exmuslim problem

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- aztek
- Ex-Muslim
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exmuslim problem
OP - October 28, 2014, 10:12 AM

i am an atheist and i live in India, the problem is that i cant tell my parents that i dont believe in that god which they believe in so much,they are conservative(dont want to loose them over this issue) i dont have any problem pretending to be muslim infront of my parents but the problem is about my marriage,i have just completed MBBS and preparing for PG(i am not able to concentrate well in my studies) they usually talk about finding a good islamic girl for me,they tell me its important to have a good god fearing practicing spouse. i dont know how to deal with this situation because i can pretend to be muslim in front of my parents but i cant even think about living my whole life with a practicing Muslim expecting me to pray several times a day and do a whole month of fasting and stuff. i hate that i was born as a muslim that too in a conservative family :(
I wish someday I could find an exmuslim girl like me so that we can carry on without telling our parents about our belief.
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exmuslim problem
Reply #1 - October 28, 2014, 10:31 AM

Welcome. Unless you came out the womb with a firm understanding of the theology declaring there is no god but allah and Mo is his messenger, I fail to see how you were born a muslim.

You'd be surprised at the number of ex-muslim women in India who put on a front. There's also dating sites where you could specify what you're looking for.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- aztek
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exmuslim problem
Reply #2 - October 28, 2014, 10:48 AM

actually i remained a practicing muslim for 15 years of my life,i was a muslim for the whole of my childhood.can you please guide me where to look for exmuslim women in india?is there any forum like this to meet exmuslim girls?
- Nikolaj
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exmuslim problem
Reply #3 - October 28, 2014, 11:18 AM

Hi aztek,

Welcome to CEMB I saw your post on /r/exmuslim

I hope some here can give you some good advice. Personally I am a Never-Moose in Scandinavia so I won't be of much use upfront.

Have a welcome parrot

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- aztek
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exmuslim problem
Reply #4 - October 28, 2014, 11:24 AM
- Nikolaj
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exmuslim problem
Reply #5 - October 28, 2014, 10:17 PM

Hi aztek,

I found those on Facebook:

Ex-Muslims: INDIA

The Logical Indian - many good articles for rational Indians

Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
- Lilyesque
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Reply #6 - October 28, 2014, 10:19 PM

Welcome in!
- cosmicdancer
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Reply #7 - October 28, 2014, 10:20 PM

Welcome aztek

Could you convince your parents to postpone such discussions until you finish studies?
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Reply #8 - October 29, 2014, 01:50 AM

Welcome!

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- Iceman
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Reply #9 - October 29, 2014, 02:46 AM

Welcome, aztek.

Is there any possibility of you going abroad to study?
- Naerys
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Reply #10 - October 29, 2014, 07:53 AM

Welcome aztek.

I hope you find a way out of this pickle. You are right in not taking marriage (especially with a Muslim) lightly.

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And he's the mother of grief
There's only sorrow for tomorrow
Surely life is too brief
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Reply #11 - October 29, 2014, 12:03 PM

Welcome aztek, I can sympathise with your problem. Is there any way to meet other like-minded people where you study? Do Indian dating sites include religious beliefs in their profiles? Could you take up a hobby that would enable you to meet less traditional women? With so many people there, you are bound to come across many young women with similar views looking for someone like you.
- aztek
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exmuslim problem
Reply #12 - October 29, 2014, 01:43 PM

thank you all for your responses....@iceman.. yes i can prepare for USMLE but thats really not affordable at my current economic situation,so i am just preparing for indian post graduation courses,these courses provide a good stipend while studying,once i tried to look for US post graduation courses(non clinical like pharamacology or microbiology) but those are costly too plus getting a visa for USA is difficult(i have heard that its relatively more difficult for muslims)... so i just started focusing on indian post graduation courses instead.german courses provide a good stipend, but those medical courses require a good grip on german language.
my household income is approx 1000$ pm.that's just ok for Indian standards, but certainly not enough for pursuing costly education abroad.
@mini me,yes the youger generation here is comparatively a lot more open minded,they don't take religion too seriously (particularly non Muslims) although they believe in god stuff. but the cultural situation in india about marriages is really difficult to explain,families play a very big role in marriages and its still not an individual choice completly.
to explain this situation im quoting from an indian novel " two states" by chetan bhagat which deals with such scenario.
"Love marriages around the world are simple:
Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy.
They get married.
In India, there are a few more steps:
Boy loves Girl. Girl loves Boy.
Girl’s family has to love boy. Boy’s family has to love girl.
Girl’s Family has to love Boy’s Family. Boy’s family has to love girl’s family.
Girl and Boy still love each other. They get married."

Indians generally don't use dating websites, especially girls,thats why there is no good dedicated indian dating website although handfull of people(mainly boys) use sites like okcupid ,daboo etc.
yes its possible that i may find a non muslim open minded girl but the involvement of families makes that almost impossible.
whatever,good thing is that i have found a group of similar minded people here and at reddit
really for me, the internet is by far the best invention by mankind while religions have provided nothing to this world .
- Antarah
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Reply #13 - October 30, 2014, 11:40 PM

hi bro,
Am a 30 years old and my parents gave up on getting me married . Trust me sooner or later your family will get bored with trying to convince you. let me ask you this why you limiting yourself with exmuslim girls? I dated Muslim and Christian girls that knew I was an atheist and respected my point of view even if they didn't agree with it. There are no easy answers brother , am tormented between being the most authentic version of myself and that will break my poor mother's heart or stay in the closet. I been an atheist since I was 15 and I learned that sometimes the best option is to revamp the closet, what I mean by that is expand your circle of friends with non muslim friends , try and move away from home as soon as you can, take a trip to an atheist conference , write a novel, blog about atheism. Sometimes when I feel down I remember good folks around the world that have it way worse than me; an atheist friend living in Mecca, I remember the faith of an atheist young girl that is captive for Boko Haram, an atheist being forced to fight for ISIS in Syria or Al Shabab in Somalia. This is getting depressing so I better stop and I will leave you with this Twerking Bunny
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