Where is Allah, why have I suffered so much whilst all the while trying to be a good muslim, no more, enough is enough. I left Islam.
I can believe in all the absurdities, all the things that go against my brain, a man who married many women from the child to the old women being a prophet, sure, all the strange beliefs, making the ideal role model for humanity a desert arab from 1400 years ago, I could've made him my role model, doing everything step by step like him even putting my right shoe on first, then the left foot and then the opposite when taking them off, I could do all the minute details and throw away my own personality to mimic this man from 1400 years ago, but why would Allah be constantly punishing me, how many times have I signed that form in the hospital for them to dispose of the foetus from my wifes miscarriages, aren't you the creator and fashioner Oh Allah, what did I do for you to constantly give me and my wife miscarriages, what, didn't we pray, fast, give zakat, wake up in the middle of the night to make dua to you and only you, were you not listening to our constant duas ?
Sorry I can't write no more, but this is me, hope I'm welcome here, happy ashura