A Spiritual? Dissatisfaction

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- INcePtion
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A Spiritual? Dissatisfaction
OP - August 20, 2015, 02:56 AM

Once you reach a point where you have most of the things necessary to survive and thrive , you slowly start to die. Well that's the case with me.

This summer has been shit for me and Im sure someone somewhere else had it far worse and far better than me.

But let me take this time to at least rant a bit, so that I can sleep better.

This summer felt almost as if it flew by. I feel as if my perception of time has started to "shrink".
Monday, Tuesday and Sunday and repeat...
Everything has become a number. We've got to do things at xx time and go to be at time at xx time and so forth...

It makes me kinda depressed how much we've become like robots. And it is also true that nothing of what Im tapping on my phone is making sense but I'll try to make sense and share with you a bit of negativity.

Maybe it is my brain wired like this?
Ive always been bored. Since as early as I can recall, Ive been more bored than anyone I knew and more reluctant to do anything at all than anyone I knew.

I think being bored is something I cannot change.

That's why I dont have a routine, even a bit of order in my life. Everyone seem to be so focused on what they want and dont have time to think about anything else.

i'll be walking down the road and telling myself how unfair it is that some people have to work so hard to get something in their life, how we are like robots, how we dont seem to take a break , how much we are destroying our planet etc...

I cant seem to go on about daily life without entering a tunnel of negativity.
This sucks because I end up just laying around and doing nothing at all or simply feeling negative.

This is why someday I wish to live in a rainforest, all by myself.
Or just become a bhuddist monk, to seek a deeper meaning.

The latter is not possible for many reasons but also because I do not believe in a deeper meaning at all.

It seems almost like Life is predetermined.. We do not have control of our thoughts most of the time or how we are going to feel the next moment.
Our actions are a product of our thoughts , so how can we possibly say that we have 100% free will?

We can not say it for sure. Like our destination is death, our bodies will naturally go there.
And mind and body are not separate after all.

I want to enter a neutral mode and not seek for positivity. When I seek positivity, I become depressed just a few moments later.

With some people it does not happen immediately but with me it is just a matter of days or sometimes Im lucky enough and it becomes a matter of weeks.
Until external and internal inputs wreak havoc on my positivity.

Therefore I'll be non-judgemental and non-receptive.

I wont respond any further and no amount of advice is going to change me. But feel free to share your thoughts.

I do not believe in happiness either, I guess.
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Reply #1 - August 20, 2015, 03:42 AM

I would take a guess that you feel this way because you're depressed.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #2 - August 20, 2015, 03:49 AM

You sound depressed to me too, and I know you said you didn't want advice so I'll just say this - the neutral mode that you long for is the default mode in my experience. Its emotional highs and lows and deep longing and introspection that need outside factors before they appear. If that's not the reality for you, do you think you might have a genetic predisposition to clinical depression?

"Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny." - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
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Reply #3 - August 20, 2015, 08:13 AM

Your'e probably too much of a deep thinker, trapped inside your own head which is a lonely place to be : ) i dont know what the solution is perhaps Three will know all about this ?

x
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Reply #4 - August 20, 2015, 08:48 AM

Quote from: INcePtion on August 20, 2015, 02:56 AM
Once you reach a point where you have most of the things necessary to survive and thrive , you slowly start to die. Well that's the case with me.

This summer has been shit for me and Im sure someone somewhere else had it far worse and far better than me.

INcePtion......INcePtion.......and ..............INcePtion.......Dreamer........... Dream Girl..

what is wrong with you?? you are too smart.. too good a person . Some one need to HIT ON YOUR HEAD to get all that stuff out of your head.,

What?? do you have too much free time in your hands??
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But let me take this time to at least rant a bit, so that I can sleep better.

OK that is good..
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This summer felt almost as if it flew by. I feel as if my perception of time has started to "shrink".
Monday, Tuesday and Sunday and repeat...
Everything has become a number. ~~We've got to do things at xx time and go to be at time at xx time and so forth~~.

well you got to do things... what you got to do you got too do..

what is that you don't want to do things? you want to change Monday to sunday and saturday to wednesday? I mean work wise...

Quote
~~It makes me kinda depressed how much we've become like robots~~. And it is also true that nothing of what Im tapping on my phone is making sense but I'll try to make sense and share with you a bit of negativity.

