Nyd,
I made this comment bc of the amount of western women like you who post the same story over and over again. He is moderate but lately he has been pushing me in this direction or his actions are proving otherwise. But I love him and want to see if he will change. etc etc etc.....This sounds like a lifetime movie set up.
I refuse to believe that these men were sparkling liberal minded men to begin with. I think you have been purposefully mislead or perhaps the writing was already on the wall but you just wanted him despite the early warning signs.
You misunderstand the time frame, we have been talking a bit over a month online and on skype only... and while we are seriously into each other we did not make any rash decisions or even consider ourselves boyfriend/ girlfriend. We are only getting to know each other atm. He talked about his ideal life right away and I did too to see if we are compatible. I am in my early 30's, I screen a man now before getting further involved because I don't have all the time in the world. I want more children too. So whoever does not fit this, is off my list. So in a way we have been picking each others brain about this.
I also don't see it as "changing him". Because it isn't character flaws, he is a perfect person and very much like me, but he has a different belief and grew up with different traditions. If he were to show any warning signs like aggression etc. I would have long walked away.
I think the fact that he already went against so many traditional values by going for a 32 year old double divorcee with a small child that likes metal, has several tattoos and piercings (5 facial piercings alone) etc....means he is not all too stuck on the traditional type. Did I mention I have had many health issues too?
I find he has a big heart and doesn't necessarily think with his head. Maybe that gives us a chance at making this work.
The only annoying part, is him suggesting Islam to me, or rather talking about it a lot. But I'm not the victim in this, we both think we are right, and we both try to change each other. He is in as much conflict as I am and pursuing me has been risky for him too because I question his culture and religion that is so deeply rooted into him.
You mentioned in one of your replies that he is vague sometimes when you question him bc you think that he thinks if he is honest he will scare you away.
Could I be wrong? Could he after you questioning him about Islam change his mind and become liberal? Sure but having grown up in a Sunni household and in a orthodox muslim community in the west I know how unlikely that is.
For your sake I hope I am wrong bc you seem to be deeply into him.
He has been vague but keep in mind that during the first few weeks hardly any couple will talk about such things. It is normal to get to know each other with more casual chatter and if you are really into someone you will find out more.
I see it this way: if I don't try to see if we can agree on things, I will never know. And I don't want to have to live with the regret of not having seen where this goes either.
Topic: Need advice from people that know both sides