Greetings, everyone!
I have been lurking in the forum for a few days and have learnt quite a lot from it. It's wonderful to learn that there are so many atheists/agnostics etc from Muslim backgrounds, despite what I previously thought. I have finally decided to take the plunge after realizing that you accept never-Muslims as well.
I would have to be honest and admit that I harboured quite a bit of prejudice against Islam/Muslims previously, and may still have lingering remnants of that in me; as well as a lot of ignorance in general about the topic. Please point them out when you see it and I would definitely apologize and learn from my mistakes.
Now a little bit of self introduction. I was born in China and had never been religious. As you well know, the state is professed to be atheistic and generally organised religion was not part of my life. But we are not really atheists in the actual sense either. People around me practice a form of folk religion based on local legends, ancestor worship and some Taoist and Buddhist myth. You can say it is kind of a jumble. I don't think I've ever REALLY believed these things either, but there's always this fear in me that whispers "what if it's real?". What if there are really ghosts and they haunt you? What if the deities of the mountain will really be angry if you disrespect them? So I try to go along with my elders and relatives if they deem a ritual important enough to go through, but I do not actively seek out "things I should do for the deities/ancestors" either.
So that's my "religious" background, sort of. What I know about other religions, I read from the books. One of my favourite subjects since a kid was European history, so there's when I know about Christianity. But the first time when I truly "met" religion face to face was after I came to Singapore to study. It's the first time that I met real Christians and Muslims, and also Taoists and Buddhists who were a lot more serious in their belief than my relatives in their folk religion. But to me all these still seemed like some silly things that I couldn't understand how people could REALLY believe.
The one who really introduced me to religion in the end was a teacher I considered a mentor to me. He's my English teacher when I first arrived in Singapore and he's a wonderful teacher. Both kind and caring, as well as full of interesting stories to tell. I kept in touch with him and stay as friends after I've graduated from my school and went on to the next stage of my study. So along the journey I have learnt that he's a Christian who attended church regularly. I would say that that's when my "religious journey" began. I went through a stage where I would really, really want to be able to believe. And many people from my background (born in China, moved to a country where religions are practiced openly, etc) did find a religion to their liking (usually Christianity) and convert. So I thought "I would like to have that too"!
So I've started to occasionally go to church with my mentor just to see what its like, and attended some of their bible study sessions. I find the experience very interesting, and they are from a rather liberal church so there's usually nothing much that I find very objectionable during their sermons. And I really like the community spirit they have. There was a period that I really really wanted to say that I've converted. At one point I was thinking maybe I should just go through with it first, even though I don't really believe, but maybe I can pretend to for a while and then the real thing will come?
But in the end I never managed the final step. I don't know if it's because of my upbringing, I just can't seem to believe. It still seems silly to me, all these believes people proclaim and I still constantly wonder "do they really believe that kind of thing or were they like what I had plan to do and just pretending". It's a kind of prejudice/distorted view that I am afraid I won't be able to completely shake off. So I finally decided that even though I would like to believe, I just couldn't do it. And later I've started reading things from the atheists such as Richard Dawkins and have finally concluded that yes, I think I am an atheists, and until some glaring evidence otherwise can be presented to me, I will most likely stay as one.
I have been lurking in various atheist/agnostic blogs/forums on and off ever since. Secularism development around the world had become a topic that I am interested in. And I stumbled upon this forum when I was searching for criticism of Islam after reading the news about the Taliban massacre a few days ago. I am very happy that I found this place, where the criticism of Islam is not centred on "oh it's THOSE people, they are just vile, what can you expect". And it revealled to me that there are indeed many atheists from Muslim backgrounds. I know some prominent atheists from Muslim backgrounds, but I have always taken it to be some sort of extreme rarity - never realizing it's a lot more common than that.
Like I said, I think I still harboured some remnants of prejudice myself. There was a stage that I really despised "Muslim" as a collective group after 911. Funnily it never really bothered me that many people I get in contact with are Muslims too (I am in Singapore after all). Somehow it just seems like they are not "really Muslims" to me. Talk about mental gymnastics... I am discovering and thinking still, and I am sure you will all agree that it is a life-long journey. I am sure I will be learning a lot more from all of you and I am looking forward to it.
PS: Sorry for the long rambling post! I guess it just feels great to tell a personal story,
Topic: Greetings from the East