No..No.. there is no depression.. what all you are saying is.. you are too good and you do things faster than others on a given job and you have free time on your hand.. SO USE IT FOR YOURSELF...
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Maybe it is my brain wired like this?
Ive always been bored. Since as early as I can recall, Ive been more bored than anyone I knew and more reluctant to do anything at all than anyone I knew.

No your brain is NOT wired like that., you are too smart ., You get bored because you do things faster than other people around you so use that time to do something for yourself..

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I think being bored is something ~~I cannot change~~.

No............ you can change ... Go Run .... run on grass without shoes..

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That's why I dont have a routine, even a bit of order in my life. ~~Everyone seem to be so focused on what they want and dont have time to think about anything else.~~

why worry abut others and what they do with their time?? it is good you don't have routine..

Quote
i'll be walking down the road and telling myself ~~how unfair it is that some people have to work so hard to get something in their life, how we are like robots,~~ how we dont seem to take a break ,

get rid of that shit.. It is life .. life will have problems..

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how much we are destroying our planet etc...

well use your time and find ingenious ways to stop fools destroying our/your planet ..

Quote
I cant seem to go on about daily life without entering a tunnel of negativity.
This sucks because I end up ~~just laying around and doing nothing~~ at all or simply feeling negative.

WELL STOP THAT.. that is not good., there is so much to do ., get some tunnel of +vity .. give me your routine.. I will tell you the work that you will not have time to lay around..

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This is why someday I wish to live in a rainforest, all by myself. Or just become a bhuddist monk, to seek a deeper meaning.

That is OK you can become whatever you want when you are 55 or older.. No..no 60 and older but meanwhile .. MAKE LOTS OF MONEY AND SEND ME SOME.. ..

and what deeper meaning? deeper meaning of what? nonsense... to live good life and to make life good around you ,, you don't need to do go in to caves and become cave girl.. .. that is escapist attitude

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The latter is not possible for many reasons but also because I do not believe in a deeper meaning at all.

what deeper meaning you are talking? what deeper meaning you want?.. Girl you have everything so get rid of that nonsense.. Focus,, refocus

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It seems almost like Life is predetermined.. We do not have control of our thoughts most of the time or how we are going to feel the next moment. Our actions are a product of our thoughts , so how can we possibly say that we have 100% free will?
We can not say it for sure. Like our destination is death, our bodies will naturally go there.
And mind and body are not separate after all.

Why worry about that nonsense?.. GO TO GYM.. LIFT WEIGHTS

Quote
I want to enter a neutral mode and not seek for positivity. When I seek positivity, ~~I become depressed just a few moments later~~.

do you want to read something? write something?? do you want to do something??

Quote
With some people it does not happen immediately but with me it is just a matter of days or sometimes Im lucky enough and it becomes a matter of weeks.
Until external and internal inputs wreak havoc on my positivity.

Therefore I'll be non-judgemental and non-receptive.

I wont respond any further and no amount of advice is going to change me. But feel free to share your thoughts.

I do not believe in happiness either, I guess.

INcePtion ....INcePtion... common.. get up from the bed put on shoes and go for running..

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
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A Spiritual? Dissatisfaction
Reply #5 - August 20, 2015, 08:58 AM

^brilliant advice lol : )
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Reply #6 - August 20, 2015, 10:44 AM

Quote
I do not believe in happiness either, I guess.

I don't believe in a happy life. I believe in happy moments.
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Reply #7 - August 20, 2015, 11:21 AM

^Same. (...and I agree with pretty much everything Inception said.)
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Reply #8 - August 20, 2015, 11:41 AM

It sounds like you have depression, as was said.
Depression, I am sure you are aware, is often not as much a state of mind as it is a physical issue, a chemical imbalance in the brain.
You are at a time in your life where your body and your brain are finishing their development and it can play havoc with your hormones, normally moods are all over the place, rather than in a depressive state for long periods.
If you don't want to take advice, of course you do not have to. I hope it does not irritate you to hear me say that first you ought to go back to basics of getting enough sleep, enough vitamins, enough protein, enough exercise. Add some fish oil to your diet.
These things keep your brain healthy.

A doctor's visit is a good thing, too. They can tell you if you are lacking a B vitamin or need more D.

When I left the safe house and was living in a frigid unfinished basement I would often feel that there was no point, I would never be able to provide my kids with a normal life, and each day just blended unbearably into the next. I tried to take my own advice of eating and sleeping and vitamins, but I was not organized and my life was not yet my own. I was feeling a despair, not necessarily a lack of motivation. Desperation is quite motivating.

