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- SCM
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Reply #30 - June 21, 2015, 12:20 AM

Please go and see a doctor about your suicidal feelings. You can call
Lifeline 13 11 14 for help.
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Reply #31 - June 21, 2015, 01:44 AM

Quote from: three on June 20, 2015, 11:47 PM
Can you call the suicide hotlines and just talk to them? That is what they are there for. Where I live the hotline people are incredibly helpful. Maybe they could somehow help you get into a doctor's office to help you through this?

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx

I am really sorry. I know that tired feeling and it was hard for me to get out of it.

I don't see the point of calling hot-lines or the doctor. They are not really going to help and I know they don't care. Especially doctors. TBH I have some really bad experience with doctors so seeing one might make me snap. My temper is horrible. I'm not even bothered about changing doctors because they are all equally useless. They only help when people have life threatening illnesses, they don't care about improving the quality of life of an individual.

It is not like I'm mentally disturbed. I just have problems that are really beyond my control and I'm basically meh about it now.

Right from a philosophical point of view, there is nothing wrong with suicide. It is my life end of the day and I have to live it. I just don't see what the big deal is.

I'm not going to commit suicide though. I'm just explaining my thought process.
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Reply #32 - June 21, 2015, 02:22 AM

Actually the hotline workers DO care about you. Or they would never do the job at all.

Maybe you need a different kind of doctor than the sort you are describing. We have a number of different kinds here to choose from, I do not know if you have the same varieties where you are.
You are right that it is circumstances getting you down, but when your brain reaches the point of wanting to turn itself off, then your coping chemicals might need a boost. Some help is better than no help. You deserve help.

Sans doctor you could try all the usual things. Water, protein, exercise, vitamins. Change of scenery.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #33 - June 21, 2015, 05:15 PM

It's alright. I don't really need help from doctors or need to talk to someone.

I just need to ignore these thoughts. Meh
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Reply #34 - June 23, 2015, 10:51 PM

Okay I lost my temper today. And it was bad...but it felt so good.

Basically I was working in the kitchen (I volunteer at a kitchen in order to build some experience). I was told to put this red bucket away by the boss. I did as I was told where I was confronted by this son of a fool, the cleaner/facility manager. He was like did you just clean the entire kitchen with that red bucket because now you have contaminated the kitchen because that red bucket must only be used for the toilets. I was like WUT. O_o

I was so confused. I only volunteer ONCE a week. I just DO as I was told. I did NOT clean the kitchen with that red bucket. I was putting it away like my BOSS SAID. I was FOLLOWING ORDERS.

So I said:

Oh no I did not clean the kitchen with this red bucket. It was in the kitchen so my boss told me to put it away. I didn't use this bucket at all.

He walked off. I thought he acknowledged what I said. So I put the red bucket away and I came back into the kitchen. After a few minutes that stupid facility manager came into the bloody kitchen and started having a go at me about the buckets. He was like, don't you know what these colour bucket means, in a very rude manner.

I was like what? I was so confused. I was like mate I didn't know about what these colour buckets means. Can you explain what they mean to me? Plus I didn't clean the kitchen with that bucket, I was just putting away. I don't do anything unless I specifically been told by my boss, so if you have any issues, speak to my boss.

He went on this rant. Then I was like CAN YOU SHUT UP. I DON'T GIVE SH*T ABOUT THESE BUCKETS. What's wrong with you? You fool. Does it look like I give a flying f*ck about buckets and toilets and colours? What do you want me to do? Shut up. Fuck off.

He was like Don't tell me to shut up. I was like WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU? I'LL SAY WHATEVER I WANT. GO PLAY WITH YOUR MOPS AND BUCKETS.

I just went nuts. I don't like people being rude to me. Other people in the kitchen said I went too far BUT IF THEY WERE ON THE RECEIVING END OF FUCKING VERBAL BULLSHIT ON A DAILY BASIS, I'M 100% CERTAIN THEY WOULD REACT WORSE THEY WAY I DID.

Honestly to God, how do I deal with these people?
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Reply #35 - June 24, 2015, 12:15 AM

Ai, that might not have been the best way to go about that. But yeah, it seems like that workplace sucks, sorry you have to put up with it.

How's everything else going, with the job searching and the like?

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
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Reply #36 - June 24, 2015, 04:18 PM

Um I haven't got a job yet. :/

I'm getting lazy now. I feel like giving up looking for work.
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Reply #37 - July 05, 2015, 07:44 AM

Any updates?

