intro - ex muslim
OP - October 18, 2014, 01:08 AM
Hi everyone, (I don't know if this just be in the introduction or bio thread so sorry in advance)
I've been lurking on this is site on and off for about a year and a half now and have been an ex Muslim for about 2. There have been many introductions that I have read that express the same views as me so most of this will probably sound the same to you but lately I have been having an urge to shout out that I'm no longer a believer in Allah or any other supernatural being. I don't know why but its been building up inside of me and i think that doing this introduction will allow me to discuss some of my views, allow me to openly say "I no longer believe in this bullshit" and be around some sane people who actually think using their brains.
Well, I'm a 22 year old Male British Pakistani from Yorkshire. I have never been super religious but have always believed in a Allah. I have never really prayed expect for maybe Eid prayers but even then I only copied the actions. I don't think I can even recite all the proper words for the prayers and can remember many occasions where I have made up own words or sung a song in my head. I did attend mosque when I was younger but that was just like a chore, I never really learnt anything and what i did learn, I most likely have forgotten now. (just off topic, i have gone through what i have just typed and think this is going to be a long one, sorry for that in advance but i think expressing my views will allow me to vent out some of my frustration of being a 'closet ex-Muslim'"
I think at the age if 17, I became slightly more religious due to the fact that most of my friends were Muslims,but still never really prayed or did anything that most other Muslims would do like fasting (interestingly, I have never kept a full fast in my entire life, i don't understand the need to torture and harm yourself so god is happy with you). However it was a strange phase for me, because i remember watching Ahmed ditat videos on YouTube and being motivated to become more religious (but that never happened, thank god) and being interested in the return of muslim jesus and imam mehdi.
I think what allowed me to break away from the chains of this cult like religion was my love for science especially space and the possibility of other life forms on distant planets and moons. I think science gave me the ability to question everything and to not just accept things just because people say its true. I have always been a believer of evolution and found it very hard to accept any religious bullshit of how we magically got here.
I was also influenced by Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris. I remember watching hours and hours of YouTube videos of these legends debating some religious fool and absolutely destroying them, when I first realized i was no longer a Muslim.
I think that even though i called myself a Muslim, I was never really one and just tried to be like everyone else i knew.
(bloody hell, I've just had a magical moment where my brain has connected some dots.) I think that most Muslims my age only be Muslims because at a young age they have been told not to mingle with khaffir which stops them from broadening their minds. so all they know are other Muslims who believe the same shit and in turn makes them want to believe the same shit so they can fit in. I think this is a major problem in Pakistani communities across England. We don't mingle with people of other believes or ideas and therefore seclude ourselves from improving. There have been many times where close relatives have said they want to move to a better area but cant because there are less Muslims there. How stupid is that. anyways enough about that.
Anyway where was I?
I learnt about this forum from a radio broadcast, the funny thing was, I was in the car with my religious uncle who was also listening to stories about some ex-Muslims in Britain and he was saying things like 'akstikfiralah' (have no idea how to spell it) and "all of them deserve to burn in hell forever". I love my family to bits but that is kinda fucked up because i would be part of that group as well and that all the good non-Muslims would be in there too.
Anyway I ended up here and been lurking ever since. Surprisingly I've learnt more about Islam surfing through the threads here then anywhere else and I'm so glad I've left this disgusting religion. However, I hate being a 'closet ex-muslim' and wish i could shout at the top of my lungs "fuck this shit, I'm not Muslim" but sadly i cant in fear of being kicked out by my loved ones. The strange thing is my mum is trying to get to pray (even though she doesnt pray herself) but I have been biting my tongue and trying not to say anything. I've been dropping subtle hints such as saying why would god sent me to hell for not praying, isn't he supposed to be the most merciful? but i always get the same sort of response "he is but only if you pray"
I wish i could tell my family but i know it would break their hearts and i don't want to risk losing them as i love them so much. But I think I will have to sooner or later so i can be truly be free and start improving my life and living it to the fullest.
thanks. It feels so good letting some of it out.
Topic: intro - ex muslim