What saved me was other people. Random people showed me such incredible kindness, that I could not help but be affected. From the lady who gave me her card and told me to use her as a reference without hardly knowing me, to the stranger who gave me bags of toys her kids had outgrown, when my children had none. There were so many people who were kind to me that I cannot even tell you all the incidents. I was terrified of them when I arrived, and they helped me get over that fear, by being their natural selves. Reaching outside of their "robotic" lives and routines to improve mine.
The world can be a beautiful place because of the beautiful people in it. I know you will be a part of that when you are free. Don't give up your hope. There are some real surprises out there. Nothing ever happened as I expected it to.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #9 - August 20, 2015, 01:18 PM

I think three gave some good advice, among others. I'd only add that exercise often got me out of mind ruts that would spiral out of control without it.

I can really relate to so much of what you're going through Inception, that it feels like a window into my former mind. I won't echo what the others have said about depression, because you probably know it yourself. Without formal professional help (something which I never got, heck I only recently was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder by a doc here, even though I used to be in a much worse state) its hard to know the extent of the disorder and what could help it. Ultimately its up to you to decide what course of action to take to help yourself.

In any case, the best thing I can tell you, and this is really hard to do but I'll say it anyway, don't beat yourself up to much about the kinds of thoughts you have. Either its due to your brain chemistry, or your immediate surroundings, likely a combination of both, but either way it's not something you can immediately wish away. Once you get that change to a healthier environment, or get the treatment you need, things will get better.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
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Reply #10 - August 20, 2015, 03:05 PM

I did not expect Cembers to Not give some good advice which Im not sure If I'll be able to fully absorb into my system.

@Cheetah yes I think it is highly likely that Im genetically prone to depression.

I think have too many depression related problems. Mood swings, morning depression, whatnot depression, existential boredem etc...

I think I can not help it after all and the best thing is to have a neutral approach. Rather than seeking something, just being in the here and now is far more better.
I will get myself used to it.

@Yeez Thanks yeezeveZeETV

Ive got a lot do than sitting down and despairing myself.

But I dont think Im being escapist by trying to connect with myself and nature more than I am right now. It's a way to relax the mind and the body from this hectic society. A way to understand yourself better as well...

But of course, it's not entirely possible nor Im going to become a cave girl lol
No matter how much far away I run, I would still want a bit of human contact.
We are social beings after all lol

Dance to this yeez..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=AcAM3u75BnI

@Three No, I dont find it annoying at all when you tell me to take care of the basics. I need to be reminded everyday and refrain from bad habits.

Im glad that you were able to come out of that situation and that you met some awesome people. I know this world is not black and white. It's full amazing people and I think I have met some of them on this forum.

You are very caring three

I wont change today or even tomorrow, but I'll try to make things a bit better and disconnect from the internet for a bit. I think Ive spent more hours online than in real life lol

Thanks everyone. I truly appreciate it.
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Reply #11 - August 20, 2015, 03:18 PM

Quote from: INcePtion on August 20, 2015, 03:05 PM
..............................
Dance to this yeez..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=AcAM3u75BnI

...............

ha! INcePtion.. if you say those words to even dead body ., it will spring up and run with you to end of this universe

Me dance?? .. girl...... whenever you are planing to go to caves., don't forget to send me the cave address...... even if I am dead I will be there..........

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
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Reply #12 - August 20, 2015, 03:30 PM

Yeah I'll be meeting Yeez in flesh and blood
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Reply #13 - August 20, 2015, 03:43 PM

Quote from: INcePtion on August 20, 2015, 03:30 PM
Yeah I'll be meeting Yeez in flesh and blood

good.. good.... but dancing with wolf is not easy INcePtion

now as Three suggested, we got to make sure that you get tested for usual biofluid analysis.. such as

Selenium... thyroid hormone level...Iodine level in serum... and...and take some folate.. Vit-D and Omega fatty acids just to make sure you can dance..... even if you eat these vits little excess it doesn't matter

As far as spirits and Spiritual? Dis/satisfaction is concerned.. forget that nonsense.. There are no spirits .. it is all beer and it is all in you... Life is easy .. use golden rule in life .. IT WILL SHIELD YOU FROM EVERY BULLSHIT that we have in our brains..

Smile girl smile.. and focus.. focus... People like you are so important to the society and so important to friends/ loved ones and well wishers around you... ..........your.. your smile and focus is important.....

with best wishes
yeezevee

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
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