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #38 - July 14, 2015, 11:52 PM

Not really.

Things are not getting worse but they are not getting better.

I'm just very angry. I've seen the people who bullied me at school and at college, who are doing way better than me in life. I really hope karma catches up to them.
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Reply #39 - July 15, 2015, 02:28 AM

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #40 - July 16, 2015, 03:28 AM

^ Thanks.

I'm trying to be positive now. I will avoid complaining and stuff. When I get stressed I get these bad headaches and stuff. Tried some relaxation tips and it worked.

I did pass my Open University Module and now moving to level 2. I was happy about passing.

I just got to keep applying for work. Just worried about dealing with all the issues that come with having a job.
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Reply #41 - July 16, 2015, 05:14 AM

Complaining isn't bad per say. It's a way to release tension. Everyone needs an outlet. Some complain, some fire up the xbox/PS3/4, some run, some swim, some hit the gym, some write, some sing. Not good to keep it bottled up. The trick is to not let it control you.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #42 - July 17, 2015, 12:40 PM

Hang in there. Sounds like you're taking good steps.
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Reply #43 - July 17, 2015, 05:28 PM

You've got it someone1991. Keep it up. And keep posting. We'd love to hear all of it, even the complaining and rough parts.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
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Reply #44 - July 17, 2015, 11:57 PM

I'm just having mood swings. It is killing me. I know what to do but it is just hard to get there.

I don't even feel like eating. If I do eat a lot I just have this urge to throw up. I constantly worry about what I eat. It never really occurred to me but I have weird eating habits.
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Reply #45 - July 18, 2015, 12:27 AM

Have you ever talked to someone, like a friend, or closer family member about the eating issue?

And I can imagine it being tough to deal with this, but you've got to hang in there.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
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Reply #46 - July 18, 2015, 01:01 AM

Congrats on passing your Open University module. And as others say above, vent away here if it helps!
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Reply #47 - July 18, 2015, 02:04 AM

Quote from: someone1991 on July 17, 2015, 11:57 PM
I'm just having mood swings. It is killing me. I know what to do but it is just hard to get there.

I don't even feel like eating. If I do eat a lot I just have this urge to throw up. I constantly worry about what I eat. It never really occurred to me but I have weird eating habits.

It sounds like you might have anxiety, and I don't blame you. Try to convince yourself that you are eating to live, and do your best not to worry. Just eat until you are sated, so you don't get that feeling. Take vitamins, too. Please.
That karma does catch up with you. When I was pregnant with my first born, I relived my entire life up to that moment, all during the pregnancy, as if I were growing up and maturing all over again. It was vivid and sometimes painful. I don't know why it happened, but I was powerless to prevent it, day after day. It brought home to me how I wanted my child to grow up, and what I did not want to happen to him.
When you have children, you become more human, because you begin to really understand the vulnerability of the young. I hope those bullies can grow up in that way, to contribute to this world instead of polluting it.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #48 - July 18, 2015, 10:29 AM

Quote from: someone1991 on July 17, 2015, 11:57 PM
I'm just having mood swings. It is killing me. I know what to do but it is just hard to get there.

I don't even feel like eating. If I do eat a lot I just have this urge to throw up. I constantly worry about what I eat. It never really occurred to me but I have weird eating habits.

I can relate to this. Those times when everything seems out of control or that everything is absolute shit and you may as well be dead. Fuck, might even be better if you were. There's no easy fix. Be nice if there was, but there isn't. But some things you can take control of. Even if there's no passion, no drive, you can do it through sheer willpower. Eating for instance, when I've been down to such a state my stomach is clenched, I have no appetite...honestly, this deep depression is rather like falling in love. That first time? Well, it's the first time. It's overwhelming and intoxicating and you give yourself completely to it. After that first, maybe second time (or several times if you're a fool for love like me) you learn to keep a piece of your heart for yourself, for your own protection. It doesn't mean you love them less. It doesn't mean they don't have the same worth to you. It's just that you have experience and realise that you can come out the other end.

Depression is like that. The first time or two it swallows you up, but eventually you realise that it won't last and it's down to you to make it out to the other side. Force yourself to eat if you have to. Don't throw a banquet and think you have to eat every bit of food, drink every drop of ale, but realise you have to keep your strength up, even if it's only a sandwich. The heart may want nothing but the body needs it.

One of the things that was a factor with me was willpower. I hate being controlled, and I realised my depression was controlling me. I won't be controlled, not even by my own darkness. One point I remember when I was in a similar state as you are now, I was shaving. I had the razor in my hand, half my face was still covered in foam. I looked in the mirror and thought "You won't beat me. I am the fucking man." Emotional, not verbal, but that's the best way to describe it.

