This is me, hello !

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- thaman
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OP - November 04, 2014, 09:55 AM

Where is Allah, why have I suffered so much whilst all the while trying to be a good muslim, no more, enough is enough. I left Islam.

I can believe in all the absurdities, all the things that go against my brain, a man who married many women from the child to the old women being a prophet, sure, all the strange beliefs, making the ideal role model for humanity a desert arab from 1400 years ago, I could've made him my role model, doing everything step by step like him even putting my right shoe on first, then the left foot and then the opposite when taking them off, I could do all the minute details and throw away my own personality to mimic this man from 1400 years ago, but why would Allah be constantly punishing me, how many times have I signed that form in the hospital for them to dispose of the foetus from my wifes miscarriages, aren't you the creator and fashioner Oh Allah, what did I do for you to constantly give me and my wife miscarriages, what, didn't we pray, fast, give zakat, wake up in the middle of the night to make dua to you and only you, were you not listening to our constant duas ?

Sorry I can't write no more, but this is me, hope I'm welcome here, happy ashura
- lua
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Reply #1 - November 04, 2014, 10:06 AM

Welcome, I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles.

Do you live in a country with advanced medicine? Routine miscarriages are often due to genetics, and meeting with a specialist can help you two understand what is going wrong and what your best course of action is from here on out. A simple check of your and your wife's chromosomes can sometimes show the problem without being invasive.

If you haven't already, do try to have both of you seen by infertility specialists. It will be so much easier to have a successful pregnancy when you know what the problem is.
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Reply #2 - November 04, 2014, 10:55 AM

Welcome!

I hope it all works out for your and your wife somehow. Is she aware of your apostasy or are you keeping it your own thing for now?

أشهد أن لا إله
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Reply #3 - November 04, 2014, 12:49 PM

Quote from: lua on November 04, 2014, 10:06 AM
Welcome, I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles.

Do you live in a country with advanced medicine? Routine miscarriages are often due to genetics, and meeting with a specialist can help you two understand what is going wrong and what your best course of action is from here on out. A simple check of your and your wife's chromosomes can sometimes show the problem without being invasive.

If you haven't already, do try to have both of you seen by infertility specialists. It will be so much easier to have a successful pregnancy when you know what the problem is.

From England, but the doctors say they won't do anything at all until she has 3 miscarriages but she has had 'only' 2
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Reply #4 - November 04, 2014, 12:58 PM

Quote from: xtremestr on November 04, 2014, 10:55 AM
Welcome!

I hope it all works out for your and your wife somehow. Is she aware of your apostasy or are you keeping it your own thing for now?

Just I know tbh but it's not like i'll change much outwardly, i'll still be the same person. I'm not going to start eating bacon sandwiches or go to the pub or anything like that, lol. It'd be a bit of an awkward thing to tell her anyway and she has her own worries i.e. depression + insomnia from the miscarriages, so no point in telling her and her worrying about my afterlife too. But I have had a few debates with her before, which were quite fun and she did have good points but my decision is my decision.
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Reply #5 - November 04, 2014, 12:59 PM

welcome

"we can smell traitors and country haters"

Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
God is Love.
Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
- lua
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Reply #6 - November 04, 2014, 01:12 PM

Quote from: thaman on November 04, 2014, 12:49 PM
From England, but the doctors say they won't do anything at all until she has 3 miscarriages but she has had 'only' 2

That's insane. A simple karyotype for each of you might be immediately illuminating, and it's crazy that they're wanting to put you two through this process again before they take it seriously.

Unless your wife is in her forties or older, having two miscarriages out of pure coincidence is unlikely, and there's a lot of reasons for miscarriages that can be resolved or worked around to have a successful pregnancy.

Anyway, don't give up hope. I grew up with a kid whose mother had miscarried several times before he was born, and, when he was, that boy was spoiled rotten!

But yes, it's great to have you here, and welcome. I hope you and your wife will have brighter days from now on.
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Reply #7 - November 04, 2014, 01:26 PM

thanks for your kind message
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Reply #8 - November 04, 2014, 02:43 PM

Hi thaman,

So sorry to hear of you and your wife's troubles. However I have the impression that miscarriages are way more common than most people would think. And it is biology, not Allah, that is acting up. Hopefully your wife can recognise that and not be too hard on herself.

Good to have you here. Here is a welcome parrot

Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
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Reply #9 - November 08, 2014, 04:35 PM

Hi thaman, I have been there myself. I lost 3 at 20 weeks, and like you I began to question faith. It is biology though and like others have suggested, mine was due to chromosomes.

If your wife miscarried early than it could be for other reasons. Do not let it defeat you as you will go on to have beautiful children. I have my daughter whom I love dearly.

Take care of each other and stop feeling guilty about religious mumbo jumbo.
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Reply #10 - November 08, 2014, 10:08 PM

Welcome thaman

My (ex)wife and I also lost a child. She was premature. I also remember praying before she died. Asking God to save her. No - not asking, pleading. But guess what - only the ceiling heard me.
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Reply #11 - November 10, 2014, 09:47 AM

Hi!

i'm sorry for all you're troubles you going through, i hoe i can do something to ease it somehow. :(

anyway, welcome to the forum! i hope you enjoy your stay here, and i'm pretty new here too!
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Reply #12 - November 14, 2014, 12:16 PM

My current status:

I will identify myself as Muslim, not an ex-muslim or murtad as it wouldn't really be fair on my partner as she is quite devout.
I will pray the jumah prayer and eid prayers and fast during ramadan. That's about it basically.
I am naturally skeptical about a lot of things e.g. if a man married a 6 year old in this day and age like prophet muhammad did, i'd get the feds involved, if a man killed a womans father and husband and then 'marries' that woman like prophet muhammad did with Safiyya bint Huyayy, I'd think that was crazy and hope he'd get locked up or get the death penalty for his crimes. The 'most merciful' decreeing every single thing that has happened and will happen also has built a place called hell in which he can torture these creatures he created for eternity, that's just mind boggling. Islam and homophobia, though homosexuality isn't for me, I have known some wonderful people in the past who are homosexual, so I can't agree that they should get the 'death penalty' like Islam says, I'd treat any homosexual if they are a good person how i'd like to be treated and I would always defend them.
Anyway those are my thoughts and I'd like to continue to be a member of the forum though like I say I wouldn't want to label myself an ex-muslim, i'm not here to force my views on anyone else, they are what they are. I don't think other muslims will be happy with my views either but I can't change what's in my heart. So your thoughts ?

Abu ali, sorry to hear about what happened with yourself and ex wife.
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