Hello from an indonesian in Netherlands
OP - July 12, 2015, 08:42 AM
Hi all,
Great to finally found this place. I'm an Indonesian ex-muslim who resides in The Netherlands for more than 5 years now. As introduction I'd like to share a bit of my background. I've been questioning and finally left Islam since I was still living in Indonesia but I can only be open about it only when I left the country. Surprisingly, I met more Indonesians who also left Islam in this country.
On the other hand, we have similar problem. We cannot be open about it to our parents and family. For example, every time I went back to Indonesia my mother was already suspicious and questioning about my religiosity. At that time, I tried to be honest with some expectation that she will be very open about it. But as suspected, she bursted to tears and asked me to withdraw things that I just said and ask for forgiveness to Allah. She practically then blamed herself so badly for being failed as parent and I'm really afraid this can stress her out.
Although I've tried to explain her that this is purely my own choice, discussing this matter with her is a dead end. My mother - like most every parents in Indonesia - is a simple person. Her life is her house, her village and the mosque. Having an atheist son, is something that will rock the balance of her life. I know that being open as an atheist for me is easy. My friends (also Indonesian ones) are basically okay with it and we can be tolerated to each other as if nothing changed. But for her, it is different. I cannot imagine what she has to go through especially she's the one who's still living there and facing directly the pressure from the society and our big family.
To comfort her, I told her that I will try again to be a good muslim. As a result, every Ramadan she's always asked whether I'm fasting or not, how's the Eid in Europe, etc... and there I go, I lied *sigh
I heard similar stories from Indonesian people here who left Islam. We're lucky enough we're not living there anymore so that we don't have to face social pressure on daily basis. But yet, we can't be really ourselves when it comes to our families. Some of us are tired of lying and must face conflict with our parents. Things got even worse since unfortunately that majority of the people especially from the western part are now more moving toward to stricter Islam. I'm also tired of lying to my mother, but she's not getting any younger and afraid that she will be stressed out and sick because of this. I think I have to lie forever to her, if this is the best for everyone.
So that's it guys, I'd love to hear Hi and Hallo from everyone here as well. I just browsed around the forum and I feel so sorry for others who're facing even more difficult situations than me. Hope life will take you to better solutions.
Cheers,
Richard.
Topic: Hello from an indonesian in Netherlands