This can only control you so much, and that's as much as you let it. The rest just takes time. Realise that it won't last forever. Who knows, this time next year you could of met a lad and be posting on CEMB asking for first date tips. And who knows what'll happen next.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #49 - July 19, 2015, 06:45 AM

^

To be honest I don't think things will end well for me. The eating issue I think started at a very young age. I was kinda noisy, talkative and bubbly as a kid with my family members. I had no friends at school so I used to be very talkative at home and stuff. My family got fed up and told me to go upstairs in my bedroom. I got teased at times as a kid when eating with others or arguments used to break out during dinner. So I started to eat alone whilst watching TV. I just kept on eating until I felt sick.

I also realised my parents never really spoke to me that much as a child. I can't even speak my native language fluently. They never taught me how. I can't even have proper conversations with my parents.

Quote from: asbie on July 18, 2015, 12:27 AM
Have you ever talked to someone, like a friend, or closer family member about the eating issue?
And I can imagine it being tough to deal with this, but you've got to hang in there.

No friends. Even if I did have friends I wouldn't really talk to them about it. My family...well no. My family don't believe in these sorts of stuff lol. No point even going to the doctors. Doctors are unbelievably useless.

Quote from: SCM on July 18, 2015, 01:01 AM
Congrats on passing your Open University module. And as others say above, vent away here if it helps!

Thanks!

Quote from: three on July 18, 2015, 02:04 AM
It sounds like you might have anxiety, and I don't blame you. Try to convince yourself that you are eating to live, and do your best not to worry. Just eat until you are sated, so you don't get that feeling. Take vitamins, too. Please.
That karma does catch up with you. When I was pregnant with my first born, I relived my entire life up to that moment, all during the pregnancy, as if I were growing up and maturing all over again. It was vivid and sometimes painful. I don't know why it happened, but I was powerless to prevent it, day after day. It brought home to me how I wanted my child to grow up, and what I did not want to happen to him.
When you have children, you become more human, because you begin to really understand the vulnerability of the young. I hope those bullies can grow up in that way, to contribute to this world instead of polluting it.

I see. I never thought of it that way. Karma and the law are the two main things that are preventing me from lashing out on them. I hate having anxiety. I'm sick of it. I get all those physical symptoms and I have no control over it. Even though my anxiety at times it so irrational, I still get those typical symptoms.
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Reply #50 - July 19, 2015, 12:01 PM

Hi someone

I have been following this thread for some time though this is my first time posting. Although I can't relate to your specific circumstances, I totally get your general grievances. I understand the loss of appetite, I've been through periods of 48 hours where I didn't eat anything and didn't even feel uncomfortable about it. I'm not sure about the anxiety thing, but you know when you hear some bad news and your heart and stomach completely sink? I still wake up everyday with that feeling. I know about the mood swings, too. Feeling ok at 1pm and feeling like the walking dead at 1.30pm is definitely something that I've been through. It used to kill me because my mood seemingly switched for no apparent reason. My mood swings are way less violent these days.

Now that I've set the scene, I want to ask how active you are. Have you thought about joining a gym or a martial arts club? The body is a dynamic system and staying sedentary in situations like yours will only help to exasperate the problem. Believe me, if I didn't have any sort of physical outlet then I would have done something stupid a long time ago.

I'm not claiming that physical activity is some sort of panacea but in my experience, the higher the intensity I workout with, the better I feel afterwards.

Anyways, excuse any typos as I'm using my tablet and the keyboard on this thing is horrible.

My mind runs, I can never catch it even if I get a head start.
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Reply #51 - July 19, 2015, 03:03 PM

well this is funny tube I never saw..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWh0QgkHLng

That Mark Hansen/~~Hamza Jusuf~~ is saying something

Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything
I renounced my faith to become a kafir,
the beloved betrayed me and turned in to a Muslim
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Reply #52 - July 19, 2015, 03:33 PM

I have to echo Qtian in this. I haven't been to the gym in a long time, long enough to put on weight (had a pic taken of me the other day, felt depressed. Planning on going back for what that's worth ) but working out extensively. using the weights that had me dripping with sweat and walking home aching, it had a profound effect on my mental and emotional state. I can't tell you the biology or the physiology of it, I'm not an expert on either subject so I can't go into the details of it, but what I can tell you is that working out has a mental effect on you. Your body is so much more fluid, everything feels like it's lighter and more breakable, you move differently, and your mind seems to process so much better. It's not just that you're physically stronger, you think better. Maybe it's the increased blood flowing to your brain, I don't know, but your mind works better when you give yourself a few good workouts.

