thought of publicly asking pardon and accept the flogging. It would at least save my life for the instant. But my self esteem came on the way. I just can’t take that humiliation.
Last thing I considered was seeking help from my parents. Since my dad is a Jamat (fanatic Islamic political party) leader, any attack while staying in his house is quite unexpected. But then I remember what my parents talked about Ananta’s (the fourth victim who was killed in front of my eyes) death. There’s a better chance that instead of protecting me they might kill me by their own hand after knowing what I actually said against Islam.
I also tried to seek shelter from police. But they are so corrupted that they demanded massive amount to provide me protection. Being a middle class intern vet, I never have enough money to bribe those officers.
Ali sina, I’m totally perplexed. I can sense it coming but I don’t know what to do to fend it off. I can’t be indoor for whole life. It already started to feel like a prison. I can’t breathe inside. So I’ve chosen you as the last hope. I have been reading your faith freedom blog for a while now. I read that conversation where you explained why you are so sure of defeating Islam in next few decades. I read how ridicule can defeat the narcissistic Islam. Those are so inspiring to me. You are my realistic hero on a war for peace. I know you’re busy with whole lots of things that are more important than bothering with this unworthy man who barely have any control on his mouth. I admit, what I did was the worst form of stupidity, and I supposed to accept the aftermath on my own. But yet I want to make one last move before going down. I want to call my hero and plead for help. I don’t know what kind of help I’m asking for, like I said, I’m totally perplexed with the situation. But anything will be heartedly appreciated. So I ask again, Is there anything you can do for me? Anything? (Except advising me to leave the country. I’m sick of this banal advise, and I don’t consider leaving an option.)
Pardon me if I waste your precious time. I wish you to succeed in your cause of omitting Islam for the sake of a peaceful world. Even if I’m not physically be there to enjoy the peace. Thank you.
Sincerely
Dr. Ovi
God didn't created us in his Image. We created God as our own reflection.
Topic: A letter to Ali Sina