I reconvert

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- abbuke
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Reply #30 - November 17, 2014, 02:26 AM

I tried and I still can't be a muslim in the traditional sense.
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Reply #31 - November 17, 2014, 11:32 AM

No ideology is supposed to give you comfort. Life is full of struggle, anxiety, happiness etc

You have to find a way thru your feelings, disappointments etc. That is a daily human battle and it never goes away. You will never be 100% certain about most things but you cant live in constant fear. You have to be an adult. Deal with your feelings.

Try this book: Complete Confidence by Sheenah Hankin

Religion has you thinking that somehow this anxiety will stop if you follow it when they have put that fear inside you from the jump. You already said the anxiety isnt gone.

I am a lesbian and I spent sometime trying not to be and thinking that Allah would reward me with a good woman in heaven. However, considering the rewards that are given to women, only their husbands and nothing else, I was forced to ask myself if this shyt was fair.

What is fair about creating someone different and then condemning them to live life alone? Never to be touched by the gender they feel attracted to? What kind of sick mofo would do that to someone?

There was apart of me that was still fearful but there was also a part of me that was angry, felt abandoned and wanted out. You need to find that part of yourself that argues for you, for your well being and not the part that only speaks with the voice of indoctrination. Then you need to give that voice backup. I watched debates and you would be surprised that the same arguments Christians use are very similar to taking down Islam.

Oh my Christopher Hitchens its a fihrrrrrrrrrrrr
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Reply #32 - November 17, 2014, 01:43 PM

http://www.imaan.org.uk

Not sure if they will be able to help.

But my main impression is that you are having huge battles between who you want to be and internalised views of how you ought to be.

Many years ago I was taught a psychotherapeutic technique that might help.

Put two chairs opposite each other in a room.

Sit in one chair and imagine a significant other in your life who personifies the opposing views you are holding. Ask them questions.

Go to the other seat and imagine yourself as that significant other. Say what they would say back to the empty seat you were in.

Continue the conversation, switching chairs when the other is to speak.

Think carefully about what the two voices say to each other ....

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
- musivore
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Reply #33 - November 17, 2014, 05:07 PM

You're on a long journey abukke. My hunch is that your journey is towards us in the long run. Even if it isn't, I can see you are a good man just trying to do the right thing.

Take your time. Don't dwell too much, just focus on finding a happier and more peaceful place for now?

Hi
- abbuke
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Reply #34 - November 17, 2014, 05:13 PM

Let's stop here. I'm on my journey focusing on myself. I won't try to be anything. I feel more comfortable. I'm surprised how in 22 years, I never did this and tried to be the "ideal" abbuke (i.e Burak ).
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Reply #35 - November 17, 2014, 05:50 PM

Do you mean Borat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH2CABcffAo

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Reply #36 - November 17, 2014, 07:08 PM

Haha

Burak is either armenian (little forest) or ancient arabic (lightning or the flying horse-donkey)

and then you have Buraqair from Libya

I'm from Istanbul.
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Reply #37 - November 18, 2014, 02:29 AM

Quote from: abbuke on November 17, 2014, 05:13 PM
Let's stop here. I'm on my journey focusing on myself. I won't try to be anything. I feel more comfortable. I'm surprised how in 22 years, I never did this and tried to be the "ideal" abbuke (i.e Burak ).

So you are going to just exist? Sounds fantastic! Don't force anything, be you!

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #38 - November 18, 2014, 11:21 AM

I am now utterly confused. You want to be a horse with a woman's head?

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
- abbuke
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Reply #39 - November 18, 2014, 12:56 PM

Well, that's my name. yes sometimes I can be thinking too much abstractly, but I don't disconnect with reality.
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Reply #40 - November 18, 2014, 07:12 PM

Please watch this brilliant video on dealing with fear, it really helped me when I was going through a period of anxiety. Search on youtube for "infinite waters how to overcome any fear."

I actual registered just to let you know about this video.
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Reply #41 - November 18, 2014, 09:08 PM

That might help Lena

Stay, and write an introductory thread? I'm curious

Hi
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Reply #42 - November 18, 2014, 09:58 PM

I'm sorry that you have felt anxious because of your decisions. I was that way too (still am sometimes). I felt anxious every day for leaving Islam. I just felt wrong. I felt like a bad person. I thought everyday, "what if I'm making the wrong decision? what if God is real? what if? what if?" then somehow I got used to it and now I just try to ignore those thoughts, but whenever I did have them, I would end up visiting the CEMB forum whenever I felt like crap for my decision and somehow it would help and make me feel normal. It made me feel less anxious, because there are people who feel the same.

Do what makes you happy.
Forget everyone else.

✿ Bad news is: ✿
You cannot make people like, love, understand, validate,
accept, or be nice to you. You can't control them either.
✿ Good news is: ✿
It doesn't matter.
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Reply #43 - November 19, 2014, 02:14 AM

Yeah, that was really nice of you, Lena. Iena? lena? I guess now I know how everyone feels with my username.

Ri, I'm glad the forum helps you, and that you're doing better these days! The folks here help me, too.
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Reply #44 - November 20, 2014, 10:47 PM

Thank you, lena.

Onn the other hand, I'm pretty convinced that mine is a "folie du doute", the french word explain it better than OCD that appeals more to cognitive behaviourist approach as far as I know.
I seem to fit in the descriptions in this article: http://psychanalyse-paris.com/De-la-folie-du-doute.html
This is somehow relieving but also a little bit frustrating as I don't know if this is treatable ..
- ElToro
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Reply #45 - December 28, 2014, 05:17 PM

@abbuke: Do you have updates for us: How do you feel now? Did you still see yourself as Muslim?

I have similar issues, however I think that this religions are Man-made. I have read some books on this topic maybe they can help you, too:

1. The Islamist Delusion - From Islamist to cultural Muslim humanist - Saif Rahman (he is also in this CEMB forum)
2. Ali Sina - Understanding Muhammad
3. Ibn Warraq - Why I Am Not a Muslim

Especially the second book shows how Muhammad made this religion. If you think of it, by claiming he is the prophet of Allah, he was Allah himself. No one could judge his actions, no matter how wrong they were (e.g. having sex with a 9-year old, marring the wife of his step-sohn). No one could proof if he is telling the truth. If he wanted something he just added a new verse. Those who were against him, especially Jews, faced terrible punishment.

If a guy came to you and claimed that god spoke to him, would you believe him? So why believe this?
(haha, I just realize how self-confident I write this now, but sometimes I struggle as well, since we all have been brainwashed into this).
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