I really would recommend you join a gym and push yourself on the equipment. Give it one month. Just one. See the difference.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #53 - July 19, 2015, 03:50 PM

https://youtu.be/x5xXsdWRaFw

My mind runs, I can never catch it even if I get a head start.
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Reply #54 - July 19, 2015, 05:00 PM

Quote from: Qtian on July 19, 2015, 12:01 PM
Hi someone

I have been following this thread for some time though this is my first time posting. Although I can't relate to your specific circumstances, I totally get your general grievances. I understand the loss of appetite, I've been through periods of 48 hours where I didn't eat anything and didn't even feel uncomfortable about it. I'm not sure about the anxiety thing, but you know when you hear some bad news and your heart and stomach completely sink? I still wake up everyday with that feeling. I know about the mood swings, too. Feeling ok at 1pm and feeling like the walking dead at 1.30pm is definitely something that I've been through. It used to kill me because my mood seemingly switched for no apparent reason. My mood swings are way less violent these days.

Now that I've set the scene, I want to ask how active you are. Have you thought about joining a gym or a martial arts club? The body is a dynamic system and staying sedentary in situations like yours will only help to exasperate the problem. Believe me, if I didn't have any sort of physical outlet then I would have done something stupid a long time ago.

I'm not claiming that physical activity is some sort of panacea but in my experience, the higher the intensity I workout with, the better I feel afterwards. Anyways, excuse any typos as I'm using my tablet and the keyboard on this thing is horrible.

I actually exercise at home. I have not been consistent but I do exercise weekly. I actually volunteer and walk a lot. So I'm moderately active. I agree that I should increase the intensity of the workout. That is something I must do. I do a combination of cardio and weight training, but I understand it is not enough. I do need to eat less and exercise more.

The main issue has been sleep for me TBH. So I'm trying to sort that out.

Quote from: yeezevee on July 19, 2015, 03:03 PM
well this is funny tube I never saw..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWh0QgkHLng

That Mark Hansen/~~Hamza Jusuf~~ is saying something

I watched that video before. I actually like Hamza (not in a sexual way LOL ). I mean compared to other Muslim scholars, he is very diplomatic, even though I disagree with him. I mean other scholars go nuts when they go on about homosexuals.

Quote from: Quod Sum Eris on July 19, 2015, 03:33 PM
I have to echo Qtian in this. I haven't been to the gym in a long time, long enough to put on weight (had a pic taken of me the other day, felt depressed. Planning on going back for what that's worth ) but working out extensively. using the weights that had me dripping with sweat and walking home aching, it had a profound effect on my mental and emotional state. I can't tell you the biology or the physiology of it, I'm not an expert on either subject so I can't go into the details of it, but what I can tell you is that working out has a mental effect on you. Your body is so much more fluid, everything feels like it's lighter and more breakable, you move differently, and your mind seems to process so much better. It's not just that you're physically stronger, you think better. Maybe it's the increased blood flowing to your brain, I don't know, but your mind works better when you give yourself a few good workouts.

I really would recommend you join a gym and push yourself on the equipment. Give it one month. Just one. See the difference.

I wouldn't go gym at all. Probably in the future. For now I can't. I'm very tight with my money and um...wherever I go, I will get some people being a bit hostile to me. So for now I'm avoiding it lol.
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Reply #55 - July 19, 2015, 05:04 PM

I think others have offered very useful advice someone1991. I hope you're able to take some of it on board.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
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Reply #56 - July 19, 2015, 05:40 PM

^ I'm absorbing all of it like a sponge. I will come back and keep you guys updated.
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Reply #57 - July 19, 2015, 05:45 PM

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
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Reply #58 - October 09, 2015, 09:08 AM

Hey someone, any news? How you doing? Oh, I looked into the mental effects of working out, I was actually onto something. While it does indeed increase blood flow to the brain, upon further research it turns out that increased blood flow stimulates the growth of new brain cells. These new brain cells was the effect I was feeling that improved my mental state. Cool ay?

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #59 - June 08, 2016, 04:17 AM

Karma is fallacy like Jesus and Allah.

Quote from: mtexmuslim on May 29, 2016, 10:54 PM
I think you have some problem.
Every thing I post, looks weird to you.
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